Monday, February 26th
Hey everyone. How you are doing well and that you had a good weekend. I made the mistake of watching the Oscars and all of its boredom. But, my Terps did beat UNC this weekend, thereby eliminating any talk of the bubble. Way to go Gary. I love you. Congrats also to Dan's Michigan State Spartans for practically ensuring their entry by beating Indiana.
7pm: So, to start off, the guys got a letter from Anthony in SF who hates me. Apparently, I did not put him through, so he decided to write a letter about how much I suck. That's cool, Anthony.
Chris was watching "The Soup" on E! and they showed a clip of a reality show, where the man made his own toothpaste out of butter. Butter??? Sherman in SF says that the show was "Wife Swap" and the guy was one of those people who eats only raw food. Linda in Alameda lets us know that the other ingredient was clay, yes clay. Mmm... I bet his breath is minty fresh.
We play a clip of P. Diddy wasted talking about Proactiv. He is going off about how he was using Proactiv way before Jessica Simpson and Lindsey Lohan. He is hammered. HAH!
The guys get emails from two listeners who have my back. Thanks guys!!! Dave in Fairfield says that all Erica supporters should end their call saying "weep, weep, weep." Nice. If you have not heard this, it is in reference to the guinea pig impression that I do from time to time. Brad thinks it is going to really take off. Chris points out that because Brad is cursed to never have a show t-shirt, I will probably have one for the guinea pig first.
Chris is a big fan of "Dirty Jobs" and host, Mike Rowe. I hate Mike Rowe. I don't know why, I just don't like him. They ask which show has fallen worse to running out of ideas: "Dirty Jobs" or "Mythbusters." Both definitely seem like they have run their course. Both shows are constantly asking viewers for ideas.
Kevin in Newark thinks that "America's Funniest Home Videos" is much worse than either of the Discovery Channel shows. I just cannot believe that this show is still on. Chris wonders which shows older video clips, "AFHV" or "Cops?" Hmm. That's an interesting question.
VW has announced a recall that affects me and many other people. It is for most of their smaller models that are having problems with their brake lights. I have not noticed anything with mine, but am excited to get my first recall.
8pm: We got an email from listener, Andrew, who saw "Ghostrider." As all of the reviews have said, the movie completely sucked. Oh no, he informs us that the screenplay was written by Nic Cage, as well. He is also a little upset, as we dissed both "The White Rapper Show" and Styx. Well Andrew, I hope we were able to rid you of your bad taste ways.
Chris almost passed out from hunger today. He claims to be pretty damn good with chopsticks. He can pick up just about anything with the Asian eating utensils. Chris packed some food with him for his trip back up from Fresno. He had been putting off leaving for hours, so finally has to jump in the car and book. Of course, the rain was completely brutal, so he has no time to stop for food.
So, he decides to eat what he brought with him, and has two bananas. This works for about two minutes. Otherwise, he has two containers of yogurt, ten avocados, bbq chicken and garlic mashed potatoes. As he cannot find the knife he always has with him, the only utensil he has is pair of chopsticks. So, then he decides to drink the yogurt, but was unable to get that to work. Then he tries to eat the rock-hard avocados, also completely unsuccessful. Next, it is time to get to the chicken. Of course, all he has is thighs, that he is stabbing with a chopstick. Finally, it is the mashed potatoes in the Ziplock bag, but was screwed by the bag. Of course, the potatoes ended up on his center console, as opposed to his mouth. Poor Chris.
So, as the only one who watched the Oscars, I give a little rundown. Basically, it was really boring. I put forth the idea that they should limit the people who can give speeches. Only the major awards should get to make speeches. We go through the list, and trim the time of the ceremony in half.
After talking about the Oscars, Brad gave me a huge backhanded compliment. He said that I did a great job talking about the Oscars, and then admitted that he and Chris doubt my on-air storytelling ability. Wow, I think I just got punched in the stomach. Then they call me "hallway funny," which to them is a huge slam. They say this is all for learning, but I cannot help but be slightly hurt. The worst part is that I have used some of my best material on them. Damn.
9pm: A 107 year old man in Hong Kong has said that the key to his longevity is abstinence. The question is, why are they talking about sex with a man that old. Even if celibacy was not his choice, would he really be having a lot of sex anyway.
So, now we will be talking about the index of uncomfortability. We spoke a little bit last hour of watching profane movies with your parents. I made the mistake of watching "Closer" with mine, and it was horrifyingly awful.
Brad mentions that his mom said "buku bucks," and that he could not handle that. Chris points out that when an older mom uses slang, you know she is going to use that often. His mom says, "Oh my stars and garters." They rate these at a 2 and 3 respectively.
Getting caught high. Chris' example is running into your mom's best friend when you are blazed. If you are with someone you can admit it to, it is not so bad. Midas in San Rafael was smoking weed with his friends, when his dad came home and asked him to help with carpentry. The guys hung up on him, calling bullsh***.
Oh crap. Maynard in Oakland was at Christmas with his family and his girlfriend. They were opening presents when he got one from his mom, an economy package of condoms. For Maynard that is about an 8 or 9, for the girlfriend, about a 9 or 10.
Wow, it is hailing out on Broadway right now. I wonder how many accidents are happening in the city, especially on those big hills.
Mike in Los Gatos has a terrible story. When he was about 13, at his mom's birthday, with a bunch of his friends there, her friend decided to get a stripper. So, his mom was pretty open with sex, was drunk, and thought it would be funny to unzip his zipper with her teeth. She got a blood blister on her lip for about a week, after getting it caught in the stripper's pants. Yeah, that's about a ten.
Matt in Los Gatos was in Tijuana with a bunch of friends. Six of them were sharing a hotel room, meaning three to a bed. After waiting till everyone fell asleep, he and the girl started hooking up. A little while later, they realized that the other guy in the bed was, uh, thoroughly enjoying the festivities. They rate that at about a 8 or 9.
You have to go to a party, and you don't know just about anyone there. This was the situation for the guys at the Christmas party, because they were pretty new. This is not so bad, because it was a big place. Chris changes this to a party where it is in a small apartment, and everyone knows each other, but you. That goes to a 4 or 5.
Tracy in Oakland took some naked pictures of herself when she was in high school. She put them in a book, that she later gave to her cousin. She realizes what she has done, and gets the dreadful call from her cousin, who wants to meet her at the library. Of course, her older cousin decided to lecture her on the risks of having pictures like these.
Chris has had his own naked picture moments. He and his girlfriend took about four rolls of film and had them developed at the pharmacy. Of course, he was really nervous about picking them up from the store. The developers blacked out every picture that they deemed over the line, leaving about five pictures of his own ass. Also, they included little orange cards, explaining to him what he had done wrong.
10pm: We continue with the uncomfortability conversation. I just had a moment on the phone. The caller did not want to go on the air, just to talk to me. In an incredibly creepy voice, he asked me, "Have you had any uncomfortable moments?"
Rory emails to tell us about when he and his girlfriend walked into his parents' living room. To their utter horror, they find his middle-aged father completely nude, masturbating. Oh my. That gets a ten, and drops everything else down two points.
Jason emails that the conversation when you tell your parents you are gay, is about a 100 on the scale. The disappointment and shock is just overwhelming. The guys wonder how to compare something as serious is this, to something as ridiculous as what happened to Rory.
Mike in Redwood City has one of those cool moms who wants to talk about sex. She bought him condoms and then wanted to have one of those awful follow-up conversations. Mike was so incredibly hyped up after holding for forty minutes. He goes off, but it is absolutely hilarious.
Mark in Fairfield threw a bachelor party for his brother at his mother's house. He slipped her a fifty trying to get laid, and his brother totally bogarts the girl. While his brother is doing his thing, their mother walks in, and completely catches them. The worst part, is that the father-in-law was right there. The wedding still occured and everyone was pointing fingers at him for encouraging this behavior.
Sean in Tracy also held for about forty minutes. What's up with that tonight? Sean did not know that his dad smoked weed, because he hid it really well. Sean's dad was walking down the street smoking some herb and his friends pulled up next to him. They told Sean that he just reeked of pot. This happened years ago and recently his brother found his stash.
Richard in Fremont brings up when you are under sixteen and you walk in on your parents. All you want to do is pretend it never happened, but they make you sit there so you can understand what you saw. Ben in Novato adds if they then fail to cover themselves during said conversation.
Chris brings up when you are at a party and someone drops a racial bomb, and everything just stops. If you are the person who brought the racist, then everyone is staring at you for guilt by association.
Rich in Fillmore has a story where his dad walked in on him and his girlfriend. The worst part, his dad said, "I won't say anything, if I can go next." Ahhhhhh!!!! Rich says he was joking, but that is awful.
Brad tells a story about his brother, Chris. He was staying at their parents' house, brought his girlfriend, and they were having sex. He heard something in the house, walked down the hall, only to meet his parents coming back from the trip. The thing is, he was only wearing a blue condom. As he was only sixteen, his father then barged into the room to bust things up completely. I just feel bad for the girl.
Bob in San Mateo tells us he had a wet dream on an airplane. He had a coworker on one side and his boss right near him. He woke up very confused, not really understanding what happened. He said it was about 100, he is clearly still traumatized. Brad does give him that he has entered the mile high club on a solo mission.
Gabe in Berkeley got a little manual action from his girlfriend. She had never met his father, and he walked in right afterwards. She makes the horrific mistake of shaking his hand. I don't know if that is true, but if it is true, that's just awful.
The guys start talking about when you are with a couple and they get into a nasty, screaming fight. They are embarrassing you and it is just so completely uncomfortable.
Eric in Napa brought a drunk girl home from the bar. She ended up just passing out so he never got any. They were sleeping in the bed, when he wakes up to find out that she had wet the bed. He then had to explain to her what she did, and she had a traumatic walk of shame.
Finally, George in Oakland was staying at his grandparent's house when he happened to peek in the bedroom. Lets just say that he saw them doing something really dirty and graphic. George remembers it all too well.
So, with that, have a good night and I apologize to my mother.
7pm: So, to start off, the guys got a letter from Anthony in SF who hates me. Apparently, I did not put him through, so he decided to write a letter about how much I suck. That's cool, Anthony.
Chris was watching "The Soup" on E! and they showed a clip of a reality show, where the man made his own toothpaste out of butter. Butter??? Sherman in SF says that the show was "Wife Swap" and the guy was one of those people who eats only raw food. Linda in Alameda lets us know that the other ingredient was clay, yes clay. Mmm... I bet his breath is minty fresh.
We play a clip of P. Diddy wasted talking about Proactiv. He is going off about how he was using Proactiv way before Jessica Simpson and Lindsey Lohan. He is hammered. HAH!
The guys get emails from two listeners who have my back. Thanks guys!!! Dave in Fairfield says that all Erica supporters should end their call saying "weep, weep, weep." Nice. If you have not heard this, it is in reference to the guinea pig impression that I do from time to time. Brad thinks it is going to really take off. Chris points out that because Brad is cursed to never have a show t-shirt, I will probably have one for the guinea pig first.
Chris is a big fan of "Dirty Jobs" and host, Mike Rowe. I hate Mike Rowe. I don't know why, I just don't like him. They ask which show has fallen worse to running out of ideas: "Dirty Jobs" or "Mythbusters." Both definitely seem like they have run their course. Both shows are constantly asking viewers for ideas.
Kevin in Newark thinks that "America's Funniest Home Videos" is much worse than either of the Discovery Channel shows. I just cannot believe that this show is still on. Chris wonders which shows older video clips, "AFHV" or "Cops?" Hmm. That's an interesting question.
VW has announced a recall that affects me and many other people. It is for most of their smaller models that are having problems with their brake lights. I have not noticed anything with mine, but am excited to get my first recall.
8pm: We got an email from listener, Andrew, who saw "Ghostrider." As all of the reviews have said, the movie completely sucked. Oh no, he informs us that the screenplay was written by Nic Cage, as well. He is also a little upset, as we dissed both "The White Rapper Show" and Styx. Well Andrew, I hope we were able to rid you of your bad taste ways.
Chris almost passed out from hunger today. He claims to be pretty damn good with chopsticks. He can pick up just about anything with the Asian eating utensils. Chris packed some food with him for his trip back up from Fresno. He had been putting off leaving for hours, so finally has to jump in the car and book. Of course, the rain was completely brutal, so he has no time to stop for food.
So, he decides to eat what he brought with him, and has two bananas. This works for about two minutes. Otherwise, he has two containers of yogurt, ten avocados, bbq chicken and garlic mashed potatoes. As he cannot find the knife he always has with him, the only utensil he has is pair of chopsticks. So, then he decides to drink the yogurt, but was unable to get that to work. Then he tries to eat the rock-hard avocados, also completely unsuccessful. Next, it is time to get to the chicken. Of course, all he has is thighs, that he is stabbing with a chopstick. Finally, it is the mashed potatoes in the Ziplock bag, but was screwed by the bag. Of course, the potatoes ended up on his center console, as opposed to his mouth. Poor Chris.
So, as the only one who watched the Oscars, I give a little rundown. Basically, it was really boring. I put forth the idea that they should limit the people who can give speeches. Only the major awards should get to make speeches. We go through the list, and trim the time of the ceremony in half.
After talking about the Oscars, Brad gave me a huge backhanded compliment. He said that I did a great job talking about the Oscars, and then admitted that he and Chris doubt my on-air storytelling ability. Wow, I think I just got punched in the stomach. Then they call me "hallway funny," which to them is a huge slam. They say this is all for learning, but I cannot help but be slightly hurt. The worst part is that I have used some of my best material on them. Damn.
9pm: A 107 year old man in Hong Kong has said that the key to his longevity is abstinence. The question is, why are they talking about sex with a man that old. Even if celibacy was not his choice, would he really be having a lot of sex anyway.
So, now we will be talking about the index of uncomfortability. We spoke a little bit last hour of watching profane movies with your parents. I made the mistake of watching "Closer" with mine, and it was horrifyingly awful.
Brad mentions that his mom said "buku bucks," and that he could not handle that. Chris points out that when an older mom uses slang, you know she is going to use that often. His mom says, "Oh my stars and garters." They rate these at a 2 and 3 respectively.
Getting caught high. Chris' example is running into your mom's best friend when you are blazed. If you are with someone you can admit it to, it is not so bad. Midas in San Rafael was smoking weed with his friends, when his dad came home and asked him to help with carpentry. The guys hung up on him, calling bullsh***.
Oh crap. Maynard in Oakland was at Christmas with his family and his girlfriend. They were opening presents when he got one from his mom, an economy package of condoms. For Maynard that is about an 8 or 9, for the girlfriend, about a 9 or 10.
Wow, it is hailing out on Broadway right now. I wonder how many accidents are happening in the city, especially on those big hills.
Mike in Los Gatos has a terrible story. When he was about 13, at his mom's birthday, with a bunch of his friends there, her friend decided to get a stripper. So, his mom was pretty open with sex, was drunk, and thought it would be funny to unzip his zipper with her teeth. She got a blood blister on her lip for about a week, after getting it caught in the stripper's pants. Yeah, that's about a ten.
Matt in Los Gatos was in Tijuana with a bunch of friends. Six of them were sharing a hotel room, meaning three to a bed. After waiting till everyone fell asleep, he and the girl started hooking up. A little while later, they realized that the other guy in the bed was, uh, thoroughly enjoying the festivities. They rate that at about a 8 or 9.
You have to go to a party, and you don't know just about anyone there. This was the situation for the guys at the Christmas party, because they were pretty new. This is not so bad, because it was a big place. Chris changes this to a party where it is in a small apartment, and everyone knows each other, but you. That goes to a 4 or 5.
Tracy in Oakland took some naked pictures of herself when she was in high school. She put them in a book, that she later gave to her cousin. She realizes what she has done, and gets the dreadful call from her cousin, who wants to meet her at the library. Of course, her older cousin decided to lecture her on the risks of having pictures like these.
Chris has had his own naked picture moments. He and his girlfriend took about four rolls of film and had them developed at the pharmacy. Of course, he was really nervous about picking them up from the store. The developers blacked out every picture that they deemed over the line, leaving about five pictures of his own ass. Also, they included little orange cards, explaining to him what he had done wrong.
10pm: We continue with the uncomfortability conversation. I just had a moment on the phone. The caller did not want to go on the air, just to talk to me. In an incredibly creepy voice, he asked me, "Have you had any uncomfortable moments?"
Rory emails to tell us about when he and his girlfriend walked into his parents' living room. To their utter horror, they find his middle-aged father completely nude, masturbating. Oh my. That gets a ten, and drops everything else down two points.
Jason emails that the conversation when you tell your parents you are gay, is about a 100 on the scale. The disappointment and shock is just overwhelming. The guys wonder how to compare something as serious is this, to something as ridiculous as what happened to Rory.
Mike in Redwood City has one of those cool moms who wants to talk about sex. She bought him condoms and then wanted to have one of those awful follow-up conversations. Mike was so incredibly hyped up after holding for forty minutes. He goes off, but it is absolutely hilarious.
Mark in Fairfield threw a bachelor party for his brother at his mother's house. He slipped her a fifty trying to get laid, and his brother totally bogarts the girl. While his brother is doing his thing, their mother walks in, and completely catches them. The worst part, is that the father-in-law was right there. The wedding still occured and everyone was pointing fingers at him for encouraging this behavior.
Sean in Tracy also held for about forty minutes. What's up with that tonight? Sean did not know that his dad smoked weed, because he hid it really well. Sean's dad was walking down the street smoking some herb and his friends pulled up next to him. They told Sean that he just reeked of pot. This happened years ago and recently his brother found his stash.
Richard in Fremont brings up when you are under sixteen and you walk in on your parents. All you want to do is pretend it never happened, but they make you sit there so you can understand what you saw. Ben in Novato adds if they then fail to cover themselves during said conversation.
Chris brings up when you are at a party and someone drops a racial bomb, and everything just stops. If you are the person who brought the racist, then everyone is staring at you for guilt by association.
Rich in Fillmore has a story where his dad walked in on him and his girlfriend. The worst part, his dad said, "I won't say anything, if I can go next." Ahhhhhh!!!! Rich says he was joking, but that is awful.
Brad tells a story about his brother, Chris. He was staying at their parents' house, brought his girlfriend, and they were having sex. He heard something in the house, walked down the hall, only to meet his parents coming back from the trip. The thing is, he was only wearing a blue condom. As he was only sixteen, his father then barged into the room to bust things up completely. I just feel bad for the girl.
Bob in San Mateo tells us he had a wet dream on an airplane. He had a coworker on one side and his boss right near him. He woke up very confused, not really understanding what happened. He said it was about 100, he is clearly still traumatized. Brad does give him that he has entered the mile high club on a solo mission.
Gabe in Berkeley got a little manual action from his girlfriend. She had never met his father, and he walked in right afterwards. She makes the horrific mistake of shaking his hand. I don't know if that is true, but if it is true, that's just awful.
The guys start talking about when you are with a couple and they get into a nasty, screaming fight. They are embarrassing you and it is just so completely uncomfortable.
Eric in Napa brought a drunk girl home from the bar. She ended up just passing out so he never got any. They were sleeping in the bed, when he wakes up to find out that she had wet the bed. He then had to explain to her what she did, and she had a traumatic walk of shame.
Finally, George in Oakland was staying at his grandparent's house when he happened to peek in the bedroom. Lets just say that he saw them doing something really dirty and graphic. George remembers it all too well.
So, with that, have a good night and I apologize to my mother.
posted by The Gray Area at 7:03 PM
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