Tuesday, December 5

Hey everyone. So, yeah, yesterday was the 4th, not the 2nd. Oops. Remember to go see Chris tomorrow at Radio Shack in Mountain View. He will be at the Showers Drive location at 5:30 for the Tom Tom giveaway.

7pm: To begin the hour, we will speak to Bayard, about Freeboarding. This is a combination of snowboarding and skateboarding. This just sounds dangerous. But, perfect for us to make you do something dangerous.

But first, Chris tells us about one of the homeless guys on Battery. There is one hanging out in a building alcove, who always has take-out. This guy also always has a big prescription bottle of red pills. Today, the man was actually awake and reading the book, "Finding True Love." Chris is stupified.

Ok, so now its time to speak to Bayard, from Freeboard Manufacturing. He explains that its much more like snowboarding than skateboarding. The difference, is that the board has 6 wheels, instead of 4. It also sits closer to the ground. On a skateboard, you can't slide, unless you are really good. On this, you can slide on the center wheel.

He says that just as any other skater, they are constantly getting hassled by cops and drivers. He doesn't understand why people are cool with bikes, but not skaters. Chris and Brad make it clear, that The Gray Area is not cool with bikes.

Bayard also is honest that freeboarding is dangerous. It is difficult to learn, and you're going to get your share of bumps and bruises.

The point is, we would like to have a competition for the Guns N Roses tickets. We would like to have 5 listeners come out to try and ride it for the tickets. Bayard is confident that they will be able to do it within an hour, if they have snowboarding experience. All Chris cares about is if someone will end up crying.

We get a bunch of calls right away with people who want to try this. To our dismay, Bayard won't let us do this on Lombard. But, I think we will be able to work something out to do it somewhere over in the Sunset. Apparently, I'm going. Um... ok.

We have our 5 contestants, so hopefully next week I will have crazy audio of people falling on their ass for Axl. This should be pretty hilarious.

Ok, so now it's time for the Worst Christmas Song Ever. Tonight it is ladies' night. To demonstrate what songs didn't make it, the guys play, "Please Daddy (Don't Get Drunk This Christmas)" by John Denver.

Barbra Streisand won the battle of the Jews yesterday, with her version of "Jingle Bells." Seriously, I think Barbra dipped in the world of meth when she recorded that atrocity.

Challenger #1: Sixpence None the Richer singing "You're A Mean One, Mr. Grinch." We all love this song, but that's a pretty crappy version. It's pretty weak, but I don't know if it's bad enough.

Challenger #2: Debbie Dabney singing "I Wanna Spend Christmas With Elvis (Heartbreak Noel)." Wow, she certainly has enthusiasm, and is all about the medley.

8pm: We get an email from John, titled "Streisand, the War Criminal." John would rather die of alcohol poisoning than listen to this song again at work.

The votes are slow to come in, but threatened with replaying it, they finally come in. Streisand wins by a landslide. The only votes not for her, is from Dan and Chris voting for Debbie Dabney. I appreciate their honesty, because I hope you know, you will now be hearing her tomorrow.

Somehow, the guys get on the topic of the Ernest movies. Apparently, there were 7 of them, including "Ernest Goes to Africa." They do think Jim Varney did well in "The Beverley Hillbillies."

Yahoo released their top searches of 2006. Topping the list is Britney Spears. What is sadder, is that WWE was second. What is the world coming to?

A big news story of the day, is that James Kim is still missing in the woods. He left his family in order to find help. The family was found, but Kim is still nowhere to be seen. Today, a pair of his pants were found in the woods. Now, to be clear, he was wearing another pair underneath. People have been confused all day by this, but supposedly one would assume he is suffering from severe hypothermia. This would cause delusions of warmth, leading him to disrobe.

The guys also read a story about the spray-on condom. It has been developed in Germany, and you would never believe how you use it. Apparently, you insert "yourself" into the can, and it sprays latex all over it. The can is "soft and tight." Because that doesn't seem like it will kill the mood. "Hold on baby, I have to go insert myself into the can." Chris is upset because they still have not fixed the problem of the condom smell.

9pm: The guys have realized the true purpose for the spray-on condom, heroin transportation. Yeah, that makes sense. In other weird sex toy news, you can now hook your vibrator up to your IPod. It vibrates with the tempo of the music. It is called the Ohmibod. The guys don't know what song would be right for this.

This leads to a really uncomfortable discussion about watching your woman, um, have a good time flying solo. Chris says he liked watching it, but found it kind of intimidating. Furthermore, there was not one thing she was doing, that he had not done to her.

So, now the guys are trying to figure out what song the Ohmibod should play. They first play, "See Me Burn," by Motorhead. They ask me, but all I am willing to say, is that you would probably want some bass. I feel really uncomfortable right now.

JD from Vacaville is also touting the need for bass. He is not talking about bass guitar, he means drums. Alex from Hayward thinks Metallica's "Wherever I May Roam."

Candy from San Jose calls in to suggest "Bohemian Rhapsody." She says that the buildup is perfect, and the changes in tempo would be great. She thinks this is a great idea, and is going to buy one tomorrow.

Finally, we switch topics. Brad tells us about the hellish experience of his new place. First, their apartment wasn't ready on time, so they had to stay in another apartment. So now, they are having problems with their power. The fridge is making noises and the lights are flickering. Furthermore, the washer/dryer squirted water all over the floor. Next, they left paint chips in the bathtub, and there are nails sticking out of the carpet. Then, the blinds fall off the wall. All of this happens, in the first 2 1/2 days. This isn't all of it.

After all of this, Brad asks for a free month's rent. They don't comply, so he sics his wife on them. She is able to get $600 knocked off the rent. Not good enough, but still something.

After this, the landlords decide to paint the decks. But they did such a terrible job, that they were sealed into their own home. But, this isn't all of it. Holy crap, this is worse than that movie, "The Money Pit."

Brad's upstairs neighbors just came to tell them, that their bathroom fan is keeping them awake at night. He complies, but thinks that they neighbors have to address this issue, because there have just been too many things.

At the pit of Brad's stomach, is the fear that they will have to move soon. There are only so many problems they can take. He likes the view, but is really tired of the hell of living there. The location is everything he dreamed of, but this has just been too much.

10pm: Alex from Walnut Creek tells us about a dangerous situation caused by bad wiring in her apartment. Her boyfriend was in the shower when some wiring exploded. There were sparks flying, and when they finally got it to stop, they lost power for 3 months. They were so broke, that they even had to stay there that whole time. They even charged them for the candle wax on the carpet. That is horrible, she should look into a lawsuit. This is incredibly sad, but Brad is getting some solace from this story.

Justine from San Lorenzo calls in with two Rammstein songs for her Ohmibod. She is a pretty hardcore girl. That is some angry lovin' she will receive from her personal pleasure device.

Chris read a story about a man arrested for DUI. But, this is not your typical DUI story. This leads the guys to reminisce about their own experiences being arrested. Chris has a flashback to when his father picked him up from jail. Dad said, "I knew it was just a matter of time, how does it feel?"

So, here is the story. David Allen Rogers was charged with driving a parade float drunk. He was pulling a group of children and adults from a dance school. He tried to pass another float, went across railroad tracks, all at high speeds. He got charged with DUI and 36 other offenses. Holy crap, this guy is screwed.

Ok, so now it is time to give away tickets to the Guns N Roses concert. The game we are playing is, What Am I Breaking? In this game, the caller breaks something, and if the guys correctly guess what it is, caller wins. This is Brad's game. He loves it, and Chris is not a fan. Chris thinks that it doesn't work. I don't think that this is going to work out.

Mike from Hayward breaks a styrofoam bowl. It is so indistinct, that he utterly fails.

Monica from San Carlos is so excited, and sounds really high. She breaks her cell phone, but it sounds nothing like it.

Graham from Albany breaks a piggy bank. But, this is incredibly weak.

I'm not going to list all of these, but everything basically sounds the same.

Justine from San Lorenzo breaks a bell. She also is victorious, well with a little help. So congratulations to her, for breaking something distinctive.

With that, the show has ended. Have a good night.

Chris from San Francisco wins with breaking the law. He didn't actually break the law, but was creative and pulled it off. Congratulations Chris.