Monday, October 16

Hey everyone, hope your Monday isn't too rough. Erica here to fill you in on everything Gray Area related. I'm a little upset today after my Redskins completely sucked it up yesterday. My 'Skins made the Titans looks like a playoff team.

7pm: To start, Chris and Brad let us know that they are combined for maybe 6 hours of sleep. Brad has been moving all weekend and Chris is coming down with something. They usually say they have 90% intelligence and 10% retard. Today, it may be reversed. So, to get it out of the way, they throw themselves into the Pit of Mediocrity.

To begin the show even stranger, Brad brings out his lifesize cut out of James T. Kirk. Soooo weird.

Brad's moving lesson: Most of the things you think you need to keep, 80% of it, you probably don't.

Nate from Oakland starts us off with a pretty weak story. He rips on me for not getting the irony of his story, and I guess it was ironic; however, still not that funny dude. Sorry. Chris and Brad agree and throw him into the pit.

Ok, back to Brad's move. Today he finally realized that maybe movers would be a worthwhile investment. The best part is that Brad did not actually move in to his actual apartment. He is staying in another apartment across the street for two weeks. WHAT??

In talking about the things he kept that he didn't need, Brad tells us about the box of old "gentleman's magazines" from the '80's. This leads into a lovely discussion about the difference in um, maintenance, between the 70's and now. If anyone saw Madonna in Playboy in the 80's, you know what I'm talking about. Eww.

Sheri from San Jose is 28 and has moved 22, yes 22, times. Christ. Her first suggestion is to not plan to go back to your old place and clean afterwards. It will be hell and you will be WAY to tired.

I tell the guys a story about my biggest moving mistake. When I first moved out here, I found a place on Craigslist. Since I was in Maryland, I did not meet the roommate or see the apartment before moving in. When I got there, immediately the creepy guy starts hitting on me. So, when he goes on an errand, I take the opportunity to dip out. After a few phone calls where he calls me a bitch and a whore, I finally go to get my money back. Of course, I'm not going to go alone. So, I bring this guy with me, who proceeds to spit in the creepy dude's face. Loser's response: to speed away on his little red scooter.

8pm: Brad seems to just get more and more tired. He says that the little time he had to sleep, his neighbor was nailing in posters or paintings. As soon as he rests his head, he hears that consistent sharp tapping through the wall.

You know, I was in an ok, awake mood when I came into work today. Maybe the exhaustion of these two has spread to me.

Chris throws out a little sports news. Both the trainer of the Giants and the manager of the A's are out. Apparently, Macha was not getting along well with some of the players. Brad tells us that when playing high school basketball, he was always voted to confront the coach.

I gotta say, this is pretty funny watching them completely fall to their lack of sleep.

Chris is dying to know how much of Brad's porn collection he still has. Apparently, Brad had boxes and crates full of porn dvds on cd spindles. Chris estimates about 800 discs. Holy crap Brad. How long did it take you to accumulate all of that? I don't know if I can look at him the same after that. Of course, as with everything else, Brad kept all the porn. To the left is my estimation of Brad's collection.

Chris reads a story about a city council in England that spent about 10,000 pounds on an investigation to see who was "baaing" during meetings. They prepared a 300 page report on this. Wow, if that's not an example of insane bureaucracy, I don't know what is. Apparently, the investigation is still not over. Do these people really have nothing better to spend their money or time on?

Chris and Brad now ask, what do you wish you had paid attention to in school? Brad's is spelling. Chris' is grammar. He admits that he was one of those kids who never went to class, but kept getting through. He also wishes he had paid more attention in auto shop.

9pm: This hour we're going to be giving away tickets to Jim Norton (of O&A fame) at Cobb's Comedy Club. Good luck everyone.

Our 14 year old caller, Aaron from Newark, calls in to give his input. Brad suggests to this impressionable young listener, to set off a stink bomb in class. Ah, I can see the headline now: "Radio Show Host In Court for Encouraging Juvenile Deliquency."

By the way, as Chris brings this up, did you see the game tonight?! HOLY CRAP! I can't believe the Cardinals blew that. Grossman has 5 turnovers and wins?? Wow. Chris makes a great point that the Arizona Cardinals are the most entertaining team in football, when playing at night. They always hang in there and make it exciting, and always lose.

Brad needs help. His pack rat nature has led him to move all kinds of things he didn't need. Chris wonders if there is a service that will rid him of his clutter. Of course there is, he needs an arsonist. Done and done. Although I guess they might be looking for a more legal option.

Chris asks if Brad would allow Chris and I to come over and help him purge. He immediately says no. Where is the trust Brad, where is the trust?

So, during break, I went to the restroom. When I came back the cut-out of Captain Kirk is propped against the window between the studios. He's staring at me. It's really skeeving me out.
I don't know if you saw the FIU/Miami fight this weekend. That was crazy. Here is a link of the video. That was just crazy. In talking about it, they bring up running laps for punishment in high school sports. That brings back bad memories for me of running suicides and doing bleachers when I played soccer in high school. My knees hurt just thinking about that.

10pm: Over the break, Chris and I were discussing girl's field hockey. He wonders why there were never any boys field hockey teams. It's such a violent sport and the boys version would be just that much bloodier. I remember seeing my cousin's enormous bruises from her days as a field hockey player.

Chris starts having memories of his jr. high gym teacher forcing them to play badminton. Brad is just excited to get to use the word, "shuttlecock."

Once again, the guys start talking about Brad's enormous porn collection. He claims that he never watches internet porn directly on the computer. He says that he always burns the porn on a dvd and takes it to another room to watch it on tv. Chris is calling shenanigance on this one. Brad says that he has to do that because the computer room has no lock on it. I don't know if I believe him. Someone has to though, I guess.

Ok, so now I think we really are going to give away the Jim Norton tickets. Once again, we are playing Mental Speedbump. This is a game where the caller has to speak on a given topic for 60 seconds. The catch is that they can't say um or uh or pause. It's pretty difficult.

Our first contestant, Kim, curses in her attempt. Chris, Dan and I all missed it. Fortunately, Brad caught it. This makes Chris enormously excited, as he is able to say, "Brad saved the station's license."

Coming back from break, Chris reads a story about a Pakistani man who committed suicide. Now, normally, you would not think this is funny, but he did so because he thought he had shot his fiancee. He was firing shots outside her house to convince her to get married earlier. In doing so, he accidentally grazed her with a stray bullet. Thinking he had killed her, he killed himself.

This contest is taking forever. I think everyone who is calling in is wasted. Most are losing by the pause. One of the guys who calls in starts going on and on about his penis pump. I think we have officially lost control of the show.

Finally, we just have to give up on the contest for the night. Tomorrow, we will give away 4 tickets to make up for it.

To put their sleepiness in perspective, the guys play a clip of Larry King's old radio show where he is completely exhausted. A kid calls in for advice on journalism, and Larry King is so tired that he has no idea what he is talking about. He then goes on and on about how professional he is for continuing. That was insane.

It does make them feel better about their state of being tonight.

To be as weird as possible, they want to know why the poor are responsible for giving them small penises. Uh, ok... With that, I say goodnight and apologize to my mother.