Wednesday, December 20

Hey everyone. We're back today after taking off from the Christmas party. John from Moraga was kind enough to bring us in bbq from Memphis Minnie's in the city today before the show. He brought so much food, and it was fantastic. I am incredibly full and we are all sleepy. So, I apologize, if I am not my usual perky self this evening. I have a hangover and a full stomach working.

7pm: The guys start off talking about the Christmas party last night. We had this whole plan to trick Dan into believing that it was the greatest party ever. Unfortunately, Dan had to work while we went to the party. Dan does not believe us for a moment. So, that whole plan went to hell.

Last night, one thing was a real highlight. Brad dancing with his wife. It was so hilarious. T, Brad's wife, is actually a really good dancer. Brad, well, um, he is an interesting dancer. Hopefully, we will hear from some of our coworkers to confirm this.

In order to get ready to dance, they went to the bar to take some shots. Sadly, no shots are allowed at this party. They looked so incredibly disappointed. Chris tried to help them out, and there was no way around it. In order to fill their needs, the crew went across the street to take some cheap shots there.

By the way, crazy-ass Tawny Kitaen entered rehab today. That's a shocker. Who knew that she had a problem? What this means for us, is that we will probably have to hold off on our fight between her and Janice Dickinson. It really would be hilarious.

Another funny thing from last night, is that Cory was revealed as a rookie drinker. He was mixing things all night, and was pretty lit.

In the middle of talking about this, Menace sent me a text message saying, "Chris stole my hamburger." Everyone stole Menace's burger, because he was too busy trying to be a mac, that he didn't eat it at all.

To end the hour, we finally announce that the Worst Christmas Song Competition is over. Fred McKinnon's "Oh, Holy Night" has been declared the champion. There is no point in pretending that anyone else can possibly take it. So, congratulations and thank you to our friend Fred. You certainly have made us laugh, over and over and over.

8pm: Brad is giving us another update on the hell that he has had in his new apartment in Pacifica. This has been unbelievable. They did not bring their really nice Sleeptrain mattress with them. It was so heavy, that they just left it there. So, they bought a really nice air mattress from Costco. Supposedly, it is actually pretty comfortable.

He walked into the bedroom, and sees the mattress completely deflated on the ground. At first, he assumes that it is the cats. He tries to reinflate the mattress, and sees that there is a hole. Apparently, his daughter had pushed it against the wall right next to the heating vent. This completely melted the seam. But, because he got it from Costco, he knows that despite the obvious neglect, he was able to return it.

Walmart and Costco both have incredible return policies, but Costco really takes the cake. Chris tells us about a friend of his who took him to the store. The friend, Michael, had gotten a walkie-talkie and wanted to return it. He had no receipt, and only one of the two, that was broken. I let them know that Nordstrom's supposedly has an even better return policy. It does not even have to ever been sold there.

Nico from Oakland says that he used to pick up Costco's damaged items. He asked one day, what the strangest return was. This one, was a 12-year old hot tub with no receipt. It was supposedly really foul.

We speak to the wonderful Turi Ryder tonight. We saw her last night at the party and she was telling Chris about the worst useful present you can give. She got a call on Saturday from a guy who wants to give his heroin-addicted girlfriend the gift of rehab. He was calling to see if we could hook him up with free rehab. How do you do this as a Christmas gift. Have guys show up and haul her off on Christmas morning?

After this, Brad tells us about his wife's gift. She likes to paint, so he and his daughter bought her a really nice easel. Paxy was so excited, that she kept giving T hints. Then at Costco, Paxy completely blew the surprise when T mentioned painting.

So, the guys start talking about the useful present. Chris says a sixpack of WD40 would be a great useful present. I suggest a drill, but Chris says that although useful, it is too cool to fit in this category. Brad talks about this thing of twist ties that he would actually like.

We hear from the crazy Menace, to talk about how awesome Brad's dancing is. Of course, this means that we have to call Menace out on the fact that he kissed Emily on the mouth. Hungover as he was, Menace describes the dancing as a combination of the Funky Chicken and the Running Man.

To end the hour, I told Brad he should have done some of the dances I taught him, like the shopping cart and the fishing dance. They have me do a little demonstration of these, with a lovely play-by-play.

9pm: Brad starts the hour off strong by doing the shopping cart dance. It was so absolutely hilarious. I can't even possibly explain it.

Next, they go NewsReleaseWire.com's list of the Worst Christmas Gifts of 2006. This is a special list. Number one on the list is The Idiot's Guide to Oral Sex. Wow, that is a really romantic gift.

Other interesting mentions include: Oops Disposable Underwear, The Razorba Back Shaver, and Grapefruit Flavored Feminine Wash.

Their favorite on the list, is FemTone Vaginal Weights. This is exercise equipment that makes that area's muscles stronger. That is an incredibly strange and awkward moment, when you open that present on Christmas morning.

So, we go back to the useful presents discussion. These are almost never exciting. The powerful one, is something that you remember the giver when you use it. Chris says really nice socks are a good example of this. Quality is one of the key factors in the useful present.

I guess one of the suggestions was jumper cables. They then go into how you jump the car. Of course, in the middle of this, Chris' phone goes off. It is a text from girlfriend, Ace. He checks it while we are on the air, but won't share. Booo.

In talking about the way to jump the battery, Derrick from Pacifica says that Chris does not do it right. Derrick insists that it is better to hook it up while the jumper car is running.

If you haven't heard, Miss USA, Tara Connor, is in trouble because she was caught making out with her roommate, Miss Teen USA. Chris admits that this is his new obsession. He can't get enough of this story, because the idea of this is so hot. Both guys ask all of you, to let us know if you have seen a video of this. Part of the deal for her to keep her crown, is that she has to go into rehab. But, the thing is, is that she has to give up her crown in April anyway. The best part, is that the moral authority in this, is Donald Trump.

CNN came out with their list of the Top 5 least affordable places to live in the country. On this list are Stockton and Modesto. The reason is because real estate is high, but the jobs out there do not provide high incomes.

Chris asks anyone who was watching Adult Swim at 1am last night to call and explain it to him. It was one of those really over the top anime shows. He did not understand what was going on for the entire show. I think I've seen this show before, and it is too drugged out for me.

Sam from SF calls in to try and get tickets early. We try and ask Sam some trivia questions, and he doesn't get a single one of them. But, it is so ridiculous that we keep going with him.

10pm: We continue trying to get Sam to answer anything correctly. This should be interesting. He had to wait, for the ridiculous character that is Alex to finish his tirade. Alex was not wasted as I had hoped, but has the most insane voice I've ever heard. Poor Sam, they keep asking him questions, but he can't even guess.

Alex from Forestville calls in to sympathize with Chris on his pain after the bad anime. He also pretends that he knew the answer to a question he heard on hold, but we give him tickets to Marc Maron at Cobb's for the effort.

Somehow, they start defending that The Simpsons did not jump the shark again. Of course, they are wrong on this point. The Simpsons should have ended years ago. They start talking about characters, like Disco Stu, and they claim that he brings nothing to the table. I must interject, that "Back away, not today, Disco lady," was a great line.

The guys go over the most recent Best of Craigslist. These are pretty great. One of the best, is an ad for a box spring, perfect for a revenge plot, because it is so awful. Another good one is from D.C. This is a guy asking for people with a cold to cough on him.

The standout from Craigslist, is titled, "To All the People in My Apartment Complex." It's a little rant about his neighbors, with some helpful suggestions. This is a little dirty, but pretty clever.

There has been a battle on our unofficial myspace page. Mad Mel and Alissa are fighting to be friend #1. How they are fighting, through commenting. Ooooh. Alissa from Tolari calls in to talk about the battle. She claims that she was taunted in to this fight.

Mad Mel calls in after listening to Alissa bad talk him. He is willing to offer a backrub and a hug to Bob for positioning. This is really incredibly bizarre.

By the way, we have had the most insane callers tonight. I think I'm losing it just a little bit. I'm hungover and people are ridiculous. Thank the lord that vacation is coming soon.