Thursday, February 22nd

Hey everyone. I have had an enormous amount of coffee today, so if I am extra bizarre, don't be surprised. Mmmm... coffee. Is it bad that I can't stop shaking? By the way, The Gray will be on for two time slots tomorrow. They will cover The Radio Chick slot from 1pm-3pm and do their regular night shift.

7pm: We start off talking about Britney Spears and her new similarity to FreeFm's overgrown infant, Jim Norton. I have to out Program Coordinator, Cory, because he has admitted that new Britney looks kinda hot. Uh... that's a little weird, Cory.

Chris tends to be a little more "green" than Brad. He sees a bumper sticker for carpooling and mass transit. Their slogan was "4 wheels is better than 400." But, the thing is Muni busses have six wheels. Hmmm. Maybe they should have looked into that.

Chris tells us about the time he took a five day bus trip. He said that it was absolutely horrendous. You hit a point where you are willing to rest your head on the old man's lap next to you, just because it's a little softer.

Sam in Alameda believes that it is time for Britney to be tossed into the Pit of Mediocrity. Instead, because of their utter cruelty, the guys throw Sam into the Pit. He was not expecting that ironic twist of events.

Ok, so now it is time for the sword porn story. James Van Iveren barged into his upstairs neighbor's home with a calvary sword because he thought he heard a woman being raped. The thing is, the neighbor was watching the porn "Casa de Culo." Van Iveren forced his neighbor to show him each room, before he would leave. That is so crazy.

Van Iveren is facing 33 months in jail. I do not think that is really fair. He was trying to do a good thing and was carried away. Brad and Chris both think that he was being stupid, but that his heart was in the right place.

Brad claims that he would kick a door down if presented with this situation. Chris claims that there is no way Brad would be able to accomplish this without falling. Brad even attempts to demonstrate how he would do so, only to incite more mockery.

Jay in Richmond has a personal take on this story. He spent five years in prison for assaulting a man who raped his 14 year old cousin. He does not regret his actions for even a minute. Jay was particularly angry because the college students next door did nothing. That is pretty crazy.

8pm: Lee in Petaluma has had his door kicked down. He was at his parents home when the neighbor came to their house armed with a rifle. The neighbor was convinced that they had stolen his poodle. He marches them around the house and Lee accosts him to take away the gun. After doing so, the neighbor ran out claiming they were trying to kill him. Soon after, their door was kicked in by the S.W.A.T. team pointing all their crazy weapons at them. Wow, that is crazy.
Brock in Santa Rosa says that if Van Iveren had handled things a little bit differently, it would have been a little bit better. He could have been a calmer and called 911 when he entered the apartment. Furthermore, if you are going to conduct a citizen's arrest, you better be damn sure that you are correct.

Patrick in Vallejo has a question that until now has been ignored. If the porn was so loud that he could hear the woman's screams, shouldn't he have been able to hear the porn music as well? I think it is this expertise of our listeners, that may be able to crack a case such as this.

I have decided that Brad is now the Porn Sensei. He explains that Spanish language porn often does not have a soundtrack.

A listener took it upon himself to send us a list of the 100 Worst Porn Titles of All Time. Please be forewarned that a lot of these titles are incredibly graphic. Throughout this, Brad keeps saying he can't do this anymore, but Chris keeps rolling through.

The guys wrap up the hour speaking about a plane requesting an emergency landing at Dallas- Fort Worth. The air traffic controllers denied the American Airlines pilot's request to land due to a lack of fuel. After arguing with the controller for a few minutes, the pilot gives in and agrees to land at a different airport.

9pm: Oh no, a listener has combined the Jim Norton and Britney Spears pictures to create something so horrifying that it cannot be explained.

Ok, so the guys are talking about eating contests, as they watched the hotdog eating contest last night. They have conducted quite a few eating contests over their careers. They are looking over the International Organization of International Eating website.

A lot of these just sound absolutely atrocious. The nastiest include: asparagus, beef tongue, butter, cabbage, cow brains, mayo, and of course, SPAM.

What is bizarre about these contests, is the smaller guys always seem to kick the asses of the big, fat guys.

In talking about Britney, the guys point out that Christina Aguilera seems to be doing the best of all these young celebrities. She is on the cover of "Maxim" and looks really good. Also, she is not in rehab, and you don't really hear about her getting in trouble. When Chris asks, Brad points out that "Stuff" is the cutting room floor of "Maxim."

Brad is on a mission to eliminate superstitions from the world. He thinks that they are all outdated and inane in our modern society. Chris thinks that this begs the question, how have we survived as a species?

Walking under a ladder is bad luck, because it signifies breaking the triangle of the Holy Trinity. What? There are triangles everywhere. How is it even possible not to be breaking them all the time?

Over break, Brad's wife called panicked stuck in the mud in a hailstorm in the Central Valley. Brad is concerned but wonders what the purpose is in this call. As he is in San Francisco at work, there is not a whole lot he can do.

Chris complains about Ace doing something similar. When she was hit by a train ballister, she left Chris a voicemail, saying only "I was hit by a train, the car is destroyed." She was ok, but said nothing of her physical condition, leaving Chris completely terrified.

The guys wonder why women tend to do this, to call you all freaked out in situations where there is nothing for you to do. I have to say, I am guilty of the same thing. We all do it.

10pm: Brad thinks that the cause of T's current situation is that she got freaked out when the hail started, pulled off without seeing the conditions, and got herself stuck. Brad has called his parents to go out and help her. Apparently, T is driving one of the only 2 Wheel Drive Jeep Grand Cherokees. I did not even know they made those, what's the point?

Brad thinks its funny because most likely his dad will drive out in his truck, line up the bumpers, push her out, and drive away. Chris wonders if having this super competent person can ever be an annoyance? The person who has a solution for every problem.

Chris asks if Brad has ever outperformed his father. Brad still remembers with pride, the only time he ever beat him arm wrestling. It was a big moment in his life, to realize that he was stronger than his father.

Ok, so the guys return to the topic of superstitions. What things constitute bad luck? Chris grew up with Polish women convinced that a bat in the house is a sign of utter doom.

Chris has recently given up the superstition of honking his horn when he went through a tunnel. Brad has let go of his fear of a black cat crossing his path. He would not do anything, but hated the wasted negative energy it provoked.

T doesn't know why, but says "bread and butter" when they are separated by a pole or something of that nature. My mother does that too, and I have never known why.

Melissa in San Rafael, our tug boat captain, calls to tell us about sea myths. She tells us that changing a ship's name is supposed to be bad luck. In sailing days, if you changed the names, you had to exchange the mast in order to save yourself from certain peril. She actually holds onto the sailor lore because the practice is so inherently dangerous. Melissa tells us if you spill a beer on the boat, you are supposed to pour someone over the side, offering to the gods.

Brad had a free throw shooting superstition when he played basketball in high school. He had to bounce the ball five times in order to shoot the free throw. If he did not do this, it would always feel off.

Dan in Berkeley tells us that if your motorcycle was not painted green by the factory, it is bad luck to paint it green afterwards. That must be why you almost never see a green motorcycle out there. Chris once worked as a dj at a biker bar, where there was a really butch woman. She got an old bike, choppered it out, and spray painted it green. When Chris asked, he was told that she must want to invoke the curse in order to do this.

For years, I picked up a superstition when I went through yellow lights. I would kiss my hand, and touch the roof. I have no idea what it means and never have. It really just became by force of habit after a while. I finally broke free of this about a year ago.

The guys wonder which area has more superstitions: the theater, sports, or the sea. All three have an insane amount of superstition involved.

So, with that, have a good night and I apologize to my mother.