Tuesday, December 12

Hi! Well, it has finally happened, it is gravy donut night. Holy crap. I was forced to partake in the making of the gravy donuts, and I am now definitely not eating one. What drew the line for me, the fact that it is cold, beef gravy straight out of a can. Yeah, I just can't go there. The most disturbing moment, I saw Brad take a mouthful of gravy straight from the syringe. Ugh.

7pm: Laci Peterson's mom was on tv at some point today, talking about something. Chris and Brad wonder why she is still getting press, since they got the conviction and the sentence. This leads Chris to think that she should fight Ron Goldman, because they both won't go away.

The guys also think that boxing should eliminate a maximum of rounds. They don't want anyone killed, they just want it to go, until a contender just can't get up. To the point where there is no skill left, it is just about raw stamina. Chris thinks that even gloves are ridiculous, whatever happened to bare knuckle.

The guys go over the trek in getting the gravy donuts. And for once, the counter person actually understand what empty jelly donut shells are. Chris had been expecting a call from the manager for 8 days. He finally gets a call back from him today, an hour before Chris and Brad have planned to go to the store. The manager continually insists that they can only make these donuts at 4:30.

Oh no, they are preparing their gravy shots as a toast before the competition. Dan and I are absolutely disgusted. That was so incredibly gross.

Ok, well three of the four contestants are here. Eli has yet to show. He said yes, but didn't call me back yesterday. So, I guess it is only three.

Holy crap. That was one of the most revolting things I have ever seen. I was in the studio videotaping the atrocity, and I can't possible explain the smell. So, here is the rundown.
The contestants are Sean, Eric, and Joe. There is a little controversy, as Eric is a vegetarian, and claims that he didn't know exactly what was involved. But, he takes one for the team.

Joe goes first and shoves down 3 1/2. At this point, I am already incredibly nauseus. Gravy is squirting everywhere.

Sean goes second. He somehow is able to get down 4. Even more gravy squirts during Sean's turn. I mean, this stuff gets everywhere. Ugh, that is so gross.

Then, it is Eric's turn. Eric attempts to eat 3 donuts, but is unable to even swallow one. So yes, that means he was spitting out chunks of donuts and gravy. After all of this, there is absolutely no chance that I am eating one.

So, congratulations to Sean, you have floor seats to Guns N Roses. I hope for your sake, that Axl shows up. Eric and Joe are given Playboy dvds and prize packs for their efforts.

8pm: My God, is it only 8. The guys start off eating gravy donuts themselves. They try and convince Dan and I to partake, but there is no way in hell that either of us are doing that.

And now, time for the Worst Christmas Song Ever. We are concerned that at the end of this, noone even has a shot to take out Fred. So, we may have to make a medley of several bad songs, into something horrifying. But tonight, another night of our regular contenders. The guys ask the listeners to search for the anything, that has a shot to beat Fred McKinnon's "Oh, Holy Night."

The winner from last night, Pat Godwin's "Santa, Welcome to the Modern World." This is the really bad song, with far too many political messages.

Contender #1: Lon Chaney and "Monster Holiday." It is a Christmas song to the tune of "Monster Mash." That is pretty terrible and cheesy.

Contender #2: The Loungoleers and "The Bell That Wouldn't Jingle." Wow, that is some production value. That's a little different.

But, either way, meh. We don't even really get votes. I am fervently doing research, to bring some magic back into this competition. I think I may have found some contenders.

If you haven't heard of him, Barack Obama is a black senator from Illinois. He has been teasing that he is going to run for President. Sadly, a lot of people think that this country is not ready for this. This is probably the case. Today, CNN did a story about his name. Now, I think his name certainly works against him, but I think this may be ridiculous.

His full name is Barack Hussein Obama. That is a rough name to have in this country. There are saying that Obama is too close to Osama. Then, Hussein obviously is going to relate him to Saddam. I love this country, but this really frustrates me. This piece is totally misleading and poorly done.

Unfortunately, I don't think that Obama has a shot. At this point, it seems to me, that no black Democrat has even a chance at all. I think that is tragic, but certainly true.

9pm: There have been new rules enacted in determining gas mileage. These figures are now going to be based on real conditions, instead of faked scenarios. This includes open roads and clear weather.

A new list has come out, as they always do at the end of the year. The 40 Best Celebrity Rumors Ever. Usually, all of us would be skeptical, but this one is actually pretty funny and interesting. Here are the ones that stand out:

38: Milton Berle had a huge wang. Supposedly, it was just enormous. I think the guys are a little disturbed by this one. Well, there goes the whole proportion argument.

37: Stevie Nicks had a roadie blow coke up her bum. Ewww.

33: Napoleon Bonaparte's penis has been preserved as a collector's item. Who the hell wants to see that?

30: Keanu Reeves married David Geffen. I have never, ever heard that.

This list gets pretty damn raunchy, and includes some acts that I can't really talk about.

21: Mama Cass died from choking on the ham sandwich. I've always heard that this one wasn't true.

19: James Dean got off by people extinguishing cigarettes on his chest and arms. I have never heard that one.

13: Hitler only had half a sac. That explains some things.

10: Catherine the Great died while having sex with a horse. I remember learning this in my high school European history class. My teacher told us all about that story, looking back, maybe that wasn't appropriate.

6: The many stars including Rod Stewart and Lil Kim having gallons of semen pumped out of their stomachs. I've heard this about a ton of celebrities. Obviously bull, but definitely interesting.

3: Nancy Reagan, the BJ queen. Apparently, before Ronnie, she was quite the oral performer. That is a pretty disturbing image.

1: All I have to say is this, you've all heard it: Richard Gere and the gerbil. I don't think anymore needs to be said about that one. The guys to point out, that he has done pretty well, regardless.

Nate from Oakland calls in. Despite what Chris says, I don't hate Nate. I just thought that his call was sub-par. Thus, mediocre, shouldn't he have gone in the Pit? Chris thinks no, Brad is too far down in his gravy donut crash to care. He is in rough shape.

The guys tell a story about a rival of theirs on their old station. They had a big wing-eating competition. The penalty for the loser: having a listener give him a gravy enema on the air. That is the most disgusting thing in the world.

Church from Richmond calls in to tell the guys that they should patent the gravy donuts. He then mentions Chicken and Waffles. This gets Chris all sorts of excited about this prospect. He has never had it. Mott from Oakland lets us know they have a place in Jack London Square, where this can happen.

So, here it is, best late night eats. What is your favorite thing to get at 3am when you are tripped out? There was a place in my college town. It was one of those places that does Chinese and American food. It had mozzarella sticks and kung pao chicken that was a little too cheap. This place was closed down for health violations about a million times, but coming back from the bars, it was absolutely perfect.

But here are some listener suggestions for when you are totally blazed:

- Nation's Cheeseburgers in Daly City
- Mini Gourmet in San Jose
- Grub Steak in SF
- El Garinz in San Jose
- Kings in SF
- Bravo Pizza in SF
- Orojos in San Bruno
- La Victoria in San Jose
- Mr. Pizzaman delivery, but only when you're drunk
- The dining room at Lucky Chances in Westlake
- The Cardinal in San Jose

Bill in Pleasanton really comes through for us. Chris had mentioned a fantastic deli in Daly City, but could not remember the name. After a few minutes, Bill lets us know. It is Original Joe's. Ok, I'm going there this weekend. They have the thing of pickles on the table. Oh man, I have been looking for that in this city for a year.

Man, I'm hungry now, but still not hungry enough for a gravy donut. I really just want some pickles.

This discussion leads the guys to talk about why they quit smoking pot. Chris says it was that he would barely be high and couldn't stop eating. Brad's is the memory loss. He got tired of walking into the same room 4 times, never remembering why. They wonder, what is the worst thing to do while hitting the bong? Chris' is putting together a stereo equipment.

Miller in SF calls to tell us to go to the Jack in the Box on Geary. He says that it is only outdoor seating, and the homeless men there will do tricks for food. Don't you wonder if he is exaggerating?

Well, I am now ready to get some damn food. So, have a good night, I'm off to grab a snack.