Tuesday, October 31

Happy Halloween! It's my favorite holiday. I don't celebrate Christmas, so this is my Christmas.

7pm: Chris and Brad challenge listeners to try and scare us. For me, it is clowns and Danny Bonaduce. Dan's is roving rural crowds with pitchforks. Brad's is wasps and Chris' is people with deformities. But, clowns is not that interesting, so really you should focus on the others.

Chris did a good thing today. He signed up to be an organ donor. This starts off as a nice thing, but then he reveals that specifically he will be donating his nipples. Eww this is so creepy, Chris is actually lifting his shirt and showing Brad his nipples. I don't even know what to do with that.

They get the email of the month. It was supposed to be sent to me, but was sent to their email account. It is from former coworker, Phillip, of Chris and Brad's. He references a section in my blog about Chris admitting his drunk emails. To enlighten me further of Chris' drunken mistakes, he recounts a story of a blasted phone call. Chris admits that he was definitely the, "I love you" guy in his drinking days.

To get revenge against Phillip, Chris tells a story of his own. Now, Phillip is supposed to be very intelligent, but this is one of his dumbest moments. As some background, he was first fired for being pleasured by a female listener at the station. He gets to come back to do middays a few years later. One day, Phillip isn't there.

The reason: Phillip hypnotized a female coworker into gratifying him sexually. When called into the boss' office, he admitted this right away.

Brad and I have been having an argument that is brought to the air. Now, Snickers is my favorite candy bar, of course. But, Brad and I are arguing about Twix vs. Kit Kat. Twix is clearly better than Kit Kat. I mean, come on. Whose side are you on, I won't be offended, so let me know.

To end the hour, we go over the changes for Halloween in the Castro. There has been a lot of news on this locally in the past few weeks. Things have gotten pretty out of control the last few years, and the neighborhood has had enough. There have been rumours that there will be water trucks coming out at 11.

I went down there last year and it was absolutely packed. I saw some good costumes, but it was a little too much for me. You can't get into bars and it is difficult to move around. I could definitely see how the neighborhood gets completely trashed.

8pm: What is the best candy to get on Halloween? Chris loves Smarties. Brad tells us about making candy structures from the fun size bars.

Patty from the city calls in to tell us about her experience at the Exotic Erotic Ball. She had won tickets from the show. She is being pretty coy about the whole thing, but she definitely saw some pretty crazy things.

The guys go over ghost stories from all over the Bay Area. A lot of these sound like bs to me. Chris' is in a city high school, you can hear toilet paper unravelling in the girl's bathroom. You can also see feet under one of the stalls. Another is that on the Altamont Pass in Livermore, if you put your car in neutral, the deceased school children will push your vehicle.

Brad retells a story of his wife playing "Bloody Mary" as a child. She swears that she really saw a scary face in the mirror. I played that game at camp, and I remember being scared, but I'm pretty sure it was just power of suggestion... or was it???

Another story is that the roast beef shop at Great America is haunted. Supposedly, someone froze to death in their freezer and can be heard late at night. To give us more information on this, Andrew from Cupertino calls in. He tells us that there are other places in the park that are haunted, specifically the IMAX theater.

More importantly, Andrew is able to move us from 98 to 97%. Thanks Andrew, we've been waiting for someone to do this for us. We finally did it!!!

Calls are all over the place tonight. A great one is that Steve from Santa Rosa once got a package of Chicken Flavored Top Ramen. What the hell is that?

We also get a few calls from fellow clown fearers. They understand where I'm coming from. I'm sorry, but clowns are just plain scary. They just look so soulless. I'm not alone on this one for a reason.

9pm: Throughout the night, we have been talking about candy. So during break, I had to go grab some fun size Twix from the break room. Chris, of course, asks me a question when I have a mouth full of caramel. Some advice: do not eat a Twix when you may have to talk.

While we have been going on about candy, I have spent most of my time on a fantastic website. It's called OldTimeCandy.com. It's awesome. The problem is that looking at all this candy is completely distracting me from the show. So, if my blog is not as thorough tonight, I apologize.

We hear about candy necklaces and bikinis (Seen Above), Big Buddies, Jujubes, Good and Plentys, Charleston Chews, Sen Sen, and every other candy you could ever imagine.

We have also been asking what is the weirdest non-candy thing you got. We have heard pizza, toothbrushes, hand stamps, paper money, coupons, walnuts, and Top Ramen. That's just awful to give out that crap.

Chris goes on a rant about how his girlfriend, Ace, eats blowpops. She is a sugar addict. The thing that kills him is every time they go on a long trip, she goes to town on the blow pops. Fortunately, as Chris goes on and on about this, Brad realizes that there are calls on the board. Thank goodness for callers to move this away.

To end the hour, the guys read a story about the Mayan Indians. For the Day of the Dead, they take the bones of their deceased loved ones out of their boxes, and polish them. That's a pretty hardcore tradition. I think that Chris and Brad would be a little uncomfortable with this ritual.

10pm: Brad got a report from his daughter. She went trick or treating in Pacifica tonight. Apparently, she brought in a much better haul than ever had in Fresno. I miss trick or treating (I'm small I wonder if I could still go).

We have some breaking news tonight from our sister station, KPIX CBS 5. The story says that there were several explosions inside the Ebay/PayPal building. They are even sending in bomb squads and Hazmat teams. I hope that everyone is ok. We will certainly keep you updated as we here more.

Continuing our candy discussion, we start talking about white chocolate. Chris swears that if you get a good piece of white chocolate, and close your eyes, it tastes like regular chocolate. I'm not sure if I agree with that statement.

Also, they notice that sometimes Reese's Peanut Butter Cups have a bad one. We all love Reese's, but every once in a while, you get that one that just isn't right. It's just grainy and stale tasting. I wonder why that is.

Brad's Penile Euphemism of the Day: Alexander's Ragtime Gland. This one is a little more specific than normal, only for men named Alex, during that time of the month. Dan and I express our disgust at this one. I throw my headphones down and Dan says we're leaving the show. We, of course, stay and are forced to admit that in spite ourselves, it was pretty funny.

The guys go over a few more Bay Area ghost stories.
- Supposedly, the Outback Steakhouse in Dublin is haunted. Did someone die from too many Bloomin' Onions?
- A male student at Pittsburg high was shot 18 times and is heard screaming in the halls.
- The Oakland SPCA has an older woman gardening in the pet crematorium. That is weird.
- Mount Diablo High School has the ghost of a suicide hanging from the roof.

For the last segment, the guys tell a story about a magician, The Amazing Joe, in Fresno. He really wanted to be famous, but just didn't have the talent. The thing is, he wore a blue unitard and looked like Jesus. The guys had to interview him at their old station and he was incredibly cocky and condescending.

Amazing Joe wanted to be buried alive in a lucite coffin. Unfortunately, they say, Joe didn't work out all the variables to successfully complete this feat. Broadcast on tv and in front of a crowd of children, he enters the coffin. They lower him 6 feet into the ground, dump the concrete on top, and he is supposed to escape.

There is a crack, and everyone realizes that the cement has gone through the coffin. It took them 20 minutes to get him out of there, but that was too long. In front of all those little kids, Joe did not make it. That is a pretty intense story to end our Halloween broadcast. Poor Joe, awful or not, that is not a good way to go.

With that, I hope you had a safe and debaucherous Halloween. I apologize to my mother, have a good night.

Monday, October 30

Hi! Erica here. It's dark so early. Hope you all had a fun weekend. Let me know what you did for Halloween. I went to the Mission dressed as a street punk. It was fun, well, what I remember of it. Tonight and all week, we will be giving away tickets to see Tenacious D at Bill Graham Civic Auditorium on November 20.

7pm: So, it's Daylight Savings Time. Chris insists that it should be "Fall forward, Spring back." Brad didn't know about it and was very confused when he came to work today. I think, and everyone agrees, that the time changes should be eliminated altogether. They talk about how people try and scam work by blaming the time change. That only works in the Spring. If you pull that now, you should be an hour early. Tek from San Jose calls in to agree with Brad and I, that it is "Spring foward, Fall back."

There is a story on Boing Boing, that talks about a '50s movie snack ads that pushed the elimination of Daylight Savings. It's pretty crazy, worth checking out if you are bored at work.

Oscar, the limo driver, calls in to try and set the tone about concealed weapons in California. Apparently, he was wrong about pieces of the law. You can get them, but they are incredibly difficult to get. I have no problem with that. The idea of people carrying concealed weapons is pretty scary to me.

This turns into a whole discussion about the gun laws. As someone who hates guns, I don't know much about this subject. We get a bunch of callers from gun stores and even a former bail bondsman. We have some pretty hardcore listeners.

8pm: The guys start off with Tara Reid's interview on The View last week. She just sounds all hopped up on pills when she's speaking about her botched boob job. She was slurring her words, well just check out the clip, and see for yourself.

From here, we play a clip of the Flava of Love 2: Reunion Special. I looooooove this show. I watch it every Sunday night, because it is the most hilarious thing I have ever seen. The insanity of this clip, leads Chris to a sensitive question. He wants to know why when you mention a black person's mother, they feel the need to fight. Brad doesn't think it's necessarily a black thing. Dave from Menlo Park throws in that every culture has a hot point.

Either way, if you haven't seen this show, watch it. There is nothing more ridiculous. And by the way, Flav is foul. The fact that all these girls sleep with him, is revolting. Seriously, ewwwww. And the thing is, if you win, you get to be with Flav AND you get grillz. WOW.

We get several calls from Chris' questions. Overwhelmingly, the callers inform us that the mother is such a strong figure in black culture. They also add that mothers in black culture, have had to sacrifice a lot to raise their children. Shu from Marin tells us that this has African roots. In Africa, lineage is straight through the mother, so there is more reverance for that maternal figure.

We get an update from Anthony in San Francisco about things with his woman. These two have a pretty volatile relationship. She has vandalized his car, smashed a glass over his head, and given him black eyes. Finally, Anthony had enough and stood up for himself. He went to the Playboy Mansion without her, and since, it has been significantly better. She is going to go to counseling and try and harness her anger. Sounds too good to be true.

Anthony also tells us that he had an incredible time at the Mansion. There were mostly naked women throughout. He can't give us pictures because they told him not to do so. Apparently, he was the only one without a camera. As the night went on, the nudity exploded.

The guys make me admit another fear of mine. I am afraid of Danny Bonaduce. Maybe that is mean, but he just looks so 'roided out. He came to the station once, and I couldn't bring myself to meet him. Just waving through the glass was enough for me. He seems like the kind of guy who for no reason would just start choking people. Look at that, sorry, but he's scary.

9pm: In this hour, Wikipedia comes up. I have to say, I use it all the time for this show. The thing is, you have no idea how much of it is true. I love the site, and think it is a great resource. But, who knows how much incorrect information I have passed along because of that site.

Throughout the show, we have been referring to Green Burrito, a restaurant chain owned by Carls Jr. Chris lets us know that he was champion in a burrito eating contest. It was no hands, and he destroyed all the others. He was forced into the contest by a sponsor, and the burrito was all rice and beans.

Congratulations to James in American Canyon for winning tickets to Tenacious D. We thought this would be much more difficult, but he won by knowing what mythical figure is on the Starbucks cup. It is a mermaid, by the way. And I have to say, I worked at Starbucks and didn't know that. Keep listening all week, because we will give away tickets every day.

The guys retell their experiences hosting wing contests. I love wings, but it just doesn't sound enjoyable. This leads them to the wings at KFC. They love KFC, but the wings are really small. All I have to say is, Popeyes is better. They have the best fries in the world, even better than McDonald's. Man, now I really want some chicken.

10pm: Brad got an email from a woman from Girlydiaries.com. This girl has the epitome of a bimbo face. Not to be mean, she just looks a little slow.

To begin the hour, we are talking about Halloween. Is Halloween dead? Their argument is that you don't see the same enthusiasm for the holiday of the past. Trick or treating is certainly not the same. The kids now go out at around 2:30 in the afternoon.

The guys wax nostalgic about trick or treating in their childhood. Even the most protective parents, let their children run wild for the evening. I was lucky enough to catch the tail end of this. But, right after my generation, the parents and the news laid the gauntlet on that.

This is an interesting town for this question. San Francisco goes crazy for this holiday. That's what I love here. This town knows how to party. In the Mission on Saturday, people were all dressed-up and ready to have a good time.

Although outside of the city, is this the case? You never see houses decorated they were in my childhood.

One thing I was thinking about is that all those kids in the Castro for Halloween, live in the suburbs. When I lived in Palo Alto last year, we came up to the city to celebrate. I don't think we were unique in this venture. The crowd in the city last year seemed to be predominately people from the outlying areas.

The callers seem to agree that Halloween has morphed. Parents are overly concerned with safety. Kids are now trick or treating in the malls instead of the neighborhoods. However, the young adults and teenagers are still partying, especially in the urban areas.

Also, what are the ages or trick or treating. The guys think that you need to be able to hold your own candy. Also, don't be older than 14.

To end the show, they wonder why we all make that same ridiculous movement when we are scared. And all women, we all make that insanely high-pitched squeal.

Friday, October 27

Hooray, it's Friday!!! Hope everyone is already to have a good time this Halloween weekend? I know I am. What are you going to be? I'm going with the tried and true junkie costume.

7pm: So the guys went to see "The Bridge" this afternoon. Apparently, not so good. I would feel left out, but from what they said, glad I didn't go. It wasn't the worst movie they've ever seen, that was taken by "Manos: The Hands of Fate." "The Bridge" sounds too depressing for me. Their complaint is not that it's sad. They follow one guy who spends the whole movie pacing the bridge, before he finally jumps.

We get a call from Uncle Paul from the Exotic Erotic Ball and Expo. He sounds like he's having a really good time. They are about to start their gay marriages. He has seen some pretty crazy things at the event. I don't think I can go into all that we hear, but wow. I wish I could go.

We go from Uncle Paul to Arnold. Arnold is doing well in the polls, and he is upset that he can't get the Mexican vote. He doesn't express this in the most tolerant manner, I don't know if that will help. He is struggling in Los Angeles, but he doesn't seem to care.

With Halloween coming up, he is proud that his son carved "boobies and buttocks" into the pumpkin. His son also dressed up as a "Little Bustamonte." This apparently looks like Mr. Spacely with a sombrero. Yeah, that's not racist at all.

While dealing with the phones, Arnold tells us that his new mission is to reunite guitarist Andy Taylor with Duran Duran. What is "Hungry Like a Wolf" without Andy?? This is an important issue.

He also tells us that to torment his children, he shoots blanks out of a 9mm. He says it's all in fun, but it sounds a little over the top to me.

While trying to get a caller on with Arnold, Chris hangs up on him. Oh Chris, you hung up on Schwarzeneggar?? Oooh, you better watch out. To further anger Arnold, Kevin from Oakland lets him know he saw Maria flirt with Lou Ferrigno at the mall. Hmm, The Hulk and Skeletor together? That's a weird match.

Of course, this is not Arnold himself, it is voice artist extraordinaire, Josh Thompson. So, no, Arnold did not actually say all those things.

8pm: To start the hour, there is a story about Forzie, a 4-legged chicken from New Zealand. Poor Forzie died recently. The best line from this story, "He developed two bottoms and I think he got glugged up," said owner Marlene Dickey.

Also, sadly, YouTube has taken down all the clips from Comedy Central. This, of course, includes The Colbert Report, The Daily Show, and South Park. I don't think this will affect The Daily Show and South Park, but The Colbert Report needs YouTube. Furthermore, this has got to be the death of YouTube. How incredibly sad.

In talking about The Colbert Report, we wonder what happened to the show. The beauty of the show on YouTube was that it was the highlights. Stephen Colbert is hilarious for 2 minutes, but not 22. I just hope he does not turn into Mo Rocca, hilarious on The Daily Show, and now, incredibly lame.

The question for the hour: What is the Worst Act You Ever Saw?
-Joe from the city says the clips of Jon Benet in the pageants.
-Chris' is the worldest scariest Polka Band at Nye's Polonaise Room. He said that they were absolutely horrendous
-John from the city tells us about a terrible bluff over a Royal Straight

To end the hour, the guys begin to go over "The 101 Most Influential People Who Never Lived," by Alan Lazar, Dan Karlan, and Jeremy Salter. It's a pretty interested list that covers all age groups and interests. Check out the list and let us know what you think.

9pm: Some items on the list confuse us. Buffy the Vampire Slayer comes in at #44. The show got good ratings, but that seems pretty high. Dan fills in as our societal expert on many of these items. He points out that Tarzan is representative of the white man's attitude of taking over.

Brad further demonstrates his geekitude in defending Godzilla's placement on the list at #38. He loves Godzilla and completely thinks it should be represented on the list.

Dracula is #33. Chris talks about a costume he had as the Bela Legusi style Dracula. He said it was the really sensual kind of vampire that got him a lot of ass. My favorite Dracula influence is definitely the Count from Sesame Street, brought up by Brad and Chris. 1, ah ah ah. 2, ah ah ah. By the way, from that picture, I gotta say, Elmo sucks.

Dave from Oakland jumps ahead by asking if Big Brother is on the list. He is in fact, #2 on the list. Good call Dave. I completely agree.

Both Cinderella and Prince Charming are on the list. That makes a lot of sense to me. Every girl is brought up with a flawed ideal that a you will find a perfect man to come and solve all your problems. What each woman eventually has to realize, is that you have to solve your own problems, and hope to find a great man to go through it with you. Gotta say though, Prince Charming is not really my type. Too much of a pretty boy.

After asking over break, Brad tells me that Kermit is all the way down at #68. What the hell?? That really makes me angry. Kermit was incredibly influential to me.

10pm: After taking a few more guesses, including Joe Camel and Captain Howdy (I don't know who that is), we finally announce #1. According to the list, the Marlboro Man is the topper.

My favorite part of tonight is that just by mentioning the Count, the show turns into a contest doing the impression. Brad takes the cake, but I think for a girl, mine is pretty fantastic. You know you have a good job, when part of it is doing your best Count laugh.

For the rest of the hour, we replay Josh's visit. So, with that, have a good weekend and be safe this Halloween.

Thursday, October 26

Hi Everyone! Erica here to let you know what is going on in "The Gray Area." We've got a lot of great audio for you tonight. I am working on getting the writer of the Ethan Albright letter. Hopefully, he will call back soon.

7pm: Starting off sweet as ever, the guys start off playing, "Throw the Jew Down the Well" from the Borat movie. They then want to know if I have horns. Thanks guys, I really appreciate the tolerance and acceptance demonstrated at the station.

Well at least, they make up for it by pimping the blog. They liked the pranker tips from yesterday. Thanks guys.

This leads them to the question: What's with the popularity of blogs when it is so difficult to read on the computer? Well, first of all... my blog is easier to read because of the black background. (I don't know if that's true, but I want you to read my blog.) We hear from callers that you can change the background or can get an anti-glare monitor.

We played a remix of Barbra Streisand saying, "Shut the F*** Up" to a heckling fan about a month ago. I gotta say, the f-word is in that song about 50 times. It took forever to bleep all of those out and that song will be in my head for the next 3 weeks.

To end the hour, we will be speaking to Charlie DeMarco, the editor behind the Ethan Albright letter. Hopefully, he will be as funny as the letter would have you believe. I really want to know if they are in trouble for it. Ethan's mother told me their lawyers were looking into it. He made a sweet, Southern lady sad. That's just not right.

Charlie is pretty cool and informs us that he's not worried. Apparently, because they let you know on the site, they are not culpable. I let him know that I spoke to Ethan's mother and he guessed correctly that she was not pleased with the language used. He also lets us know that Ethan made the ugliest player All-Star team. Brad makes sure he knows to keep going with the cursing.

8pm: Menace, producer of "Sex With Emily," sent Chris an email letting him know that Brad always leaves his e-mails up on the computer. Menace kinda calls him out on all the gay porn sites and emails. Wow, that explains a lot about Brad's supposed homo-nausea.

Chris asks about the term, "uber-gay." Dan tells him that maybe it is a guy who wears lipstick to bed. This stems from a description of the Bruno character by Sacha Baron Cohen. Chris also notices that the gay men in America are always incredibly cut and strong, but internationally, this is not the case. He would like to see a fight between American gay men and European gay men.

The guys ask about precocious little kids. If you have one of these kids, does it creep you out sometimes. Is it weird for you when a 4-year-old is speaking like an adult? When I was waiting tables, I had a little kid tell me that my "service was fabulous and the food was magnificent." It was funny, but really weird to hear that in that little, squeaky voice.

They found a story about a pole dancing kit for little girls. This is the most disturbing toy I have ever seen. What the hell? Brad is absolutely appalled, Chris thinks there might be some value if she is pretty, but not that bright. Here's another good story about toys. This cop toy says the f-word.

Also, to continue these child-friendly stories, we hear about a drug-addicted mother who stopped CPR to have a cigarette. This sounds bad enough, but it gets worse. You'll have to read for yourself, it's depressing.

To close out the hour, the guys go over "The 50 Worst Video Game Names" from GameRevolution.com. My favorite is "Ninja Hamster." I want to play that. It reminds me of DancingHamster.com, which as I just checked is no longer on the Internet. :( Number 1 on the list: Irritating Stick. What the hell kind of game is that?

9pm: In this area, we want to know, how Bay Area bad can you be? This is sparked by a guy who drives a tank to work. This thing gets like 2 miles to the gallon. Yeah, I can't imagine that going over so well on 101.

Tim in Vallejo suggests wearing a pink tutu and rollerblades in the Financial District singing "Oops, I Did It Again." That would be a sight to see. Go for it Tim, and please, please send us pictures.

Other Ideas:
- Fishing with Dynamite
- Covering Your Car in Fur, With "God Made Adam and Eve, Not Adam and Steve"
- Walking around with a small, mentally-challenged child on a leash (from Mike in Lafayette)

Somehow during this discussion, they start talking about menudo, some soup with pig intestines. This also leads to eating cow eyes. Ugh. They give me crap for never having menudo, but I'm going to have to pass on that one. The cow eyes, too.

Mike in Benecia tries to set the tone with, "What happened when you were hit on by someone unexpected?"
- For me, it was by friends that I had known for years with no clue of their feelings
- Brad was hit on by a girl who his brother had picked up
- Chris was hit on by an older lady with her husband in the other room. He ran away when she put his um, "special part" by her face.

We call Chris' girlfriend, "Ace" to hear her Rocky Mountain Oyster story. She was waiting on a woman who didn't know what they were. She was being incredibly picky with them. Finally, she eats them and with her date smirking. When she finds out what they are, she leaves in a huff, and all her date can do is shrug and say, "I guess we'll have the check."

10pm: To start us off, Kyle in Livermore tells us that he had sex with his best friend's mom when he was 15. He said that instead of being hot, it was incredibly awkward. Because she was so experienced, and he was so inexperienced, he felt completely inadequate.

Then Teddy Jr. in Oreville calls in to tell us about the time that he was hit on by a widow right after the funeral. She was much older and pulled him upstairs where they messed around. I think he didn't like it very much. Probably more awkward than anything.

All of this conversation makes Brad think of the Dodger announcer clip from last night. He feels hit on just hearing that announcer. It is pretty over the top, they should really look into this.

Finally, we are giving away the Exotic Erotic tickets. We gave tickets to Mike in Lafayette and Karen in Tracy for good calls. Other expo winners are Rudy in Pleasanton and Lee in Hayward. The big winner with tickets to both the Expo and the Ball is Paul in Novato. Congratulations to all the winners. Have a good night and I apologize to my mother.

Wednesday, October 25

7pm: The guys had forgotten to do "Best, Worst, Scariest, Funniest," but fortunately Brad saves it just by getting dressed. Brad, who knows nothing about football, comes in wearing a Pittsburgh Steelers jersey. The number is 10 and the name is Stewart. After asking him who his favorite Steeler is before the show, Brad says "Patrick Stewart." You know, of "Star Trek: The Next Generation." Of course, what he means is Cordell Stewart, who hasn't played for the Steelers in years. Patrick definitely looks like an NFL player though, easy mistake.

So, before we talk about "Deal or No Deal," we get an update on Playboy winner, Anthony's, situation. When we last spoke to him on Monday, his wife had moved out of the house. Since then, he has called Promotions Director, Chris DeNatale, 4 times to change the guest he's bringing. He keeps switching between his wife and boss. Finally, Chris gets fed up and stops letting him change it. In the middle of the update, Anthony calls in. He tells us that she has come back and left again since Monday. The violence of course has continued. Anthony should just take his stuff with him to the Mansion and move on from there.

Do you watch "Deal or No Deal?" I have to admit, I held out for a while, but after catching it on CNBC, that is one addictive show. For something with so little substance, it is riveting. Of course, Chris and Brad are more interested in the models holding the briefcases. None of us understand why we like it so much. Chris is especially surprised by the overt manipulation, with the music, the models and the way they go to commercial. We have a bunch of audio from the show. First, there is a clip of the US version where a guy lets the f-bomb fly when he opens a big number case.

What the guys notice in comparing the "Deal or No Deal" girls to those of the Robert Palmer video, is that it's the group that makes them attractive. On their own, many of them are not that good looking. It's that moment when they all walk in together, that's what makes them special. By the way, is there a picture of Howie Mandel that doesn't look creepy?

8pm: Right at the beginning of the hour, the fire alarm goes off. That is incredibly loud. The thing is Chris and Brad ran outside and left Dan and I hanging up here. Whatever happened to women and children first? Man, chivalry is dead.

"The Bridge" is opening soon. This is a documentary focusing on the suicides occurring at the Golden Gate Bridge. There has been an argument for a suicide rail being put up. You can see the trailer here.

The argument is that the rail will better prevent jumpers. Of all those stopped, only 6% have succeeded in other ways. The other argument is that this will be incredibly expensive. Furthermore, if people really want to commit suicide, they will find a way.

During this discussion, I get a bunch of prankers trying to get through. Here's a couple of tips:
a) Don't call and say your wife tried to jump if you sound 16
b) Don't have your friend audibly coach you, when on the phone with me
c) Don't use a fake voice, it sounds fake

9pm: We get some pretty intense calls about this topic. Todd from Santa Rosa, whose father committed suicide off the bridge, lets us know that he would have done it either way.

We also get a call from Killian from San Francisco. He dropped his camera off the bridge and made a video of it on YouTube. It's ok. The making of is interesting, but not what is expected. The fall itself is not captured well, but if you're bored, go ahead and check it out.

Don in Daly City tells us about a man who tried to lower himself off the bridge in '88 in a garbage can to protest the treatment of the elderly. He ended up breaking some ribs and suffering a collapsed lung. Apparently, this wasn't enough for him. In 2003, he tried to lower himself from a rope to protest the Iraq war. This time he was not so lucky.

Mark in Burlingame tells us that a buddy of his in high school jumped off the bridge. He survived and was able to swim back to shore. The guy did it just to be crazy, not to commit suicide. It's always those crazy bastards that survive.

To move onto a lighter subject, Chris and Brad talk about those immasculating moments in life. Chris says he feels that at Home Depot. It is impossible to track down help, and when you finally do, they make you feel like a girly-moron. Our Program Director, Jason Insalaco, had an immasculating moment at Home Depot because he needed a hammer. They sell them there, but no man is supposed to have to buy one.

Other Examples:
- A man criticizing your knot
- When watching a game at the bar and messing up a comment
- When your dad calls you out on your finances

10pm: We continue our topic of immasculation. This reminds me of a moment of glory from my youth. In fourth grade, after reluctance to let me play, I stole the ball from the best boy soccer player in front of everyone. The look on his face and the taunts of the other boys, was enough to make my whole year.

More Examples From This Hour:
- Whenever you walk onto someone's boat
- Being called out on sports by a girl (my specialty)
- Not knowing something about bbq (Chris had a rough experience with this one)

We have more Exotic Erotic Ball and Expo tickets. But first, Brad's Penile Euphemism of the Day: Fishnet Willy. What does that even mean?

Also, Chris reads a story about a new treatment for alcoholism, LSD. I don't know if tripping balls is how you want to be when in withdrawal. I've never dropped acid, but I know it's an intense, introspective experience. I can't imagine it would be something to ease that pain.

South Boston has banned tag, touch football, and any other chasing games. Does this mean no more Capture the Flag? That is so sad. I bring up the game, "Heads Up/7 UP." All I remembered is that you sat with your head down and put your thumb up. Chris and Brad treat me like I made it up, but Sarah from security and Kim from Vallejo back me up. I looked up what it is, and it is the stupidest game ever.

Tuesday, October 24

Hi! Erica here to keep you updated on "The Gray Area." Remember to comment on anything you read.

7pm: The guys start off talking about a letter written by Ethan Albright, long snapper for my Washington Redskins. Albright is apparently the lowest rated player on Madden 2007. He was none too happy with this slight and wrote a vicious letter to John Madden. Here is a copy of the letter, but beware, it contains some very strong language. Although profane, this letter is absolutely hilarious.

One of the best lines: "You make it sound like I wake up in the morning, helplessly s*** and p*** myself, then lose three of my teeth before I discover that I am trying to eat a rock for breakfast. "

I am trying to reach Ethan, although he is pretty difficult to get ahold of. Finally, I reach his incredibly sweet mother. She informs me that he definitely did not write it. He would never use that kind of language and is having lawyers look into it now. Thank you Mrs. Albright for all your help. This letter is all over the internet.

So apparently, the culprit is Juan Turlington at "The Phat Phree Press." Good job, Juan. I will now pull that fishhook out of my mouth. Although, you should be ashamed of yourself, you made a sweet old lady in North Carolina very upset.

From here, the guys go on Craigslist and find posting in "Casual Encounters" from Oracle employees. The most surprising entry:

Here I am trying this again tonight. So far basically zero response. I'm serious, I just want someone to lay in bed with and cuddle!!! Surely there is someone else out there as lonely as I am! Nice professional white male, looking for someone to keep company this week. Maybe your in town for the Oracle conference, if so, great let's go check out the exhibition hall together, if not that's fine too. Either way, if your looking for someone who is kind, respectfull, funny, and a pleasure to be around send me an email.
I enjoy cuddling, holding hands, long kisses, massages, etc etc. Sex isn't an requirement, but if we click and chose that, then know that I am drug and disease free. I am a kind, gentle, passionate lover who truly seeks to pleasure whom I am with. I am open to any body type or age, just be down to earth, caring, and like to be with a truly nice guy who isn't going to just treat you like a piece of meat.

That is pretty sad. Chris thinks he might be a half-cheater. Someone who wants to spend time with someone else, but not go as far as having sex. Either way, just looking at this ad makes me depressed. And if you look it up and see his picture, you'll know what I mean.

To end the hour, we are giving away the premium Exotic Erotic prize (tickets to both ball and expo). The question is: What is Brad's nickname? They said that it has been mentioned a few times. Don't feel bad if you don't know it. I work here and I don't even know.

8pm: Peter from San Francisco calls in to try and win tickets. He doesn't even know the question yet, but what the hell. He says that either way he should win because the Playboy dvds we sent him were the "Girls on McDonald's."

The question is: "what is Maria Shriver's middle name?" I found it online in about 5 seconds. So did our winner, Jeff from SF. But, a lot of other people who guessed were funny, and at least
receive tickets to the expo. It was "Owings," by the way. What a crappy middle name.

Chris needs your help. His girlfriend, Ace, wants to know where their dog goes when it runs away. Dan suggests that he goes to a spy shot and mounts a camera on the dog. They mention dogs in hats in the discussion. So, if you need to see something either funny or depressing (I'm not sure which), you can check this out.

I missed what they were talking about, but they wonder if we can have pre-made apologies on the podcasts. I suggest that we set up a link on the website, where the complaining party can type in their issue, and a automated voice will fill it in. I think that would be awesome.

To wrap up the 8pm hour, Chris and Brad have to bitch a little bit on a serious topic. Reportedly, Latin American migrants will send a record, 45 billion back to their native countries. Chris thinks that instead these people should use this money to bring them here. I understand that point, but it does not seem feasible. They say that anything is better than all that money just leaving our economy.

9pm: Coming back, the phones are lit up on this subject. If there is one topic that will incite calls in California, it is immigration. The opinions we get are all over the board. Some people enthusiastically agree with Chris and Brad. Others are irate at their assertions.

For me, it's interesting, because on the East Coast, no one ever talks about this. I do, however, remember my El Salvadorian co-workers working 3 jobs to support their families back home. Say what you will, but they are the hardest working people I know.

If you missed this discussion, feel free to send Chris and Brad an email or leave a comment here.
My neighbor growing up was the Director of the Western Hemisphere Division of the International Monetary Fund until 2002. Hopefully, he will be able to give us some insight into this tomorrow. And, he probably has some stories about me as a little kid.

This discussion lasts for the hour and is pretty in-depth. We get a lot of very intelligent callers with varying perspectives. Thank you to everyone who called in on this topic.

10pm: Ok, so that was a great discussion, but it is time to move on to something less serious.

To move on they talk about quitting cigarettes. Brad, Chris, and I are all addicted to nicotene, me less than them. Chris thinks that the hardest thing is missing the cool factor. He claims that all those people giving us dirty looks are just jealous of how cool we are. In this city, I'm not so sure. People hate smokers here.

Brad talks about the "send all" mistake. Where you can accidentally send out a personal email to everyone else. Another email mistake he has made is the signature on his emails. He had a cutesy signature for his personal emails. Accidentally, he includes it on his resume to some serious job applications. I couldn't catch exactly what it was, but it wasn't what HR wants to see.

Chris has never made the "Send All" mistake, but he has drunk-emailed. I have definitely made mistakes with too many IM windows open. The worst is when you're talking smack about someone and accidentally im them with it.

Brad seems to have been in quite a bit of trouble by computers. Brad had been getting provocative emails from female listeners. After warned by his wife to get rid of all of this, he deleted all the emails. But then... his computer crashed. He uses his backups to save everything, mistakenly reloading all those dirty emails. Of course, these are all found by T. OOH, that must not have been good at all.

Brad reads a story about a guy who beat up the Cookie Monster character at a mall in Middletown, MD. The worst part, the person playing Cookie Monster was an 18 year old girl. And, he did it in front of a crowd of small children. It's stories like this that make me proud to be from Maryland. To the right is my estimation of how Cookie looked after the fight.

To continue on a light note, the guys read a story about a man who disciplined his kids with ants. This reminds Chris of his dad horrible punishments. When they were bad, they would have to kneel on hot beans on the floor. That is awful.

Oh so classy, Brad's penile euphemism is "a baby's arm with an apple." Oh man, yeah Mom, definitely sorry. Have a good night everyone.

Monday, October 23

Hi! It's Erica here and I hope you all had a great weekend. I know I did. Except for the damn Redskins, but we won't go into that. Hey at least we're not the Cardinals, losing to the Raiders??!! We have

7pm: Chris starts off bitching about John Mellencamp singing, "This Is Our Country," during the World Series pre-game. We all know this song from the Chevy commercials, and he points out that this is first song to sell out before it is even a single. Brad is mostly concerned with his hair. Chris thinks that you can either sell it as a commercial jingle or as a single. Not both.

From here the guys go to "Best, Worst, Scariest, Funniest"
Best: Brad's is the Pacifica pier, Chris' is going to the Livermore airport still thriving
Worst: Brad's is that he overheard someone talking about Coyote being funny. T, Brad's wife, is so offended by that opinion, that she walks out of the restaurant.
Chris' worst is when he goes by the golf course by Patterson on the 5. Fortunately, I have not yet done that drive, so I have no idea what he's referring to.
Scariest: Brad's is a visit to one of the discount clothing stores. He had to leave the store because he was so frustrated with the poorness of the help there. I can't even go into those stores. It's just so damn disorganized and stressful.
Chris' is that he realized on the drive, that he hadn't looked into his rearview mirror for like 2 hours.
Funniest: Brad's is that he went to See's Candies. He was trying to put a lollipop into his daughter's purse, and pushing her along. She wouldn't budge, until Brad realizes that it is not in fact, his daughter. Chris' is a song that he heard at Starbucks, but I suck, and missed the funny line.

The scariest thing for me today was going to get dim sum. I always end up ordering whatever, because I am afraid of the counter people. Why are the people at the dim-sum places always so damn mean?

Chris found the following ad in the Pennysaver:
ANTIQUE DENTIST TOOLS
Sell or trade for needed dental work, please. In pain.

Wow, that's a little bizarre. They wonder how much pain you must be in to place that ad. After looking at pics online, I am certainly glad to be in the 21st century. Brad asks if he doesn't realize how long that will take for this to work. They ask me to call the number on the ad during break, I wonder how this will go.

The guys are upset that "Deadwood" has been cancelled. Chris has loved it from the get-go, and Brad is just getting into it. Dan and Chris have a little tiff about the plans for the last episodes. Somehow they drag me into the whole argument. Damn, I've never even seen it.

The point is they wonder what shows you like, that were cancelled too soon. Number 1 on all the lists is "Firefly." I was prodded to see the pilot and wasn't too impressed. It seemed to overdramatic, just like "Buffy."

8pm: I'm still trying to reach the antique dentist tools guys. No answer though and no information on the voicemail. There is something sketchy about this.

James from American Canyon tries to set the tone with a story about a guy siphoning diesel out of a semi into a 5-gallon bucket. So, what is the craziest thing that you have seen in the car?

Although we still get a few calls about cancelled shows, James successfully sets the tone. We hear about a windshield shattering on the freeway, a dog flying out of a car window, and people cutting live wires in Detroit.

This is interrupted after a call from Anthony from San Francisco. If you don't remember, last week we gave Anthony Playboy Mansion tickets for having the worst wife ever. She has one hell of a temper, but when we spoke to her, she seemed to be sweet. Apparently, after he got home, she went all out on him. She even hit him over the head with glass and she put his car into park while he was driving.

He tells us that tonight, she left him. There have been other problems, but it supposedly has been escalating since we spoke to them. If everything Anthony is saying is true, this woman is incredibly abusive. He is better off without her and her violent behavior.

She will, however, probably come back. He has been supporting her and is putting her through nursing school.

Charles from Oakland tells us a story about a strip tease he got driving down the 5. This reminds Chris of a whorehouse in a tractor-trailer that used to be on the 99. He says that you would go in the trailer and do your thing rolling down the highway. Wow, that is some seedy, seedy behavior.

9pm: To start the hour, we get a few more calls about crazy things you've seen while driving. Jay says he saw a car where the driver is putting on her make-up, the passenger is steering and reading a book. Wow. I thought it was bad when I saw people reading a newspaper while driving in the city.

Seriously, what is wrong with people? I mean, I talk on my phone while driving, but I feel ok about that compared to these drivers.

So, I got a return call from the antique dentist tools ad. The ad is apparently over a month old, and the tools have already been sold. The woman I spoke to was uneasy about the situation and said that it was not her tools. She did, however, say that she would give our number to the desperate individual. Hopefully, she will call. Honestly, I am just shocked that it was a woman.

Jeff from Auburn calls in with great story about stupid things while driving. He saw a woman, shaving her legs while driving. She had her leg up on the dash, foam and all, cut herself, and then PUT HER FOOT THROUGH THE WINDOW!! Holy Crap!!!

While I am looking for stupid driving videos on YouTube, Chris is talking about the golf game on his cell phone. What drives him nuts is that even when you do things right, the ball still sometimes goes nowhere. The video I found is an interview with America's Worst Driver. Wow, she really shouldn't have a license.

Chris reads a story about a woman who woke up blind from drinking too much Jager. Man, how much Jager must that have been? I knew Jager was bad news, but I didn't know it was this bad.
Vegemite has been banned for consumption in the US. After reading in Wikipedia about what it is, I'm glad. That is just gross. Yeast extract left over from brewing beer. I worked in a brewery and have seen what that looks like. Imagine that beige pond scum you see in a sewer creek. Eww.

10pm: To make me happy, the guys decide to rush through the Exotic Erotic Expo tickets. The winners to the Expo are: Nate in Hayward, Tsyon in Fremont, Alex in Forestville, Jim in Oakdale, and Ike in Vallejo. Congratulations to Alex in San Rafael for winning tickets to both the Expo and the Ball.

Killing time while I'm taking calls, the guys read a story about an Alabama candidate for governor. She is no normal candidate, she is using her cleavage as a means to get attention. She even has t-shirts and marijuana stash boxes with pics of her boobies. Well, at least she knows how to work with what she's got.

Gullibility is one of my favorite traits in a listener. Sean from SF calls in after Chris and Brad joke that they don't like 4 hour listeners. He said he was mad and hung up. Called back and hung up after we teased him, and finally went on the air. Although, I guess he was joking, so now maybe I am the gullible one. Dammit.

Eli from Sonoma makes me feel better though. He calls to say that he had completely bought the joke that the Red Bull planes were model planes. I can't tease him too much though, I bought it too. Yeah, maybe I'm not that smart.

Brad reads one of his favorite stories of the day. Apparently, this guy catches sharks from his 6th story apartment while playing Playstation. He just leaves his pole rigged to a bell on the balcony, and leaves the game when the bell rings.

This method angers Chris because of its lazy nature. I'm with you Chris, I want to see hand-to-paw combat in hunting. At least use a bow and arrow. But, don't go out there and use an assault rifle to hunt a deer and call it a sport. Brad feels a little differently. For such a nice guy, he sure has a thirst for prey.

This clip from "South Park" is how I see hunters.

Chris tells a story about when he and girlfriend, Ace, went deep sea fishing in Hawaii. She kicked his ass and caught a much larger fish than he did. But, they each caught a marlin. What is bulls**t is that he doesn't get to keep the whole fish. He does, however, get to keep a cooler full of fish.

What's bad... on the flight back to the mainland, he stored the cooler of marlin in the overhead bin a few rows behind. Halfway through the flight, the cooler starts leaking onto the head of the poor guy underneath the compartment. That has got to be the worst, to finish your flight covered in cold, marlin juices. Ugh.

To end the show classy as ever, Brad's penile euphemism of the day: Flirty Sanchez. And with that, I apologize to my mother. I really am sorry. Have a good night.

Friday, October 20

Hello and Happy Friday!! Erica is here to keep you posted. By the way, I'm looking for ideas for Halloween costumes (not slutty ____ ). So, if you have a suggestion, leave a comment.

7pm: The guys remind everyone about the 98% principle. This is that 98% of listeners, never call, no matter what. They are trying to prove that they can change that. So, if you call for the first time, call your self a 98%er, instead of a first-time caller. Hopefully, one day we can lower that number, but it will take a lot of calls from you. Although he has nothing to say, Mike from the city calls in just because.

We have some great prizes tonight. We have 5 pairs of tickets to the Erotic Exotic Expo and one pair to the Expo and the Ball. We have some games for the Expo tickets. For the Ball tickets, we are asking people to send in the best Craigslist personal ad they see.

The calls are all over the place this hour and have been ringing off the hook. So, I'm sorry, but I missed most of what they have been speaking about. I feel all left out. Screw what they said, don't call.

One caller tries to set the tone about how wrestling has changed. One of these boy questions that I don't get. I will say this though, "Hogan Knows Best" on VH1 is pretty funny. Although, is it just me or is Hulk's relationship with his daughter a little creepy?

8pm: We start off with our first entry from Craigslist from Bob from New Ganata. It's pretty gross, but I think we can do better. I went looking on Casual Encounters, to see some examples. I gotta say, wow, that is nasty. People are freaks.

Apparently, Mike Tyson wants to fight a woman. What??? This leads the guys to ask what you would like to see Mike Tyson fight. Brad would like to see him fight a pack of rabid monkeys. Chris, on a similar note, would like to see orangatans. Bob from El Sobrante has a great idea. Mike Tyson vs. a gasoline powered iron.

We get suggestions for Tyson to fight Tom Leykis, Bill O'Reilly, and Rosie O'Donnell. I like all of those a lot.

For some more Mike Tyson fun, I found a list of his best quotes on Metafilter. My favorite is "I can sell out Madison Square Garden masturbating." I don't even know what to do with that. The scary thing is that the jail he was in, was right down the street from my house growing up. It's things like that, that make me proud to be from Maryland.

To close out the 8pm hour, we play guess the sex toy game. This includes vibrators, blow-up dolls, etc. Once again, sooo proud.

Robert from Vallejo guesses incorrectly, but gets tickets for being funny. Christian from San Jose correctly guesses that Airtight Annie is the name of a blow-up doll. Congratulations to you both!

9pm: To start off, the guys recap a story in Florida where another sting ray attacks. It jumped out of the water into his boat and stabbed him. I gotta wonder, are the sting rays mounting an attack. Maybe they are trying to take over the world. Something to think about.

The guys wonder something in doing a Friday evening show, does anyone dread the weekend? I know I don't. This is the best city for weekends. There is always something going on. They point out that as you get older, you don't want those crazy weekends of your youth. You can only do that for so long.

Chris brings up that the weekend can be terrible because you have a list for your whole weekend. You know, those Saturdays where your partner has planned task after task for you to complete. Do you even look forward to Monday, because you are happier working than at home? That is an incredibly depressing thought.

Furthermore, the guys want to know what if there was a nap room at the office. A big room with a bunch of cots where it would be acceptable to catch some sleep. Brad says he could sleep in there, but Chris thinks that he wouldn't be able to. He says he just wouldn't be able to relax. I say we get work hammocks, like on The Simpsons. You can get them in the Hammock district on 3rd.

Chris relays some news that makes me a sad panda. Apparently, Google-owned YouTube has taken down 30,000 files that violate copyright. I wonder what will happen to The Colbert Report and Daily Show clips. YouTube wouldn't be the same without those. They are still ok right now, but who knows about the future.

Time to give away more Exotic Erotic Expo tickets: This time it is vibrators once again. Congrats to the Phil from Richmond for knowing that "Pork Tornado" is not a vibrator. He wins a pair of tickets to the Expo. I gotta say, Phil sounded pretty indifferent to his victory.

10pm: We got another entry from our Craigslist contest. Bob was in the lead, with a obese man looking for an obese woman with a dog. Ummm, ok? But we have another entry that the guys like a little better. This one is from a super-sappy guy. Dan thinks that it is a trap from a sleazy guy who is laying the sensitive guy trap. I just think that the guy has a vagina.

After some consideration, we give the big prize to Bob from New Ganata. Congrats Bob! You are a sick bastard.

Chris and Brad read an email from listener, Seven. She is a stripper and is asking the all of you for some suggestions. She recently opened up her own business, where she treats her girls with respect and dignity. She doesn't want to advertise in sleazy magazines or Craigslist. She wants high-end clients for her high-end dancers. Where should she advertise?

Poor Chris and Brad, they thought they were done, but alas, one more pair left. This time, we're back to vibrators. Kevin in Livermore, unsuccessful with "Jolt Ruckus." Tim from Milbrae, sorry but it's not "Little Drummer Boy." Nick from Novato makes a smart guess with "Steely Dan," but sorry, not so. Dana guesses "Eduardo." So, obviously its the winner is, "Mr. Zap."

To wrap up the show, we play some audio from Jim Norton last night. It really was great. Thanks again Jim for taking time to hang out with us.

Thursday, October 19

Hi! Erica here again to keep you filled in on The Gray Area. We have a lot going on tonight. Most specifically, Jim Norton will be in studio AND we have 6 pairs of tickets to the Exotic Erotic Ball.

7pm: To start off, Brad does not know a lot about Jim. He has never seen "Lucky Louie" nor has he listened to O&A live. But, from watching some clips on YouTube, he knows that Jim is absolutely filthy. I could've told him that, it is damn difficult to find clean Jim Norton audio.

Chris' car has had a rough day. On Monday, his window was smashed out on the street. It has been a mission for him to get it replaced. The first company won't call him back after taking his credit card number. The second makes it sound a little too easy.

So, he stops by the Acura dealer to ask a glass question. On his way out of the dealer, he backs his car out and hits a lightpole in his blind spot. In the perfect spot to damage the bumper and the side panel. It will cost him $1,800 to get it fixed. Poor Chris, that sucks. The impressive part is that despite all this, he is staying positive. He is not, as Brad hoped, letting it ruin his whole day.

Chris brings up a website, SuperBowlMonday.com. This is the idea that the day after the Super Bowl a holiday. I'm all for it. National Hangover Day!!! Brad is probably not so into it, as he's not into football, but you would think Chris would be. Chris, however, thinks that enough people don't remember the Super Bowl well enough for that to fly.

Why can't anyone remember The Super Bowl? Chris asks me about the past two years, and although I know the teams, I don't remember the score. And I loooooove football. Adam from E. Vallejo says that it's because it's the saddest day of the year. No more football after this day. I'm with him on that one.

Brad admits that his wife and daughter are already sick of the beach. They live in Pacifica, with only one car, and have nothing to do but go to the beach.

So what would you do if you had Super Bowl Monday off? As Chris guessed most would do, I would finish off the keg. I mean, what else would you do?

8pm: So, it's 8, and Jim Norton is not here yet. We are getting a little concerned, but hopefully he will be here shortly.

Aaron from San Anselmo calls in about how smart offensive linemen are. The interesting part of this, and it's not the call, is that Brad wonders why I spell his name with two A's. What?? How did he not know that?

So, in killing time until Jim Norton arrives, Chris and Brad have a question. When women lose weight, they lose breast size. The guys wonder what if it were the other way around. If for every 50 lbs, you lost an inch. And, vice versa.

Maggie calls in to say that it wouldn't matter. If you gained enough weight to make a difference, no woman would be attracted to you anyway. Somehow, this conversation leads to the question, do you change your vibrator based on your partner's size.

The phones light up on this one. Why is it, that whenever we talk about penises on this station, the phones go crazy?? Ahh, this is one of those moments where I am so proud.

Most of the women who call in agree with Maggie. So do I. Shelley from Napa tells us that her ex gained so much weight that his disappeared. Eww.

Brad had a rough break. He both bit his tongue and burned his mouth on his coffee.

Congratulations to the Cardinals for making the World Series. I don't hate the Mets, but I'm pretty happy to see New Yorkers all pissed off.

9pm: Jim Norton has arrived! His flight out of Newark was delayed an hour. He upgraded to first class, but says that coach on Continental is disgusting.

They get into a conversation about Kiss and Pat Benetar. I might be a little young for this conversation.

Chris wants to know about there walkover to XM. Apparently, after their CBS show, they walk over to XM while still on the air. Jim says he actually really enjoys doing it.

The guys ask how Jim is doing about "Lucky Louie" being cancelled. Brad says he loves the show, which Jim buys, until Chris totally calls him on the fact he hasn't seen it.

Jim goes on a bit of a rant (what Jim Norton rant??) about the censoring that we have to do here. He thinks its paternalistic to dump any joke that is even slightly racial. His point is that black people get jokes and that white people should stop worrying so much about it.

We also get into Brazilian hookers. Jim informs us that you can get 10's for $70.

I'm trying to keep up with this, but Jim goes really fast. But if you want to know what happened with Jim Norton, definitely check out the podcasts.

The guys got an email from Patrick, who sent them gay porn as an example of what would happen if Jim hadn't showed.

Once again, Jim goes to hookers. He apparently looooves to pay for sex. The reason, the high you get from the knock on the door. Sometimes it's good, but he has paid for a lot of bad sex. One time, at around 18 or 19, he was rubbing a girl's back. He realized that she had quite a large back for a woman. It was a tranny, of course. Chris wants to know if he didn't experiment.

Brad and Jim bond over their porn addictions. They both like Evil Angel. Brad likes Vivid and Jim is not a big fan because of the condoms. We knew they would find their common love somehow. Brad is rocking in his seat at the excitement of Jim's porn stories.

10pm: So, we gave away our tickets for the night for the Exotic Erotic Ball. We went easy on everyone and just gave them to the first 6 callers. So, congrats to big winner Patty from San Francisco. And also to the other winners: Trevor in Vacaville, Wes in San Jose, Sean in Antioch, Jon in Sunnyvale, and Joe in Martinez.

My blog is a bit incomplete this hour. I missed quite a bit on the phone with the winners. I heard a little debate about whether Christina Ricca is hot and something about champagne. I think Ricci is pretty hot, she just has that crazy, crazy forehead.

The guy reads a story about an Austrian business who had to remove offensive urinals, seen to the right, courtesy of AP. It is considered crude and misogynistic to feminist groups. I think it's just creepy. This leads the guys to wonder about women's restrooms. They ask me if we have different facilities in different bathrooms. They thought there might be some that didn't have stalls or dividers. Jesus, I would hope not. That would be horrible.

Jason from Palo Alto tells us a horrendous story about his days in the army. He was in Kuwait, and their latrines are coed and just a hole in the sand. The worst part is that they burn their, uh, discharges and for some reason he had to stir the waste. I couldn't listen intently, because that is just nasty. Chris lists this as reason 413 that Brad would never survive in the Army.

Ok, congrats to our winners and thanks a lot to Jim Norton. Have a good night and I apologize to my mother.

Wednesday, October 18

Hi! It's your friendly screener, Erica, here to take your calls and tell you all about The Gray Area.

7pm: To begin the show tonight, we are going to be speaking to Jim "Griff" Griffith, spokesman from ebay. This guy was so difficult to track down. The ebay operators are pretty unwilling to give out information. In the 10-15 times I called, I was transferred before I could finish my question. What's up with that? Why does every company do that?!

Before we go Griff, Chris describes to us the meat aisle at a fancypants supermarket in Milbrae. He claims that the aisle is 45 yds long and zig-zagging. Furthermore, he tells us about a veal and kidney chop he saw. That sounds really disgusting.

Griff started off as one of the first buyers and now has been welcomed into their warm, corporate embrace. The reason we are calling him is to ask about the craziest items sold on the website. Things mentioned are organs, souls, etc. His favorite's are the topical ones. There were some great Jennifer Wilbanks t-shirts. Chris wants to know about the indentured servitude. Can't do that on ebay. Sorry to all of you looking for some yardwork. Brad asks about selling your cadaver on the site. Griff thinks it wouldn't fly because of the pre-sale rule, not that it's human remains.

Alright, we gotta get rid of some of these tickets. First up, seeing Adam do his show from the Playboy Mansion. The guys wanted to have someone iron their wife's wedding dress with an old gasoline iron. As we expected, PD Jason said this would be too dangerous. He even quoted things from the CBS practices manual. Yeah, kinda knew that wasn't gonna fly.

To get the tickets, you have to have the worst wife ever and/or the most to lose by going. Brad and Chris are definitely hoping that no one deserves it because they want to go themselves. Well, Chris wants to go, I think Brad is somewhat apprehensive.

8pm: We hear some pretty terrible stories. The worst is Andrew from Concord. His wife left him after their baby died, his cousin stole his inheritance, and it just gets worse from there. Either this guy has the most horrible life ever, or his is a very creative liar.

We also from Jim from San Mateo. He is about to go to jail and his wife left him for another woman, a month ago. This guy could use the Playboy Mansion, but he might be in jail at the time.

The guys get into a wonderful English debate about fellatio and fallacious. Brad thinks fallacious means a woman inclined to give fellatio. Chris, who is correct, says it means, "one that is telling a fallacy."

9pm: Ok, so we're still trying to find a good enough sob story. We've had some pretty good ones, but none that completely blew us away.

Anthony from San Francisco tells us a story about his wife. She got so angry that he ignored her that she carved his beloved Harley with a screwdriver. He is still with her despite her horrible temper because she is so hot. He says that she has given him black eyes and is constantly violent. She is going to kick his ass if he goes to this. Dan thinks she will burn the house down. Anthony is definitely in the lead.

The problem is, we kinda want a guy for whom the Playboy Mansion will be the perfect cure to this. Like someone whose wife just cheated on him or completely freezes him out. Brad throws in a woman who was a Playboy bunny, but is now a Playboy warthog.

We call Anthony back and offer him an ultimatum. He either puts his wife on the phone or he doesn't get to go. I don't think he's going to do it. He seemed pretty scared when I told him we needed her.

So, finally after a lot of work, Anthony allows us to call his wife, Kim. She is supposed to be pretty fiery. We have her on the line, and she sounds kinda sad. But the thing is, she sounds really sweet. Finally, after putting these two through the ringer, Chris and Brad decide to send them to Playboy. Congratulations to Kim and Anthony. Don't fight when you're there.

Jim from San Mateo is given a 4-pack of tickets to Cobb's Comedy Club to see Jim Norton on Friday. I know it's not Playboy, but it should be a good time, nonetheless. Speaking of Jim Norton, he will be on the show tomorrow.

10pm: Finally, the tickets are all taken care of. That was exhausting.

To start the hour and move on, Brad gives a little more insight into the hell that was his move. They ended up not turning in the truck till this morning because they were so worn down. Brad has to drive down to Milbrae at 8AM, which is awful in itself. Then, when going through the inspection in turning it in, the agent says that a big dent on the truck is Brad's fault. Brad swears that he hit nothing.

The nice piece of this story, Brad heeds Chris' advice to not let it ruin his whole day. Fortunately, after a morning of sadness and frustration, it did work out.

Don't forget that tomorrow and Friday, we will be giving away tickets to the Exotic Erotic Ball. We have 6 pairs each night, so definitely tune in and be ready to humiliate yourself for our amusement. One pair will be VIP.

I have never been to the Exotic Erotic, nor has Brad. Chris has been about 3 times. We want to hear your stories about the ball. Chris wonders why everyone says that it has changed and isn't what it used to be.

"Bill from Hayward" calls in to give some info to the ball. I am almost positive it is the pranker. He is saying generalizations that everyone kinda knows.

I have heard that the difference is that there are a lot more people who go to be cool. Everyone in the city knows about it, so it's one of the things to do. Kinda like, Halloween in the Castro.

JD from Vacaville calls in and really has the lowdown on the ball. He has been several times and says that if you are going to go, you gotta go VIP. Brad wants to know if it would be fun to take some shrooms and go. That sounds like an absolutely horrible idea.

We end the show on a really classy note: Brad's Penile Euphemism of the Day. Today's is Hot Rod Leaking. WOW. That is just lovely, Brad.

With that, I apologize to my mother and say goodnight.

Tuesday, October 17

Hi! It's Erica. Ahh Tuesday. We have a pretty packed show today. And the guys actually got the sleep. Hooray!! We also have a bunch of tickets this week to both Jim Norton and the Exotic Erotic Ball. And we also have a pair of tickets to see Adam do his show live at the Playboy Mansion. So keep listening for your chance to embarrass yourself and win.

7pm: After John from Berkeley called in to praise the podcasts and the blog, somehow Chris gets onto masturbation. He wants to know why your partner can't understand how you know what you like. She thinks you learned it from someone else, but it's just something you figure out on your own. Brad throws in something about having the owner's manual. Well, I guess this is how the show is going tonight.

This leads us to a story about a masturbation video. Apparently, this candidate for sheriff has a video of him masturbating into a hole in the Mojave Desert. Candidate Magnuson is confused as to why this matters. Seriously dude, you don't get why people are tripped out by their sheriff digging a hole and pleasuring yourself?

Chris pulls out a large old-timey iron that he picked up on Ebay six months ago. The reason he bought it, it's a gasoline powered iron. I feel like only bad things can come from this. Brad and Chris are both a little afraid of it. But, this is the deal... you have to fill it up with gasoline and iron your wife/mother's wedding dress.

Coming back from break, we speak to the Governator himself. He really is over the top. I gotta say, it is pretty intimidating speaking to Arnold himself on the phone. He reveals that he his hiding his scary wife and that his son was drunk-driving a motorcycle.

Also, Arnold debuts a new initiative of dropping recess in favor of three hours of weight lifting. Even babies will have tiny weights to start early. Brad suggests some aqua aerobics for in utero.

Another plan is to tax anyone with a pet fish. This tax will be $40 a month. If you don't pay it, said fish will be claimed by the state. This will go first to widening the PCH into a 30 lane highway by paving over the beaches. The catch: it will only be one way. The second part of the plan, to have personal freeways. Each of us will have our own freeway designed for our own commute.

Arnold also pledges to give everyone swords and tunics to prevent crime. Brad asks "What is best in life?" Apparently, this is a reference to the "Conan" movies. I guess Arnold's answer makes sense to Brad and Chris because they laugh hysterically. For me, well I'm a girl, so I have no idea what they are talking about.

Of course, this is not really Arnold. It is in fact Josh Thompson, fantastic Arnold impersonator.

8pm: The guys come back with the most ridiculous audio of Arnold back in his bodybuilding days. He is talking about how he is c**mming all the time. I can't even begin to explain it, but it is insane.

Over break, we were discussing old, cheesy Arnold movies. I haven't seen "Conan," but I have seen "Commando." This makes Brad think of the worst line. Arnold is fighting a guy with lead pipe. He pins him against a steam pipe (I'm probably messing this up) and says, "How about you let off a little steam?" So, what are the corniest lines in movies?

Chris from Fremont brings up the master of cheesy movie lines, Steven Seagal. We can't think of any specifics, but there is certainly a plethora. (I love that word.)

The top actors for cheesy lines: Arnold, Clint Eastwood, Patrick Swayze, Wesley Snipes. Speaking of Wesley Snipes, he has been indicted for owing the government $12 million. Damn Wesley, that is a lot of dough. He supposedly was sucked into a scam where he was given horrible financial advice. He was told he could only be taxed on foreign activities, not anything earned in this country. Come on Wesley, you really bought that?!

I missed the intro coming back from break, but the guys start off with a clip from the CBS sexual harrassment video. The audio has something about porn having to do with ping-pong balls. A guy in suspenders is offended by the porn watching. It's always the guy with the suspenders.

Our friend Bob from New Ganata sent an Ebay listing for some change and a half-eaten bagel. Check it out, it's pretty hilarious. This leads Chris and Brad to wonder if Ebay has a hall of fame of the craziest items. We are going to try and speak with someone about this tomorrow.

9pm: Before we go to the contests, we open up the phones to set the tone. Phil from Hayward asks what the deal is with North Korea. I think Kim Jung Il just wants some attention. He was feeling a little left out with all the chaos in Venezuela and the Middle East, and he wanted some press.

Ok, so somehow from talking about bombs, Brad is able to make a Shatner reference. When an amazed Chris points this out, Brad says, "William Shatner's got his toe in a lot of people's apple pie." What does that even mean?

The guys again explain their idea for giving away the tickets to see Adam at the Playboy Mansion. A lot of guys call in willing to iron anyone's wedding dress for these tickets. The most extreme is David from San Jose, who is willing to use his fiancee's wedding dress in this fiasco.

The thing is, we still have no idea how this works. Very smart caller, Rich from San Francisco, seems to have it all figured out. I would offer the explanation, but I stopped listening as soon as he got remotely technical.

Then they get even more technical about white gas and modern gas. Sorry, but all of this is over my head. All I got is that today's gasoline is much more dangerous than the gasoline of 70 years ago. This idea is sounding worse and worse by the minute.

To wrap up the hour, Chris and Brad read a story about the new product, Season Shot. It's a bullet that dissolves into your game upon impact. The bullets are of a seasoning, so the meat is supposedly flavored immediately.

Right before the break, that stupid pranker gets through pretending to be someone really stoned. I'm gonna beat the crap out of that kid one of these days.

10pm: Ok, so to start the hour, the guys read a story about a meth user in Vista, who does the grossest thing ever. He collects his urine, to extract the meth out of it and reuse it. Wow, desperation is an ugly, ugly thing.

We have some tickets to see Jim Norton at Cobbs Comedy Club in North Beach on Friday. Tonight, we have a new contest to give these tickets away. The listener will have to call in and break something. If Chris and Brad can successfully guess what it is, then that's a winner.

The best part is that Brad explains this game to Chris about 6 times. No matter how much explanation, Chris just doesn't seem to get it.

We have two winners in this game, after all sorts of confusion and technical difficulties. But either way, congrats to Steve in San Francisco and Nick in Benecia, for breaking a light bulb and traction respectively.

Yesterday, Chris and Brad ask how poverty calls small penises. Teddy from Waterville says that poverty leads to shrinkage from being out in the cold. Then, these poor people have children and pass on the shrinkage through evolution. Chris thinks this theory sucks. Brad and I think there might be at least a little value to it.

Pranker tries to call in on this too, but what he doesn't understand is that he has screwed himself out of getting on for a real call. There is no longer any caller/screener trust. He has violated this sacred bond.

At this point in the show, the guys and Dan start talking about rockets and the space program, and something about V2s. I got nothing on this stuff. Never seen the Star Trek movies or Star Wars.

To end the show on a high note, the guys read a story about a man crushed to death between a conveyor belt and a roller used to grind grain. That is horrifying.

The last story of the night, is a guy in Pennsylvania who was given a DUI for holding the wheel for his friend. His sober friend, the driver, asked him to hold it for a second so he could take a bite of his sandwich.

Ok, so with that, goodnight and I apologize to my mother.

Monday, October 16

Hey everyone, hope your Monday isn't too rough. Erica here to fill you in on everything Gray Area related. I'm a little upset today after my Redskins completely sucked it up yesterday. My 'Skins made the Titans looks like a playoff team.

7pm: To start, Chris and Brad let us know that they are combined for maybe 6 hours of sleep. Brad has been moving all weekend and Chris is coming down with something. They usually say they have 90% intelligence and 10% retard. Today, it may be reversed. So, to get it out of the way, they throw themselves into the Pit of Mediocrity.

To begin the show even stranger, Brad brings out his lifesize cut out of James T. Kirk. Soooo weird.

Brad's moving lesson: Most of the things you think you need to keep, 80% of it, you probably don't.

Nate from Oakland starts us off with a pretty weak story. He rips on me for not getting the irony of his story, and I guess it was ironic; however, still not that funny dude. Sorry. Chris and Brad agree and throw him into the pit.

Ok, back to Brad's move. Today he finally realized that maybe movers would be a worthwhile investment. The best part is that Brad did not actually move in to his actual apartment. He is staying in another apartment across the street for two weeks. WHAT??

In talking about the things he kept that he didn't need, Brad tells us about the box of old "gentleman's magazines" from the '80's. This leads into a lovely discussion about the difference in um, maintenance, between the 70's and now. If anyone saw Madonna in Playboy in the 80's, you know what I'm talking about. Eww.

Sheri from San Jose is 28 and has moved 22, yes 22, times. Christ. Her first suggestion is to not plan to go back to your old place and clean afterwards. It will be hell and you will be WAY to tired.

I tell the guys a story about my biggest moving mistake. When I first moved out here, I found a place on Craigslist. Since I was in Maryland, I did not meet the roommate or see the apartment before moving in. When I got there, immediately the creepy guy starts hitting on me. So, when he goes on an errand, I take the opportunity to dip out. After a few phone calls where he calls me a bitch and a whore, I finally go to get my money back. Of course, I'm not going to go alone. So, I bring this guy with me, who proceeds to spit in the creepy dude's face. Loser's response: to speed away on his little red scooter.

8pm: Brad seems to just get more and more tired. He says that the little time he had to sleep, his neighbor was nailing in posters or paintings. As soon as he rests his head, he hears that consistent sharp tapping through the wall.

You know, I was in an ok, awake mood when I came into work today. Maybe the exhaustion of these two has spread to me.

Chris throws out a little sports news. Both the trainer of the Giants and the manager of the A's are out. Apparently, Macha was not getting along well with some of the players. Brad tells us that when playing high school basketball, he was always voted to confront the coach.

I gotta say, this is pretty funny watching them completely fall to their lack of sleep.

Chris is dying to know how much of Brad's porn collection he still has. Apparently, Brad had boxes and crates full of porn dvds on cd spindles. Chris estimates about 800 discs. Holy crap Brad. How long did it take you to accumulate all of that? I don't know if I can look at him the same after that. Of course, as with everything else, Brad kept all the porn. To the left is my estimation of Brad's collection.

Chris reads a story about a city council in England that spent about 10,000 pounds on an investigation to see who was "baaing" during meetings. They prepared a 300 page report on this. Wow, if that's not an example of insane bureaucracy, I don't know what is. Apparently, the investigation is still not over. Do these people really have nothing better to spend their money or time on?

Chris and Brad now ask, what do you wish you had paid attention to in school? Brad's is spelling. Chris' is grammar. He admits that he was one of those kids who never went to class, but kept getting through. He also wishes he had paid more attention in auto shop.

9pm: This hour we're going to be giving away tickets to Jim Norton (of O&A fame) at Cobb's Comedy Club. Good luck everyone.

Our 14 year old caller, Aaron from Newark, calls in to give his input. Brad suggests to this impressionable young listener, to set off a stink bomb in class. Ah, I can see the headline now: "Radio Show Host In Court for Encouraging Juvenile Deliquency."

By the way, as Chris brings this up, did you see the game tonight?! HOLY CRAP! I can't believe the Cardinals blew that. Grossman has 5 turnovers and wins?? Wow. Chris makes a great point that the Arizona Cardinals are the most entertaining team in football, when playing at night. They always hang in there and make it exciting, and always lose.

Brad needs help. His pack rat nature has led him to move all kinds of things he didn't need. Chris wonders if there is a service that will rid him of his clutter. Of course there is, he needs an arsonist. Done and done. Although I guess they might be looking for a more legal option.

Chris asks if Brad would allow Chris and I to come over and help him purge. He immediately says no. Where is the trust Brad, where is the trust?

So, during break, I went to the restroom. When I came back the cut-out of Captain Kirk is propped against the window between the studios. He's staring at me. It's really skeeving me out.
I don't know if you saw the FIU/Miami fight this weekend. That was crazy. Here is a link of the video. That was just crazy. In talking about it, they bring up running laps for punishment in high school sports. That brings back bad memories for me of running suicides and doing bleachers when I played soccer in high school. My knees hurt just thinking about that.

10pm: Over the break, Chris and I were discussing girl's field hockey. He wonders why there were never any boys field hockey teams. It's such a violent sport and the boys version would be just that much bloodier. I remember seeing my cousin's enormous bruises from her days as a field hockey player.

Chris starts having memories of his jr. high gym teacher forcing them to play badminton. Brad is just excited to get to use the word, "shuttlecock."

Once again, the guys start talking about Brad's enormous porn collection. He claims that he never watches internet porn directly on the computer. He says that he always burns the porn on a dvd and takes it to another room to watch it on tv. Chris is calling shenanigance on this one. Brad says that he has to do that because the computer room has no lock on it. I don't know if I believe him. Someone has to though, I guess.

Ok, so now I think we really are going to give away the Jim Norton tickets. Once again, we are playing Mental Speedbump. This is a game where the caller has to speak on a given topic for 60 seconds. The catch is that they can't say um or uh or pause. It's pretty difficult.

Our first contestant, Kim, curses in her attempt. Chris, Dan and I all missed it. Fortunately, Brad caught it. This makes Chris enormously excited, as he is able to say, "Brad saved the station's license."

Coming back from break, Chris reads a story about a Pakistani man who committed suicide. Now, normally, you would not think this is funny, but he did so because he thought he had shot his fiancee. He was firing shots outside her house to convince her to get married earlier. In doing so, he accidentally grazed her with a stray bullet. Thinking he had killed her, he killed himself.

This contest is taking forever. I think everyone who is calling in is wasted. Most are losing by the pause. One of the guys who calls in starts going on and on about his penis pump. I think we have officially lost control of the show.

Finally, we just have to give up on the contest for the night. Tomorrow, we will give away 4 tickets to make up for it.

To put their sleepiness in perspective, the guys play a clip of Larry King's old radio show where he is completely exhausted. A kid calls in for advice on journalism, and Larry King is so tired that he has no idea what he is talking about. He then goes on and on about how professional he is for continuing. That was insane.

It does make them feel better about their state of being tonight.

To be as weird as possible, they want to know why the poor are responsible for giving them small penises. Uh, ok... With that, I say goodnight and apologize to my mother.