Wednesday, February 28th

Hey everyone. We have Harland Williams tickets for you today from Cobb's Comedy Club. We will also have them the rest of the week. I apologize now if I am distracted during the first hour, as Maryland is playing the evil Duke Blue Devils tonight. F*** Duke!!!!

7pm: The guys talk about their pre-show Starbucks trip tonight. One guy even did backflips for them today. Damn, the one day I did not go with them. One of the guys behind them in line, after this says, "Well, after that I'm getting a latte." What does that even mean? But, as this guy seemed to be gay, Chris and Brad wonder if they are ok with being thought gay by association?

Part of the reason they are bringing this up is a story out of Santa Rosa. A Mormon student got in trouble for saying the word "gay" in defending the teasing she received from her religion. She claims that she did meant it in its current slang usage, as opposed to referring to someone's religion.

Chris and Brad think that they should be able to use "gay" in that way, because they do not mean it offensively. Furthermore, they disagree with zero tolerance policies in general. However, they are not sure about their position, and want to know what others think about it. Mick in SF says that he works with several gay people, who use this term more than he does.

Jesse in SF points out that it is not much different than saying you "jewed" someone down. That would never be considered acceptable, but comes from the same roots. To say something is "gay," and have that be a negative term, is offensive to the gay community.

Other listeners tend to fall more on the side of thinking that it is ok. They claim that it is part of the language and that therefore it is not offensive. Furthermore, they claim that language evolves, and that the word "gay" is just an example of that.

Personally, I have used the term and try not to anymore. It is difficult not to as it has become so common. However, it is obvious why gay people would be offended by this usage. The problem is that if you use the term that refers to a group of people in a negative light, that associates that group with the negativity.

Jason emails in as a gay man. He says that he is not offended by that word in particular. It would be much more offensive to him if they called him "fag" or "queer."

Ed in SF has had a similar situation at work. He says that he has not called since Thanksgiving, because it took him that long to crawl out of the Pit. He referred to a team of employees as the "gay team" because they were happy. Then he said, "well, what do you expect in San Francisco?" A few days later there was a complaint from a lesbian in the office as an attack on her lifestyle. Ed tries to defend his actions, saying that he had meant it as "happy." Ed is full of crap by saying that that was his intent.

8pm: Peter in Oakland is a teacher who does not agree with the current usage of "gay." He thinks it is no different than referring to any other group in that way. He says there would be no way that using "Irish" in that way, would be acceptable. I completely agree with Peter. Like me, he admits that he has used it, but he says that he tries to discourage this behavior with his middle school students.

Andrew in Woodacre also feels that it is a pejorative. He teaches his children not to use it because someone may be offended.

When asked by Grant in Santa Rosa, Dan says that he thinks it is a negative, hurtful term. When you use the term "gay" as a negative, you are calling gay people something negative. He compares it to if we were using any other ethnic term in the same manner.

The callers keep going back and forth. Overall, most of them think that the reactions to the word are overblown. A lot of them think that this is a reflection of the political correctness rampant in our society.

By the way, Maryland has officially swept the Dukies for the second time in three years. HAH!!! That is fantastic. M-A-R-Y-L-A-N-D, Maryland will win!!!!

I was sent a picture of Jenna Jameson from the Oscars and she just looks awful. Thanks to TheSuperficial.com for this. The title of the page is "Jenna Jameson looks like beef jerky." He skin does look incredibly chewy and burnt. Do you think that Macho Man Randy Savage will snap into Jenna in an upcoming film?

John in Fairfax calls in for tickets to Harland Williams. After seeing how high he is, we decide that we have to play Mental Speedbump with him. We take bets and I think that John will not even understand the rules, and will mess up right off the gate. To all of our surprise, John lasts significantly longer than we expected when given the topic of explaining how to marinate a baby.

9pm: Before we get back to the tickets, we have to rail on Boston's utter paranoia once again. The

Chris says the number one movie not to watch high is "The Shining." This makes sense because it is absolutely terrifying when you are sober. They talk about "Seven" and that just sounds like a terrible idea to watch that high.

Other Movies:

- The Labyrinth

- Willy Wonka

- Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

- Any Cheech and Chong movie

- Pulp Fiction

The guys also add to this, what movie should you not watch high:

- Requiem for a Dream (so messed up)

- Passion of the Christ

10pm: We continue with the movies you watched when you are stoned.

Good Movies for Blazing:

- Monkeybone (Booo... Brendan Fraser sucks)

- Fantasia
- Snakes On a Plane
- Tron

- Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle

- Borat

- Wizard of Oz

- Sin City

- The Wall (although that could also be a movie that is just too much)

- Final Destination

- Dude, Where's My Car?

- Jacob's Ladder (really??)

- A Clockwork Orange (Seriously, what the hell is wrong with people?)

Bad Movies That Will Trip You Out:

- Naked Lunch

- Bad Liutenant

- Trainspotting (mentioned on both sides)

During this topic, we play a

NORML fake advertisement if pot was advertised like prescription medicines. We all think that it is ok, but maybe should not have been the Grand Prize winner of their contest.

Brad checks out a chat room for weed smokers. I point out that the reason they have to go to these rooms is because they have bored all their friends, by only talking about pot. Enough man. There has to be something else you can speak about. This brings us to the stoner who has to have the cannibis leaf on everything he owns.

To end the show we argue again The Big Lebowski. They are just so wrong about it. But, with that, have a good night and I apologize to my mother.

Tuesday, February 27th

Hey everyone, hope you did not have to spend too much time outside today, it is soooo damn cold.

7pm: We're going to speak to Craig Newmark from Craigslist once again tonight. Craig was on The Daily Show last night, as there has been interest by the Pentagon to speak with him. The reason has nothing to do with Casual Encounters, but with Al-Qaeda. It is some theory based on the decentralization of power and information. We are also waiting for a call back from the manager of Showgirls, to ask them about the landslide that happened around 3 am last night.

Peter in Corte Madera calls to say that it makes him uncomfortable that we use "uncomfortability" as opposed to "discomfort." Brad defends this with the fact that as a wordsmith, he likes to change words. Peter equates using "uncomfortability" to using ebonics, and says that Brad is not a wordsmith at all. Is Peter one of those people that corrects you when you say "can I" instead of "may I?" Because I really, really hate that.

T's friend went to a new gynecologist, and it is a German man. Of course, the trip to the gynecologist is never fun, but this story is particularly horrifying. She is already nervous and uncomfortable, when during the cervical exam, he announces, "now I will snip off a piece of your vagina." Oh my God!!!! That is just awful.

Ok, so it is now time to speak to Craig Newmark again. First, Chris plays a snippet of his appearance with The Starfish and the Spider: The Unstoppable Power of Leaderless Organizations." The idea is that an organization without centralized leadership is incredibly difficult to disband.

He also tells us that "The Daily Show" and "The Colbert Report" are two of his favorite shows. Unlike us, he thinks that "The Colbert Report" did not have a lag, but has been consistently good.

Brad asks Craig if he has any robots with artificial intelligence working on the site. Craig responds lightheartedly, saying that if the robots rise up, they plan on sending Governor Arnold in to blow them away.

Wow, Craig was a lot livelier today than last time we spoke to them. He even cracked a couple of jokes. The guys say that uncomfortability factor has dropped from a three to a two.

Dateline's "To Catch a Predator" has been everywhere for the last year or so. Chris wonders who is stupid enough to not only go to the house, but then to speak to the news reporter and admit what they have done? He really wants to know what the deal is and how do they convince these people to do so? Oddly, someone on YouTube has added a sitcom laugh and applause track to clips of the show. That's creepy.

8pm: Dan, the Zombie Hunter, mentions that there is a new zombie movie coming out. In the movie, the female zombie is using a dating service to lure men into her brain-hungry arms. Then they ask how scary it would be if there were zombie bears?

Going back to "To Catch a Predator," Duffy in SF says that they do not know they are being filmed until Chris Hansen tells them. In looking on the Dateline website, Hansen says in the blog that "it would be more customary to obtain release, but Dateline is a news program not an entertainment program. It really depends on the circumstances. In some sensitive situations involving minors, for example, we have the parents sign release forms."

So, this does not explain why the suspects sit and talk, but does explain the release issue. Also, it mentions on the website that a lot of the alleged predators do try and flee, instead of sticking around and speaking.

Chris thinks that Brad, who has never watched the show, should do so while sharpening his knives. Yeah, I can only imagine how worked up Brad would get watching the show.

Chris had wondered a while ago what happened to the limited edition dark chocolate Snickers. Dan sent an email to Snickers to find out. They basically respond that they are around, but that as they are limited edition, too damn bad. They do in their signature say that they are our "friends." I don't know if the Mars people are our friends, that seems like a stretch.

A caller mentioned "Reno 911" and I had to point out that the cast came from the old MTV show, "The State." Chris wonders that with my vast knowledge of television, how my appendages possibly work. Brad also makes fun of me for talking about "The Gummi Bears" show on Disney when I was a kid. But they are bouncing here and there and everywhere, how does he not know of their magic?

Ok, so now it is back to the uncomfortability factor. Brad was mentioning someone who has a facial tic. Dave in Campbell points out that he is most likely referring to tourette's syndrome. Of course, the guys got completely side tracked and moved away from it. Mainly the side track revolves around the In-N-Out Burger secret menu.

9pm: So, as we want to do the uncomfortability segment in the first half of the show, we are going to now do it tomorrow. Once again, the guys have talked up a topic for an hour and a half, only to not get to it.

The guys were talking about moving earlier, as Chris saw people trying to move in Pacifica today. The weather was horrendous and the only tool they had was a wheelbarrow. He claims they made every moving mistake possible. He says now that you could definitively tell who was moving and who was the friend suckered into helping. After a while, you will always stop caring and damage something. But, when asked, you have to say yes. I really love being a girl, because no one ever asks me to help.

The guys point out the real hell of moving. You have finally loaded everything into the apartment. You are expecting a meal or beer or something, but all the movee wants is for you to go away so they can unpack. Although you know you deserve something, you have to accept it and go away.

Mike in Morgan Hill tells us about a time he had to help his blind friend move. They had a little help from the parents, one who is obese, the other with a bum knee. When they get to the new house, they realize it is an old Victorian with those nasty, narrow stairs. The worst part is that the blind friend insists on helping them up the stairs. Then some more buddies show up to help, also blind.

Mike in San Jose tries to set the tone with other friend obligations. This one revolves around weddings, and being groomsmen. Particularly, being picked as the best man without really wanting the responsibility. The guys start talking about this, and Chris says that if he asked Brad to be his best man, Brad would have to say yes or they would not be friends anymore. They also point out that you are setting your friend up for a huge obligation that he may not be aware of.

Nick in SF had mentioned that In-N-Out's secret menu is online. Brad looks it up and is excited to read over all the items.

Going back to moving, the guys talk about the battle over the rest period. Chris says if you are the friend, you are worn out, and you are going to stop for a little bit. Your moving friend has to keep going and can't really say anything. Brad points out that in the midst of your gratitude, you feel spite.

Furthering the obligation conversation, Chris wonders what you do when you realize that your friend is turning into an alcoholic. What obligation do you have to do something about it? Brad says the only thing he does, is to knock him out when he is getting into a fight with a bunch of guys.

Pete in Castro Valley brings up the porn buddy. If something happens to you, this is the person responsible for getting rid of your porn before your girlfriend or mother finds it. Brad, the porn sensei, points out that even your best friend is going to take some of even the most personal porn home with him.

Edward in San Rafael brings up a really tough friend obligation. He says that you have to tell your friend if he is marrying the wrong woman. Although it may really mess up your friendship, it is the only thing you can do as a friend. That is a really difficult situation. Brad thinks unless there is some secret, that it is not your place to say so.

Big Paul in Sunnyvale says that you have friends that are so good, that you don't even question your obligation. He says that he has a best friend that would do anything for him and it is vice versa. He would certainly tell him if he disagreed with his choice of wife.

10pm: Richard in Oakland has a big friend obligation on his plate. His friend has some reproductive problems and has asked him to have sex with his wife in order to impregnate her. We are confused, thinking that there must be a way to do this without them actually having sex. It would be almost impossible for the friendship to survive this. There are so many possibilities for something strange going on in this situation.

Jeremy in Oakland strongly disliked the woman his best friend was marrying. He had been asked to be the best man, but was able to get out of it by being out of town on business. He says that he told his friend everyday not to marry this woman. Now, four years later, they finally have gotten a divorce. Everyone else was also telling him not to make this committment, although she was pregnant. Fortunately, they have a strong enough friendship where they have survived.

Chad in Fairfield calls about jumping on the grenade. Specifically, he is speaking about the girl's friend that you would never normally go after. This woman tends often to be angry and awful to deal with. While your friend is romancing the girl he likes, you are spent deflecting the cruelty all night long.

Dan asks whatever happened to the YouTube Chad Vader series. These are the videos where Darth Vader's younger brother is the pathetic day shift manager at the grocery store.

Brad mentions that picking your buddy up from jail is a definite friend obligation. No matter what time it is, you have to pick them up if you are a good friend.

Brad found a video online about Star Trek from a band called Warp 11. In their video, they have shown us how cool they are by cutting off the sleeves of the Star Trek shirts. This band is just the tooliest of the tools. Well, that just absolutely sucked. If you want to hear some crappy geek music, go check out that video.

Reading a story that is right down my alley, two clowns were shot recently in Colombia. Apparently, the gunman just burst into the circus and gunned them down. Am I a terrible person because I do not mourn the death of clowns?

We go back to the conversation about gynecologists and this time add proctologists. The guys point out that women will say "my gynecologist" whereas men always say "the proctologist." The reason is that women take care in picking their doctor. Men just want to get it over with.

Jenna clarifies Brad's "snipping the vagina" story. She works for Planned Parenthood and says that he was talking about the cervical swab. The closest to snipped would maybe be a scrape. Louise in Berkeley says that years and years ago she was snipped at the gynecologist. She said that she screamed and then the doctor yelled at her for reacting that way. That is just awful. I am really happy I have a good doctor.

And with that, it is time to go. I apologize to my mother and have a good night.

Monday, February 26th

Hey everyone. How you are doing well and that you had a good weekend. I made the mistake of watching the Oscars and all of its boredom. But, my Terps did beat UNC this weekend, thereby eliminating any talk of the bubble. Way to go Gary. I love you. Congrats also to Dan's Michigan State Spartans for practically ensuring their entry by beating Indiana.

7pm: So, to start off, the guys got a letter from Anthony in SF who hates me. Apparently, I did not put him through, so he decided to write a letter about how much I suck. That's cool, Anthony.

Chris was watching "The Soup" on E! and they showed a clip of a reality show, where the man made his own toothpaste out of butter. Butter??? Sherman in SF says that the show was "Wife Swap" and the guy was one of those people who eats only raw food. Linda in Alameda lets us know that the other ingredient was clay, yes clay. Mmm... I bet his breath is minty fresh.

We play a clip of P. Diddy wasted talking about Proactiv. He is going off about how he was using Proactiv way before Jessica Simpson and Lindsey Lohan. He is hammered. HAH!

The guys get emails from two listeners who have my back. Thanks guys!!! Dave in Fairfield says that all Erica supporters should end their call saying "weep, weep, weep." Nice. If you have not heard this, it is in reference to the guinea pig impression that I do from time to time. Brad thinks it is going to really take off. Chris points out that because Brad is cursed to never have a show t-shirt, I will probably have one for the guinea pig first.

Chris is a big fan of "Dirty Jobs" and host, Mike Rowe. I hate Mike Rowe. I don't know why, I just don't like him. They ask which show has fallen worse to running out of ideas: "Dirty Jobs" or "Mythbusters." Both definitely seem like they have run their course. Both shows are constantly asking viewers for ideas.

Kevin in Newark thinks that "America's Funniest Home Videos" is much worse than either of the Discovery Channel shows. I just cannot believe that this show is still on. Chris wonders which shows older video clips, "AFHV" or "Cops?" Hmm. That's an interesting question.

VW has announced a recall that affects me and many other people. It is for most of their smaller models that are having problems with their brake lights. I have not noticed anything with mine, but am excited to get my first recall.

8pm: We got an email from listener, Andrew, who saw "Ghostrider." As all of the reviews have said, the movie completely sucked. Oh no, he informs us that the screenplay was written by Nic Cage, as well. He is also a little upset, as we dissed both "The White Rapper Show" and Styx. Well Andrew, I hope we were able to rid you of your bad taste ways.

Chris almost passed out from hunger today. He claims to be pretty damn good with chopsticks. He can pick up just about anything with the Asian eating utensils. Chris packed some food with him for his trip back up from Fresno. He had been putting off leaving for hours, so finally has to jump in the car and book. Of course, the rain was completely brutal, so he has no time to stop for food.

So, he decides to eat what he brought with him, and has two bananas. This works for about two minutes. Otherwise, he has two containers of yogurt, ten avocados, bbq chicken and garlic mashed potatoes. As he cannot find the knife he always has with him, the only utensil he has is pair of chopsticks. So, then he decides to drink the yogurt, but was unable to get that to work. Then he tries to eat the rock-hard avocados, also completely unsuccessful. Next, it is time to get to the chicken. Of course, all he has is thighs, that he is stabbing with a chopstick. Finally, it is the mashed potatoes in the Ziplock bag, but was screwed by the bag. Of course, the potatoes ended up on his center console, as opposed to his mouth. Poor Chris.

So, as the only one who watched the Oscars, I give a little rundown. Basically, it was really boring. I put forth the idea that they should limit the people who can give speeches. Only the major awards should get to make speeches. We go through the list, and trim the time of the ceremony in half.

After talking about the Oscars, Brad gave me a huge backhanded compliment. He said that I did a great job talking about the Oscars, and then admitted that he and Chris doubt my on-air storytelling ability. Wow, I think I just got punched in the stomach. Then they call me "hallway funny," which to them is a huge slam. They say this is all for learning, but I cannot help but be slightly hurt. The worst part is that I have used some of my best material on them. Damn.

9pm: A 107 year old man in Hong Kong has said that the key to his longevity is abstinence. The question is, why are they talking about sex with a man that old. Even if celibacy was not his choice, would he really be having a lot of sex anyway.

So, now we will be talking about the index of uncomfortability. We spoke a little bit last hour of watching profane movies with your parents. I made the mistake of watching "Closer" with mine, and it was horrifyingly awful.

Brad mentions that his mom said "buku bucks," and that he could not handle that. Chris points out that when an older mom uses slang, you know she is going to use that often. His mom says, "Oh my stars and garters." They rate these at a 2 and 3 respectively.

Getting caught high. Chris' example is running into your mom's best friend when you are blazed. If you are with someone you can admit it to, it is not so bad. Midas in San Rafael was smoking weed with his friends, when his dad came home and asked him to help with carpentry. The guys hung up on him, calling bullsh***.

Oh crap. Maynard in Oakland was at Christmas with his family and his girlfriend. They were opening presents when he got one from his mom, an economy package of condoms. For Maynard that is about an 8 or 9, for the girlfriend, about a 9 or 10.

Wow, it is hailing out on Broadway right now. I wonder how many accidents are happening in the city, especially on those big hills.

Mike in Los Gatos has a terrible story. When he was about 13, at his mom's birthday, with a bunch of his friends there, her friend decided to get a stripper. So, his mom was pretty open with sex, was drunk, and thought it would be funny to unzip his zipper with her teeth. She got a blood blister on her lip for about a week, after getting it caught in the stripper's pants. Yeah, that's about a ten.

Matt in Los Gatos was in Tijuana with a bunch of friends. Six of them were sharing a hotel room, meaning three to a bed. After waiting till everyone fell asleep, he and the girl started hooking up. A little while later, they realized that the other guy in the bed was, uh, thoroughly enjoying the festivities. They rate that at about a 8 or 9.

You have to go to a party, and you don't know just about anyone there. This was the situation for the guys at the Christmas party, because they were pretty new. This is not so bad, because it was a big place. Chris changes this to a party where it is in a small apartment, and everyone knows each other, but you. That goes to a 4 or 5.

Tracy in Oakland took some naked pictures of herself when she was in high school. She put them in a book, that she later gave to her cousin. She realizes what she has done, and gets the dreadful call from her cousin, who wants to meet her at the library. Of course, her older cousin decided to lecture her on the risks of having pictures like these.

Chris has had his own naked picture moments. He and his girlfriend took about four rolls of film and had them developed at the pharmacy. Of course, he was really nervous about picking them up from the store. The developers blacked out every picture that they deemed over the line, leaving about five pictures of his own ass. Also, they included little orange cards, explaining to him what he had done wrong.

10pm: We continue with the uncomfortability conversation. I just had a moment on the phone. The caller did not want to go on the air, just to talk to me. In an incredibly creepy voice, he asked me, "Have you had any uncomfortable moments?"

Rory emails to tell us about when he and his girlfriend walked into his parents' living room. To their utter horror, they find his middle-aged father completely nude, masturbating. Oh my. That gets a ten, and drops everything else down two points.

Jason emails that the conversation when you tell your parents you are gay, is about a 100 on the scale. The disappointment and shock is just overwhelming. The guys wonder how to compare something as serious is this, to something as ridiculous as what happened to Rory.

Mike in Redwood City has one of those cool moms who wants to talk about sex. She bought him condoms and then wanted to have one of those awful follow-up conversations. Mike was so incredibly hyped up after holding for forty minutes. He goes off, but it is absolutely hilarious.

Mark in Fairfield threw a bachelor party for his brother at his mother's house. He slipped her a fifty trying to get laid, and his brother totally bogarts the girl. While his brother is doing his thing, their mother walks in, and completely catches them. The worst part, is that the father-in-law was right there. The wedding still occured and everyone was pointing fingers at him for encouraging this behavior.

Sean in Tracy also held for about forty minutes. What's up with that tonight? Sean did not know that his dad smoked weed, because he hid it really well. Sean's dad was walking down the street smoking some herb and his friends pulled up next to him. They told Sean that he just reeked of pot. This happened years ago and recently his brother found his stash.

Richard in Fremont brings up when you are under sixteen and you walk in on your parents. All you want to do is pretend it never happened, but they make you sit there so you can understand what you saw. Ben in Novato adds if they then fail to cover themselves during said conversation.

Chris brings up when you are at a party and someone drops a racial bomb, and everything just stops. If you are the person who brought the racist, then everyone is staring at you for guilt by association.

Rich in Fillmore has a story where his dad walked in on him and his girlfriend. The worst part, his dad said, "I won't say anything, if I can go next." Ahhhhhh!!!! Rich says he was joking, but that is awful.

Brad tells a story about his brother, Chris. He was staying at their parents' house, brought his girlfriend, and they were having sex. He heard something in the house, walked down the hall, only to meet his parents coming back from the trip. The thing is, he was only wearing a blue condom. As he was only sixteen, his father then barged into the room to bust things up completely. I just feel bad for the girl.

Bob in San Mateo tells us he had a wet dream on an airplane. He had a coworker on one side and his boss right near him. He woke up very confused, not really understanding what happened. He said it was about 100, he is clearly still traumatized. Brad does give him that he has entered the mile high club on a solo mission.

Gabe in Berkeley got a little manual action from his girlfriend. She had never met his father, and he walked in right afterwards. She makes the horrific mistake of shaking his hand. I don't know if that is true, but if it is true, that's just awful.

The guys start talking about when you are with a couple and they get into a nasty, screaming fight. They are embarrassing you and it is just so completely uncomfortable.

Eric in Napa brought a drunk girl home from the bar. She ended up just passing out so he never got any. They were sleeping in the bed, when he wakes up to find out that she had wet the bed. He then had to explain to her what she did, and she had a traumatic walk of shame.

Finally, George in Oakland was staying at his grandparent's house when he happened to peek in the bedroom. Lets just say that he saw them doing something really dirty and graphic. George remembers it all too well.

So, with that, have a good night and I apologize to my mother.

Friday, February 23rd

Hey everyone. Erica here yet again. Hope you enjoyed Chris and Brad this afternoon in their extra show today. I was not there, but heard it went well.

7pm: Chris had one of those experiences on the Embarcadero today that we all have had. There was a bike next to him, that he could not get away from. He kept passing him, until he realized that he was not really going any faster than this person. It annoyed him to the point, where part of him wanted to just jerk the wheel just a bit.

Chris went to a Chinese buffet in South San Francisco today. Brad had decided not to go with him, in order to take a nap. Chris points out that he saw a pile of green beans on one of the table, with workers snipping the ends. They are never wearing gloves and doing their own thing. One girl was even eating a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken. Brad says you will never be surprised with what else they are doing while cleaning the beans.

Brad had mentioned that he hopes to live until 86. John in Moraga says that Brad has a better shot at kicking down a door, than living till 86. That's not very nice at all, John. Then he mocks Brad's ability of kicking down a door, he even says he'll put down $100 on it. Chris says he has about 56 for Brad on the death clock, John says early 60's.

Brenda in Patterson calls to talk about the Stockton dj's who tricked their listeners into thinking that Michael Jackson had died. It was part of a bad text messaging joke, whatever that means. The strangest thing is that a lot of listeners were very upset by their actions. One listener threatened to call the FCC, as if they would get right through.

Ok, so Dave Attell is with us tonight. A year ago today, he was on with a former host at the station. He remembers it as a bright, clear morning. He said he could tell right away that there was something wrong, being that she did not really say much beforehand. Being that he sympathized with her problem, he tried to help her out, even fielding calls. He also thought for a while, that people were punking him, but soon realized that was not the case.

So, moving on from that, Brad tells Dave that he and his wife use the drunken time travel bit. In the end of it, you play the knife game with the transsexual. Brad always wants to know what game that actually is.

When asked about the Joe Rogan/Carlos Mencia drama, he says he knows both of them. He tells us that Joe really loves comedy and is not just doing this for the press. Dave also says that a lot of times, people just come up with the same jokes. Some people do steal jokes; however, and he is glad that Joe is bringing the issue to the forefront.

Dave says that it was his decision to stop doing "Insomniac." It was too hard to keep doing it in the States, because people act too differently. He tells us that he loves Sarah Silverman's new show and that he is glad a funny woman is on there. Chris asks if it is too weird to be successful mainstream, to which Dave says that is what is so great about Comedy Central.

Dave only had a little bit of time for us tonight. Chris is a little confused, thinking that Dave seemed pretty chilly. Brad says that he was just probably just in his head, being that he was about to go onstage.

We play the news report audio from CBS 13 in Sacramento of the Stockton radio djs. Oh man, they are full of little jokes, like the KWIN djs "did start something" while playing "Wanna Be Startin' Somethin." The audio of these angry people is ridiculous.

To end the hour, the guys read the most disgusting Craigslist ad. It is for a house in Berkeley asking for a roommate who is lactating. They believe the human breast milk is nutritional. That is absolutely disgusting. They are offering free rent for her "services."

So, over break I realized a pattern with the show. Dave Attell seemed pretty surly in the interview. This makes me believe that perhaps the show is cursed when it comes to comedians. So, we go over the comics we have had on the show. Jim Norton was great, but Marcus pissed him off right before he went on the air. Then, we had Robert Schimmel, also good, but you could barely hear him because of bad cell phone reception. Finally, the guys are friends with Carlos Mencia; however, he is in some trouble because of his fight with Joe Rogan. Hmmm... just throwing that idea out there.

This brings us back to superstitions. Brad tells us that when you cross a railroad, you have to touch a screw to avoid pregnancy. Also, if a woman gets her period in a church, her next baby will be stillborn.

Jay in Oakland says that you have to touch the clock, when all the numbers are the same. Freddy in San Jose says that holding an American flag upside-down, will cause your house to burn down.

Somehow, Chris mentioned the phantom brake pedal. I have to ask what the deal is with parent's doing that when you are learning to drive. My mother did that all the time when I was younger and it drove me insane. The guys say it is because I am girl, but Dan says his mother did the same thing. Ben in Novato says that it is biological. His parents did it to him, and he and his wife did it to his daughter. Ahh, we must break this annoying cycle.

Well, back to superstitions, people keep calling about "Bloody Mary." Enough is enough, I'm going to put this to bed right now. This is absolutely ridiculous. So, I volunteer to do it right now. Caller Robert offers an explanation for why it happens, but I block out my audio so I can't hear.

Jeff in San Mateo holds his breath when he goes through tunnels. But, his problem is that he drives for a living and has to go through some nasty tunnels. What if you get caught in tunnel traffic?

9pm: The guys decide to impart some advice onto the young female listeners. You meet that really cool girl, but then you find out she's a little bit witchy. Not mean, but believes in all of the wicca stuff. Chris' girlfriend Ace is like that. He found out when he moved into a house and she wanted to cleanse the home.

Ok, so now it is time for the signs of the Apocalypse. Chris thought it was a sign when they changed the color of ketchup for kids. Especially, because all kids love ketchup already. For Brad, it has been the recent story that chimpanzees are using spears to kill African bushbabies. Yeah, that is pretty terrifying.

Apparently, according to Brad, scientists in Japan have given a six-legged robot a slime mold brain, so that it will hide in the dark. That just does not sound good at all.

Dan, the dreamcatcher that he is, does not believe in the Apocalypse. He thinks it is just a bunch of hooey.

Stem cells are being used to give women bigger breasts, and give us the ability to produce sperm. That's a little weird. I mean I guess it's good for lesbian couples, because the child would have both genetics.

Brad brings out that McDonald's may actually be serving breakfast all day. This has not been cemented, but the franchises are adding equipment that would lead one to believe so. But, this is such a huge change, that perhaps it is a sign.

Aidan in Newark believes that if another Rocky movie comes out, the world will officially end. Ben in Novato thinks that we hear too many signs, to heed any of them. He points out that we just rattled off six and are still asking for more.

John in Pacifica says that barcoding people is the next sign. He thinks it is right around the corner. Brad reads a story leading us that much closer to the chip being into the brain. Holy crap.

Aaron in Newark thinks it is when all the newly-hatched turtles make it to the ocean, without being snatched up by birds. It is so weak, that I as predicted, Aaron enters the Pit of Mediocrity.

We finish up the signs of the Apocalypse talking about the colossal squid recently caught in New Zealand that is almost 1,000 lbs.

Well, with that, it is time for the Friday Night Replay. I apologize to my mother, have a good night.

Thursday, February 22nd

Hey everyone. I have had an enormous amount of coffee today, so if I am extra bizarre, don't be surprised. Mmmm... coffee. Is it bad that I can't stop shaking? By the way, The Gray will be on for two time slots tomorrow. They will cover The Radio Chick slot from 1pm-3pm and do their regular night shift.

7pm: We start off talking about Britney Spears and her new similarity to FreeFm's overgrown infant, Jim Norton. I have to out Program Coordinator, Cory, because he has admitted that new Britney looks kinda hot. Uh... that's a little weird, Cory.

Chris tends to be a little more "green" than Brad. He sees a bumper sticker for carpooling and mass transit. Their slogan was "4 wheels is better than 400." But, the thing is Muni busses have six wheels. Hmmm. Maybe they should have looked into that.

Chris tells us about the time he took a five day bus trip. He said that it was absolutely horrendous. You hit a point where you are willing to rest your head on the old man's lap next to you, just because it's a little softer.

Sam in Alameda believes that it is time for Britney to be tossed into the Pit of Mediocrity. Instead, because of their utter cruelty, the guys throw Sam into the Pit. He was not expecting that ironic twist of events.

Ok, so now it is time for the sword porn story. James Van Iveren barged into his upstairs neighbor's home with a calvary sword because he thought he heard a woman being raped. The thing is, the neighbor was watching the porn "Casa de Culo." Van Iveren forced his neighbor to show him each room, before he would leave. That is so crazy.

Van Iveren is facing 33 months in jail. I do not think that is really fair. He was trying to do a good thing and was carried away. Brad and Chris both think that he was being stupid, but that his heart was in the right place.

Brad claims that he would kick a door down if presented with this situation. Chris claims that there is no way Brad would be able to accomplish this without falling. Brad even attempts to demonstrate how he would do so, only to incite more mockery.

Jay in Richmond has a personal take on this story. He spent five years in prison for assaulting a man who raped his 14 year old cousin. He does not regret his actions for even a minute. Jay was particularly angry because the college students next door did nothing. That is pretty crazy.

8pm: Lee in Petaluma has had his door kicked down. He was at his parents home when the neighbor came to their house armed with a rifle. The neighbor was convinced that they had stolen his poodle. He marches them around the house and Lee accosts him to take away the gun. After doing so, the neighbor ran out claiming they were trying to kill him. Soon after, their door was kicked in by the S.W.A.T. team pointing all their crazy weapons at them. Wow, that is crazy.
Brock in Santa Rosa says that if Van Iveren had handled things a little bit differently, it would have been a little bit better. He could have been a calmer and called 911 when he entered the apartment. Furthermore, if you are going to conduct a citizen's arrest, you better be damn sure that you are correct.

Patrick in Vallejo has a question that until now has been ignored. If the porn was so loud that he could hear the woman's screams, shouldn't he have been able to hear the porn music as well? I think it is this expertise of our listeners, that may be able to crack a case such as this.

I have decided that Brad is now the Porn Sensei. He explains that Spanish language porn often does not have a soundtrack.

A listener took it upon himself to send us a list of the 100 Worst Porn Titles of All Time. Please be forewarned that a lot of these titles are incredibly graphic. Throughout this, Brad keeps saying he can't do this anymore, but Chris keeps rolling through.

The guys wrap up the hour speaking about a plane requesting an emergency landing at Dallas- Fort Worth. The air traffic controllers denied the American Airlines pilot's request to land due to a lack of fuel. After arguing with the controller for a few minutes, the pilot gives in and agrees to land at a different airport.

9pm: Oh no, a listener has combined the Jim Norton and Britney Spears pictures to create something so horrifying that it cannot be explained.

Ok, so the guys are talking about eating contests, as they watched the hotdog eating contest last night. They have conducted quite a few eating contests over their careers. They are looking over the International Organization of International Eating website.

A lot of these just sound absolutely atrocious. The nastiest include: asparagus, beef tongue, butter, cabbage, cow brains, mayo, and of course, SPAM.

What is bizarre about these contests, is the smaller guys always seem to kick the asses of the big, fat guys.

In talking about Britney, the guys point out that Christina Aguilera seems to be doing the best of all these young celebrities. She is on the cover of "Maxim" and looks really good. Also, she is not in rehab, and you don't really hear about her getting in trouble. When Chris asks, Brad points out that "Stuff" is the cutting room floor of "Maxim."

Brad is on a mission to eliminate superstitions from the world. He thinks that they are all outdated and inane in our modern society. Chris thinks that this begs the question, how have we survived as a species?

Walking under a ladder is bad luck, because it signifies breaking the triangle of the Holy Trinity. What? There are triangles everywhere. How is it even possible not to be breaking them all the time?

Over break, Brad's wife called panicked stuck in the mud in a hailstorm in the Central Valley. Brad is concerned but wonders what the purpose is in this call. As he is in San Francisco at work, there is not a whole lot he can do.

Chris complains about Ace doing something similar. When she was hit by a train ballister, she left Chris a voicemail, saying only "I was hit by a train, the car is destroyed." She was ok, but said nothing of her physical condition, leaving Chris completely terrified.

The guys wonder why women tend to do this, to call you all freaked out in situations where there is nothing for you to do. I have to say, I am guilty of the same thing. We all do it.

10pm: Brad thinks that the cause of T's current situation is that she got freaked out when the hail started, pulled off without seeing the conditions, and got herself stuck. Brad has called his parents to go out and help her. Apparently, T is driving one of the only 2 Wheel Drive Jeep Grand Cherokees. I did not even know they made those, what's the point?

Brad thinks its funny because most likely his dad will drive out in his truck, line up the bumpers, push her out, and drive away. Chris wonders if having this super competent person can ever be an annoyance? The person who has a solution for every problem.

Chris asks if Brad has ever outperformed his father. Brad still remembers with pride, the only time he ever beat him arm wrestling. It was a big moment in his life, to realize that he was stronger than his father.

Ok, so the guys return to the topic of superstitions. What things constitute bad luck? Chris grew up with Polish women convinced that a bat in the house is a sign of utter doom.

Chris has recently given up the superstition of honking his horn when he went through a tunnel. Brad has let go of his fear of a black cat crossing his path. He would not do anything, but hated the wasted negative energy it provoked.

T doesn't know why, but says "bread and butter" when they are separated by a pole or something of that nature. My mother does that too, and I have never known why.

Melissa in San Rafael, our tug boat captain, calls to tell us about sea myths. She tells us that changing a ship's name is supposed to be bad luck. In sailing days, if you changed the names, you had to exchange the mast in order to save yourself from certain peril. She actually holds onto the sailor lore because the practice is so inherently dangerous. Melissa tells us if you spill a beer on the boat, you are supposed to pour someone over the side, offering to the gods.

Brad had a free throw shooting superstition when he played basketball in high school. He had to bounce the ball five times in order to shoot the free throw. If he did not do this, it would always feel off.

Dan in Berkeley tells us that if your motorcycle was not painted green by the factory, it is bad luck to paint it green afterwards. That must be why you almost never see a green motorcycle out there. Chris once worked as a dj at a biker bar, where there was a really butch woman. She got an old bike, choppered it out, and spray painted it green. When Chris asked, he was told that she must want to invoke the curse in order to do this.

For years, I picked up a superstition when I went through yellow lights. I would kiss my hand, and touch the roof. I have no idea what it means and never have. It really just became by force of habit after a while. I finally broke free of this about a year ago.

The guys wonder which area has more superstitions: the theater, sports, or the sea. All three have an insane amount of superstition involved.

So, with that, have a good night and I apologize to my mother.

Britney's Crazy Ass Antics

Is it just us, or does Britney look a lot like FreeFM's very own Jim Norton?

Thanks to the Photoshop mastermind listener, who created this montrosity for us:

Here is a link to the video of Britney going ape s*** on some paparazzi. She has lost her damn mind.

Wednesday, February 21st

Hey everyone. Hope you are having a good week. For your viewing pleasure, here again is the scrogina picture. Isn't that just lovely?

7pm: The guys mock the Razor scooter, particularly those ridden by grown men. Yeah, that's not really a great look. Chris says he saw a little tard coming up in the world. He saw a little boy on the scooter, with two wheels in the back, as opposed to the usual one. Chris felt sad for him, noting that these are scooter training wheels. The reason he can relate is because he did not learn to ride a bike until nine years old. Awww.

Brad follows this trip down memory lane. When he figured it out, he went about 3 miles, because he was so excited he could do so.

So, because we can't ignore it, we play the audio of Anna Nicole Smith in clown make-up. She is so disoriented that she is unable to even understand the camera. Your whole career revolves around a camera. Howard K. Stern was incredibly creepy in his narration.

From here, we have to talk about the court proceedings today. If you did not watch, it is an absolute circus. Everyone is speaking over one another and the judge follows no procedural rules. Furthermore, Anna Nicole's mother testified, although she had not seen her daughter in ten years. This whole thing turns into more and more of a disaster everyday.

The guys don't understand why anyone would fight over the body. Even worse than Anna Nicole, James Brown still has not been buried as of yet. He died December 25th, meaning that his body must be in pretty bad condition.

James in San Jose calls to discuss the fight over Anna's body. He thinks the fight is a matter of respect. I'm not sure if that is the case in this situation. The more I see of the court proceedings, it seems that the battle is really to invalidate the will. I don't know enough about the will and what that involves, but it seems to make the most sense.

So, in more celebrity news, Britney is already out of rehab. She was in for all of seventeen hours. Wow, that is an amazing recovery. I am impressed.

8pm: Chris points out that the unheralded instrument in music is the drumsticks kicking together. This is the moment, where you know something rockin' is coming your way.

Completely unrelated, the Terps have won their 21st game tonight against Florida State. What does this mean? The return of Maryland in March Madness. You might not care, but I am f-ing stoked. The tourney is just not the same without my turtles.

In talking about Daylight Savings, the guys start talking about how their women are unable to make anywhere on time. Ace sets her clock twenty minutes early and is still late for work everyday. Brad says that T is perpetually late as well, and that it drives him nuts.

So, now onto the topic. We are talking about the white trash element. The guys contend that all of us, have some piece of white trash built into them. They also want to know what the word is in minority communities.

Technical Steve in SF says that "white trash" is an inherently racist term. Apparently, the qualifier "white" was implying that all other ethnic groups are already trash. As a black man, he says that the synonym in the black community is "ghetto" or "loud and wrong."

Daniel in Strawberry tells us that for Puerto Ricans, "jibaro" is their version of "white trash." This means "hill people." Deborah in Antioch says that in the latino community, "low-brow" is the term for this.

Here's the list of "white trash" terms for other ethnic groups:

- Latinos - "indio"

- Mexicans - "chunt" and "beaner"

- Black - "ghetto fabulous"

- Asians- "FOB"

- Italians - "Guido"

9pm: The theme throughout the night has been the addition of "little boy" to the end of any question. Dan offered Chris some M&M's before the show and ended the question with "little boy." As soon as those words came from his mouth, Chris no longer wanted any of the delicious little candies.

In Yiddish, the closest term would be "schmendrick." But, I don't know if that's really the same thing, as Jewish people would never call anyone in their group a version of trash. I have learned from my wonderful Cuban boyfriend, that "juahiro" is the word in that culture.

Kelen fills us in on the Irish, telling us that "mick" is their word for "white trash."

David in Marin asks what the White Trash pet would be? Brad thinks that it is not what the pet is, it is how many they have. Chris says any dog that they refer to as "half- wolf." Brad also says the potbellied pig.

Other white trash pets:

- Any dog that is half-rott or half-pitt

- Opossum

- Ferret

- A big-ass snake (that was mine but a caller stole it)

Brad continues with his argument for the pig. He points out that they make awful noises and are dirty. Chris continues with that these people are always trying to tell you how smart they are.

I think an iguana is a pretty typical white trash pet. Especially those huge ones that people have leashes for. Although I have to admit, I really wanted one as a kid. My parents got me a stupid guinea pig instead.

10pm: We continue with the white trash conversation and the pets, specifically. I would say at this point, David in Marin gets credit for a sack.

Chris in Richmond wants to defend ferrets. He claims that his are perfectly potty-trained and clean. He tries to say he is not white trash, but drives a truck and is from El Sobrante. Hmm, yeah dude, you are definitely white trash. Just accept it. The topper: he is going to buy a snake this weekend.

Mike in Morgan Hill's response to Chris is that "anytime you have to buy pets, to feed your pets, you are white trash." That is fantastic. Way to go Mike.

We had requested to speak to Chris' girlfriend, wanting to know her honest opinion of his ferrets. Hopefully, as he is listening, she will speak freely. Also, we would like her to admit that she is white trash. She says that they are fuzzy and cute, so that sold her.

Tim in Palo Alto says that if you have anything that squeaks, you are white trash. He even mentions guinea pigs. I had a guinea pig and I am definitely not white trash. However, because I hated it, they realize that I may be an exception. Then once again, I have to do the guinea pig squeaking impression.

Chris admits he has had a white trash moment. He went to Target and bought a really nice pillow. He has had it several days and does not have a pillowcase for it. So, he has been funking it up by sleeping on it. Brad is aware that he has also been guilty of this redneck sin.

Chris presents a dilemma. He hates Christmas and Ace loves the holiday. This year, he gave in and let her decorate. They got about 4,000 lights for inside and outside. The thing is, they are still up and still being used. This is blowing their PG&E bill out of the water. She defends having them on, saying that they are not using the regular lights. Chris honestly has to ask if it is white trash to have them on during the summer.

John in Moraga calls to talk about the marble statues and the racist black jockey in his neighbor's front yard. Brad thinks he should say, "Hey, I'm sorry those hoodlums stole your lawn jockey." John had confronted the neighbor and asked him to remove the jockey, as it was so offensive. The neighbor said no, so John went to war. Somehow, little presents were left on his lawn following this. Eventually, when the neighbor moved, he sold the home with the stipulation that the statues stayed. That is hardcore.

Well, with that I say goodnight and apologize to my mother.

Tuesday, February 20th

Hey everyone. Hope you had a good long weekend. I saw "Pan's Labyrinth" this weekend and it was awesome, but insanely dark. Also, happy Fat Tuesday! Don't get too wasted tonight.

7pm: We start off with George Takei making a pass at Tim Hardaway in response to his homophobic comments. Following this of course, "Get Ready 4 This" by 2 Unlimited.

Brad is very upset about the blind spot. He has never really thought about this before, but thinks it's ridiculous that the blind spot exists. Why would they not have fixed that yet?

We are going to be speaking to Polly Mailhot, a former criminologist and old friend of Chris. The reason is all of the forensics shows on tv. With the popularity of these shows, does it ruin movies for us? Furthermore, the guys wonder if it is possible to kill someone anymore without getting caught? Polly tells us that it is surprisingly easy to get away with murder. If you do not have a criminal record, your fingerprints are not on file.

Polly also tells us that her work in crime ruins court scenes more than murders. She gets annoyed by all the rules broken by the movie attorneys. But, she loves all the serial killer movies.

Because we are talking about CSI, we get to play the montage of bad David Caruso one-liners. Awesome. David Caruso sucks so much.

We get a couple calls saying that if you are going to get away with murder, San Francisco is the place to do so. We hear a couple different figures, but overall that the city is pathetic at prosecuting murders. Matt in Richmond calls about the murders in SF, but also throws in that he thinks the forensics shows help the criminals.

Chris and Brad are making fun of security guards, mocking their power to detain. Church in Richmond calls in to correct the guys on the power. You cannot detain anyone, but you can perform a citizen's arrest. Larry in Napa is offended by Church. This is getting confusing. He is calling from Taco Bell and insists that he was able to detain people.

8pm: Chris is threatening to drag Brad and I to church tomorrow to get the ash put on. I am afraid that the ashes will burn my skin upon contact. After I say this, Chris says something horribly offensive that I will not repeat. That's ok Chris, I'll have a nice little talk with the Anti-Defamation League this weekend, and you will have Jewish lawyers on your ass till your dying day. Nobody wants that. Ok, I'm done now.

Chris is a fan of Ho Poetry and has not been able to find the audio. There is a show on HBO that focuses on hookers. The first was "Hookers at the Point." He watched an episode last night and is not able to even describe what these hookers said. Let's just say it involved a sick fetish that involves bodily functions. Ugh, that is so disgusting. The shocking part, is that the ho poet, was able to come up with something fitting.

Just to torture me, coming out of break, the guys play "Touch of Grey." The reason is that I am a huge Deadhead and think that song is significantly subpar. They also call me out on the fact that I don't like "Truckin," yet still quoted it the other night. Argggh.

So, as you all have heard, Britney completely shaved off her hair. Both Chris and Brad think she looks terrible with no hair. Chris thinks that this starts the clock for the Death Watch. He says eight months until she is decapitated. The reason is that she is today's Jane Mansfield, and the way she parties and drives. Brad says two years and drug overdose. I say that I think it will be more dramatic. My guess is she falls off a hotel balcony.

The guys also want to know what you think about women with really short hair? Does your partner have a right to radically alter their hair without consulting you? The thing about hair is that it will grow back or you can dye it back. It is your body, so you can technically do what you want; however, your partner is not obligated to still be attracted to you.

9pm: Robert in SF says that his ex-wife shaved her head without telling him. He shaved his first and it looked pretty tough. One day she calls him saying she has a surprise. She comes home wearing a blond wig, whips it off, revealing her newly shorn scalp. His reaction is of course, what the f*** is wrong with you? He says it felt really weird, but it turned him on for just a brief moment.

Chris points out that it is a flag when a girl changes her hair color all the time. Brad says that his friend's mother did it to the point where she completely fryed off her hair. Paul in Sunnyvale says he always pictures a woman bald with no make-up when he first meets them.

Chris' girlfriend has incredibly long hair that he says she has never cut. That is amazing. At times, she complains and talks about cutting it. Part of Chris thinks it would look good, but is afraid for her to actually do it.

Erica in San Jose is thinking about cutting off her hair. She is overweight and has really long hair. She thinks that this will make her face look heavier. The guys both think she probably should not cut her hair, because heavy women can pull off long hair well. I say that if she cuts her hair, it will just make her face look rounder.

Scott in Larkspur points out that you can lose weight faster than you can grow your hair. Furthermore, women with long hair usually look better.

Holy Crap!!!! The San Diego Chargers hired Norv Turner to be their new head coach. Really? Norv Turner? WHY????!!!!! By the end of his career with the Redskins, you could literally predict every offensive play. Sorry, I just really really hate Norv Turner.

Mark emails asking what you think about guys with long hair. The only celebrity that they can think of who needs a haircut is Penn Jillette. Yeah. That guy definitely needs a haircut. Although, it would be really weird to see it if he did.

10pm: We start off going insane trying to figure out what tv show the bed music is from. Finally, after some utter frustration, we remember it is Peter Gunn. I know the song, but I have no idea who Peter Gunn is.

In talking about Lent, Dave from Oakland calls in to say that he is giving up The Gray Area. Hmm, wait that's a terrible idea.

So, finally, after a lot of teasing, Brad gets to the "balded" story. He ran into an old friend, and right before they left, she said, "Did you see Britney, she balded her head?" She used it several times and it drove Brad crazy. He could not even listen to the rest of what she was saying.

When he told us about this, I said that you have to correct them through mocking. If you say it seriously, then you come off pretentious. However, if you tease the person, they will learn and know the mocking is with love. If you really want to make the point, you can tousle their hair.

Rick in Redwood City asks if it is "sick in your stomach" or "sick to your stomach"? We agree the common usage is "to" but that it makes more sense to say "in."

Willis in Oakland pulls out an old standby, "could care less." Yeah, that one is really terrible, but I accidentally do that sometimes. Brad points out that "couldn't care less" even sounds meaner.

Anthony in SF pulls out "warshed." They say this one in Baltimore and it drives me up a damn wall. There is no DAMN "r." Chris has the same hatred of this one as I do.

Kim in SF points out George W. Bush's issue, "nucular." It drives me and I believe the whole world, insane. She also asks the guys if they have noticed a California accent. Besides the stoner thing, there is not much of an accent.

Most people are nicer than I am. They usually let it go, or correct without the mocking.

Jimmy in Campbell calls about "sherbet." Everyone, including myself, call it "sherbert." "Sherbet" just sounds so incredibly weird.

Joy in Concord calls to settle an argument between her and her friend. They have been arguing about the pronunciation of "lattice." Her friend has been saying "lah- teese." After going to the online dictionary, Joy is thrilled that she is correct.

Dave in SF points out "Febuary" as opposed to "February." Dammit, I am guilty of this as well. Well now I am going to go home feeling poorly about myself.

With that, I apologize to my mother. Have a good night.

Update: As promised, I have edited the picture of the ridiculously tight pants. Here you go. Be warned, it is really gross.

February 16th

Hey everyone. Sorry for the lack of a post yesterday, I was out sick. Do not worry, I am back today, and feeling much better. Happy Friday!!

7pm: We have been confused for a few weeks hearing Tom Leykis do ads for ProFlowers. He has been saying that he reads whatever is in front of him. It is so weird to hear the guy who hates the idea of giving flowers to be voicing the spots.

The guys think that Tom should have turned down the ad, because it makes him lose credit. Tom says that he did not get paid for doing this, that it was one he had to do. It's his message to say not to spend money on Valentine's Day.

Tim in Palo Alto thinks that Tom jumped the shark when he agreed to do this. He compares this to Henry Rollins doing a monster truck show on Discovery. After that, Rollins was completely ruined for him.

Todd in SF points out the way that Tom always reacts to any caller that is able to argue with him well. He says that Leykis always reverts to the fact that he is successful and wealthy. Brad jumps on this, with the fact that Leykis always goes to a woman's dimensions to shoot her points down.

Jason in SF compares Tom Leykis to Ice-T. Ice-T was known as the "Cop Killa" and now plays a cop on Law and Order: SVU. It is a weird message that he is sending.

Leykis fans and haters alike call to bag on Tom. At first, they all agree that he is a whore for money and that he comes off hypocritical in these ads. Then, we get a slew of calls defending Tom.

During all of this, Brad's wife calls in to say that their apartment is under a deluge of ants. They are leaving to go out of town, and she says she does not care. The landlord has told them the exterminator would be in tomorrow, but Brad says this is unacceptable. I wonder if the ants are giant.

8pm: By the way, I am officially 48 hours into quitting smoking. This was inadvertant, but as I was sick and could not smoke for a day and a half, I decided to stick with it. I apologize if I am a little impatient on the phone.

So, Chris remembers me saying that lingerie should only be bought by women on Monday. I look at him like he is insane, because I have absolutely no recollection of this. Furthermore, I do not really agree with that, so that can't be right. We get two calls backing Chris up, but both have no credibility whatsoever.

We are also talking about "Ghostrider." I would never see this, as I hate Nic Cage and think it looks terrible. We were looking up reviews, and they were overall really terrible. Some people call to defend him, but overall, everyone hates Nic Cage. Correctly. On Rotten Tomatoes, the movie is referred to as a "flaming vagina."

A lot of people feel the way I do, thinking that Cage gets good scripts, but is a bad actor. That's how I feel about "Adaptation," "Leaving Las Vegas," and "Raising Arizona."

Jason Kidd has been in the news quite a bit recently about his divorce. It is a pretty nasty battle, these two are having. Joumana Kidd has been saying that he is abusive, a gambler, a cheater, and everything else in between. She even says that he hit her with a cookie. That's a little confusing. Although if it is a Chips Ahoy! than that could be dangerous.

Of course, this mention of Chips Ahoy! leads us to a whole tangent about how they are the worst cookies ever. They are just so damn hard.

9pm: Jim in Dublin has a possible explanation of how the cookie thing went down. He thinks that maybe he grabbed her and smashed it in her face. I think that actually makes sense.

Rodney in Fremont thinks that if it was a Chips Ahoy! then maybe he skipped it across the counter to hit her in the forehead. I would believe that Chips Ahoy! could skip like a rock on water.

Bill in Mountain View thinks that he used an Oreo. He took the cookie, untwisted it, and took it to her eye. That's just not right. I'm not sure about what direction this is going.

Chris points out that he would rather talk about what's wrong with Chips Ahoy! than Jason Kidd. I agree. He thinks that maybe they made all the cookies in 1968.

Travis in Mountain View brings up the oatmeal raisin cookie in the Jason Kidd discussion. He thinks it was one of those giant cookies from Mrs. Fields. Jason Kidd went and got one of those for his wife. She complained, because who wants oatmeal raisin. He was so enraged by her lack of gratitude, and smashed the enormous cookie in her face.

We get into a debate about fig newtons. I point out that fig newtons are not cookies, but "fruit and cake." Doesn't anyone remember those commercials? I bet a million dollars and cannot find audio. If you have it, please send it to me. I don't want to have to turn to the mob for the dough.

The guys ask for vending machine stockers to call in. Vladimir in San Jose is in this profession. Chris uses our vending machine as an example. There are currently two post-it notes on the machine complaining that it stole money. He wants to know if anything happens with these notes. I am assuming not.

After Vladimir hangs up in the middle of asking him, RJ in San Jose calls in as the owner of machines. He says he has specific people hired to take care of the post-it note complaints. I am shocked by this. I have never seen that be successful. He does, however, admit that sometimes his employees will just throw them away.

10pm: Dave in Concord calls to bitch about vending machines. He hates that it is always a lottery that it will get caught or be the wrong thing. Dave was supposed to back me up about the Fig Newton commercials, and completely fell through. Thanks a lot Dave, thanks a lot.

Kevin in Campbell calls about something that sounds like a fantasy, vending machines filled with beer. I wish we had one of those here. That just sounds so redneck and fantastic all at the same time.

Dave calls back as Tad from San Jose, but then messes up the slogan. NOOOOO! Dammit, I have to prove my rightness. Oh well.

Vladimir calls back. I did not hear much of what he said, but he had a thick Eastern European accent. So, we of course, had to ask him to say "moose and squirrel." Yay. That made my whole day.

Tennessee's manual for execution is apparently filled with errors. They have taken parts of the manual for the electric chair, and put it in the section for lethal injection. Hmm, those are pretty different methods of execution. One of the most glaring mistakes include the inclusion of a fire extinguisher at the scene. The manual is so messed up, that four executions have been suspended.

So, TurboTax has a new spokesman. The choice is a little confusing. It is, and we are not kidding, Vanilla Ice??!!! The reason is that they are having a contest with wannabe rappers. Ice does an example rap for the entrants, and it is absolutely terrible. You should definitely play around with this site if you are bored at work.

After talking about mariachi bands and pudding, yes I meant to say that, we play the other entries into TurboTax. These are all pretty bad, but are still for the most part better than Mr. Van Winkle. Well, for the most part.

Well that was a weird show. Ok, have a great weekend. We'll see you Tuesday.

Wednesday, February 14th

Hey everyone, Happy Valentine's Day.

7pm: To start off the show on an uncomfortable note, we play a clip of young sportscaster, Brian Wilson. This poor guy has some pretty unfortunate ears, that progressive get redder throughout his attempt. The best part is where he says with zero enthusiasm, "Boom goes the dynamite." Oh, just so awful.

Sadly, we get a call back from Kevin in Newark. If you don't remember, last night Kevin called us for advice on his plan for his crush on Valentine's Day. He had never asked her out, bought her three presents, and wanted to take her out to dinner. We all were concerned that Kevin's plan was a little too much. Dan thinks he should have just spent the money on a hooker instead.

Kevin calls in today to let us know what happened. Clearly, as he is home listening to the show, it did not go well. First, he gave her roses and chocolate in class around noon. He did this anonymously, planning to meet her at the end of the day and tell her his feelings. He overheard her speaking to her friends, and her guy friend, Jeff, stole credit for the whole thing. Although her friends knew it was him, they backed up the guy friend with this claim. Oh man, that is absolutely terrible.

The guys offer to call the other guy or the girl to do battle for Kevin. Conveniently, Kevin claims he does not know their last names. There is no way that is true, because every high school has a school directory. If he wanted to give us their phone numbers, he certainly would be able to do so.

Nick in San Jose says that this is the best thing that could happen. He should just embrace the bitterness, and realize that love is hard. He thinks that if he confronts the football player than he will get his ass kicked.

Barbara in San Mateo thinks the girl knew that it was Kevin all along. Her friends told her, and she asked the football player to set this up. So, in order to spare the awkwardness of rejecting him, she had Jeff take the credit in front of him. The more I think about this, the more I think this is right. Kevin is definitely the fall guy.

Rory in Pleasanton is thinking smart. He thinks that Kevin should use this sob story to gain the sympathies of another girl. Hmm, that is an interesting plan. When presented with Chris' idea that the girl may not care that Jeff lied, because she is in with the popular kids, Rory thinks these lies will only make her fall harder.

8pm: Diana in Pleasanton thinks that the whole plot is probably not true. She thinks her friends saw that she liked him, so they did not want to deal with her being pissed off at them. Diana says that you should tell the girl, but with no expectations. Ahmad in San Jose basically agrees.

During caller Gama's call, we finally are able to move the stones. We are at 96%. Woohoo.

Brad points out that sex with someone you hate, is some of the hottest sex. Chris wonders which is better: hate sex or work sex? Adam in Sonoma says hate sex is definitely the best.

Overwhelmingly, all the callers say that hate sex is hotter. Hate sex is only about sex, and usually only once. It comes without the complications of work sex.

Chris and Brad think it's close, but both pick work sex. They say that the reason it is so hot, is because it is still hot afterwards. That you get more and more reckless, and it gets progressively hotter.

Tuesday, February 13th

Hey everyone. Well, since tomorrow is Valentine's Day, the show will be largely holiday related tonight.

7pm: The guys banter about and then get into the topic, When Valentine's Day Becomes Inappropriate. Here is the first example: When you are at the office, and your desk is covered with Valentines from your creepy co-worker. You go through the balloons, the candy, the telegram, and then you get to the card. Oh no, it's from the smelly guy in accounting. AHHHHH.

Brad points out that the secret admirer is never the person that you like. Chris realizes that the only solution for this, is for one of you to quit. Yeah, he's probably right, nothing is worse than that level of awkwardness around the office.

Mary in San Jose has had this happen to her. She was living with someone at the time, went into work, and received a call from shipping. Apparently, they had a huge bouquet for her from someone she had met only one time, but who worked in the company. Of course, he calls to see if she had received it. Of course there is that long, awkward pause, because you don't want to be mean, but you don't want the attention. Her solution was to leave them at the office and never say a word.

When Brad and T were first dating, she was very popular with her customers at the bar. Because she is such a friendly person, a lot of guys thought she was interested in them. On Valentine's Day, a guy left roses on her doorstep at home. Then at work the next day, he had left roses there, as well. Brad demanded that T tell him that Brad would kill him if he did not cease this pursuit.

The guys point out that you have to give out Valentines to everyone now. I used to get Valentine's Day candy from my parents. I never thought there was something wrong with that.

Ugh, the guys mention the telegrams. Oh no, please don't ever send that to anyone. That is just revolting. Paul in Oakland points out the oversized Valentine's cards they sell at convenience stores.

Oh no, I sent the guys a website that allows you to create personalized Valentine's songs. Of course, I'm an idiot, and did not realize that this would be used against me. Ugh, that was the most schmalzy terrible thing ever. I will be contacting HR shortly.

8pm: We all wonder, where is the guy and the keyboard that you only hear in these awful romantic songs?

Oh no, the guys found a website where you can send people some sort of gram. Of course, there is an option for the clown. So now, they really want to send a clown to follow me around all day. No, anything but that. If somehow you do not know, I am absolutely creeped out to the core by clowns.

Great, now they are making a prank song for me on this stupid website, Instasong.com. They even find an option for the habit of "mooching smokes." This just sounds like this will be completely lame. And, after hearing it for about 10 seconds, we turn it off, because it is so terrible.

This show gets more and more disturbing every moment. Matt in San Jose wants to avenge me from their torture. He is going to send them so man-panties. After Chris and Brad ask if they are edible, he calls to ask if they want "Buffalo or Elk?" Wow. This is really weird.

The guys bitch about the rose-toting women roaming around restaurants. They come up to the table, and give you no option but to buy a flower. If you don't, you look like an a-hole to your woman.

Dan presents his idea for a change in Valentine's Day. He thinks that this day should be a day where no matter what relationship you are in, you get to sleep with whomever you want. And on the 15th, you have to return home to your partner. Chris points out that this will just be a day of rejection for most straight men.

Brad says that the best present for any woman to give her man, is to do the sexual thing you will not usually do on that night. Chris laughs at this, saying that women do nothing on Valentine's Day.

Throughout the show, we have been checking the Casual Encounters section of Craigslist. Of course, Brad made the mistake of clicking on an ad that has a picture. Everyone knows that you must proceed with caution when ads have pictures. Dan says that Brad is awfully sensitive for a tall man. That is f-ing hilarious.

The guys talk about the peril of the mix tape. Particularly, the need to fill the whole tape. Chris has several times ruined the tape, because he adds a song that ends up offensive to the girl in question.

Brad admits that you are never as much of a pussy, as when you have picked out all the music, and you are deciding the order. This is especially true of the breakup mixtape. The one that you make to portray the heartbreak you are enduring. Of course, in their generation, you end the tape with "Love Bites."

Oh no, Dion in San Jose tells us that he made a much worse mistake than the mix tape. After a break up, on a rainy day at lunchtime, there was kareoke. His ex was sitting in the front row and he got up and sang "All Out of Love" by Air Supply. The worst part, she got up in the middle and walked out. That is just horrifying. I don't understand how his friends allowed him to do this. After this, he did finish the song, slowly put down the mic, and sulked off the stage.

9pm: Matt from SF says that "Desperado" should be the last song on the mix tape, as opposed to "Love Bites." He says that he has made about six. He also confirms that the girls share the songs, as he became known as "Desperado" at summer camp. Aww, poor Matt.

Brady in San Rafael made a one song tape for his high school girlfriend. He recorded "I Finally Found the Love of a Lifetime" and gave it to her. That same night, she broke up with him. Then he wrote down the lyrics to another sappy song and placed it under the windshield wipers of her car. He was watching from afar when she found it, and watched her show it to all her friends and laugh at his pain.

Pamela in Sonoma broke up with her high school boyfriend. She went out with her friends and came home to find a coffee soaked version of a Duran Duran song in a bottle. There were also about six versions of the song on a tape. Of course, she showed this to all her friends, and they mocked it relentlessly all night.

Jason in San Leandro would play the song "Kim" by Eminem in the car while he and his wife were divorcing. If you don't know this song, it is really graphic and violent. This is the way that he conveyed the message that he wanted the divorce in the first place. That is really rageful.

Chris remembers some traumatizing moments of his childhood. Of course, Mom would get the big box of little valentines for the whole class. She would demand that you give these to all the kids in your class, no matter what their social status. You even have to get them for the bullies, who are torturing you after school.

Brad tells about when he went to high school, they had a deal where you could send roses to your classmates. There were white, pink, and red depending on the message you want to send to the recipient. Senior year, Brad got different colored flowers throughout the day from a secret admirer. As the day goes on, it increases more and more. He is nervous, because he realizes that it is probably not a girl he likes. Finally, he realizes that it is from a little freshman that he has no interest in at all. The friends come up to him, and he tells them that he does not like her, therefore making him a dick.

10pm: Alan in Pinole had something much worse in his high school. They would not only get a rose, but you would be sung to in front of the entire class. Then, they would pin a heart to your shirt with the girl's name. That is terrible.

Chris plays a little bit of piano and wrote a song to a girl. He dragged her over to the music room. He started to sing and had the dreadful feeling in his heart during the song. Despite all the preparation, he realized that he just wants it to be over.

For Jenna in San Pablo, she had enough of this in high school. She and her friends decided their freshman year to buy all the roses that were to be distributed. When Valentine's Day came around, they got the roses and threw them out. Everyone was pretty happy, except of course, for the cheerleaders.

The guys play some excerpts from a video dating service in the 1980's. Oh, these guys sound so incredibly sad. Sooooo sad. My favorite line is "I just want a woman who can get down and bowl." Also, "A lot I'll just stay up late at night and watch you sleep." That is really, really creepy.

The guys bring up, what happens when you have just started dating someone when Valentine's Day comes around? You have just been dating for a few weeks, so what do you do? I say you do something small, to let her know you like her, but not scare her off.

Kevin in SF met a girl a few weeks ago in his school, and they have classes together. He is planning to woo her tomorrow at school. He has decided to leave her gifts in each class, and then ask her out at the end of the day. I really hope that she is going to say yes, and not be scared off by his effort. He wants to plan a whole afternoon and dinner for them. Chris and Brad advise that maybe these plans are too strong. I agree, you do not want to scare the girl off.

Brian in Novato had a similar situation when he was in high school. They ended up going out, and it was incredibly awkward, because she was overwhelmed by the attention. He warns that if it does not work, Kevin may have to deal with a lot of embarrassment.

Personally, I think that it is tough to be a nice guy when you are seventeen. Girls have not been burned yet, and generally don't want the guy that comes on too strong. Beware Kevin, watch your money.

Happy Valentine's Day. I apologize to my mother, have a good night.

Monday, February 12th

Hey everyone. Hope you all had a good weekend, despite all the rain. I just hunkered down and watched The Sopranos. Also, did you see my boy Sean Taylor lay out that weak little punter in the Pro Bowl. Apparently, he was hungry and wanted a mid-afternoon snack.

7pm: So, today we are hoping to move the stones. The radio executives have figured out that only 2% of listeners will call in. We have decided that this figure is unacceptable, and we are trying to prove it wrong. Thus, we have already moved the stones to 3%, and are hoping tonight to move it to 4 %. I'm just excited because I am proud of the sound effect I made.

Brad has had quite a bit of hatred in his heart since he has quit smoking. The new focus of his disdain: surfers. Chris feels the same way. The reason is that surfers cannot stop talking about surfing, no matter what the circumstance. Brad is going to try, but he is promising that he is not going to be one of these guys.

Chris presents the question: Would you rather listen to a surfer speaking or a post-fight interview on WWE? Ooh. That's just terrible. I choose the surfer, but prefer neither.

Vince is Willow Glen is a surfer elitist. He is annoyed by all the new poser surfers, that it has gotten too cool. Just from talking to Vince for 2 seconds, you can tell he's a surfer. Basically, he and the other callers say that as soon as you try it, you are completely hooked.

The guys are unable to understand why someone can love surfing so much, that you are willing to sacrifice relationships or your career.

So, who else, besides surfers, is incredibly difficult to talk to because of their obsession? Related to surfing, the guys bring up people who smoke weed. Stoners always have to bring weed into every conversation.

Luke in SF comes up with gym rats. That is a fantastic take. Bodybuilders are so incredibly boring. I hate that you are completely unable to eat any junk food around one of these people. It drives me up a wall that they always have to point out the unhealthy quality of my food.

To wrap up the hour, Dan breaks up anyone who works in computers. Hah, yeah that one can be true, but who wants to piss them off.

8pm: On Friday, the guys were handed a packet from corporate. CBS is very concerned, to say the least, about decency standards. It is entitled "Words Hurt" with an incredibly long subtitle. Basically, this packet is referring to using racial slurs and stereotypes.

Apparently, the words that Chris and Brad use on the air, have the power to affect the racial attitudes of the community. As they point out, who is possibly influenced by what they say?

Part of this booklet is a test. This test is to help you become aware of your own stereotypes or biases. Of course, being the Jewish girl on the show, they use me as an example. Here are the sentences, they are asked to complete.

All Male Hairdressers are ____
Waiters in Chinese Restaurants are ____
He Drinks a Lot So He Must Be ____
NFL Football Players Are Known to Be ____
Jewish Mothers are Typically ____

Of course, once again, this goes back to the fact that there are no racial slurs that are offensive to white people. They exist, but do not really have that strong of an effect. Dan points out that this is because white people are the best at being racist. Hmmm. Is that intolerant in itself?

In talking about being offensive, Chris asks about Sarah Silverman's latest special. I have not seen that, but I have seen her new show. It is absolutely terrible, but I cannot really explain why. A big part of it, is that she is not a good actress, whose stand-up does not translate into sitcoms. I was looking up the reviews, and surprisingly, they are strong.

It has been released that in Anna Nicole's refrigerator, there was only SlimFast, methadone, condiments and spray butter. What a healthy lifestyle she lived. The saddest part, is that the little girl is completely hooked on Methadone.

9pm: In honor of the Dixie Chicks Grammy winning, Chris plays a little country music coming out the break. Brad immediately points out that the one good thing about country, is that the girls have nice asses. Then they talk about how they think it is really hot when women wear chokers. I have never heard that one before.

They play the song, Sin Wagon, by the Chicks. Brad thinks the lyrics are whorish. Although after a while, he admits that the he was a whore, himself at a time.

Nate in Oakland calls to complain about the country music. He is pretty intoxicated, and is excited that this is his first drunk call. Chris and Brad are saying that this is the first time they have played country, and people are already complaining. Nate also wants to set the tone with drinking games.

A caller asks what exactly is methadone. Honestly, I'm not sure what it is, besides knowing it is a safer opiate. After we ask the listeners, we get several callers to give us some more information.

Brian in Novato says that he goes to a methadone clinic for help with his addiction to OxyContin. He says that this drug helps keep him off the street and helps the withdrawals. He says that you do get high from it, but not as high as off other drugs. For him, the methadone puts him at normal.

Anna in Brisbane is a nurse who has administered methadone. She says it is basically a long-lasting version of morphine. Chris asks whether it is dangerous for him to take painkillers as a recovering alcoholic. He has been told to ask that they keep him for detox after using the meds. She says that they will probably not keep you in for this, but will monitor your usage more carefully.

Craig in San Jose takes Norco for pain resulting from a work-related injury. He was concerned about the withdrawal from Norco, so his doctor put him on methadone. This helped him kick the Norco, but he has gotten right back on it.

The concern throughout the conversation, is that the best solution for recovery is to substitute another addictive purpose. Also, it seems whenever you are prescribed any pain killers, they always give you more than you probably need. I know that has always been my experience.

10pm: We continue with the methadone conversation. Jim in Livermore, not the one who lives in a van, has been credited with a sack.

We have been talking to Tony in Napa, who is both an EMT and a recovering addict. He says that when he quit heroin, he would not go on methadone, because of everything he has seen. He clears up that it is untrue the methadone will keep users from doing heroin. Tony says that he used Subutex (buprenorphine), which is an alternative to methadone that actually blocks the opiate receptors. The problem with buprenorphine is that it is expensive and not covered by insurance.

Jared in Vacaville has a friend who has a severe addiction to methadone. She has never used it for recovery. During this conversation, Brad says that the medical community desperately needs to come up with a non-opiate painkiller. He also works at a hospital where a patient was dressing up in doctor's coats trying to steal pills.

Steve in San Mateo backs up Tony's claim that Subutex is so much better. He says that the reason methadone is still the primary resource, is because of the links to the government. Steve asserts that the buprenorphine is a miracle drug, that left him with no withdrawal. They are starting to prescribe this, and insurance companies are starting to cover this drug. He also says that methadone is terrible because it is so incredibly addictive. Even worse, Subutex does not work for methadone, only for heroin.

Jessica in San Jose is a heroin addict. She quit heroin for seven years and quit with methadone. In the past year or so, she relapsed and has gotten back on the heroin. She claims to be functional, but admits that she has a problem.

Mike in Santa Rosa calls with more information with Subutex. He had to get Subutex for a friend of his, who had a nasty heroin addict. As other callers have said, the drug is really amazing. The withdrawal symptoms relieve immediately. This seems like a really big step if all of this is true. He actually knows sixteen people that have kicked their addictions by using Subutex or Suboxone.

Well this has certainly been an educational show. We have learned a great deal about heroin addiction, and particularly methadone. Even more, we have learned about Subutex, of which we had never heard.

With that, have a good night. I would apologize to my mother, but I actually do not feel that guilty about tonight's show. Hmm, that's a new feeling.