Wednesday, November 1
Hey everyone. Wow, November already. Tonight, things are a little different. Christina will be screening and I am running the board. Dan has taken the night off, but will be back tomorrow.
7pm: To start off today, the guys use this opportunity to speak to Christina. They inform her about the battle between myself and Jenilee. They also make sure to tell her what a bad jew I am. Yeah, yeah, I know.
Brad gives us a rundown of his daughter's haul from trick or treating last night. She got a lot of full size candy bars. Wow, I wish I had trick or treated in that neighborhood as a kid. Brad makes it clear that he gets his cut. Where is the candy for the show, Brad???
John from Moraga lets us know that he saw "The Bridge." He agrees with Chris and Brad that it absolutely sucks. He said that after 20 minutes, he was ready for the Gene to jump already. John, after dropping twice, lets us know that there was a heckler in his theater saying, "Jump MF'er!!" That's pretty awesome.
They also give me another lesson of the j-o movement. I'll get better eventually. Christina totally one-ups me with hers. :(
In talking about Bob Barker's impending retirement, the guys talk about a clip I found on YouTube of the dumbest Price is Right contestant of all time. I really believe that she is the reason Bob finally decided to call it quits. We didn't play it because it's too visual, but you should definitely watch it.
Brad and his daughter took a tour of her new school today. The principal pointed out a slight lisp caused by her retainer. Because, one thing a 12-year-old needs is to feel more self-conscious. Brad of course, took the opportunity to intimidate the little boys of the school. Brad's wife let a teacher from Fresno know about the show. This leads Chris to a question, are you attached to someone who is a magnet for losers?
Chris says this because he believes that Brad's wife, T, is one of these people. I gotta admit, I am definitely one of those people. The sketchier a person is, the more they want to be my friend. I don't know why that is. Weird people come up to me all the time.
James from Fairfield calls in on this, but is almost immediately thrown into the Pit of Mediocrity. It had been quite a while since the Pit was last fed. Seriously though, if you say "like" three times in your first sentence, you gotta go into the Pit.
8pm: Brad gives us an example of one of T's losers. I stepped out of the room for a minute, and come back to Brad saying that T had a friend who made her a cardboard castle. That is so weird. Brad always realizes the loserocity of these people right away, but it takes T a little longer. Cardboard castle lady wanted T to take her to the abortion clinic 2 weeks into their friendship. Even worse, she was hiding the abortion from her husband.
I think that Todd from Fremont hits the nail on the head. It's not that people are magnets for losers, it's that losers seek out people who can't say no. I think that is definitely why I attract the people I do. When men see me in a bar, I am often approached by losers because I don't look like someone who will be mean. They are right, it is incredibly difficult for me to blow people off.
The guys read a story about Calvin Cat, a driving test employee who was fondling girls during their tests. He would take them out on the test, and have them lean over him to check their parallel parking. When they leaned over, he would fondle their breasts. The most messed-up part is that they knew for a month before letting him go. The guy only got a year and a half on this. What the hell kind of system is that?
We end the hour giving away Tenacious D tickets at the Bill Graham Civic Auditorium. We are playing Mental Speedbump. This is the game where the guys will give the caller a random topic, and they will have to speak on said topic for 60 seconds without saying um, uh, or pausing.
Jay in Santa Rosa is given the topic: Why it's a good thing of having a praying mantis stuck in your nostrils? What kind of topic is that? He gives it a good effort, but to no avail.
9pm: John from Corte Madera wins on the topic: Why does your bbq pork taste better when seasoned with poor people's tears? He is utterly redundant, but does make it through the 60 seconds. So congratulations John. Have fun at Tenacious D. Don't feel bad, everyone else, we will be giving away tickets the rest of the week.
The guys start talking about their weird times in the hotel together. Brad has now moved up here, so Chris is left alone in the hotel. I tease them for their troubles with not having silverware. They say I'm being stuck-up, but this is my thing. Yeah, maybe they didn't have utensils, but they spent as much on food a night, as I do a week. Just go to Walgreens and pick up some silverware.
His point is, that he saw a girl pull up in the hotel with a 2006 Escalade with spinners out of sync. He is laughing until she exits the car. It has got to be a $1000/night hooker. "Only one girl wears that skirt." He is afraid, but kinda intrigued. Chris wonders if he is going to get a knock on his door late that night. What really concerns him is that the talk show host in him will take it too far, just for the story.
Christina calls Brad out over break. Sitting in front of him, Brad has beef sticks, a huge cup of coffee, and a pack of Marlboro Reds. Christina is not so concerned with Brad's health, but more with the breath that he will go home to T with. Brad lets us know that although that may be true, he seems to be immune to things that are horrible for him.
David from Pleasanton calls in to try and set the tone. He is newly single and is calling to say how great it is to be a bachelor. Everyone lets him know that he has, as a single man, become far less attractive. However, Brad, who has been divorced, tells David that he has got to take every opportunity he gets. Get as much as you can, while you can.
Sacha Baron Cohen aka Borat is in trouble yet again. He has been in trouble with Kazakhstan for quite a while, but now he is under fire from a Gypsy group in Germany. To give you an idea of Borat, if you haven't seen it, we play his appearance on Letterman. You have got to watch this, and I can't wait to see the movie.
10pm: At the end of last hour, the guys read a story about CIA using Wikipedia for intelligence. The guys wonder, how much do you trust Wikipedia? I know we all use it all the time, but because of the software, the information is only so reliable.
What is funny about this topic, is that we get several callers who are all smarter than us. There are a lot of people in this area, who know an enormous amount the Internet. Far more than us. Although these people are very informative, we think they kill the phones.
Wikipedia can be fantastic as a starting point. If you find something on there, you can use it as a basis to find more information through their links.
The guys challenge the listeners to put what they know about the show on Wikipedia. They are curious to see what would be put up there. You can put up whatever you want, we just want to see what happens.
We found a story about a phone offering an ovulation reminder in Japan. We all are confused by the concern about a shrinking Japanese population because it is such a crowded nation.
In other Asian news, the Chinese shot down the free hugs movement. This has been happening internationally, but in China the huggers were taken away by Chinese military for questioning. According to the article, hugging is not a common action in Chinese culture, so I guess it is perceived as a threat.
Another heart-warming story, a Brooklyn high school student dressed as Hitler for Halloween. The two best parts of this story, the high school is named Goldstein, and the kid's stepfather is Jewish. That is one screwed up kid.
After making several animal noises for the guys, including a sheep and a dolphin, we go to Brad's Penile Euphemism: A Generous Portionaire.
To finish out the show, we give away another pair of Tenacious D tickets. Because, Oscar comes on with a bleat, we give him a question on sheep from Wikipedia. The question: What is a male sheep without its "berries" called? Oscar guesses "goat," the answer is weathers, but because his answer is so wrong, he wins anyway.
7pm: To start off today, the guys use this opportunity to speak to Christina. They inform her about the battle between myself and Jenilee. They also make sure to tell her what a bad jew I am. Yeah, yeah, I know.
Brad gives us a rundown of his daughter's haul from trick or treating last night. She got a lot of full size candy bars. Wow, I wish I had trick or treated in that neighborhood as a kid. Brad makes it clear that he gets his cut. Where is the candy for the show, Brad???
John from Moraga lets us know that he saw "The Bridge." He agrees with Chris and Brad that it absolutely sucks. He said that after 20 minutes, he was ready for the Gene to jump already. John, after dropping twice, lets us know that there was a heckler in his theater saying, "Jump MF'er!!" That's pretty awesome.
They also give me another lesson of the j-o movement. I'll get better eventually. Christina totally one-ups me with hers. :(
In talking about Bob Barker's impending retirement, the guys talk about a clip I found on YouTube of the dumbest Price is Right contestant of all time. I really believe that she is the reason Bob finally decided to call it quits. We didn't play it because it's too visual, but you should definitely watch it.Brad and his daughter took a tour of her new school today. The principal pointed out a slight lisp caused by her retainer. Because, one thing a 12-year-old needs is to feel more self-conscious. Brad of course, took the opportunity to intimidate the little boys of the school. Brad's wife let a teacher from Fresno know about the show. This leads Chris to a question, are you attached to someone who is a magnet for losers?
Chris says this because he believes that Brad's wife, T, is one of these people. I gotta admit, I am definitely one of those people. The sketchier a person is, the more they want to be my friend. I don't know why that is. Weird people come up to me all the time.
James from Fairfield calls in on this, but is almost immediately thrown into the Pit of Mediocrity. It had been quite a while since the Pit was last fed. Seriously though, if you say "like" three times in your first sentence, you gotta go into the Pit.
8pm: Brad gives us an example of one of T's losers. I stepped out of the room for a minute, and come back to Brad saying that T had a friend who made her a cardboard castle. That is so weird. Brad always realizes the loserocity of these people right away, but it takes T a little longer. Cardboard castle lady wanted T to take her to the abortion clinic 2 weeks into their friendship. Even worse, she was hiding the abortion from her husband.
I think that Todd from Fremont hits the nail on the head. It's not that people are magnets for losers, it's that losers seek out people who can't say no. I think that is definitely why I attract the people I do. When men see me in a bar, I am often approached by losers because I don't look like someone who will be mean. They are right, it is incredibly difficult for me to blow people off.
The guys read a story about Calvin Cat, a driving test employee who was fondling girls during their tests. He would take them out on the test, and have them lean over him to check their parallel parking. When they leaned over, he would fondle their breasts. The most messed-up part is that they knew for a month before letting him go. The guy only got a year and a half on this. What the hell kind of system is that?
We end the hour giving away Tenacious D tickets at the Bill Graham Civic Auditorium. We are playing Mental Speedbump. This is the game where the guys will give the caller a random topic, and they will have to speak on said topic for 60 seconds without saying um, uh, or pausing.
Jay in Santa Rosa is given the topic: Why it's a good thing of having a praying mantis stuck in your nostrils? What kind of topic is that? He gives it a good effort, but to no avail.
9pm: John from Corte Madera wins on the topic: Why does your bbq pork taste better when seasoned with poor people's tears? He is utterly redundant, but does make it through the 60 seconds. So congratulations John. Have fun at Tenacious D. Don't feel bad, everyone else, we will be giving away tickets the rest of the week.
The guys start talking about their weird times in the hotel together. Brad has now moved up here, so Chris is left alone in the hotel. I tease them for their troubles with not having silverware. They say I'm being stuck-up, but this is my thing. Yeah, maybe they didn't have utensils, but they spent as much on food a night, as I do a week. Just go to Walgreens and pick up some silverware.
His point is, that he saw a girl pull up in the hotel with a 2006 Escalade with spinners out of sync. He is laughing until she exits the car. It has got to be a $1000/night hooker. "Only one girl wears that skirt." He is afraid, but kinda intrigued. Chris wonders if he is going to get a knock on his door late that night. What really concerns him is that the talk show host in him will take it too far, just for the story.
Christina calls Brad out over break. Sitting in front of him, Brad has beef sticks, a huge cup of coffee, and a pack of Marlboro Reds. Christina is not so concerned with Brad's health, but more with the breath that he will go home to T with. Brad lets us know that although that may be true, he seems to be immune to things that are horrible for him.
David from Pleasanton calls in to try and set the tone. He is newly single and is calling to say how great it is to be a bachelor. Everyone lets him know that he has, as a single man, become far less attractive. However, Brad, who has been divorced, tells David that he has got to take every opportunity he gets. Get as much as you can, while you can.
Sacha Baron Cohen aka Borat is in trouble yet again. He has been in trouble with Kazakhstan for quite a while, but now he is under fire from a Gypsy group in Germany. To give you an idea of Borat, if you haven't seen it, we play his appearance on Letterman. You have got to watch this, and I can't wait to see the movie.
10pm: At the end of last hour, the guys read a story about CIA using Wikipedia for intelligence. The guys wonder, how much do you trust Wikipedia? I know we all use it all the time, but because of the software, the information is only so reliable.
What is funny about this topic, is that we get several callers who are all smarter than us. There are a lot of people in this area, who know an enormous amount the Internet. Far more than us. Although these people are very informative, we think they kill the phones.
Wikipedia can be fantastic as a starting point. If you find something on there, you can use it as a basis to find more information through their links.
The guys challenge the listeners to put what they know about the show on Wikipedia. They are curious to see what would be put up there. You can put up whatever you want, we just want to see what happens.
We found a story about a phone offering an ovulation reminder in Japan. We all are confused by the concern about a shrinking Japanese population because it is such a crowded nation.
In other Asian news, the Chinese shot down the free hugs movement. This has been happening internationally, but in China the huggers were taken away by Chinese military for questioning. According to the article, hugging is not a common action in Chinese culture, so I guess it is perceived as a threat.
Another heart-warming story, a Brooklyn high school student dressed as Hitler for Halloween. The two best parts of this story, the high school is named Goldstein, and the kid's stepfather is Jewish. That is one screwed up kid.
After making several animal noises for the guys, including a sheep and a dolphin, we go to Brad's Penile Euphemism: A Generous Portionaire.
To finish out the show, we give away another pair of Tenacious D tickets. Because, Oscar comes on with a bleat, we give him a question on sheep from Wikipedia. The question: What is a male sheep without its "berries" called? Oscar guesses "goat," the answer is weathers, but because his answer is so wrong, he wins anyway.
posted by The Gray Area at 7:08 PM
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