Thursday, November 30

Hey everyone. Erica here on this absolutely freezing day.

7pm: The guys start off talking about the Worst Christmas Song competition. Chris has a huge box of cds for this, and feels the need to lock it up in order to protect them. They think those such as Menace, an employee here, would be sure to steal it. They question the safety of their precious cds, because the lock has the combination pasted on the back.

Brian Spencer is trying to sell us ridiculously expensive pogo sticks. It's Extreme-Pogo. Never thought i would hear that phrase. But, the thing is, apparently he got on the front page of a section of the Chronicle for this. Chris and Brad think that he must have pictures of someone with a goat? Do photographers just follow people and goats around for these compromising photos?

Next to the pogo story, there was an article about how some of the bus stops are going to smell like cookies. This is apparently the idea of a milk company. Because apparently smelling cookies at the bus stop, will make you want milk? I guess? Although, now I really want some cookies. Dammit.

Ok, so (sigh), it is time for the Worst Christmas Song Ever. We have some pretty strong contenders tonight, and have confidence that Kathie Lee will fall from glory. She defeated Wing last night, with her and Reg's version of "Silver Bells." The best part is at the end, Kathie Lee says, "Bring it home."

The first one is AmericanGreetings.com's version of "My Humps." It is from the wise men's camels' perspective, and it is just horrible.

Number 3 is Fred McKinnon's rendition of "Oh, Holy Night." This is incredibly unholy, in every sense possible. Chris tries to couch the horror by admitting that it is very difficult song to sing, but there is no excuse for this. Upon listening, you would think it was a joke, but no, he is a worship leader with a cd.

I am so proud, because my boy Fred, wins by a landslide. I found this online yesterday, and it kicked ass. I can't really describe it, so you will have to listen, because we will definitely play this again and again.

8pm: The calls flooded as soon as Fred started to wail, and people are adamant in their vote. It is unanimous for Fred, and Chris and Brad say this is the first time in 15 years that this has happened.

We get a call from Scott in Cloverdale. He was listening in a parking lot with his windows down, and bystanders began yelling at him to turn it off. Fantastic.

Finally, we finish the Christmas music, and Brad retells a story from yesterday. Chris, Brad and I were walking to get coffee, and a homeless man approached Brad for a light. The thing is, he had a paper grocery bag filled with cigarette butts. He kept pulling them out and rejecting them. Finally, after about 2 or 3 minutes, Brad just gives him a new one, because it is just too horrible. The point is, that a smoker, will go to any depths in order to get his fix.

We got a suggestion for Barbra Streisand's version of "Jingle Bells." We were able to get 30 seconds of it off of Amazon, and it is pretty terrible. The tempo is just bizarre.

The guys go over the list of Dangerous Toys. Kids just can't fun anymore these days. One of these is the sneakers with wheels. They make the top of the list, because of the falling down aspect. Brad's daughter had a pair of these, and immediately broke her arm.

Other toys that are dangerous:
- Pyramid Stacker- which is just blocks, but can apparently cause puncturing
- Bow and Arrow Set - it is rubber-tipped with wooden arrows, but we all know you can break that right off.
- Lil' Snoopy- this would probably be fine, but has a long leash that is a choking hazard. This makes Chris sad, because its so cute, that he kinda wants one. Ok...
- Sky Blaster- it just looks like a Nerf rocket, but supposedly has potential for eye injuries.

9pm: National Lampoon has put together something with Michael Richard's rampage and Seinfeld clips. It is unedited, and the guys feel uncomfortable playing it with all the n-words. They used it when the incident occurred, but now the time has passed.

Many leaders in the black community have asked that everyone stops using the word whatsoever. Do you feel that this would be effective? Will people actually listen to this? In my opinion, probably not.

We get a lot of calls on this. Some people think that by banning usage of the word, when used again, it will hurt that much more. But, the guys would argue, that when Richards used it, it still hurt. So, it hasn't lost it's power.

Osa in Hayward is from the South. He will confront people when using the word around him. Even his own brother, has learned not to use it. Some people he has confronted, do not even understand the power of the word. He doesn't care how you are using it, or what the intent is, it is not tolerated in his presence.

Chance from Travis Airforce Base calls to say that as a black man, he hates the term "African-American." He is an American, why does it need to be qualified?

Doug from Pleasanton hopes that Richards' actions will lead to better discussion of reverse discrimination. He thinks that all the races need to get together and realize all of the types of racism out there.

10pm: The guys finish up on the Michael Richards discussion with a couple of calls. They also talk about the idea of Caucasian Land, what rides would you have?

Dan says that he thinks eventually Michael Richards will be able to recover what career he has. I think he didn't have a career anymore anyway? He just no longer stands out.

To switch gears, the guys go back to dangerous toys. What dangerous toy did you have as a child? Or what toy is dangerous, that you don't know of.

Dennis from Mountain View calls in about kerbangers aka clickety-clack. Apparently, you always ended up with huge bruises on your arm.

My favorite dangerous toy was slap bracelets. They were so utterly cool when I was 9. That was, of course, until they got banned from school because they were too dangerous.

Other Dangerous Toys:
- wrist rockets
- Radio Flyers
- homemade ninja stars
- tubey (supposedly an aluminum can cut into a ring used as a boomerang)
- lawn darts
- Swoosh (a hard plastic football with a rope through it)
- Chemistry set, but of course

This leads the guys to the value of dodgeball. You learn the necessity of your survival instincts and the value of fat people. Furthermore, you first feel the wind getting knocked out of you. I miss dodgeball, it was so fun.

All this makes me think of is Dan Aykroyd defending "Bag o' Glass" on the old Saturday Night Live episodes. Remember that, when SNL was funny? Huh. Sounds weird now.

With that, have a good night. I apologize to my mother.

Wednesday, November 29

Hi everyone. Well, I'm doing a little better today, so I won't be so mean and cranky.

7pm: Earlier today, poor Dan walked into one of the glass doors. Don't laugh, it happens to everyone here at one point or another. The thing is, when it happened, Chris and Brad did nothing. Hmm, they leave me stranded in the fire drill and ignore Dan in his time of need. What's up with that? They claim they have to stay up on their porn, and I guess we now know where there priorities lie.

From Dan's injury to Lindsay Lohan's breasts. Chris and Brad think she's hot, but has terrible breast implants. Anyway, the point is that she wrote a letter to the Robert Altman family (director of M.A.S.H), but released it as a statement. Wow, as an English major, my head is spinning. My favorite line, "He left us with a legend that all of us have the ability to do. " A little kid could write better than that.

From here, the celebrity insanity continues. Danny Devito appeared on "The View" wasted. He was rambling about Bill Clinton and George W. Bush. I don't think I understand a single thing he said. Stupid Elizabeth Hasselbeck tries to argue with him. I know you are a Republican, but in a situation like this, you just have to leave it alone. Also, I think he was talking about how he and wife, Rhea Perlman, were having sex in the Lincoln bedroom. EWWWWW.

For the love of God, make it stop. It is Round Two of The Worst Christmas Song Ever. Wing won the honor last night, with "Joy to the World." Click here for all your Wing needs, whatever they may be.

We also have Dance Hall Crashers with, "I Did It For The Toys." This one is filthy, but doesn't sound bad. So, I think it has no shot.

To try and dethrone Wing, the boys bring out the big guns, Kathie Lee Gifford and Regis Philbin singing "Silver Bells." I really want to knock them out. That was so unbelievably terrible.

We immediately get votes in this battle. Despite the vomitous nature of Kathie Lee, Wing dominates the first flood of calls. At least at first, but as the voting continues, Kathie Lee mounts a comeback.

8pm: With the votes that come in after break, Kathie Lee claims victory. Unfortunately, this means we will have to continue to hear this monstrosity. Brad votes with hatred, because he thoroughly despises Regis.

Chris tells a story about his girlfriend, Ace. She is from a pretty backwoods town. They were watching tv, and a countdown of pop songs comes on. Chris is shocked when of the list of 40 songs that everyone knows, she knew only three. If this had been anyone else, he would have abused the hell out of them. He was incredibly irritated by her ignorance on this.

The topic is, what ignorance of your spouse, drives you completely insane? He doesn't know what to do about this. He realizes that it is possible that he is being a jerk about the whole thing, but what do you do?

Brad suggests that you just tease her about it. That's what he does with his wife in these conversations. Unfortunately, Ace does not take well to teasing, so that is not an option.

Matt from SF says he just lets his wife live in her ignorance, and has fun with it. Randy, also from the city, thinks that the ignorance is worth the fun and energy of dating a younger woman.

Michael from San Jose calls in with a great story about his ex-fiancee. She thought that euthanasia meant children in the East. Wow. That's pretty bad.

Brad gets a lot of crap from T about his spelling. She has to be his spellchecker, because his spelling is horrendous.

I don't know, but I think that if you can't joke around with your other, than what do you really have? If you love each other, you should be able to poke at these things. The guys get a call from Nat in Cupertino about the same ignorance that I have. Like me, his wife refuses to ever watch "Star Wars."

9pm: We are going to be giving away tickets to Guns N Roses beginning on Friday. To do so, the guys are breaking out a new contest: Brad vs. The Rest of the World on Food. Chris explains that Brad can eat like almost no other. Now, Brad is not a speed eater, he is more of an endurance man. It's about the quantity he consumes.

Once again, this leads us to the discussion of the gravy donut. It's a Krispy Kreme donut filled with beef gravy. I don't care what they say, that is absolutely disgusting.

Leo from San Ramon would like to present a challenge with buffalo wings. He is confident that he can win in a wing war. He actually makes his own wings, so this should be interesting. So that may happen a week from Friday.

Leo's call about wings, spurs an email about Cluck-U in Santa Clara. This is a place that has Thermo-Nuclear wings. At my school, we had a branch of this, and they had 911 wings that you have to sign a waiver to eat. This leads of to a discussion of what is too hot. They just go way too far with this.

- Brian from Napa calls in with an idea to have an egg nog competition. If that happens, I don't want to be there that day. I can only imagine the disaster that would occur.
- Vig from Modesto thinks it should be spaghetti. All of these ideas are so messy.
- Jim from Petaluma suggests raw garlic for this. That seems really hardcore.

If Brad has a choice, he would take bacon in this challenge. He thinks he could eat loads of bacon.
10pm: Larry from Sunnyvale starts off the hour by suggesting a balut eating contest. Apparently, this is a Filipino egg with a chick in it. First of all, I don't know that I want to eat a Filipino egg. That sounds absolutely revolting. To the right is a picture of this "delicacy." I want no part of that.

Chris tells a story about a trip to Reno where he got shark fin soup. He and his friend ordered the smallest bowl possible. The waiter was very surly. For $11, they received a teacup sized portion. The thing is, it tasted like chicken soup. How utterly disappointing.

To insist that people should appreciate living in America, the guys a horrifying story. A toddler in New Dehli, India, was eaten by pigs. Holy crap, that is awful.

To become even more disturbing, they read a story on a baby that was allegedly microwaved by his mother. Its just unbelievably terrible. What the hell is wrong with people?

In other news, a man was arrested in New York for breaking into a barn, spray painting 3 goats and scattering porn. Also, in weird animal news, a doe with antlers was found. "It's got no male utilities," said the hunter.

The hunting story leads Chris to ask about the theory that hunting deer helps the species. He feels that deer can regulate their own population, and that this is just an excuse. As a hunter, Brad is somewhat up in the air on this. We get a few calls from hunters defending this idea. They say that it is crueler to let them starve.

Tuesday, November 28

Hey everyone! Erica here, back from a great Thanksgiving vacation. Hope you all had a wonderful holiday as well.

7pm: The guys start off by welcoming me back. I feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

This post is a little messed up because a pop-up crashed my internet. Dammit. So, here are the things that I am now behind on.

- Cheetos are made from a guy in a radiation suit with a sprayer
- Mrs Smith's pumpkin pie looks disgusting before it is made
- Danielle, our transsexual listener, is awesome and brought all of us gifts
- Chris is an idiot, and Joan Jett is covered, not singing the Sunday Night Football theme

Ok, so here we go. I'm all caught up and the guys are beginning their countdown of the Worst Christmas Songs Ever. The guys ask that you call and email to vote for which song you hate the most.

Before the hell of this the guys play some drunken Irishmen doing a ridiculous medley of altered Christmas songs. This is awesome.

The first song is from Sam Rosenberg, who is not a Jew??? It's called, "Its Tough When Love Goes Wrong on Christmas Eve." Wow, that just blew.

Second is, Jaymz Bee and the Royal Jelly Orchestra with "Space Age Santa." It sounds like a bad Monty Python rip-off. (He is so creepy looking)

The third song is Wing screeching "Joy to the World." Wow. I forgot how terrible Wing is.

8pm: Wing wins by a landslide, which unfortunately, means that we will have to keep playing her. For God's sake, make it stop. Of course, the guys take this opportunity to play several Wing songs. Great. Thank goodness I brought my Aleve. If you hate Wing, watch this clip from South Park, it will make you feel better.

The guys are talking about Christmas presents. Chris and Brad both say that hoodies are one of the best presents. They are talking about sweatpants and how they are always too short. I just need to say now, enough with the elastic on the bottom. But, they digress, they are talking in fact about, a good hoodie, not a Walmart hoodie.

The catch with this, is for the woman you love. Brad says that women won't find it all that romantic. Now, I love hoodies, but why would I want one as a present when I just want to steal one from my man?

Anthony from San Jose says that a Sonic Care toothbrush is a great present. Now, this is a nice present, but may imply the wrong message. If you give that to your girlfriend or wife, you might get in a lot of trouble.

Brad loves the down jacket that he got from his wife. Chris says he never wanted to look like the Michelin Man. This brings them to that guy that always wears down vest, what's up with that?

Mike from Foster City calls in to suggest the gift card. I think the gift card is far too dangerous. Chris says because it can be bad, because the receiver may have to spend money in using it. My reasons are that it is impersonal and places a dollar value on the relationship.

Someone else said the portable dvd players. I think that is a pretty fantastic present for everyone. It is good for everyone but Grandma. Grandma doesn't know how to use that, and probably won't want to learn.

9pm: On this note, Mike from Berkeley calls in about giving his mother a microwave for Christmas. This was too hard for her to figure out, and he had to return it. She also had her money stashed all over the house, because she was uncomfortable with banks.

This leads Chris and Brad to talk about how their mothers have had trouble with this. Chris got his first email from his mother a few years ago. He responded, and it was if he "invented orange juice."

Bob from New Ganata finds something horrifying, Wing covering "Highway to Hell." That is just terrible. Wing has no business doing AC/DC. Dan says that this further cements that there is no way that she picks her own music. There is some evil force behind her.

I found a story on the New York Post's Page 6 about the breakup with Pam Anderson and Kid Rock. Apparently, the catalyst was Borat. Is there any destruction that this movie will not cause? They said that they went to a screening and he freaked out on her and called her a "whore." You're with Pam Anderson, and that is what you're jealous about???

TV Land has come out with a list of the 100 Best TV Catch Phrases. Surprisingly, most of these came from the 1970's. Unfortunately, this list is in alphabetical order, not ranked. The guys don't agree with a lot of these.

The ones they like:
- D'oh
- Don't make me angry, you won't like me when I'm angry
- Goodnight Johnboy
- Here it is, your moment of Zen
- Homey don't play dat

Don't like:
- Aaaaay (Fonzie)

Coming back from break, we take time to thank Danielle from Berkeley for the gifts she gave us. Chris met her at a Tom-Tom appearance at Radio Shack today, and says she couldn't have been nicer. Although, in trying to thank her, I sink into babble. I think I might need a trip to the Pit of Mediocrity.

10pm: At the end of last hour, the list started a discussion about "Deal or No Deal." They talk about the new spin-off hosted by Bob Saget. What's up with all these random people hosting game shows. Specifically, the ever-changing hosts of Family Feud.

In talking about the "Deal or No Deal" models, the guys ask, what is the hottest group of people?
- Fly Girls
- Pussycat Dolls (seen right)
- Raiderettes (if you say so, Nate)
- Victoria's Secret models
- Ringside girls in boxing
- Women's Volleyball team
- Robert Palmer girls
- USC Cheerleaders
- Bartenders
- Charlies Angels
- Bond girls
- Hooters waitresses
- Price Is Right models
- Car show models
- Playmates
- Casino cocktail waitresses (great example)
- Abercrombie male models (only male suggestions)

So, with that we are done for the night, and I am off to sleep. Goodnight everyone!

Tuesday, November 21

Hey everybody. My last day before the holiday, because I'm going to Disney World!!!

7pm: We start off speaking to Suli McCullough, the comic that opened for Michael Richards, when he went off the other night. He lets us know that poor Jim Gaffigan had to go on after this fiasco. Jim is a hero for being able to go through his act. Suli also says that the crowd was kinda disjointed and out of it that night. He was ok with his act because he didn't flip out himself.

This is the shocker, there was only one black guy in the group that was heckling. The other hecklers were white. Suli is a black man, and was stunned by Richards' actions. He was offended by the fact that Richards used his wealth in the argument. Richards had a spot at The Laugh Factory the night afterwards, did his act that night, and did not apologize. It is because of this, that Richards is banned from the club.

Suli also agrees that the apology on Letterman seemed forced. Furthermore, there is no doubt that this hate is what is in his heart. If Mel Gibson has a movie coming out, then we will see if Richards' career can recover. Suli tells us that he got a lot of calls giving him crap for not knocking Richards out for this b.s.

We also ask Suli about our conversation about the N-word yesterday. The consensus was that despite its usage in the black community, the word still maintains its power. The thing that makes the word so strong from Richards, is that he is a wealthy man outside of the community. Suli's solution: Richards has to be a girl on Flava of Love. That would be fantastic.

From racism to breast implants, this show covers it all. We are going to speak to Dr. Scott Mosser, a plastic surgeon, who can give us information on silicon. Silicon implants have been made legal once again. Furthermore, the guys want to know about breast lift surgery.

But first, sadly, the King of the Hobos has passed away. There is so confusion about this. He died in a nursing home, wrote a book, and had a wife and 2 children. This doesn't make any sense. Maybe he is like those kids on Haight, who beg for money, but have trust funds.

Dr. Mosser says that everyone is thrilled. He says that silicon is by far the best material for this. He lets us know that they have changed the implants from the ones twenty years ago. Silicon implants were only pulled in the U.S. and Canada, and were still common in the rest of the world.

The guys have an important question to ask, why do some girls have nipples that look really bizarre. The reason for this is often because the implant is too low. Also, for the first couple weeks, the implants will look really high. Furthermore, the boyfriends or husbands can help out by massaging the breasts to make them sit correctly.

To end the interview, Chris finally gets to his question about lifts. Dr. Mosser explains that drooping breasts are matter of excess skin. He says that it is better than it was in the past, but that there is still scarring.

8pm: The guys go back to an earlier statement by Dan that wearing your hat backwards lowers your IQ by 30 points. Despite Chris' best efforts, he cannot convince Dan of a situation where he would do so.

In talking about our interview with Suli, the guys go to a discussion of that moment where you said something that you just can't take back.

Dan lets us know that after all of this, he thinks that either everyone should be able to use the N-word or nobody should. Chris and Brad kinda agree. They both felt weird saying that word.

The guys also wonder further about the Brazilian Butt Lift. This is where they take fat from somewhere else, and put it into the ass. So, what about the thin girls who need the ass? Chris' girlfriend Ace is very thin, and would like some more meat back there. Chris wonders if he can fatten her up for this purpose. I think this may be a bad plan.

Brad has told us about a neighbor that has made friends with his wife. Now, this woman is asking her to walk the dog. But, the thing is this moochie neighbor asks two people to do it. When T calls her to ask, the woman blows up at her. Finally, however, there are free of her.

Tom from Pinole calls in to set the tone. He is fed up with the way people drive. Unfortunately, Tom is incredibly mediocre and has to go into the pit. Sorry.

Joe from SF calls in to bitch about double parking in the city. I'm with you, Joe, this drives me crazy.

Then Roy from Tracy calls in to tell us that although he is not homeless, he is going to the shelter to eat dinner there for the holiday. What a leeching bastard. I say, and Ed agrees, that he belongs in the Pit for his lack of morals. But, Ed gets thrown into the Pit for his topic idea. Larry from Sunnyvale agrees that Roy is deplorable. Finally, Tom in Sacramento calls to defend him. He says that the concept is so that people will not be alone, so its ok.

9pm: After all those random calls, we read an email from Turi Ryder, who has a show here on Saturdays. If you don't remember, Turi filled in when Darian O'Toole left the station. They were somewhat competing with her, and were sad that they like her. Turi's email is an invitation to Thanksgiving at her house.

Jay from Napa tried to set the tone last hour by bitching about dog owners. They always think they know everything about dogs, even if their dog misbehaves. Chris admits that he is incredibly guilty of this.

The guys narrow down the tone sets to two. They go with John from Moraga's hottie but gone. The other is Brendan's worst impulse buys.

Ruben from San Jose picks Brigitte Neilson as hottie but gone. And I have to say, her hooking up with Flava Flav was one of the most revolting things I have ever seen. The only more disturbing couple was maybe Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie.

We get another call, I'm sorry I forgot your name, who throws in Kelly LeBrock, Melanie Griffith, Katherine Zeta-Jones, and Kevin Costner. That last one is kinda weird.

Ryan from SF throws in Joyce Heiser from "Just One of the Guys." She disappeared after the movie, but he claims she had the best breasts ever. I found a pic of them on Image search, they are pretty nice. Doug from Richmond tries to keep it going with Barbara Eden. Brad says that he has never been able to find a naked picture of her. But, within 10 seconds on image search, I make all of Brad's dreams come true. Sorry, can't put it on the blog, you'll have to find them yourself.

On impulse buys, Eddie from Lafayette let us know he bought a mini bike. It is really small, doesn't go very fast, and he has no use for it. He spent $300 on it, but realizes it was stupid. I was looking at these things, and there is no way you can look cool on one of these.

The Barbara Eden picture leads to a discussion of her versus Raquel Welch. They say that Raquel Welch may have been hotter at one point, but Barbara Eden maintained her hotness longer. They say that she was so hot for so long, but never really banked on this.

10pm: The phones light up when we are talking about Barbara Eden. We even get a call from Gary in Oakland, that his dad dated Barbara Eden. He was a photographer and dated her for six months. I don't think I've ever seen as much envy, as I do in the eyes of Chris and Brad when hearing this story.

Sherry from San Jose is angry that they left out Linda Carter in the eternal hottie competition. Fortunately, she was cool because Chris was being gross, saying something about Brad's weiner and Dan pushing. That is classy.

Other mentions include:
- Sophia Loren
- Ann Margret
- Farrah Fawcett
- Barbara Rhoades
- Lindsey Wagner
- Suzanne Sommers (she looks awful now by the way)

To end the hour, we will do a replay of our interview with Suli McCullough, the comedian who opened for Michael Richards, when he lost his damn mind.

And with that, I am off to Florida. The guys will be here tomorrow, and I will return on Tuesday. Have a great holiday!!!

Monday, November 20

Hi everyone! Erica here again. Hope everyone had a good weekend.

7pm: The guys start off again about how strong and fit the gay community is. They know that if they ever get fed up with society, all the straight guys are screwed. The way these two smoke, they have no chance of running away.

So, if you didn't hear, Michael Richards aka Kramer, went on a racist tirade. It was caught on tape, and has been all over the news. He used the n-word several times and it was pretty out of control. Richards went on Letterman and apologized, but I don't think that will be good enough. Jerry Seinfeld was a guest on the show, while Richards did that via satellite. We also play the clip of Richards' tirade. No matter how much this man apologizes, I can't imagine his career will ever recover.

Although he was supposedly being heckled, that is a completely unacceptable way to behave. There is a way to handle this, without using the words that he did. We get a call from Calvin in Oakland. He says that based on Richards' age, he is aware of the power of that word. Jose from Tracy points out uses of racial slurs by comedians who aren't white, specifically Dave Chappelle. But, the thing is, Chappelle used it as a joke, Richards used it in anger.

Part of this discussion focuses on that it is ok for black people to use that word. Chris and Brad point out that it is ok for anyone but white people to use these epithets.

Stephanie from Marin calls in as a middle aged white woman. She thinks that these things pop out because we can't openly talk about issues of race. To say these things, demonstrates that he has unresolved issues with the black community. Perhaps, he needs more education on racial issues.

8pm: We get a lot of calls from our black listeners. Many of them say that it is not ok for black people to say either. Mike from Oakland has an incredibly different take. He thinks that Richards just wanted to be black. That he just wants to be able to use these words. I'm not sure if I'm with him.

Chris and Brad take this time to reveal the white secret. They read a list of slurs against white people. They say that these words mean nothing to them. They have no power. They don't even know what they mean.

Nina from Oakland says what I have been thinking. She says that what makes it such a big deal, is that he said it with so much anger. As a joke it would not have been ok, but in that context, it becomes much, much worse.

This is an interesting discussion where we get opinions from all sides. There are black callers who think that some black comedians go too far. Charles from San Francisco reminds us of when Richard Pryor said he wouldn't use that anymore.

The guys also use this to talk about how minority comedians often use their race for the basis of their act. They tend to think that an act purely based on your race, demonstrates that you don't have that much talent.

Bob from Fairfield thinks that it is the older generation that is maintaining the derogatory usage of the n-word. Mark in San Jose says that there is no way this could be construed as a joke. There is no doubt that Richards was completely out of his mind. There was nothing funny about it, and drunk or not, it didn't matter.

9pm: After finishing up the discussion, we speak to Michael Konik, author of "THE SMART MONEY: How the World's Best Sports Bettors Beat the Bookies Out of Millions." Michael has been kind enough to reschedule with us after our technical fiasco last week. What a topic for Michael to come in on.

Michael tells us that it takes genius to beat the bookies. Brad knows nothing about sports, so Michael has to fill him in on some of these terms. Including what spreads are. He started off as a gambling journalist, and learned from the gambling pros. Through this, he was able to get in on this action.

We were a little concerned that Michael was going to just plug his book and be boring. Fortunately for him, he is interesting. He tells us about when he was the man placing bets for these high rollers. His act was to be a rich Hollywood playboy type. He would be over the top, to convince the bookies that he was going to lose. His first season, he was up over $980,000!!!! That's a s-load of money. I need to start hanging out with these people. I would be perfect to place bets, no one expects the little Jewish girl.

The way you can make money, is by finding out when the lines are off. For example, Ohio State played Michigan this weekend. The spread should've been about 4.5 points. But, because that would lead to unbalanced betting (everyone would pick Ohio State), they had to make it smaller to attract people to be Michigan.

The guys wonder why, after earning all this money gambling, he is still a journalist. He says that as a gambler, you do nothing but extract from this world. But he feels that it is very unsatisfying to only gamble.

An interesting point that Michael makes is that the most hardcore sports fans are the worst bettors. They are too influenced by sports talk and analysis. He says that if you bet against your sports nut friends, you will probably win. I know this is true, because who always wins the March Madness bracket, the person who knows NOTHING about the teams.

I bring up how I always get screwed by betting with my heart. There are teams that I can't pick to do well. I just hate them too much. But, it's stupid for me to do so. John in Moraga agrees with me on this. He also tells the boys that "The Bridge" was not nominated for some film awards as best documentary.

10pm: The guys start off talking about how both of them have incredibly addictive personalities. Brad may have a new addiction, Ikea. We had a tone set from Gareth about the store a couple weeks ago. Brad had never been, and didn't go until now. He needed an entertainment center, so made his first venture there.

So, somehow, Brad missed the Ikea in Emeryville when driving on the highway. How in hell do you miss the store? It is f-ing enormous and incredibly visible from 80. Finally, after asking directions, he gets there.

According to Brad, everything that the listeners said, was true. Finding a parking spot, in itself, is incredibly difficult. They finally get in, and "begin the odyssey." He is frustrated because there are too many people, but is happy with the prices. He realizes that the genius of Ikea, is that on the way to the register, you have to pass through all kinds of other stuff, also reasonably priced. My favorite line, "I almost bought a 4 foot candle, I don't know why."

Finally, after all that, Brad gets home to try and put the things together. There are no written directions, only pictures. He gets it together, realizes it's kinda shoddy, but is relatively happy. He, of course, has to go back to get the computer desk he forgot. Brad is screwed, he is never going to get a weekend without Ikea.

Ben in Marin is a handyman. He makes a third of his money, with his ability to speak Ikea. If you lay everything out, and follow the instructions, you can do pretty well. He agrees that nothing from Ikea will survive a move.

Mikhael from Oakland calls in to say that he thinks Brad sounds like Danny Bonaduce. Being that I am afraid of Danny Bonaduce, this presents an interesting quandry: should I now be afraid of Brad? Brad is pissed, and Chris is thrilled, this is great.

So, of course, I pull audio from Brad speaking and a promo of "Breaking Bonaduce." This so we can compare. The clip of Brad isn't the best, but he has to admit, that he and Danny sound more alike than he thought.

The guys read a story about a town in Brazil, where the mayor is handing out Viagra to his citizens. I think in talking about this, Chris said, "That is slamming Granny in the Fanny." Wow. Um, that's really weird. Even weirder, apparently that is the name of a porn... Do with that what you will.

The Montreal Alouettes lost the Canadian Football Championship. This leads them to wonder, what this song is about. Brad reads the translation, and its all about torturing some poor bird, by plucking all its feathers.

The guys also read a story about an Oberlin College artist who made gingerbread Nazis as a display in a store window. What do gingerbread Nazis taste like.

Also, Miss Israel has been given permission not to carry an assault rifle in her service. She gets this privilege because the gun bruises her pretty little legs. In other Middle East news, an Iranian man torched his neighbor's car in order to stop him from partying with unveiled women.

That's it everyone, have a good night.

Friday, November 17

Hey everyone. Dan and I are going to have a heated day today. My Terps are playing Dan's Spartans tonight in the finals of the Coaches vs. Cancer tournament. We have decided to keep the tv off so we can pay some attention to the show.

7pm: The guys start off with the reclassification of homosexuality by the Pentagon. It is no longer a mental disorder, but is now put in with bedwetting.
It's times like these that I am so proud of our government.

They have changed the Banana Republic sign. This is the best one that we have seen. The girl is actually cute, although most of her face is hidden. This is much better than the goobery guy up there before, and certainly better than the group of Banana Republic robot models.

Chris in San Jose says that guys used to pretend to be gay to get out of the Army all the time. He also confirms that non-commissioned soldiers will be discharged with certain wealth or by winning the lottery.

We get a call from Marine Corp recruiter, Gunnery Sgt. Thompson. Chris goads him a little, I think he feels safer here in the studio. They do not kick you out for this, but they do recommend discharge. The issue is that they question the retainment of soldiers with significant assets. This is an important issue as they invest so much money into each recruit.

The whole time they try and get the recruiter to yell as they do in the Corp. I think they wanted a little scene from "Full Metal Jacket." Sadly, Gunnery Sgt. Thompson is pretty reserved with us. Probably because he used his name. Nice try guys.

Model, Ana Carolina Reston died as a result of anorexia. She is certainly not the first model to fall victim to eating disorders, and probably will not be the last.

The guys have an interesting take on this and decide to do a different kind of Public Service Announcement. We are always trying to help here on The Gray Area. The answer to anorexia is of course, bulimia.

What I didn't realize, is that they were going to use me as an example of the benefits of bulimia. I always thought I was in pretty good shape, but now, I just don't know. I'm so confused.

8pm: We revisit the sea lion story from yesterday. If you didn't listen to the show, a rogue sea lion has been biting swimmers in Aquatic Park Lagoon, here in the city. We have been trying to come up with a name for this sea lion.

We also have a song for the sea lion: "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp." Here are tonight's suggestions:
- Swim Shady
- Seal with a Kiss (he dropped in shame for the weakness of this name)
- Benito Mussealini
- Sigmund the Sea Muncher (I'm too young for this)

We mentioned this yesterday, but the Golden Gate Bridge is seeking sponsorship in order to fix some financial woes. Can you imagine the Google Golden Gate Bridge? How disturbing would that be?

Is there another solution? Chris suggests a dollar toll for pedestrians and cyclists. Charles in Oakland thinks the corporations should sponsor the suicides. Another caller (I forgot his name), says that the corporate sponsors should get free bridge passage on all their shipping.

So, Maryland won the battle of the studio. I am happy we won, but I have to say that it was pretty ugly. Either way, I love Gary Williams. GO TERPS!!!!

Ok, the game is over, so now my head will finally be back in the show. So, other suggestions:
- license the rights to use the bridge in commercials
- increase the toll and give deal to have ad at the toll booth
- sell safe passage to drug cartels (I like this idea)
- doing a cross promotion with the lottery
- suicide success story trading cards

Mike in San Jose calls to say that he doesn't care what we do, as long as the toll is lower. He also admits that he had asked me out before, but I shot him down. But, after hearing Jenilee, he know wants to know about her. You're a fickle man, Mike.

9pm: Our friend, Kim in Vallejo says that she wants to see the books. She is tired of the government making mistakes, and asking us to pay for it. That's not good enough. I like Kim.

Derrick from Pacifica thinks it should be named Prozac Bridge. This would make it money and send a message to the jumpers.

This also leads us to all the sponsorship at sports stadiums. All the names are some corporation. And every outfield has ads plastered all over it. This reminds me of one of the only examples of these to really anger me. At Fedex Field (where my Redskins play), there are ads all over the place for Eddie the NRA Eagle. Because, of course, little kids really need to be recruited by the NRA.

Crazy Andy from Concord is thinking there for be Golden Gate cigarettes. A picture of the bridge could be on the pack. The slogan could be: a slower way to die. Dan thinks it should be: "Have a Golden Gate on your way to the pearly gates."

In other sponsorship news, KFC has a logo that is the second thing you can see from space. It is the only logo where you can do that. It is in Nevada near Area 51, and is done with tiles. They say they did it to be visible from space, but Chris points out that it is clearly for planes.

They start talking about the coleslaw and mashed potatoes at KFC. They say the coleslaw is good but wrong, and the mashed potatoes are just terrible. KFC is just a place full of misery. This brings me back to my vehement argument that Popeyes is soooo much better. Once again, they say that they would go to Popeyes, but they are always in the hood.

Jeff from Livermore calls to say that there is a safe Popeyes in Livermore and that there should be a suicide ride on the bridge. Of course, it would employ bungee jumping.

10pm: All I can think about is Popeyes, this is a problem.

Brad finally moved into his actual apartment earlier this week. He has some audio, and I have to say, he sounds incredibly out of breath the entire time. By the way he is carrying on, the movers must have been so freaked out. He claims they were paying no attention to him, that they were in their own personal hell.

Brian James Hathaway from Wisconsin, is under arrest for having sex with a dead deer. He found the deer in a ditch. He also had previously been arrested for killing a horse, in order to have sex with it. What? Don't you ever get turned on by roadkill?

The best part of this, his defense attorney claims that the law does not prohibit sex with carcasses. In his argument, he quotes Billy Crystal in "The Princess Bride," saying, "There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead."

Right as Dan points this out to me, Brad says, "how did he get caught?" Can you imagine a family seeing this driving down the highway? How do you explain that to your kids?

They make a new promise to one another. If one of them ever commits a crime against nature, the other will influence the journalist to include, "as horrified children stand by..."

Reannan from Palo Alto calls in about a heart breaking moment in her life. She is training to be a pastry chef, and had completed her Christmas chocolate sculpture for class. When bringing it in for class, she drops it in front of everyone. Her tone is the most embarrassing thing you've ever done at school.

Brad's Penile Euphemism: a turkey sticking his head through a bush. Chris totally trashes it, but Brad is well able to defend it.

There is now a quadruple bypass burger. Here is an clip of the story from ABC:
"The burger at the Heart Attack Grill restaurant is stacked with four beef patties, cheese, onions, tomatoes and fried bacon and weighs in at 8,000 calories - more than three times what the human body needs in one day."

The guys have also been talking about the McRib sandwich from McDonald's. I don't think I have ever had one, but Brad has a love affair with this, just like Homer Simpson. Kevin from Livermore, tells us that this elusive sandwich is always on the menu in Germany.

By the way, the Heart Attack Grill has a theme song. They have both female and male lead blues versions. Eh. This is pretty damn weak. But it tells us that, "if you have a triple, you must be King Kong."

And with visions of burgers and Popeyes dancing in my head, I say Goodnight and apologize to my mother.

Thursday, November 16

Hey! Erica here to take your calls and tell you all the deep secrets of tonight's show. We will be speaking to Michael Konik, author of "The Smart Money: How the World's Best Sports Bettors Beat the Bookies Out of Millions." Hopefully, he can help us all get some cash. I know I can use it.

7pm: The guys are proud of themselves for kicking ass on the 'tard clock. They went 45 minutes last night. Well, it had to happen sometimes, I guess.

The guys hate celebrities and interviews where they are trying to sell you something. They say that even guests can be thrown into the Pit for such an act. On their old show, they would put guests into the hot box for these things. This can't work here, because it is too cold.

Chris says that the Chronicle actually had a pretty crazy front page. The stories cover Nancy Pelosi, the tsunami in Crescent City, OJ Simpson, and the sponsorship of the Golden Gate Bridge. But, this is not what they want to focus on. More interesting, is a rogue sea lion terrorizing people in the Aquatic Park Lagoon. Supposedly, he is protecting his harem of lady sea lions.

The guys love this story, but we think that the sea lion needs a name. Oscar from Santa Clara says "Tyson." I like that. Larry from Sunnyvale likes the name "Kobe." Sadly, I missed a lot of this trying to handle a technical problem. I find out later that Brad wants to kill it. That's just not right.

From the pimp name generator on the web:
Pimp Daddy Sea Slick
Funkmaster Lion Beautiful
Algae Loco

Other names:
- Dahmer
- Bitey Bobo (thrown into the Pit)
- Quicker Nipper Upper
- Adolph Flipper
- Osama Bin Nippin'
- Kim Jung Seal

My suggestion: Nipsey Russell. This leads Chris and Brad to the topic they've wanted to do for a while. Why are they famous? Nipsey was the king of all of these people. Apparently, and I am too young to remember this, he was always on game shows. He was the guy if you couldn't get anyone else.

Drew from San Francisco is with Brad. He says that if a kid bit someone 14 times, he would get put down. So, of course they should put the sea lion down. Don't kill the sea lion.

8pm: The guys really want to go swimming with this bull. They want to get wetsuits anyway, and they know that this will be great once they have them.

We continue with the sea lion names. The suggestions for this hour:
- Sid Vicious
- Winter Coat (that's just wrong)
- Marv Albert (I love that!)
- Sushi
- Maple Saddleflaps (I don't get it)
- Chewy Francisco
- Choppers
- Mac the knife

Thanks to everyone who has had patience with us through all of our technical problems. So, unfortunately, we might not be able to take calls for a while. To all of you have stuck with us, you are rock stars.

The guys read a story about some crazy drugged out fool destroyed a man's house clothed in a sheet. He unearthed 100 plants, made a shrine of buddha on a bongo drum, left a trail of potting soil from walkway to the drum, and decorated 3 plant stands in the garage holding teddy bears.

9pm: We think the phones may have been fixed. Michael Konik has been kind enough to reschedule with us for Monday.

I call into the show, which is incredibly weird, but it sounds like our phones have been fixed. Furthermore, Chris is finally able to play things off his computer again. HOORAY!!!

The guys had been talking about Super Mario Brothers 2. As many sophomore albums, it was a huge disappointment. An emailer says that the reason was that they had not anticipated the success of Mario 1, and rushed to get out the sequel. Damn Nintendo. At least you won us back with Mario 3, which kicked ass.

Mike from Mendocino tries to set the tone. He tells us about how his friend got wasted and puked all over his stuff. In retalliation, he had no choice but to urinate all over him. So, what kind of horrible things have you had to do, in order to comply with the order of man.

Russ from Sunnyvale calls to say that Mario 2 was awesome. They get in an argument about Luigi vs. the Princess. Russ claims that Luigi is better because of the jumping, but Chris and Brad think the Princess has more versatility. I think the Princess just fulfills their fantasy to wear a pretty, pink dress. It's ok boys, I understand.

During Scott from Santa Rosa's call about Mario Kart, I care about nothing but the chance to say, "I'ma Wario, I'ma gonna ween." Ahh, I feel much better now. I think Scott was saying something about drinking during the game, sorry I was too focused on the line.

This turns into a discussion of all things Nintendo. I miss old school Nintendo. All these newfangled games now, there a just too many buttons. What happened to the days of Paperboy, Techmo Bowl and Mike Tyson Punchout? Ahh... the glory days.

10pm: We start the hour talking about Bob from New Ganata. He has become a great friend to us. The guys have met him and he even stood outside the studio holding a sign, "Surrender Dorothy to The Gray Area." Furthermore, Bob created our unofficial myspace page, www.myspace.com/grayarea1069. For this, Bob gets friend of show status with something that involves pig squeals.

The guys seem a little unsure about some of our friends on the myspace page. He thinks that we are not friends with all of these people. Some don't know who we are, and they specifically said they don't like. Joe Rogan and Dave Attell don't care about us. The San Francisco Giants don't care either. Chris uses this as an opportunity to promote his point that the flaw with myspace is that you have too many friends.

Chris makes the mistake of asking me how I feel about his argument. I agree with Chris that most of these people are not your friends. However, I have to say that I think Chris' 1 friend (Tom) is pretty sad. Even his real friends won't be his myspace friend.

As we got into a heated argument last night about tipping, Chris and Brad talk about the website, Bitterwaitress.com. This is where servers go to bitch about crappy tips left by celebrities.

I found an extremely disturbing website yesterday. It has all these crazy Black and Decker style sex machines. Seriously, these are absolutely insane. We found a section of Sleepsacks, including a Bondage balloon.

Chris brings up that all these machines block the best parts. Brad then reads a story about a S&M couple where the man killed his wife. She has a latex allergy and he stuck his fist with a latex glove down her throat. She dies, and he says that in their S&M contract, in section 4 it states that he was not allowed to kill his partner. Wow.

This has gotten pretty disturbing. So yeah, I apologize to my mother. I really am sorry.

Wednesday, November 15

Hey everyone, its been a long day, but finally the show has begun.

7pm: We start right off with a caller going into the Pit of Mediocrity. Thanks to John in Napa for providing a nice cushion down there.

I missed the very beginning of the show, but I guess they are talking about moving. Brad has finally moved into his actual apartment. For two weeks, he had been living in a temporary place. In talking about this, Chris starts selling Brad on finding things in the trash. That explains so much.

Brad tipped the movers $15/guy. Being that they don't get paid too much, Doug in Dublin tells him that this is not nearly enough. But, because he references John in Napa, he must go into the Pit. This is great, the Pit makes Dan and I unbelievably happy.

Brad now starts talking about tipping at restaurants. The guys start discussing how they tip when they go out. The guys let you know that they tip 15% as a standard. The more they speak of this, the more I get heated. As a server for 5 years, I have very strong opinions on this. First of all, 20% is now the standard. The more and more this is discussed, the angrier I get.

We get a bunch of calls on this. Tom from SF calls to tell us about when he got high and went to work as a server. It was his first time getting high, and said that he was completely called out by the customers on this.

This is great, Tim from San Bruno goes into the Pit as well. What a great night.

8pm: The phones are lit up on this issue. And I am still so angry. I don't remember the screen being red before. I'm sorry that they don't think that tipping should be mandatory, but that is the standard. If you can't afford to leave a tip, you can't afford to go out to eat. That's just the way it is.

I agree that if the server is terrible, that the tip can reflect that. Even I, and I tip huge, will cut out the tip if someone is rude. But overall, have a heart. Waiting tables is hell.

TJ in Sunnyvale tells us a story about the worst server he had. He had really terrible service and was angry. The food was consistently wrong and the server was rude about it. TJ didn't tip him, the server ran after him. When he said the service was bad, the guy threw a plate at his head.

So, we are now speaking to Jeff Ross, Founder and Director of the SF Indie Film Festival. He has been gracious enough to give us some information on film festivals. We are trying to get some movement on the Women's Prison Film Festival. We have no idea what we are doing, but hopefully Jeff will be able to enlighten us.

Jeff was a little nervous, but seems to get it. He wonders why our idea has not been done before. He has so much experience, that he can be hugely helpful to our cause. He tells us that getting the rights is a very difficult part of this.

We wonder how many we can run. You can only sit through so many prison movies, they are all basically the same. Jeff thinks that it may be better for us to do weekly screenings instead of one big one. One thing he insists, is that parties and booze are important. He also suggests that we advertise "heckling encouraged."

We have a debate on what we should do. The show is new, do we go big or have it in a small place? Chris also brings up the point that we are going to have to watch about 50 of these movies to narrow down our choices. Oh man, I don't know how many I can watch.

9pm: Even Dan has gone into the Pit. He misfired a commercial and in he went. Then, Rudy from Pleasanton calls with some ideas. His ideas aren't bad, but his delivery is terrible. So, he is thrown right on top of Dan. Brad was thrown in before, the Pit is taking over the show. This is the best show ever.

So, if you haven't heard, OJ is releasing a book. This is shocking enough, but the thing is, it is called, "If I Did It." I mean, what the hell is wrong with him? Chris and Brad are shocked by how unbelievably obnoxious this is.

Brad brings up that even if he somehow didn't do it, it is still so disrespectful a concept. The strangest thing is, that Fred Goldman cannot get the money from this. OJ has owed him money forever. How can OJ keep the money if he sells a book about this. Chris is mostly upset that this will bring Fred Goldman will be back on our tv screens.

The guys found a campaign ad of Jerry Springer from 1977, campaigning to be Governor of Ohio. He is admitting that he had slept with a prostitute and paid her with a check. This is so weird, why a check? Ahh... from hookers as mayor to "I'm Pimping My Mom" on his talk show. What a long way Jerry has come.

Chris brings up my ideas for the film festival. I think we should have a "Longest Yard" style football game. Also, I think mud wrestling is absolutely a necessary part of the event. I am ashamed to say it, but I think we have no choice.

Benito in San Rafael works at San Quentin. When he was training, he had to do so at a women's prison. He says it was horrible. But sadly, the cell phones screw us again and Benito drops. Call us back, we want to know.

10pm: Brad tells us that he found a working computer in the garbage when moving into his apartment. This gets Chris going on all the treasures he has found in the trash. He found a silver coffee pot once and gave it to his mom.

In Fresno, Chris has to take his own garbage to the dump. Chris tells us that he has an addiction to picking up lumber. He never uses it, but can't help but take it.

Brad has also found games and a punchbowl. Gene in SF tells us that he found a pachincko machine and then blew it up. The weirdest comes from Jesse in the city. He claims, which we don't believe, that he found a half-decomposed body. Between his voice and his claim, that can't possibly have been for real, but it was entertaining.

Aaron from San Jose found his first Playboy in the trash when he was 13. He still has the magazine to this day. Mike in Boulder Creek tells us his friend found a Confederate sword. His friend paid $200 for it, and then he sold it for $7,000. Wow. That guy got screwed.

L from San Francisco, tells us that he found a basket of porn. I think he said that he and his friends were having a uh, distance competition spurred by this. Boys are so gross. Scott from Fremont found a mannican missing one arm. They taped her to a sign on the highway looking like a hitchhiker.

We somehow got onto a discussion of the rubber ass sex toy. I can't even begin to describe the conversation, it's just too weird.

Brad's Penile Euphemism of the Day: the pearl tongued widow counselor. I don't know what to do with that either.

Tuesday, November 14

Hi, Erica here. The guys are back today. Did you miss us? Were you lost with out their effervescent glory?

7pm: The guys start off by talking about what? rice cakes, of course. The reason is that on the package, it is made very clear that these are wheat-free. Obviously they are made of rice, not wheat. This brings the guys to the point that allergies are real, but that some of this is psycho-somatic.

Brad tells us that his wife bought him some really expensive Three Stooges dolls early in their relationship. When opening a box yesterday, he found the Moe doll in a silver cocktail dress with pearls. Hopefully, it was his daughter who did this. Chris uses the doll to prove there is no Satan. He goes up his dress and declares that Moe has "no junk." The creepiest part is that Chris seemed to enjoy this experiment a little too much.

So, somehow, the guys got in an argument started by a Google Image search of "glorious teets." One of the pictures was particularly fanstastic. This leads Brad to declare that if he is paralyzed and is praying for death, he would like to die by being suffocated by breasts. Chris argues that this is not as good as is seems, that at some point, he would fight the boob. (Sigh).

Did you hear that Borat got beat up in New York. The best part is that he was rescued by Hugh Laurie of "House." In other Borat news, the town in Romania used in the film, is suing the movie, just like everyone else. I saw the movie, and it was hilarious and disgusting. I loved it, you should definitely and go see it. And by the way, if you can't understand the waiver, then don't sign it. (Picture to the left is from "The Running of the Jew")

From here, we play Bank of America's cover of U2's "One." This being one of my favorite songs, I have to say it is an absolute travesty. I think it may be the epitome of corporate whoritude. If you haven't seen this, you have to. Seriously. Worst thing in the absolute world.

We get into a discussion about the place of music with a political message. I say that it has it's place. I don't always want to listen to that type of music, but there are definitely moments, where that's what I want.

8pm: Outside, we were talking about Durham, NC. Chris was telling me that there is a fantastic bbq place down there. But, I could never, ever go to Durham, because I would have no choice but to wear my F**K DUKE shirt.

We go back to the discussion of political music. Chris brings back the break with a little Stevie Ray Vaughn. He is saying that on a Saturday afternoon, he doesn't want to listen to something deep and depressing. I agree on that, but I gotta say that sometimes I have to put on a Dylan album, because I want to feel a little deep.

Then the guys start talking about music during sex. Brad says he thinks it's distracting, but Chris points out that that is because Brad listens to metal. Of course that is going to take the focus away.

Recently, there was a study released that employees are turned off by management jargon. What is up with that crap? I have to say that when I worked in corporate restuarants, this was the bain of my existence. The study overwhelmingly demonstrates that this jargon is counter-productive. So, what is the worst example of this that you have heard?

Brad thinks that the listeners should make up some jargon and start using it at work. Their example is, "making stone soup." What does that even mean? Exactly.

John in Concord mentions the use of "at the end of the day." Dennis from Mountain View does a whole corporate diatribe. His call was so fantastic, that he got a FreeFM prize pack. So remember, if you have a good call, you can always win something here.

Mark from the city gives us, "if we don't service our customers, they will find someone who will." Jim from Alameda has a great one, "I'm too old a dog, to get screwed by puppies."

These calls spark some memories, or more flashbacks for me. The ones that stand out from my restaurant days:
- If you've got time to lean, you've got time to clean
- It's called the host stand, because the host stands there
- Upselling
- The 2 bite check back

Other callers mention:
- KISS: Keep It Simple Stupid
- You've got to roll your sleeves up and get your hands dirty
- Burning a candle at both ends
- Do more with less

9pm: The guys are talking about the weighted questions in surveys, particularly for radio. Specifically, they are mentioning the idea that only 2% of listeners will call. They say that at this station, they want to prove that this is not a firm statistic. What they have done is call people 98%ers. We have had enough callers that we have been able to move the stones to 97%. Screw the statistics, be different, call the station. We won't bite.

What is the worst mascot of all time? Chris starts this off with the Monroe High School Cheesemakers. Sherry from San Jose calls with the mascot, "The Dons." The mascot wore all purple with a fake six pack. Jim from Petaluma throws in with "The Gauchos."

The guys were kinda making fun of the Kiss army earlier. Chuck from Oakland, a loyal Kiss soldier, calls to defend his legion. Chuck will defend his band till the death. Too bad Kiss is lame. Sorry Chuck. He does get respect for yelling out "Freebird" at a Kiss show. That is awesome. Oh, but then he references, "Cars" the movie, oooh. Dan gets on the mic, and rips him for his love for such a weak band. I've got your back Dan.

Because the calls have been absolutely all over the place, Chris throws in the question, "if any country would attack Kiss, what country would it be.
Brad says Chad, Chris says Tonga, Dan says the Lilliputians, and I say Djibouti. Why Djibouti? because their Independence Day is the same as my birthday.
We actually get a call on this. Scott from Santa Rosa says Yemen. I can't believe someone called on that topic.

To go back to the mascots, Chris reads a story about the UC Merced Fairy Shrimp. I really thought he was joking. That is awful. They are doing this because a group of students want to protect this endangered species. But still, come on.

10pm: We mentioned the Orofino, Idaho maniacs. Steve from Concord lets us know that Orofino is where the Mental Institution is located.

I found a list of ridiculous mascot names online. Some of these are great.
The highlights on this list:

- Criminals
- Wampus Cats
- Curly Wolves
- Earwigs
- Lambkins
- Winged Beavers
- Orphan Annies
- Appleknockers
- Chesty Lions
- Bunnies
- Pretzels (2 schools in Illinois are this)
- Wooden Shoes

There are too many bad names for me to mention all of the best ones. So, seriously, you have to check out the list. Most of the worst ones come from Illinois. Do you think the administrators have a competition to see how bad a team name they can get away with?

We basically use this list to entertain ourselves for the rest of the hour. This show has gotten incredibly weird. I don't even know what to say anymore.

Friday, November 10

Hi everyone, Erica here on this chilly Friday.

7pm: The guys start off talking about vanity plates. Brad admitted that he considered it, but realized that financially, it is not worthwhile. Apparently, there is a book of all of them, so you can see if yours is taken. What is the worst one you have seen? Why do you always see total POS cars with spinners and vanity plates. If you have a Gremlin, don't get rims. Seriously. The reason this comes up: Chris saw a car with the plate "I Heart Yemen." Sorry, I don't have a heart symbol on this program.

Then Chris and Brad go to milfs and cougars. There is a Ravens cheerleader, Molly Shattuck, who is 38 with 5 kids. She is pretty for a woman her age, but I don't know if she is that hot. But, I'm not so into blondes. She is, however, the oldest cheerleader in the NFL and I guess had a profile on tv. My problem is really that I absolutely despise the Ravens.

From here, they go to a show on a porn star, that Chris claims was actually interesting. This leads to the argument over whether Brad's claim that with all his porn, he has never watched it on the computer itself. Yeah, gotta say, I don't know if I really buy that.

Sadly, Bill Walsh has opened up about his battle with leukemia. It had been rumoured for quite a while that he was sick, but he has recently confirmed this. His wife has had a stroke and now he has cancer. That must be insanely difficult. Good luck Coach, we hope you will pull through.

The guys wonder what the top age is that you can ask for money from your parents. Well, I'm 24 and I still need a little help from Mom and Dad. But, considering that lots of kids my age are sponging completely, I don't feel so bad. Chris and Brad had been unemployed for a while last year, and Chris had to ask his folks for a loan. This was the first time in 20 years that he had to do so. Their answers, Chris says 25 and Brad says never.

Also, when you borrow money from your parents, do you have to pay it back. It's your parents, not the bank. They are going to leave you a lot more room on this. My parents have been kind enough to help me out with my health insurance and car repairs, and I hope to pay them back as soon as I can.

Michael from San Jose is 38. He is still borrowing money from his parents. They have him on a strict payment plan with interest. They are on him like a hawk with his payments.

8pm: I think I'm about to get railed for the help that I get. But, the thing is, contrary to popular belief, radio is not the most lucrative industry. Phew, fortunately we get calls to take the focus from me. Thanks to J and Mark for that.

J from Daly City agrees with Brad that it doesn't matter what age you are. He needed to ask for money to fix his car. His parents don't want him to go outside the family for money. For his family, it is embarrassing for them to go elsewhere.

Mark from Fairfield has had to ask his parents for some help. He agrees that it is the last place he goes to ask for money, but would ask.

Finally, Chris from San Jose thinks everyone else is a bunch of pansies. He says that once you move out, that's it. It feels good for him to know that even when things are tough, he did not have to go down that road.

We get a great email from a listener about the calls that drop when we go to them on the air. We don't know why this keeps happening. Alissa writes a Craigslist style rant about this phenomenon. She is an old listener from Fresno. Compared to the system the show had down there, this is great.

I'm with you Alissa, stop hanging up people!! Just hang in there, please!

The guys read a story about a sandwich debate. Panera, which rocks by the way, is suing a mexican restaurant for moving into their shopping center. Their contract allows that no other sandwich shops are allowed in the center. They claim that a burrito is a sandwich. The judge rules with common sense, that a burrito is certainly not a sandwich.

Furthermore, I used to eat at Panera all the time. They get no more competition from a Mexican place than they would a Chinese restaurant. Man, I really want a panini.

Steve from Vallejo tries to set the tone with office pranks. The example he has is a joke that went too far. This involved sending a fake email to a gay coworker. He says that the coworker's feeling got pretty hurt in the process. The prank was on their straight friend, but they didn't consider the other's feelings. His tone is: what office pranks have you pulled and did they go too far?

9pm: Patrick from Vallejo tells us as a paramedic, they always prank their supervisor. The big one, was putting baby powder into the heater vent of his vehicle. The problem is that the company's manager was in the truck when this went off, all over his suit.

Brad's favorite prank is the stinkbomb. At their old station, they used to have the "painata." One would be filled with good prizes and the other would be filled with something bad. One time, they filled one with 4 stinkbombs. Sadly, noone picked the stinkbomb painata. Brad was incredibly disappointed by this.

I just remembered a prank war I had when working at Ruby Tuesday's. We had a prank war with our friends at Bennigan's across the parking lot. It starts with silly string and spit balls and continues to escalate. When I was leaving that night, I was ambushed by Bennigans employees while driving out with silly string. The thing was, he ran up to my car while it was moving to do this. What happened? I ran over his foot and broke it. I would say that went a little too far.

Chris tells us that he made his friend "Streisand" from a prank on a road trip. His friend fell asleep, and Chris tricked him into believing that they were about to be hit by a train. His friend was so terrified, that he actually pulled a "streisand." This is one of Chris' most glorious moments. Hmm, what does that say about him?

This story leads us to play the 50's movie about fighting the temptation to have a bowel movement. So hilarious. The video is called "Overcoming Bowel Movements: A Teenager's Guide to Self-Control."

Matt from San Jose doesn't want the prank topic to die. He got into a prank war with some girls. He threw flour into their car. They responded by trying to TP his house. They caught the girls doing this, and he called her father pretending to be cops. When he picked the girls up, they egged his car. Yeah, probably going a little too far.

We found a new condom. Pronto condoms are supposedly easier to open. Chris would prefer the invention of a condom that doesn't smell like that. Pronto condoms are opened by cracking the package in half. They are also supposed to be easier to put on. They claim that the benefit is that you will not lose your momentum in trying to open the condom.

Oh man, the guys discover the ads they have on the website. Wow, I thought the demo was funny, but I was wrong. These are hilarious. And really bizarre. Check this site out, it is worthwhile.

In other weird product news, Smokey Robinson is making frozen dinners. How the hell did that happen. Brad took one for the team, and tried the seafood gumbo. It was $4 and very unsatisfying. I would try and explain the website, but there are no words.

One of the funniest parts, is that they include Smokey's calendar on the site. If you're going to include a calendar, shouldn't there be events posted. ALL of November is blank. There is not much sadder than that.

Here is my favorite testimonial:
I had the red beans & rice bowl today and it taste so good I had to slap my mama.......Just joking! I would never slap my mama but it was very delicious...Karen W ,Oakland CA

Courtney Love naked. I have nothing else to say about that.

10pm: Well, we have 20 minutes to play, and then replay of Arnold's visits with us from earlier in the week.

The guys talk about Danny Bonaduce of who I am not a fan. They want him to shut up about all the drugs he has done already. I agree, enough is enough. He was on the Glen Beck show on CNN and was supposedly as annoying as ever.

Holy crap, Brad sent me pictures of them in drag. That is absolutely terrifying. I would share this with you, but I don't want to give you nightmares.

The guys read the story that frat guys are suing Sacha Baron Cohen for their use in his Borat movie. Apparently, the frat boys are upset about the loss of their reputation. I think they need to suck it up and get over it.

As part of the Guy Fawkes Day celebration, there is Bonfire night in Britain. One genius sticks a firecracker into his rectum and lights it. In what universe is that a good idea? Seriously, I have to know, what is it with boys sticking things up there? I really don't understand.

So, enjoy the Arnold replays and have a good weekend. Once again, I apologize to my mother.

Thursday, November 9

Hello my friends. Erica here once again. I am feeling much better today and you are all doing well.

7pm: The guys start with an insane video about the dangers of having a bowel movements. It is basically an old masturbation warning with bowel movements instead. My favorite part: the description of nocturnal emissions. They may often "be accompanied by dreams of logs floating down a river." So, if you are new with us, this is what we think is funny on The Gray Area.

There have been reports that the FCC will allow newscasters to use the s-word in the context of their broadcast. We are for this here, because any laxing of FCC rules is good for us. But Chris makes a good point, before they begin cursing, newscasters should learn to tell a joke. It's always just so damn awkward. Can you imagine the awful manner in which they would curse?

The only one I can imagine for this is Dennis Richmond. I am pretty intimidated by him, but he could totally pull off the cursing. By the way, based on that picture, is there anything creepier than Dennis Richmond smiling?Steve from San Jose thinks the Sportscenter guys would be great for this. I think Steve has it right. I could see Stuart Scott or my Terp, Scott Van Pelt, dropping an F-bomb.

Speaking of ESPN, is there anyone more obnoxious than Stephen A. Smith? That guy needs to take a valium. Sorry for the detour, but I really hate that guy.

The guys announce that it is Christmas already because Starbucks has broken out their Christmas cups. The hypocrisy of this: they are ripping on Starbucks, while drinking Starbucks coffee. They are upset that they are now stuck with Christmas blend for the rest of the holiday season. Christmas blend is pretty weak.

They insist that Starbucks has killed Thanksgiving. Is this the case? Was it Starbucks all along? I don't know, I think the malls may have killed Thanksgiving long before Starbucks did.

Scott calls in about a Dunkin Donuts in Hayward. This makes me so excited. I love Dunkin Donuts and thought it only exists on the East Coast. They start talking about how there are so many Starbucks. For this, my favorite Lewis Black clip must be played. I can't do it justice, so check it out.

8pm: So, I missed the first half of the 8pm hour, doing other things for the station. But, I am back now! Hooray!!!

By the way, way to go Rutgers!!! These guys were always losers of the Big East. For them to beat Louisville is crazy. I gotta say, if you are in a town like New Brunswick, you need some football success. What a hole.

I've missed most of these, but throughout the show, the guys have been playing old cigarette ads. I watched some of them before the show, and even as a smoker, this is pretty appalling. By the way, Newports are not refreshing, they are disgusting.

Did you hear that Britney dumped KFed over text message. I just want to know if she used the sad face in the message. Did she spell out the words? That's pretty harsh, but sooooo fantastic.

The guys want to know what the worst text message or email you ever received? Nick from San Jose trumps the text message bad news with myspace post. That is awful. Can you imagine someone breaking up with you by leaving a comment of your myspace page? For everyone else to see?

Michelle from Petaluma found out that her friend's 18 year old son got his 16 year old girlfriend pregnant. She found out through myspace. Michelle is angry that her friend didn't call her about it, but I don't know, maybe what her friend is going through trumps the no call.

Sam from Napa tells us about the terrible news that he got by text message. His girlfriend had been cheating on him with his roommate. His roommate let him know about this affair by a text message. That is pretty messed up. Well, at least Sam had a good attitude about it and knows he is better off without them.

9pm: Usually, I don't let callers through two nights in a row. But, John in Moraga's comment is so hilarious that I had to put him through. The guys were talking about saying grace, and John says he dated only Jewish girls in college to avoid saying grace. That is absolutely awesome.

Then, we get a call from Greg in the city who found out he knocked up his high school girlfriend over text message while stuck in in-school suspension. After Greg, Charles tells us that his girlfriend of 3 years broke up with him over myspace. What is wrong with people? I like text messaging, but come the f**k on!!!

The text message and myspace stories just get worse. Clem tells us her fiance dumped her over an email and wouldn't even return her emails or calls. What a jerk!! She was more angry about the method, than the message itself.

I feel lucky to have avoided the whole grace issue. When you're Jewish, you have an automatic out. I've been to homes that said grace, but have never been asked to participate.

All of this discussion about cruel comments posted on myspace, leads to the question: is this libel? I would think that it would be. Tony in San Jose is a lawyer with these cases pending. He tells us that you can sue for defamation of character based on a myspace posting or blog. You have to prove that these comments have harmed you. Thank you Tony for all the information on this.

I also found a few articles on USA Today and ARS Technica, that has a pretty detailed description of the laws and cases regarding this issue. It seems that we are going to be hearing about a lot of these cases in the near future. I think it seems fair that limits are placed on the statements of bloggers, like myself.

The guys highlight one case where a man is suing for the comment that he comes from a family of "nincompoops." You know that they focused on that one as an excuse to say "nincompoop."

10pm: Our friend Jim from Livermore calls in. He lives in a van, yet has a cell phone and a new radio. Jim hates everyone, but wants to enlighten us with a quote he found in a book. Jim gets a flurry of sound effects including, of course, the Pit of Mediocrity. Oh, how I love the Pit. It consistently make me smile.

The guys read a story that is just horrifying. A 600 lb man was being cremated when his body fluids became too much for the oven. They lit on fire and seeped out onto the floor. There are more details to this story, but it is too much for my delicate sensibilities. So, I apologize now for the sparseness of my blog right now, but I am a girl.

Somewhere in this, we get a call claiming that there is a drain in the crematorium because that's what soap is made of. Holy crap! That is insane. I'm not buying it, but must say, I'm glad I use liquid soap.

Christina from Palo Alto calls to tell us about the disgusting phenomenon of friendship bread. You get a little baggie to make a piece of dough, and then you pass it on. That is just a haven for germs. We are just picturing a big grayish ball of dough, with fingerprints all of it. Look at that, EWWW.

The guys kind of go all over the place to end the show. Chris saw a woman with a neck tattoo. Hmm. What can we do to make people stop getting neck tattoos? Enough is enough. Then Brad's Penile Euphemism of the Night: Gobthrobber. Ummm... yeah.

So, have a good night everyone. Tune in tomorrow, we have a lot of tickets to give away for Greg Giraldo at Cobb's Comedy Club this Sunday.

Wednesday, November 8

Hi everyone! So did the Democrats take the Senate or what? I am so confused. Do MSNBC, CNN, and Fox News receive completely different information? Why is it, that when I switch channels, Independents win seats on one and Democrats on the other? Sorry about that, I just needed to get that off my chest.

7pm: We start the show speaking to Tom Leykis. Right from his show to ours. He is here to tell us more about female caller who admitted to murder on the air. She said that she killed the father of her children for not paying his child support. She got away with it by lying to the cops. This has been a huge news story. What a stupid woman, to think that nothing would result from this call.

Tom says that it is things like this that make him love his career. No matter how many crazy things you hear, something new and unexpected happens everyday. Tom is convinced that this was a real call. He lets us know that he will respect whatever the police want him to do. If at anytime, they ask him to cease releasing details, he will stop. Chris points out that as a showman, that would be incredibly difficult.

If you would like more information or think that this sounds familiar, you can listen to the call and read the articles here. Thanks to Tom for jumping on and filling us in.

We have a power-packed hour, because next we speak to Arnold, fresh off his victory. I can only imagine the state he will be in with us. If you didn't think his ego was big enough... well, here we go. The guys want to know how many times he will say, "God dammit."

Arnold is belligerent as ever. He is angry at the guys for not having proper music ready for him to read the first draft of his election speech. To Brad's delight, it is a selection from the Conan movie. Brad keeps joining in with lines he knows from the speech.

Chris and Brad are a little hurt that they didn't receive an invite to the victory party last night. Arnold totally rats me out, that I stole their invitations and went myself. He claims that I was being crazy in my behavior. I wasn't doing anything, he's just so damn grabby.

Arnold tells us about his concession phone call from Angelides. As a prank, Arnold and his cronies left a bag of um... waste on his doorstep. Angelides called to tell him it was funny and then they got into a stream of insults.

Throughout each of our calls with Arnold, he is constantly yelling at Maria in the background. I would be a little nervous yelling at Skeletor if I were him. (Ok, I have to admit, I took the cheap shot just to have an excuse to put up the picture.)

Arnold has offered to do the listeners a favor. If you are an Arnold fan and voted for him yesterday, he will play Mental Speedbump on your behalf. I think these people are pretty screwed. Arnold says "uh" constantly.

His topic for Carl in Oakland: You're having a good night, you begin to sleep tight, but then the bed bugs begin to bite. Defend yourself verbally.

Surprisingly, Arnold does a great job. He didn't say "uh" once. I am shocked by this success. So, congratulations to Carl, you will be seeing Greg Giraldo at Cobb's Comedy Club on November 12th.

Of course, this is not the Governor, but Josh Thompson. He always does such a great job with us. He has an official website on its way and will have a Fake Arnold cd coming out. For now you can check him out at www.myspace.com/fakearnold.

8pm: We received a public service announcement in the mail today. We haven't even heard this yet, so who knows what this will be. It is a really bad version of "Jingle Bells" reminding us to wash our hands. There is also a Spanish version of this PSA. Hopefully, this will never again play on our station.

So, my car is a little f'd up right now. I have a Jetta and the coolant light has been on for a while. The other night, the temperature gauge finally registered that fact. Today, I called Chris for help, which as a good friend, he provided. But, of course, I have to get a little railed for all the girlness I demonstrated in this venture.

Basically, yeah, the coolant light was on for months and I did nothing. Also, I added coolant to the car without wather. Then, on the phone with Chris, I went down to the car to look at something, and did not immediately open the hood. I have no defense for my moronic behavior when it comes to my car, BUT... at least I like football.

The guys have an idea that they think will be shot down by the station: The Gray Area Women's Prison Film Festival.

The point is, for this Festival to take place, we need your help. Management will not let this happen, unless we get support from you, the listeners. Melissa in San Rafael helps by suggesting that it take place at Alcatraz. Ben in the city thinks we should donate the money to Girl's Juvy.

9pm: We start letting you know that Brad will be playing the evil prison warden. That could not be a more perfect casting job.

Mike from Sebastapol thinks we should have it for the guys over at San Quentin. This is a pretty scary idea. Dan from Novato thinks we should pull the listeners out on a prison barge. We didn't know if they exist, but apparently they do. I wonder what that would be like.

Ben in Novato thinks we should serve Pruno, a moonshine made in prisons. This just sounds disgusting. Can we make something good and just call it Pruno.

The first movie they discuss, Chained Heat, with Linda Blair. Shockingly, their favorite part of this movie is her breasts. Who would've thought. Did you know that there are three Caged Heat films? We could show the whole trilogy.

The guys read a list of women's prison films they would like to include.
Some examples:

- Prison Girls 3D
- Cellblock Sisters
- The Big Doll House (pic to the right)
- Strip Search
- Big Bust Out
- Helga, She Wolf of Spilberg
- Sex Penitentiary
- Scorpion, Double Venom 2
- Prision de Mujeres
- Bare Behind Bars

These all sound like classy Oscar-worthy films. I don't know how all of these have been shunned by the Academy. What are they? Communist??

We are giving another set of tickets to see Greg Giraldo at Cobb's Comedy Club. The game is Mental Speedbump. I wonder how many calls it will take to be successful.

I thought Ken from San Lorenzo wanted to play, but even better he calls in with a great idea for the festival. He sells projectors and tells us he goes to Treasure Island to play video games on the walls of the hangers. He thinks we should show the movies there. This is a pretty sweet idea.
Ok, so Burt from San Jose gives it a try on some topic about facial hair. But, alas, Burt fails at this monumental task. Was that dramatic enough? Aaron from San Jose goes next with the topic: You are caught at the Canadian border with a midget in your duffle bag. Explain. He goes for 25 seconds, but falls apart. Nice try, Aaron.

10pm: We play a trailer of a women's prison movie I found on YouTube. It is called "Shadow Dead Riot" and has the one thing missing from these movies: Zombies!!! This has got to be one of the most insane trailers I have ever seen. If you check that out, beware, it is really graphic.


To promote an idea before it is fleshed out is an unusual practice. But, that's not what this is about. We need all of you to make this the best it can be.

The guys go over the cliches of these movies:
- Topless girls for no reason or shirts that rip open perfectly
- The warden's speech
- The gauntlet
- A caged animal in the warden's office
- Lots and lots of mud

Andy from Concord brings up all the fun costumes attendees can wear. He wants to be the sleazy prison doctor. The guys suggest Tommy Lee Jones' character from Natural Born Killers.

The way the guys know this will work: It completely freaked out the sales staff when they pitched it in their first meeting.

Shay from San Jose thinks if you push the costume idea it will be a combination of the Exotic Erotic Ball and Cannes Film Festival. The guys worry that there are not enough guy costumes. Shay thinks that men can dress as women's prisoners.

Brad is a little hesitant to dress in drag. Then Dan has a moment of brilliance. Brad should have a short black wig and bright lipstick. Chris jumps right in on this thinking that Brad would be great as the tall sadistic female prison guard with really pointy breasts. This picture gets more and more disturbing every minute. Even worse, Brad admits he might think he was pretty hot in that.

We come up with some more male costumes with the help of the callers. Men could be prison guards, alcoholic daddies, executioners, priests, cook, or boyfriends. These are all great ideas. Mike from Beneica has a great idea with the warden's effeminate son. Like Dan, I was a little hesitant at first, but this is shaping up to be a pretty fun idea.

To end the show, Brad gives us his Penile Euphemism of the Night: King Cobratwurst. What does that even mean??? Yeah, I apologize to my mother, once again.