Thursday, December 14

Hello everyone, hope you're having a lovely Thursday. It is officially donkey night, here on the show. So, everytime you hear "donkey," slam your hand down and say, "I knew it!"

7pm: In honor of Hanukkah tomorrow, the guys play a little snippet from "Fiddler on the Roof." After I say this sounds "jewy," the guys ask me if they can say that. I don't know about that one, but then I tell them about "heeb" and the K-word. I use all of those, because I like them. And what's the point of being Jewish, if you can't make jokes about it. We also talk about the term "goyam." They ask me if that is meant to be mean, I guess so, I think it just means "not chosen."
From here, the boys still try and figure out if there is any derogatory term for white people, that is at all effective. Chris comes up with "howlie" from the islands. Apparently in Hawaii, that is pretty offensive. Dan brings up "gray boy," used in Detroit. I remember "gringo." I'm surprised this one has come up before.

This is a pretty hilarious, yet dangerous discussion. Fortunately, now we are moving on to talking about gay people. We watched a clip of the very flamboyant, Isaac Mizrahi, feeling up Scarlett Johansson. So, the question is, who likes to bring up what they are more, Jews or gay/lesbians. I think the Jews might take this one, but it's close.

Chris from SF, says that he tells people he is gay, so women won't hit on him. If they find out later, they feel misled.

Ok, so it is now time for the "Worst Christmas Song Ever" competition. To get us warmed up, Chris plays a clip of Porky Pig singing "Blue Christmas." Tonight, to bring us back in, we are playing all listener submissions. We need help to find something worse than "Oh, Holy Crap."

Contender #1: Lou Monty with "Dominic the Christmas Donkey." This is even more atrocious than it sounds. Although, I must say, this is a little bit catchy.

Contender #2: Davy Jones singing "Mele Kalikimaka." What the hell is Davy Jones doing singing a Hawaiian song with that British accent? There's nothing about it that works.

Contender #3: A Bette Davis impersonator singing "Feliz Navidad." I can't even possibly begin to explain what this sounds like.

I think #3 is running away with this one. It's just so terrible. I don't know if it can beat Fred, but at least it is a strong contender. In case you had not heard Fred, we are playing it again. Oh man.

8pm: There is another Gray Area Sign of the Apocalypse tonight. Scarlett Johansson is making an album. This is not the worst part, it will be all Tom Waits covers. If you don't know his music, it can't work without his deep, raspy voice. We play clips of Scarlett speaking and Tom Waits singing to show the unreal contrast. (You're welcome for the picture, btw).

This came out a few months ago, but we just heard about it. Researchers in the Netherlands, are trying to create a robot to traverse your colon for testing. I haven't seen the picture, but apparently it has corkscrews. Ouch. This doesn't sound fun even at all.

The guys wonder about the people that are "freed up" by robots taking their jobs. The thing is, these people never move on to something better. Most aren't going back to school to improve their lives, so what are they doing now.

As tomorrow is Hannukah, my parents sent me a care package. It includes a menorah, a dreidel, candles, and gelt. The guys want me to bring in the menorah to do the lighting ceremony here. I don't know, I might have to relearn the prayers to get through that. Maybe we will do some Jewish gambing tomorrow, through the wonderful game of dreidel.

If you haven't heard, Democrat senator, Tim Johnson, has had a stroke. Being that he is from South Dakota, if he cannot return to the Senate, he may be replaced by a Republican. The reason, is because the Republican governor would be able to appoint his replacement. This would mean the Democrats would lose control of the Senate, this quickly. What kind of bulls**t is that?

The guys wonder, if you are Republican, is part of you wishing the worst for Tim Johnson?

Brad made a bad mistake earlier, which all smokers have made at some point or another. In Chris' car, which is his baby, Brad tries to throw the cigarette out the window. Of course, it lands in the back seat. So, on the road, Brad is reaching back to find the cig, and gives Chris a faceful of his boxers.

9pm: To start the hour, Chris brings up, that we don't get to know what the public thinks of us. The only time we learn this, is when ratings come out four times a year. Unfortunately, this system is pretty inaccurate and arcane. Our first big one, will come out next month, but a trend (or prequel to the big one) has just come out. We are pretty happy with what has happened and the guys want to thank the listeners for this.

Yesterday, we were talking about Mythbusters and we realized that there a lot of tv shows with this phenomenon. Good tv shows with terrible hosts. This is something I fall victim to constantly, as I watch a lot of Food Network. I love Mythbusters and think that they are not that bad. But, the guys have a problem with the fact that they are so incredibly nerdy, and should not be hosts.

They also mention Bob Saget from "America's Funniest Home Videos." We all watched the show, but Saget was really annoying on the show. Although, I think that Dave Coulier doing the knock-off, makes Saget look genius.

Freddie from San Jose mentions the new standard for this, Ryan Seacrest. Everyone hates Seacrest.

Joe from Fairfield says Joe Buck, the sports announcer. I agree, but think he's not even close to the worst sports guy.

Christian from Vacaville says Dave Navarro and Brooke Burke from "Rockstar." I've never seen it, but it supposed to be a phenomenon.

I have to bring up one of the people I hate most, Stephen A. Smith from ESPN. Jeff from Pleasanton agrees, and this also leads to Jim Rome. The problem is both these guys are such pompous jerks.

We also talk about the Monday Night Football team. I love Kornheiser, especially PTI, but really don't think he works on MNF. The whole team really sucks. I hate it.

We go back to American Idol on this. Brad hates Simon Cowell much more. But, the thing is, Cowell is the most entertaining part of the show. Chris thinks that Randy Jackson is the weakest link of the show, and admits that he loves the show.

Also, every host ever of Family Feud. There has never been a good host on the show, and they keep getting worse and worse.

Brad brings up Jeff Probst from Survivor. I don't like Survivor, but understand what Brad reads, he's incredibly smarmy and cocky. Chris is surprised that Brad ever has empathy for the contestants, considering they placed themselves in the situation.

Finally, we get to the thing I want to talk about, the hosts of the Food Network. Food Network is completely awesome. I cannot stop watching it. But, all of the hosts on the channel, are absolutely terrible. Particularly, Alton Brown, Marc Summers, and Jim O'Connor.

Well, for some reason, that topic never really caught on. Oh well.

10pm: The guys start off with a story about a restaurant in Beijing, that serves animal penises to discerning customers. Apparently, this has amazing health benefits, but I think I will pass. One of the offerings, is the member of a seal. Doesn't that sound tasty?

Chris talks about a time in Hawaii, where they saw a dolphin penis. Apparently, dolphins are packing some heat down there. I think this made Chris feel a little inadequate. To make things worse, his girlfriend is completely fascinated.

The most popular of the penises at the restaurant, donkey penis, because it improves the skin. We told you this show had a weird donkey theme. What's funny, is tiger penis, has a very high price, but has no benefit whatsoever. Does that just make you feel masculine, to know that you are eating that?

We replay the interview with Cindy Esser Thorin from Pink Cheeks Salon. She is an expert on anal bleaching. We know that you really want to hear this, so hear you go.

Ok, so we're back to live action. And the guys are still talking about the penises. Is it just me, or do you think that they are a little obsessed with this whole thing.

So, a while ago, the guys decided to be funny, and put scary clowns all over my blog. I swore revenge, but I don't have the guts to do anything that bad. But they made the mistake of sending me pictures of them in drag. And now, somehow they have found their way onto my blog. It wasn't as mean as I was originally thinking, but still somewhat mean-spirited.

Chris found something that he thinks is really cool. He is not Christian, but thinks its really cool. It's a rip-off of the Mac/PC ads by Apple. It's a Christian vs. a Christ follower. Basically, the point is that you can be religious without displaying it on your sleeve. It's actually pretty clever.

Ok, well thanks for listening. Doesn't Chris have a purdy mouth? With that, I apologize to my mother, have a good night.