Tuesday, October 17

Hi! It's Erica. Ahh Tuesday. We have a pretty packed show today. And the guys actually got the sleep. Hooray!! We also have a bunch of tickets this week to both Jim Norton and the Exotic Erotic Ball. And we also have a pair of tickets to see Adam do his show live at the Playboy Mansion. So keep listening for your chance to embarrass yourself and win.

7pm: After John from Berkeley called in to praise the podcasts and the blog, somehow Chris gets onto masturbation. He wants to know why your partner can't understand how you know what you like. She thinks you learned it from someone else, but it's just something you figure out on your own. Brad throws in something about having the owner's manual. Well, I guess this is how the show is going tonight.

This leads us to a story about a masturbation video. Apparently, this candidate for sheriff has a video of him masturbating into a hole in the Mojave Desert. Candidate Magnuson is confused as to why this matters. Seriously dude, you don't get why people are tripped out by their sheriff digging a hole and pleasuring yourself?

Chris pulls out a large old-timey iron that he picked up on Ebay six months ago. The reason he bought it, it's a gasoline powered iron. I feel like only bad things can come from this. Brad and Chris are both a little afraid of it. But, this is the deal... you have to fill it up with gasoline and iron your wife/mother's wedding dress.

Coming back from break, we speak to the Governator himself. He really is over the top. I gotta say, it is pretty intimidating speaking to Arnold himself on the phone. He reveals that he his hiding his scary wife and that his son was drunk-driving a motorcycle.

Also, Arnold debuts a new initiative of dropping recess in favor of three hours of weight lifting. Even babies will have tiny weights to start early. Brad suggests some aqua aerobics for in utero.

Another plan is to tax anyone with a pet fish. This tax will be $40 a month. If you don't pay it, said fish will be claimed by the state. This will go first to widening the PCH into a 30 lane highway by paving over the beaches. The catch: it will only be one way. The second part of the plan, to have personal freeways. Each of us will have our own freeway designed for our own commute.

Arnold also pledges to give everyone swords and tunics to prevent crime. Brad asks "What is best in life?" Apparently, this is a reference to the "Conan" movies. I guess Arnold's answer makes sense to Brad and Chris because they laugh hysterically. For me, well I'm a girl, so I have no idea what they are talking about.

Of course, this is not really Arnold. It is in fact Josh Thompson, fantastic Arnold impersonator.

8pm: The guys come back with the most ridiculous audio of Arnold back in his bodybuilding days. He is talking about how he is c**mming all the time. I can't even begin to explain it, but it is insane.

Over break, we were discussing old, cheesy Arnold movies. I haven't seen "Conan," but I have seen "Commando." This makes Brad think of the worst line. Arnold is fighting a guy with lead pipe. He pins him against a steam pipe (I'm probably messing this up) and says, "How about you let off a little steam?" So, what are the corniest lines in movies?

Chris from Fremont brings up the master of cheesy movie lines, Steven Seagal. We can't think of any specifics, but there is certainly a plethora. (I love that word.)

The top actors for cheesy lines: Arnold, Clint Eastwood, Patrick Swayze, Wesley Snipes. Speaking of Wesley Snipes, he has been indicted for owing the government $12 million. Damn Wesley, that is a lot of dough. He supposedly was sucked into a scam where he was given horrible financial advice. He was told he could only be taxed on foreign activities, not anything earned in this country. Come on Wesley, you really bought that?!

I missed the intro coming back from break, but the guys start off with a clip from the CBS sexual harrassment video. The audio has something about porn having to do with ping-pong balls. A guy in suspenders is offended by the porn watching. It's always the guy with the suspenders.

Our friend Bob from New Ganata sent an Ebay listing for some change and a half-eaten bagel. Check it out, it's pretty hilarious. This leads Chris and Brad to wonder if Ebay has a hall of fame of the craziest items. We are going to try and speak with someone about this tomorrow.

9pm: Before we go to the contests, we open up the phones to set the tone. Phil from Hayward asks what the deal is with North Korea. I think Kim Jung Il just wants some attention. He was feeling a little left out with all the chaos in Venezuela and the Middle East, and he wanted some press.

Ok, so somehow from talking about bombs, Brad is able to make a Shatner reference. When an amazed Chris points this out, Brad says, "William Shatner's got his toe in a lot of people's apple pie." What does that even mean?

The guys again explain their idea for giving away the tickets to see Adam at the Playboy Mansion. A lot of guys call in willing to iron anyone's wedding dress for these tickets. The most extreme is David from San Jose, who is willing to use his fiancee's wedding dress in this fiasco.

The thing is, we still have no idea how this works. Very smart caller, Rich from San Francisco, seems to have it all figured out. I would offer the explanation, but I stopped listening as soon as he got remotely technical.

Then they get even more technical about white gas and modern gas. Sorry, but all of this is over my head. All I got is that today's gasoline is much more dangerous than the gasoline of 70 years ago. This idea is sounding worse and worse by the minute.

To wrap up the hour, Chris and Brad read a story about the new product, Season Shot. It's a bullet that dissolves into your game upon impact. The bullets are of a seasoning, so the meat is supposedly flavored immediately.

Right before the break, that stupid pranker gets through pretending to be someone really stoned. I'm gonna beat the crap out of that kid one of these days.

10pm: Ok, so to start the hour, the guys read a story about a meth user in Vista, who does the grossest thing ever. He collects his urine, to extract the meth out of it and reuse it. Wow, desperation is an ugly, ugly thing.

We have some tickets to see Jim Norton at Cobbs Comedy Club in North Beach on Friday. Tonight, we have a new contest to give these tickets away. The listener will have to call in and break something. If Chris and Brad can successfully guess what it is, then that's a winner.

The best part is that Brad explains this game to Chris about 6 times. No matter how much explanation, Chris just doesn't seem to get it.

We have two winners in this game, after all sorts of confusion and technical difficulties. But either way, congrats to Steve in San Francisco and Nick in Benecia, for breaking a light bulb and traction respectively.

Yesterday, Chris and Brad ask how poverty calls small penises. Teddy from Waterville says that poverty leads to shrinkage from being out in the cold. Then, these poor people have children and pass on the shrinkage through evolution. Chris thinks this theory sucks. Brad and I think there might be at least a little value to it.

Pranker tries to call in on this too, but what he doesn't understand is that he has screwed himself out of getting on for a real call. There is no longer any caller/screener trust. He has violated this sacred bond.

At this point in the show, the guys and Dan start talking about rockets and the space program, and something about V2s. I got nothing on this stuff. Never seen the Star Trek movies or Star Wars.

To end the show on a high note, the guys read a story about a man crushed to death between a conveyor belt and a roller used to grind grain. That is horrifying.

The last story of the night, is a guy in Pennsylvania who was given a DUI for holding the wheel for his friend. His sober friend, the driver, asked him to hold it for a second so he could take a bite of his sandwich.

Ok, so with that, goodnight and I apologize to my mother.