Thursday, January 4th
Hey everyone. We have a lot going on tonight on The Gray Area. We will be speaking to the Governator and to a sports psychic for insight on the Playoffs.
7pm: So, hopefully we will speak to the Governator soon. But first, Chris lets us know he did a really stupid thing last night. He rented Mission Impossible: 3 to watch when he went to sleep. He used his portable dvd player, and for some reason this contraption has 40 buttons on its remote control. Chris made the poor decision to hit "repeat disc." This means that it will play that menu loop over and over and over again. Of course, this is the Mission Impossible theme, so it is forever etched into his brain. Maybe I will have to start singing, "Mah na na na" to help him out.
The guys talk about the fact that "absolutes" suck. Is not that an absolute? When I mention this, Dan asserts that now, Chris must kill himself. He says that it will take more than that to get him to off himself, and that we'd better be running tape when that happens. We digress, the point is, an absolute would be that you would be never buy stock because you like an ad thing about the company. This has been disproven by www.shaveeverywhere.com, the website for the Norelco Bodygroom. Chris can't wait to buy stock after seeing this.
This whole website is about shaving your junk. They are particularly pushing the idea of the "optical inch" gained by hair removal. You really should go check out this site, it is by far the best corporate website I have ever seen.
Ok, so now that we have thoroughly covered male personal grooming, it is time to talk to an expert, the Governator. He is more cranky than usual as he is missing the pre-inaugural festivities because of his injured leg. He is berating his helper, Cruz-Bustamonte throughout the interview. As he has been laid out, he has been watching a lot of daytime television. He tells us that was watching Oprah, and was weeping over the story, although he does not remember what that was.
The guys ask Arnold about the Inaugural Co-chair Commitee. It is filled with Democrats who hate Arnold, most specifically, Gray Davis. That is an interesting choice, being that Arnold took away his office. Also, Nancy Reagan is on the committee. These are really bizarre choices.
He lets us know that he is just going to play things by ear when he gets back to work. Well, isn't that reassuring? Instead of telling us about his plans for the new term, he talks about how his food will cause him some problems on the toilet.
Of course, this is not the Governor, but our friend, Josh Thompson. He is now doing personalized phone messages as Fake Arnold.
8pm: The guys were talking about the bar garnishes. Brad used to steal marashino cherries and Chris steals olives. Somehow, this leads to Chris' pearl onion story from his childhood. His grandmother came with them on a trip to Amish country. At a restaurant, she orders two sides of creamed pearl onions. They get back to the room and they are attempting to watch "Ben-Hur."
In the middle, she gets up, goes into the only bathroom in the room, and starts belching endlessly. He and his sister start laughing hysterically, and his mom gets incredibly pissed off, because her mother-in-law is ruining the evening. Then, to make things worse, Grandma starts getting upset that her grandkids are laughing and starts praying to God for help. Poor Grandma, that's just terrible.
So, if somehow you have not heard, Pat Robertson predicted a terrorist attack to occur in 2007. This is not the first time that he has made such predictions. He said there would be a tsunami last year. And, he also claims that he can leg press 2000 lbs.
We play some audio of crazy Pat, to see what he said. He predicts that "evil men will do evil things." Also, he says that God did not say nuclear, but that he thinks it may be something like that. Oh man, this guy is such a sleazebag.
So, here is the question we would like to ask: Who is the craziest person on television? This can include anyone. Here are the mentions in this:
- Matthew Lesko (the question mark guy) - I actually know his son. I went to high school with him. Their family had a question mark van, and an polka-dot Acura. He also wore the question mark suit to come to the school. Nice guy, but so crazy.
- Ann Coulter - she does not have her own show, but is always on tv. And she's completely nuts.
- Dan Rather - Chris says that he was really weirded out by Rather in his last few years.
- George Bush - of course, he is the first mentioned by a caller
- Billy Mays - The Oxyclean guy
- Jack Lalaine
- The Pope
- Benny Hinn (the fundamentalist healer)
- Dennis Richmond
- The BK king
- Tyra Banks
9pm: We take a break from the craziest person on tv, to talk to Reva. Reva is a psychic, who is excellent when it comes to football. Chris loves this, because he thinks women who love football are great. Oh no, like Chris and Dan, Reva is a Jets fan. I love how Jets fans are so proud that they can spell a four letter word. That's New Jersey for you.
Reva's Wildcard Game Picks:
- Indianapolis over Kansas City (a tough pick for her to come up with, but the cards came out for Indy)
- Dallas over Seattle (booo... Dallas will sneak out with a win)
- Jets over New England (she never picks against the Jets, so take what you will with that). Brad insists that she does a reading, and the cards agree, and that it will be a close game.
- Giants over Philly (she says this was a tough pick, but her instinct says the Giants)
Chris asks Reva about the teams with bye. She sees good things for New Orleans and Baltimore. She says that the Bears don't look great as a team.
Finally, we ask her if she thinks that the Raiders could win less games next year than they did this year. She sees that there is some change, but not enough. When asked about Art Shell, she pulled the Death card, meaning that there will be a new coach.
Joe in Fairfield calls back to give us an update on his date last night. He has just moved to Fresno, and met a girl on Myspace. He was on his way to his first date with her, and tells us that they were going to meet at a supermarket. She brought a bottle of wine, and the plan was to do a little shopping, and head back to his place.
Ok, so he met her, and she was a little heavier than her pictures, but was not too different than what he expected. They go get a frozen pizza and go back to his place. She cannot stop talking about herself, and tells him that she spent some time in a mental institution. Continually, she is telling him, unsolicited, all about her baggage and problems. Also, he didn't seal the deal, which is a big surprise. It seems like she was not as bad as we had expected, but not so great.
This leads us to a whole discussion about whether or not Joe had any game in this situation. Dan thinks he should have just asked, I disagree. I think you have to make a move and be slick about it. They start asking me questions about women, and I say it is difficult to be that upfront about it.
10pm: Steve from San Jose calls in to impart his knowledge of relationships on us. He says you lean in, and if she turns her face, you say that you think that things are going too fast. That you don't want to hurt her.
Cody from San Rafael thinks that Joe should have played his ex card. He should have played this for sympathy and sensitivity. Also, he thinks that Joe should be in a bar instead of a coffee shop with his computer. Poor Joe, I think he's just in a weird situation.
Sean in Fremont calls in with his own relationship problem. He is happy in his relationship, but does not get enough independence. Dan thinks he should just piss her off and go away for the weekend. Chris and Brad think he needs to put his foot down. I think you tell her that it is better for the relationship in the long run, if you each have your own lives.
Chris asks what the male extra sexy points thing is. Men think that women who like sports are extra sexy. He wants to know what the reverse is. The first that comes up is cooking. Second is dancing. This leads to a whole discussion about whether women judge sex by dancing.
Then, we get into a conversation about the differences between the straight and gay communities. The overwhelming thing that Chris says, is that heterosexual men are filled with fear and lies. This is hilarious, and suddenly Brad gets really quiet.
Bob from Fairfield makes a good point that there is one huge difference. He says that when a gay man goes into a bar, he knows what everybody in there wants. When a straight man walks in a bar, he has no idea what the women inside are looking for.
Well, that was an interesting discussion. With that, I apologize to my mother. Have a good night.
7pm: So, hopefully we will speak to the Governator soon. But first, Chris lets us know he did a really stupid thing last night. He rented Mission Impossible: 3 to watch when he went to sleep. He used his portable dvd player, and for some reason this contraption has 40 buttons on its remote control. Chris made the poor decision to hit "repeat disc." This means that it will play that menu loop over and over and over again. Of course, this is the Mission Impossible theme, so it is forever etched into his brain. Maybe I will have to start singing, "Mah na na na" to help him out.
The guys talk about the fact that "absolutes" suck. Is not that an absolute? When I mention this, Dan asserts that now, Chris must kill himself. He says that it will take more than that to get him to off himself, and that we'd better be running tape when that happens. We digress, the point is, an absolute would be that you would be never buy stock because you like an ad thing about the company. This has been disproven by www.shaveeverywhere.com, the website for the Norelco Bodygroom. Chris can't wait to buy stock after seeing this.
This whole website is about shaving your junk. They are particularly pushing the idea of the "optical inch" gained by hair removal. You really should go check out this site, it is by far the best corporate website I have ever seen.
Ok, so now that we have thoroughly covered male personal grooming, it is time to talk to an expert, the Governator. He is more cranky than usual as he is missing the pre-inaugural festivities because of his injured leg. He is berating his helper, Cruz-Bustamonte throughout the interview. As he has been laid out, he has been watching a lot of daytime television. He tells us that was watching Oprah, and was weeping over the story, although he does not remember what that was.
The guys ask Arnold about the Inaugural Co-chair Commitee. It is filled with Democrats who hate Arnold, most specifically, Gray Davis. That is an interesting choice, being that Arnold took away his office. Also, Nancy Reagan is on the committee. These are really bizarre choices.
He lets us know that he is just going to play things by ear when he gets back to work. Well, isn't that reassuring? Instead of telling us about his plans for the new term, he talks about how his food will cause him some problems on the toilet.
Of course, this is not the Governor, but our friend, Josh Thompson. He is now doing personalized phone messages as Fake Arnold.
8pm: The guys were talking about the bar garnishes. Brad used to steal marashino cherries and Chris steals olives. Somehow, this leads to Chris' pearl onion story from his childhood. His grandmother came with them on a trip to Amish country. At a restaurant, she orders two sides of creamed pearl onions. They get back to the room and they are attempting to watch "Ben-Hur."
In the middle, she gets up, goes into the only bathroom in the room, and starts belching endlessly. He and his sister start laughing hysterically, and his mom gets incredibly pissed off, because her mother-in-law is ruining the evening. Then, to make things worse, Grandma starts getting upset that her grandkids are laughing and starts praying to God for help. Poor Grandma, that's just terrible.
So, if somehow you have not heard, Pat Robertson predicted a terrorist attack to occur in 2007. This is not the first time that he has made such predictions. He said there would be a tsunami last year. And, he also claims that he can leg press 2000 lbs.
We play some audio of crazy Pat, to see what he said. He predicts that "evil men will do evil things." Also, he says that God did not say nuclear, but that he thinks it may be something like that. Oh man, this guy is such a sleazebag.
So, here is the question we would like to ask: Who is the craziest person on television? This can include anyone. Here are the mentions in this:
- Matthew Lesko (the question mark guy) - I actually know his son. I went to high school with him. Their family had a question mark van, and an polka-dot Acura. He also wore the question mark suit to come to the school. Nice guy, but so crazy.
- Ann Coulter - she does not have her own show, but is always on tv. And she's completely nuts.
- Dan Rather - Chris says that he was really weirded out by Rather in his last few years.
- George Bush - of course, he is the first mentioned by a caller
- Billy Mays - The Oxyclean guy
- Jack Lalaine
- The Pope
- Benny Hinn (the fundamentalist healer)
- Dennis Richmond
- The BK king
- Tyra Banks
9pm: We take a break from the craziest person on tv, to talk to Reva. Reva is a psychic, who is excellent when it comes to football. Chris loves this, because he thinks women who love football are great. Oh no, like Chris and Dan, Reva is a Jets fan. I love how Jets fans are so proud that they can spell a four letter word. That's New Jersey for you.
Reva's Wildcard Game Picks:
- Indianapolis over Kansas City (a tough pick for her to come up with, but the cards came out for Indy)
- Dallas over Seattle (booo... Dallas will sneak out with a win)
- Jets over New England (she never picks against the Jets, so take what you will with that). Brad insists that she does a reading, and the cards agree, and that it will be a close game.
- Giants over Philly (she says this was a tough pick, but her instinct says the Giants)
Chris asks Reva about the teams with bye. She sees good things for New Orleans and Baltimore. She says that the Bears don't look great as a team.
Finally, we ask her if she thinks that the Raiders could win less games next year than they did this year. She sees that there is some change, but not enough. When asked about Art Shell, she pulled the Death card, meaning that there will be a new coach.
Joe in Fairfield calls back to give us an update on his date last night. He has just moved to Fresno, and met a girl on Myspace. He was on his way to his first date with her, and tells us that they were going to meet at a supermarket. She brought a bottle of wine, and the plan was to do a little shopping, and head back to his place.
Ok, so he met her, and she was a little heavier than her pictures, but was not too different than what he expected. They go get a frozen pizza and go back to his place. She cannot stop talking about herself, and tells him that she spent some time in a mental institution. Continually, she is telling him, unsolicited, all about her baggage and problems. Also, he didn't seal the deal, which is a big surprise. It seems like she was not as bad as we had expected, but not so great.
This leads us to a whole discussion about whether or not Joe had any game in this situation. Dan thinks he should have just asked, I disagree. I think you have to make a move and be slick about it. They start asking me questions about women, and I say it is difficult to be that upfront about it.
10pm: Steve from San Jose calls in to impart his knowledge of relationships on us. He says you lean in, and if she turns her face, you say that you think that things are going too fast. That you don't want to hurt her.
Cody from San Rafael thinks that Joe should have played his ex card. He should have played this for sympathy and sensitivity. Also, he thinks that Joe should be in a bar instead of a coffee shop with his computer. Poor Joe, I think he's just in a weird situation.
Sean in Fremont calls in with his own relationship problem. He is happy in his relationship, but does not get enough independence. Dan thinks he should just piss her off and go away for the weekend. Chris and Brad think he needs to put his foot down. I think you tell her that it is better for the relationship in the long run, if you each have your own lives.
Chris asks what the male extra sexy points thing is. Men think that women who like sports are extra sexy. He wants to know what the reverse is. The first that comes up is cooking. Second is dancing. This leads to a whole discussion about whether women judge sex by dancing.
Then, we get into a conversation about the differences between the straight and gay communities. The overwhelming thing that Chris says, is that heterosexual men are filled with fear and lies. This is hilarious, and suddenly Brad gets really quiet.
Bob from Fairfield makes a good point that there is one huge difference. He says that when a gay man goes into a bar, he knows what everybody in there wants. When a straight man walks in a bar, he has no idea what the women inside are looking for.
Well, that was an interesting discussion. With that, I apologize to my mother. Have a good night.
posted by The Gray Area at 6:56 PM
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