Wednesday, November 29

Hi everyone. Well, I'm doing a little better today, so I won't be so mean and cranky.

7pm: Earlier today, poor Dan walked into one of the glass doors. Don't laugh, it happens to everyone here at one point or another. The thing is, when it happened, Chris and Brad did nothing. Hmm, they leave me stranded in the fire drill and ignore Dan in his time of need. What's up with that? They claim they have to stay up on their porn, and I guess we now know where there priorities lie.

From Dan's injury to Lindsay Lohan's breasts. Chris and Brad think she's hot, but has terrible breast implants. Anyway, the point is that she wrote a letter to the Robert Altman family (director of M.A.S.H), but released it as a statement. Wow, as an English major, my head is spinning. My favorite line, "He left us with a legend that all of us have the ability to do. " A little kid could write better than that.

From here, the celebrity insanity continues. Danny Devito appeared on "The View" wasted. He was rambling about Bill Clinton and George W. Bush. I don't think I understand a single thing he said. Stupid Elizabeth Hasselbeck tries to argue with him. I know you are a Republican, but in a situation like this, you just have to leave it alone. Also, I think he was talking about how he and wife, Rhea Perlman, were having sex in the Lincoln bedroom. EWWWWW.

For the love of God, make it stop. It is Round Two of The Worst Christmas Song Ever. Wing won the honor last night, with "Joy to the World." Click here for all your Wing needs, whatever they may be.

We also have Dance Hall Crashers with, "I Did It For The Toys." This one is filthy, but doesn't sound bad. So, I think it has no shot.

To try and dethrone Wing, the boys bring out the big guns, Kathie Lee Gifford and Regis Philbin singing "Silver Bells." I really want to knock them out. That was so unbelievably terrible.

We immediately get votes in this battle. Despite the vomitous nature of Kathie Lee, Wing dominates the first flood of calls. At least at first, but as the voting continues, Kathie Lee mounts a comeback.

8pm: With the votes that come in after break, Kathie Lee claims victory. Unfortunately, this means we will have to continue to hear this monstrosity. Brad votes with hatred, because he thoroughly despises Regis.

Chris tells a story about his girlfriend, Ace. She is from a pretty backwoods town. They were watching tv, and a countdown of pop songs comes on. Chris is shocked when of the list of 40 songs that everyone knows, she knew only three. If this had been anyone else, he would have abused the hell out of them. He was incredibly irritated by her ignorance on this.

The topic is, what ignorance of your spouse, drives you completely insane? He doesn't know what to do about this. He realizes that it is possible that he is being a jerk about the whole thing, but what do you do?

Brad suggests that you just tease her about it. That's what he does with his wife in these conversations. Unfortunately, Ace does not take well to teasing, so that is not an option.

Matt from SF says he just lets his wife live in her ignorance, and has fun with it. Randy, also from the city, thinks that the ignorance is worth the fun and energy of dating a younger woman.

Michael from San Jose calls in with a great story about his ex-fiancee. She thought that euthanasia meant children in the East. Wow. That's pretty bad.

Brad gets a lot of crap from T about his spelling. She has to be his spellchecker, because his spelling is horrendous.

I don't know, but I think that if you can't joke around with your other, than what do you really have? If you love each other, you should be able to poke at these things. The guys get a call from Nat in Cupertino about the same ignorance that I have. Like me, his wife refuses to ever watch "Star Wars."

9pm: We are going to be giving away tickets to Guns N Roses beginning on Friday. To do so, the guys are breaking out a new contest: Brad vs. The Rest of the World on Food. Chris explains that Brad can eat like almost no other. Now, Brad is not a speed eater, he is more of an endurance man. It's about the quantity he consumes.

Once again, this leads us to the discussion of the gravy donut. It's a Krispy Kreme donut filled with beef gravy. I don't care what they say, that is absolutely disgusting.

Leo from San Ramon would like to present a challenge with buffalo wings. He is confident that he can win in a wing war. He actually makes his own wings, so this should be interesting. So that may happen a week from Friday.

Leo's call about wings, spurs an email about Cluck-U in Santa Clara. This is a place that has Thermo-Nuclear wings. At my school, we had a branch of this, and they had 911 wings that you have to sign a waiver to eat. This leads of to a discussion of what is too hot. They just go way too far with this.

- Brian from Napa calls in with an idea to have an egg nog competition. If that happens, I don't want to be there that day. I can only imagine the disaster that would occur.
- Vig from Modesto thinks it should be spaghetti. All of these ideas are so messy.
- Jim from Petaluma suggests raw garlic for this. That seems really hardcore.

If Brad has a choice, he would take bacon in this challenge. He thinks he could eat loads of bacon.
10pm: Larry from Sunnyvale starts off the hour by suggesting a balut eating contest. Apparently, this is a Filipino egg with a chick in it. First of all, I don't know that I want to eat a Filipino egg. That sounds absolutely revolting. To the right is a picture of this "delicacy." I want no part of that.

Chris tells a story about a trip to Reno where he got shark fin soup. He and his friend ordered the smallest bowl possible. The waiter was very surly. For $11, they received a teacup sized portion. The thing is, it tasted like chicken soup. How utterly disappointing.

To insist that people should appreciate living in America, the guys a horrifying story. A toddler in New Dehli, India, was eaten by pigs. Holy crap, that is awful.

To become even more disturbing, they read a story on a baby that was allegedly microwaved by his mother. Its just unbelievably terrible. What the hell is wrong with people?

In other news, a man was arrested in New York for breaking into a barn, spray painting 3 goats and scattering porn. Also, in weird animal news, a doe with antlers was found. "It's got no male utilities," said the hunter.

The hunting story leads Chris to ask about the theory that hunting deer helps the species. He feels that deer can regulate their own population, and that this is just an excuse. As a hunter, Brad is somewhat up in the air on this. We get a few calls from hunters defending this idea. They say that it is crueler to let them starve.