Monday, March 19th

Hey everyone. Hope you all had a good weekend. Mine was somewhat sad, as my Terps lost pathetically to Butler.

7pm: We start off talking a little bit about our teams. Dan's Spartans, Chris' Wildcats and my Terps all lost. Of course, Chris deflates Dan and my opportunity to torture him for losing first.

So, Brad had to go to the dentist about three weeks ago. He was thrilled to find out that he did not need a root canal. However, on Friday he began to get a toothache. In the middle of the night, he wakes up to a swollen cheek and an utterly painful tooth. T leaves a message on the dentist's machine to see if he can somehow get a weekend appointment.

So, of course, he turns to a giant bottle of Bacardi they had purchased at Costco. He keeps pounding rum and it is not easing his pain. Finally after the bottle is almost halfway empty, the pain is completely gone. At 7:30 he passes out and wakes up to the bed spinning and the phone ringing at 9:30. It is his dentist telling him to come in right away. They go in and he finds out that he has an infection. He gets some Vicoden and antibiotics.

Finally, still spinning, Brad gets back home and is miserable. His hangover is exponentially increasing. He tries to force himself to vomit, but it is just not happening. So, he stumbles over to the bed and decides to camp out there for the next 24 hours. Just as he is starting to feel slightly better, T comes into the room upset. What she tells him is that a neighbor had seen his 12-year old daughter walking the neighborhood dogs and invited her over for some food and beer.

Brad immediately forgets the ill feeling in his stomach and marches down to the leasing office. As they are closed, he decides to go door-to-door to find this guy. T asks an attorney in the complex what they should do and he suggests they call the police. Finally, after two hours the police arrive and they get the name and phone number of the pervy neighbor. As he and the police are speaking, it is finally time for him to purge the vile concotion in his stomach.

The man told the police that he was confused about Paxy's age. That he mixed her up with another, 23-year old, neighbor. Brad has still not spoken to this man, but is planning to in the near future. He claims he will just inform this man of the pain he will incur if he ever comes within spitting distance of his daughter. Although, knowing Brad, it is questionable he will be able to maintain his composure.

We speak a little about March Madness again. My bracket is by far the worst. I have only 7 of the Sweet Sixteen. And, I have lost 2 of my Final Four teams. Stupid Chris has 14 of 16 in the Sweet Sixteen. In the mascot pool, it went 22-10 in the first round and then utterly pooped the bed, going 3-13 in the second round. Wow, that's way worse than I did.

In all of this basketball watching, we realized something. Only in basketball, can breaking the rules be beneficial. We point out that there are occassions in football where someone will use a delay of game penalty on purpose, but that is rare and not nearly as useful.

8pm: The more I watch basketball, the more that annoys me. I hate that a game can be decided by free throws. If a team has controlled the entire game, they can lose by choking on the line. Although, my Terps have been utterly burned by this, losing to Duke through fouling with only a minute left to play.

Mike in SF brings up hitting below the belt. You can get away with a couple and if you get one good one in, you can completely eliminate your opponent.

In football, the closest rule violations are intentional delay of game penalties and downing the ball. Downing the ball seems the closest to this, because it really does make a difference. It allows the defense no opportunity to recover a turnover. It seems to me that it should be considered intentional grounding.

Of course, in talking about sports, somehow we get sidetracked into Hooters. Several things are discussed. The tops look good on about 80% of the girls, the shorts maybe only 20%. They also really hate the thick, shiny stockings. What's up with those? Also, they ask if Hooters needs to decide whether it is for men or families and stay out of the middle.

Dan brings up that they have been using Dick Vitale in the recent Hooters commercials. These are just horrible, but maybe that is because Vitale worships Duke. Either way, Dukie V is a self-proclaimed family man, therefore fitting into the argument that they are pushing a family friendly atmosphere.

9pm: Tim in Dublin just broke up with a Hooters bartender. Brad asks if she was everything you would expect from a Hooter's waitress. He says that in the beginning that was the case, in the end not so much. He said the shorts were no good and greatly inhibited her ass.

Dan asks the guys how they want the Hooters girls to act. Chris says he wants them Phase 1 flirty. Not over the top, but just a little sexy. This leads them to the discussion of strip clubs that serve steak. I think that's disgusting. How gross must that kitchen be.

Chris takes a break from calls to play a clip from The Simpsons. It is the episode with Uncle Moe's Family Feedbag. The best part is the birthday song where Moe is wearing a basket of fries on his head. That's awesome.

Anthony in Morgan Hill is about to turn twenty-one. For some reason, he thinks it would be a good idea to drive that night. He says he wants to just order a breathalizer to have with him. We say he should just take a cab, but should maybe just chill tonight and wait to go out with his friends tomorrow. Going to a bar by yourself on your 21st is kinda sad.



We start talking about chasers and Carlos in Campbell says that Reese's Peanut Butter Cups are great as chasers. They also somehow start talking about pistachios. Brad says there are good as a crust for fish in a nice restaurant. What the hell is going on with this show? I change my headphones for two seconds and completely lose what is going on.


From here, I give up on the blog for the last twenty minutes of the hour. The guys went off about snakes in a can, and it just denegrated from there into chaos. It was fun, but entirely inexplicable.


10pm: We had asked a few times if anyone had seen Jeopardy on Friday, when there was the first three-way tie in the show's history. Chuck in San Jose says that the guy with the most money tied on purpose. I guess that he was confident that he would win on Monday, and wanted to win even more money.


Paul in San Jose is blasted and wants to play a game with us. Apparently, he thinks we are the Adam Carolla show, because it is the Germany or Florida game. It was pretty funny though, because he was that hammered and had no idea what was going on.


In this drunken mess, Jim in Livermore calls from his van with another game. But, of course, Jim was sent back to the Pit of Mediocrity. It is impressive that he is able to continue to climb out over and over again.


We found out today that the guy who played Cooter on Dukes of Hazzard has a website,
Cooter's Place. The reason this comes up is because the show's stars had a performance cancelled with the Cincinatti Pops. The justification for this is that the show had supposed racist overtones.


Brad says that the show loses him when they make those jumps in the General Lee. Chris warns that if anyone calls to say that there are 12 of those cars that he would hunt him down and bitchslap him. Immediately, Louis in Fremont calls to point out that there were 18 cars not 12. Oh man, tonight is a silly, silly night.


The guys play the audio of the end of Friday's Jeopardy. The answer was "Who is Bonnie Parker?" The other two contestants had 8,000 and the defending champion had 13,600 and definitely tied on purpose.

Ok, so now we are going to go over the list of the 10 Worst TV Spinoffs of All Time. These are great and they hit it right on the head. Number 10 is "Joanie Loves Chachie." I have never seen it, but heard it mentioned in jokes over and over again.

Number 9 is "That 80's Show" which was absolute garbage. Number 8 is "The Girl from U.N.C.L.E" spun off from "The Man from U.N.C.L.E" of which I had never heard.

Seven is "After MASH" which basically included Colonel Potter crying over and over again. Number 6 is "The Bradys" which is them all grown up. I don't remember that, but I do remember the Brady Christmas specials. Those were classic.

"Checking In," a spin off from "The Jeffersons" comes in at Number 5. I guess Florence became Executive housekeeper at a hotel in Manhattan. Hilarity does not ensue.

"Enos" at Number 4 is off the "Dukes of Hazzard." It is a classic fish out of water story, where the goofy character is paired with a black cop in the LAPD. HAHA. Isn't that clever?

At Number 3 is "Sanford Arms," from "Sanford and Son" that left Brad incredibly disappointed. Second on the list is "The Tortellis," spun off from "Cheers." No, it does not involve Carla, but does have her crass ex-husband Nick and his trashy second wife.

Finally, topping the list is the "Hello Larry," which I have never ever heard of. I guess it was kind of a spin off of "MASH" but seemed closer related to "Diff'rent Strokes."

And with that, I apologize to my mother, have a good night.