Thursday, May 10th
Hello everyone. Ahh we are in our old time slot today without a day show. It is so weird having daytime hours off now. The Gray Area will be off tomorrow, but we will be back on Monday so do not fear.
7pm: Ugh, Chris starts off playing the penis cutting clip once again. Will we ever be free of this horrifying story?
Brad saw Carlo and I go out for a cigarette earlier, and it was painful for him. He decides to handle this urge by wandering up Broadway, the home of six, sleazy strip clubs. Chris warns that this is a dangerous move towards a much more pathetic addiction. No one is more sad and alone than the man who is there when the strip club opens in the morning.
As we are giving away lap dance coupons on the website, I joke that I have taken them all for myself. I have never actually been to a strip club, but this leads the guys to complain about the lap dances girls get. Apparently, when a girl orders one, the stripper goes crazy and does a significantly better dance than she ever will for a man. Brad points out that this is because the girl does not have the evil penis.
John in Moraga calls for the first time in a while. He says the strippers do not get going until the second rum and coke. Then he tells us that Jon Lovitz once poached John's dance. We do not know if this is true, but it is a pretty funny image.
Mutants has sent us a crazy Adult gigs ad from the East Bay on Craigslist. This guy is advertising for high school/college girls with pretty feet and legs. He is offering forty whole dollars to watch him fly the simulator. Ewwww. That sounds so incredibly creepy.
The guys have sworn that they have three words that are creepier than this story. According to Best Week Ever, "Jared from Subway" sold porn in college out of his bedroom. He rented porn to the students for a dollar a day. Ugh. That is so nasty. This story also claims that the reason that he lost all that weight on Subway was because it was located in his dorm.
Jim in Livermore tells us that he no longer has a van. It has been towed, so he is moving up to the mountains. He claims he is moving to a cave and is calling to say goodbye. He is sad that Chris has been so mean to him. So, as he says he is still the King of the Pit, we send him off by throwing him into the Pit for the last time.
When the guys start reading a story about a squirrel attack in the South Bay, I get a great idea. If you remember those '70's horror movies like "Pirahnas" and "Ants," I think it would be fantastic to make one about squirrels. A suburb is terrorized by hordes of killer squirrels. Imagine a man being covered head to toe by squirrels and melting down into a pile of blood and gore.
As these people have to all get rabies shots, we wonder what the treatment is for rabies. We all remember hearing that you have to get sixteen shots in the stomach. So, the guys ask what you think you know the treatment actually is.
8pm: Mary Ellen in Daly City is an Animal Control officer. She says that squirrels do not usually have rabies. That the only way they would really get it, would be if they were bitten by a cat. She tells us that it is a series of five shots in the arm. Justin in Santa Rosa asks her if it is true that armadillos carry leprosy. She does not know, but says it is entirely possible.
According to The Straight Dope (who knows how reliable that is), it is possible but unlikely to get leprosy from armadillos. They do, however, carry the disease.
Renee in SF thinks that you get injected with air into your stomach, to make it like a big bubble. That is ridiculous. I do not know if I buy that one. Ken in San Jose says that he had a coworker bit by a stray dog. He says that you have to get six shots within twenty-eight days.
Chris tells all those guys out there who have a particular fear, that things are ok. As he saw a brand new black Rolls outside with a "Be Cool" license plate, he knows that that guy has the smallest penis in the world. So, if you think that this was you, breathe, because it must be this guy.
Teddy Jr. in Oroville says that his ex says that he has the smallest penis. She claims to have measured it at three inches, at full mast. He says that he has tried the penis pump and every other method. She even went on her website and put pictures up there of how small it is. I suggest the penile enhancement surgery, but he is not having any of that.
James in San Jose says that to do that, they cut a ligament. This will only give you about an extra inch. So you get a measly inch, and then you lose some of your ability to get to attention. Ahhh!!! According to the Mayo Clinic's website, it may wobble when aroused. Ewww.
Bob in Fairfield suffered from Erectile Dysfunction. He says nothing has worked, but he uses foreplay and toys to keep her satisfied. Dan in Hayward had an implant put in because of diabetes. He says it was weird because it is so invasive, but decided to go for it. He says after only a week he was ready to go again. Then he started to go into details that completely freaked us all out. So disturbing that I cannot in good conscience repeat it.
9pm: Tad in Berkeley calls about some sort of piercing. But, he falls into mediocrity and has to join Nate and Jim in the depths of the Pit. I think they hurt his feelings.
Unfortunately, I cannot find my ID card. I have lost it so many times already that I am frantically searching for it. Therefore, I missed a whole segment of the show.
The guys read a story about a very persistent disabled man in Spain. He is tetrapalegic and in an electric wheelchair. He was looking for a brothel and got a little bit lost. Somehow, he ends up on a freeway and is pulled over by the police.
Mike in Vallejo asks when it is ok to say something rude to a disabled man in public. He was in a bank when a parapalegic man cut everyone off in line. Of course, no one said anything, but he is wondering if he should have. I do not know why he is going for advice from the likes of these two.
Mishkin in Fremont thinks the answer to the squirrel war is chain mail. He pictures the citizens of the nations armed with flamethrowers. This would be a great end to my movie. I think this could be incredibly successful.
Dan in San Jose throws in that we can make flamethrowers from Super Soakers. That would be pretty sweet. This is coming together in a fantastic fashion.
7pm: Ugh, Chris starts off playing the penis cutting clip once again. Will we ever be free of this horrifying story?
Brad saw Carlo and I go out for a cigarette earlier, and it was painful for him. He decides to handle this urge by wandering up Broadway, the home of six, sleazy strip clubs. Chris warns that this is a dangerous move towards a much more pathetic addiction. No one is more sad and alone than the man who is there when the strip club opens in the morning.
As we are giving away lap dance coupons on the website, I joke that I have taken them all for myself. I have never actually been to a strip club, but this leads the guys to complain about the lap dances girls get. Apparently, when a girl orders one, the stripper goes crazy and does a significantly better dance than she ever will for a man. Brad points out that this is because the girl does not have the evil penis.
John in Moraga calls for the first time in a while. He says the strippers do not get going until the second rum and coke. Then he tells us that Jon Lovitz once poached John's dance. We do not know if this is true, but it is a pretty funny image.
Mutants has sent us a crazy Adult gigs ad from the East Bay on Craigslist. This guy is advertising for high school/college girls with pretty feet and legs. He is offering forty whole dollars to watch him fly the simulator. Ewwww. That sounds so incredibly creepy.
The guys have sworn that they have three words that are creepier than this story. According to Best Week Ever, "Jared from Subway" sold porn in college out of his bedroom. He rented porn to the students for a dollar a day. Ugh. That is so nasty. This story also claims that the reason that he lost all that weight on Subway was because it was located in his dorm.
Jim in Livermore tells us that he no longer has a van. It has been towed, so he is moving up to the mountains. He claims he is moving to a cave and is calling to say goodbye. He is sad that Chris has been so mean to him. So, as he says he is still the King of the Pit, we send him off by throwing him into the Pit for the last time.
When the guys start reading a story about a squirrel attack in the South Bay, I get a great idea. If you remember those '70's horror movies like "Pirahnas" and "Ants," I think it would be fantastic to make one about squirrels. A suburb is terrorized by hordes of killer squirrels. Imagine a man being covered head to toe by squirrels and melting down into a pile of blood and gore.
As these people have to all get rabies shots, we wonder what the treatment is for rabies. We all remember hearing that you have to get sixteen shots in the stomach. So, the guys ask what you think you know the treatment actually is.
8pm: Mary Ellen in Daly City is an Animal Control officer. She says that squirrels do not usually have rabies. That the only way they would really get it, would be if they were bitten by a cat. She tells us that it is a series of five shots in the arm. Justin in Santa Rosa asks her if it is true that armadillos carry leprosy. She does not know, but says it is entirely possible.
According to The Straight Dope (who knows how reliable that is), it is possible but unlikely to get leprosy from armadillos. They do, however, carry the disease.
Renee in SF thinks that you get injected with air into your stomach, to make it like a big bubble. That is ridiculous. I do not know if I buy that one. Ken in San Jose says that he had a coworker bit by a stray dog. He says that you have to get six shots within twenty-eight days.
Chris tells all those guys out there who have a particular fear, that things are ok. As he saw a brand new black Rolls outside with a "Be Cool" license plate, he knows that that guy has the smallest penis in the world. So, if you think that this was you, breathe, because it must be this guy.
Teddy Jr. in Oroville says that his ex says that he has the smallest penis. She claims to have measured it at three inches, at full mast. He says that he has tried the penis pump and every other method. She even went on her website and put pictures up there of how small it is. I suggest the penile enhancement surgery, but he is not having any of that.
James in San Jose says that to do that, they cut a ligament. This will only give you about an extra inch. So you get a measly inch, and then you lose some of your ability to get to attention. Ahhh!!! According to the Mayo Clinic's website, it may wobble when aroused. Ewww.
Bob in Fairfield suffered from Erectile Dysfunction. He says nothing has worked, but he uses foreplay and toys to keep her satisfied. Dan in Hayward had an implant put in because of diabetes. He says it was weird because it is so invasive, but decided to go for it. He says after only a week he was ready to go again. Then he started to go into details that completely freaked us all out. So disturbing that I cannot in good conscience repeat it.
9pm: Tad in Berkeley calls about some sort of piercing. But, he falls into mediocrity and has to join Nate and Jim in the depths of the Pit. I think they hurt his feelings.
Unfortunately, I cannot find my ID card. I have lost it so many times already that I am frantically searching for it. Therefore, I missed a whole segment of the show.
The guys read a story about a very persistent disabled man in Spain. He is tetrapalegic and in an electric wheelchair. He was looking for a brothel and got a little bit lost. Somehow, he ends up on a freeway and is pulled over by the police.
Mike in Vallejo asks when it is ok to say something rude to a disabled man in public. He was in a bank when a parapalegic man cut everyone off in line. Of course, no one said anything, but he is wondering if he should have. I do not know why he is going for advice from the likes of these two.
Mishkin in Fremont thinks the answer to the squirrel war is chain mail. He pictures the citizens of the nations armed with flamethrowers. This would be a great end to my movie. I think this could be incredibly successful.
Dan in San Jose throws in that we can make flamethrowers from Super Soakers. That would be pretty sweet. This is coming together in a fantastic fashion.
posted by The Gray Area at 6:58 PM
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