Monday, April 30th Show 2

Hey everyone. Here we are for the second edition of The Gray Area for the day. The boys are a little loopy today, as the early show started at noon today.

7pm: The guys are a little confused as there is no traffic despite the freeway meltdown. They have been preparing and preparing for miserable traffic, yet looking at Google traffic, everything looks great. Even Berkeley looks green at 7pm on a weekday. That is unheard of. Brad points out that they may be the first djs to ever complain about the lack of traffic.

Brad is at least happy that he was able to pass the Business Ethics test for CBS. He kept failing but finally was able to pass on his sixth attempt.

Apparently there is a new drug out there, cheese. Yes, it is called cheese. A nice little extra value meal of intoxicants. It is a mixture of black tar heroin and Tylenol PM tablets. That's weird, but once Chris explains that it comes from Texas, I understand. The guys cannot understand what the Tylenol PM is doing in this concoction. Heroin laughs in the face of Tylenol.

In Japan, there is a yearly contest we have just heard of, crying sumo. It is where sumo wrestlers face off while holding babies. The one who makes the baby cry first is the victor. It is supposed to be good luck for the children's future. Why do you ever want to encourage babies to cry? Isn't it a mission in itself to get them to stop?

We return to our earlier discussion of types of drivers in traffic. We came up with a pretty extensive list in the early show, but are hoping to expand upon it now. Brad has admitted that he is "the berzerker." The enormously pissed off driver.

Here is the rest of the list:
The Monk - the overly serene driver
Mr. Honry - the guy who lays on the horn
Mr. Spaceman- the driver infuriating Mr. Horny by leaving space in between cars
Entitlement Guy- the guy in the fancy car who switches lanes at the last possible moment

Haha, Mishkin in Fremont, our very own Eeyore calls in and shockingly says he is the monk. Wow, that's a shocker. What's great is that he says he can at times be the berzerker. I would love to see that.

8pm: Dan in Livermore is my enemy. He is the teaser. This is the person who leaves some space in between cars and moves up right before the lane changer can get in. As a lane changer myself, I absolutely hate Dan in Livermore. I would really like to key his car.

Bill in Pleasanton is the scariest of the drivers. He is worse than the berzerker, as he will follow you home if you flip him off. Bill needs to relax a little bit, and coming from me, that says a lot.

Jason in Napa comes up with a name for he and Mishkin. They are the bipolar driver. Calm as a monk until something clicks and they turn into berzerker.

Andrew in Oakland deems himself the conductor. He is the guy pretending he is the conductor while stuck in traffic. Surprisingly he likes both this station and classical music. He can easily be confused with the monk, as per his calm nature while rocking out to Beethoven.

9pm: Calls are stacked on this, but first we have to give an example. Brad came from extremely different driving conditions moving from Fresno to Pacifica. We play a clip of Brad on his minidisk recorder bitching about being lost on the highways. He is confused by all the different highways. Once stuck in traffic, he quickly descends into insanity.

Dan in San Ramon claims to be "the Fonz." When people cut him off, he just gives them a big thumbs up. This is to take the steam out of the berzerker's supposed victory. Chris wants to join Dan in this category.

Josh in San Jose is always stoned in traffic. He claims it makes things better and turns him more into the monk. Greg in Palo Alto is the spotter. He tries to find the hot girl on the road and stay with her. But, hot girls are always insane drivers.

We finally get a call from the blaster. James in Fairfield says that the slower the traffic, the louder the music. He used to be the stoner, but got busted so has turned to music for his salvation.

Moving off this subject, Chris bitches a little about HBO's "Entourage." He loves the show but is upset that it has lost its steam. Even Jeremy Piven is not getting the lines he needs. I just watch Food Network. I am not as important as Chris and Brad so I don't have the kick ass Comcast package they do.

So, we have kept fighting about when and if The Simpsons have jumped the shark. Apparently, the TV Guide Channel has a show specifically about this, hosted by Christopher Knight. They asked Matt Groening about when this happened to The Simpsons. He said that they probably have several times, but have continually jumped back.

To wrap up the marathon, we speak to Rich in San Francisco. He drives a stick and has to be a little silly to be sane. He will swerve within his lane, to see how close he can get to the next car without a collision.

Well, with that we are thankfully done for the night. We will be back for a day show tomorrow. So, I apologize to my mother, have a good night.

Monday, April 30th Show 1

Hey everyone. We are on an hour earlier today because of the Bay Bridge mess. That is some crazy s***.

12pm: Isn't it weird that we are on so early? It is kinda cool though. Of course, we start off talking about the "Blaze in the Maze."

We speak to Jim Allison from BART. He explains that BART has doubled the capacity of their trains, not adding more trains. He says that this happening on a Sunday makes things much easier. They already had extra trains ready for the Warriors and A's games, giving them a day to figure everything out.

He is not overly concerned about the afternoon commute today. He believes that between the shutdown and the weather, that many people commuting from the East Bay to San Francisco took the day off.

We speak to Bill from Santa Rosa, a tanker driver. He says the drivers are not allowed to drive on the Bay Bridge at all with flammables. He does give us more of a driver's perspective and admits that no matter what you're carrying you do not want to spill.

Chris thinks we are all being far too kind to the driver, James Mosqueda. It has been reported that he was most likely speeding at the time of the accident. This has inconvenienced thousands of people, should we be harder on him?

Dave in Fremont is a HazMat driver who refuses to haul gasoline for this exact reason. He says it is far too dangerous. Joe in Fremont is also a driver. He says that maybe someone cut him off or something else happened. It is too early to judge the driver without really knowing exactly what happened.

1pm: We go into truck horror stories. My family was hit by a semi when I was eleven. We were on the Pennsylvania Turnpike (a clusterf*** of a road) the day before Thanksgiving. A flatbed stopped, a Bronco stopped, an RX7 stopped, we stopped, the semi behind us did not. Every vehicle was totalled and amazingly no one was seriously injured. But, seeing our accordioned car the next day, was one of the scariest moments of my life. One foot further into impact, my brother and I would not be here today.

We are now speaking to Ernest Sanchez, Manager of the Alameda-Oakland Ferry Service. They have actually been somewhat ready for this based on the Clean Air programs for the summer. He informs us that the public transit will not be free tomorrow as of about an hour ago. They will, however, have additional parking available for the rest of the week. He also says they will have enhanced service tomorrow despite charging once again.

Gabe in Napa is another driver who listens to us. He had a coworker who avoided a horrible injury. He was driving in Napa when a driver in front of him lost a piece of plywood. It went through his windshield, and was somehow able to pull over without an accident or injury. Brad thinks this call is ok, Chris hates it as there is no gore.

Keith in Pinole tells us about two semis that collided. His friend's father was working the scene and when they pulled apart the trucks, a VW Bug dropped out of the twisted metal. Ugh. That is just awful. Right away, Justin in Santa Rosa calls to tell us Keith is a liar. He says it was busted on "Mythbusters." He's right, I looked it up on Snopes. Liar!!!

I'm not really sure how we got there, but Brad started talking about hitting gophers with shovels as a kid. Chris and I both looked at him like he was a twisted, sick freak. That is awful. Chris asks him what is it he won't kill. After pondering this question for a moment, he finally comes up with baby dolphins. Well, at least the little baby dolphins are safe from Brad's wrath.

2pm: This is weird, we are starting our third hour in the daytime. I am so screwed up. Chris and Brad are upset with me, as they found out that I have never seen "Caddyshack." I was like two years old when that came out.

Matthew in Modesto calls to tell us about his friend's "gophernator." It is a welder's torch on a cart. You stick the torch in the hole like a flamethrower and it blows the gopher hole into the air. Joe in Union City tells us about the Rodex 5000, a gopher-killing machine. This is just sick.

Jeff in Santa Rosa suggests using seal bombs to kill gophers. A seal bomb is used by commercial fisherman to scare the seals away. It's like a quarter-inch stick of dynamite.

Ok, we are moving away from gopher massacres back to traffic. The guys want to know which type of driver are you in bad traffic.

The Categories:
- The Monk: He never freaks out or gets angry. He does not switch lanes believing it will be better and just hangs out in his car.
- The Berzerker: This is Brad. Immediately he is furious, certain that it is the worst possible situation. He spends the first ten minutes screaming profanity and banging on the steering wheel.
- Lane Changer Guy: This is me. I always think that extra five feet will make a huge difference.
- Shoulder Driving Guys: The worst person of all. Nothing makes me happier than seeing this person pulled over.
- Last Minute Lane Changer Guy: I have been this person, but only extremely rarely. I usually hate people who do this.

Jim in Livermore calls in to tell us what kind of driver he is in traffic. He turns off his van when the traffic is heavy. This leads him to reveal the honking guy. Who honks whenever there is more than two inches of space not taken.

We will back on at seven tonight. Today is chock full of The Gray Area. I will save my apology to my mother until the end of tonight's show.

Friday, April 26th

Hey everyone. Happy Friday!!! It is so nice out and I am really excited about the weekend.

1pm: We start off playing the Stephen Hawking audio from after his Zero-G flight. Despite having to speak through a machine, his excitement is certainly conveyed. They, of course, turn from happiness for Hawking to mocking. I cannot help shake my head and wag my finger at them.

So, we found something to top the Japanese poodle scam. When I showed it to Brad this morning, he was convinced it was a fake. I checked everywhere I could think and found nothing to disprove the story. A Syrian pilot tricked a Welsh school teacher into having sex with him for nine months. She had a rash and he told her that he had a special ointment, that could only be applied with his penis. He claimed that he was working with a gynocologist, who had told him how often to thrust and how long the sex should last. I can't believe this is real.

Brad was made extremely uncomfortable over break. There is a website, DonttellRyan.com. It is supposedly a prank played on Ryan by his roommate. He is being secretly taped in his dorm room and streamed on the site. Brad had the site up in the background, looked at the screen, just in time to see Ryan take off his underwear.

Leykis is going to have a field day today. A study came out saying that 3.7% of fathers, are unknowingly raising children that our not their own. Chris and Brad wonder if it should be mandatory to have a paternity test at birth. I can't believe this. I am really surprised that it is so high.

Sean in Redwood City was in this situation once. He was dating a girl and she got pregnant. She had cheated on him and when the baby was born, it did not look like it could be his. He got a paternity test and it was not his. He never spoke to the girl again.

2pm: Ryan in San Jose had a child with an ex-girlfriend. He is paying child support for this kid and says he does not want to know if he is not the father. The reason being that he would still have to pay the support. It would be terrible to pay for a child that is not his. We're not sure that Ryan is right about this.

Bill in San Jose actually won custody from his ex-wife. He tells us about something he saw in court. The man in front of him had to pay child support only for claiming the children as his in public. That is insane if it is true.

After hearing lots of stories about false paternity, we finally are able to obtain a lawyer's time. Tilden Moschetti of Moschetti Family Law in San Francisco specializes in Child Support law. He clarifies that if you have signed papers taking responsibility for the child, a paternity test will not clear you of this responsibility.

He says that at times they will allow fathers far behind on their child support to get back on their feet. Meaning that they may excuse some interest as long as he is making an effort to make his payments. Chris asks if they monitor the spending of Child Support money. Tilden tells us that there is no such thing whatsoever.

Tilden does not think that the family courts are trying to shuttle people through the system. He believes they are trying to be fair. Of course, there are a set of rules that make flexibility difficult.

Thanks to Tilden Moschetti for helping us out so last minute. I just called every lawyer I could find and he was kind enough to hold on patiently during other calls to help us out.

With that, we are off to our respective weekends. Have a great night, and I apologize to my mother.

Thursday, April 26th

Hey everyone. We have some guests in studio tonight. A few of the USF Diamond Dons are here.

7pm: Brad tells us about a problem with his car. The car has the flip-up headlights and his daughter was curious about the mechanism. She tried to open them when the car was not on, ensuing in breaking the light. So, this results in the battery dying, reason unbeknownst to Brad.

Chris helped Brad and jumped the car for him. It seemed like it worked, until he was told this morning that the battery is dead again. Brad went on a tirade not realizing Paxy was in the next room. She had cried all day yesterday about this, and after hearing Brad, cried some more. So now, he feels like a jerk for making her sad.

So, there is a scam going on in Japan. I don't know how these people pulled this off, but it is ridiculous. Thousands of people were fooled into buying sheep thinking they were poodles. One well-known actress fell for this and took her "puppy" on a talk show, to explain her distress that it would not bark or eat dog food. The guys cannot understand how all of these people could possibly fall for this. I don't understand it either.

Brilliant scientist, Stephen Hawking, went on the Zero G today. He was able to experience weightlessness, thus getting him out of his chair. That's pretty awesome, in looking at the video online, he looked really happy.

Speaking of space, Star Trek's Scottie's ashes are about to shot out to space. It costs about $595/gm to do this, but we don't know how many grams, Scottie's ashes weigh.

The guys go over the story of the fugitive and his kidney. This man was let out of jail temporarily in order to donate a kidney to his ill son. Instead, he used the opportunity to bounce and escape to Mexico. He was caught after a year and put back in prison. Thank goodness his son was able to get a kidney from someone else.

Chris somehow is saying this guy is not as bad as everyone else. The reason being that the father's survival instinct probably kicked in. That he may have thought that his son would get another kidney. Brad and I entirely disagree. The guy is a scumbag. Most of the callers think Chris is crazy. Well... we all knew that already.

8pm: So, after making the guys look at Chris and Brad through the glass for an hour, they finally bring the representatives of the USF Dons.

We have two players (team captains) and two coaches here. They are an up and coming program that is gaining attendance. Troy Nakumura is the Assistant coach/Third base coach, but Brad finds out that he is in charge of field upkeep.

Chris calls out First Base Coach, Joe Della Cella. They are always saying that they don't think the First Base Coach does anything. That's not cool, at least they admit that they like his name.

Ok, so we are going to test the baseball players and coaches a little bit. They will be going up against me in a battle of baseball knowledge. I am pretty into sports and I think I can upset them in this trivia war.

We have listeners choose their contenders and Susie picks the Dons and Sal picks me. After I soundly defeat the Dons, we give A's tickets to both. Why? Because the guys gave me the answers. But... I did know at least 12 of the questions. That was fun though, the guys had no idea that we were playing a little trick on them.

9pm: The guys have been watching the "Planet Earth" series on Discovery. They love it, but then the episode "Caves" came on. This was cool at first, especially when showing the underground waterfalls. But then, they start going into the creepy, nasty things that inhabit the caves. This includes enormous piles of bat dung, covered in roaches. Then, the predators of the roaches, of course, giant centipedes. Ewww. Yeah, I don't think I want to see that episode.

The guys bring up a new ambition of mine. At first, I had asked them to help me get on TLC's "What Not to Wear." Erica needs new clothes. I am not one of those girls who wants to have Coach or Louis Vuitton, but I could use some nice shirts. But now, I have upped the ante. I want to be on "Deal or No Deal." I think I would be awesome on that show. I am loud and jump around a lot. They should be knocking down my door to give me $100,000.

Chris and Brad think I need some help to make my "Deal or No Deal" tape the best. I think so too, I am not all that confident. I do have one impression that I do that people seem to love, the monkey. Chris and Brad make me do this twice for them. They think I should do it randomly throughout the video, with no reaction or explanation.

10pm: Tonight, we are playing "Top That." The topic is what did you eat? This could be quantity and/or grossest item.

Brad starts off with birds. He hunted, plucked and cleaned twelve blackbirds and a robin. He grilled them up and he says the legs were pathetic. Chris brings up that he also had Brad eat vegan pig intestines. Supposedly they were pretty nasty.

For Chris, it was blubber. It was from a friend of his who went to Alaska. It is the fattiest looking thing he has ever seen. He also once bought a bag of minnows and ate them.

Listener Mentions:
- Rabbit Eyeball
- Duck Embryo (Balut)
- Skewer of Crickets

I am having computer problems, so I am going to have to cut out of the blog early. But, have a good night and I apologize to my mother.

Wednesday, April 25th

Hey everyone. Happy Wednesday! We are all a little nervous today, because our new boss, Dan Mason is here today. He is the new head of CBS radio. Everyone is all spiffed up today as a result of this.

1pm: The guys start off talking about this visit. They point out that while all the men are all dressed up, none of the women really are. Well, except webmaster, Mindy, she is.

If you haven't heard, Rosie O'Donnell is off The View. They were unable to meet an agreement on a contract, so she is done in June. Whatever will be do without Rosie? Chris compares Rosie to an animal that leaves its poison and moves along, but can't remember what that is. I guess Bill Parcells, which would have been funny, but my mic wasn't on. Dammit!!

Frank in Hayward informs us that in fact it is the komodo dragon, yes the komodo dragon. Geeky in Rob in SF tells us that the komodo dragon is not poisonous, the bacteria in their mouth is.

Over break, I got a call from a telemarketer. The thing is, it was a recorded message asking me to call them back. Um... who in the hell is going to call that number back? We would like to interrupt you to sell you something, but we're too busy to talk to you right now. Please call us back when it would be more convenient for us.

The guys read over our list of nerd categories from last night. It was pretty damn thorough. We also replay my interview with Lincoln, a particularly nerdy attendee of the Ren Faire. He makes that noise that only the biggest geeks can make. I can't even possibly explain it.

The best thing possible happens after this audio airs. Dimitri in Rohnert Park calls to defend Lincoln about the heat of the Ren Faires. He lets us know that as we have not been to the other Ren Faires in the area and is somewhat pretentious about the circuit. Of course, Dimitri is sent to the Pit of Mediocrity. Fantastic.

Brian in Santa Clara tells us about in high school when his friends played guns in the woods. Not paintball, but guns like little kids. They painted spray guns black and made "bang bang" noises at each other.

2pm: We get a call from Jeff in San Jose, who is pretty into "Star Wars." He went to a Ren Faire dressed in a "Star Wars" costume. Some of the faire goers wanted to take pictures with them, upsetting the Ren geeks. They actually asked Jeff and his friends to leave.

Eric in Concord tells us about a dealer friend who is into the online RPGs. He will trade online gold from the game for actual weed. That is just bad business.

We go over a list of the "11 Guy Movie Classics (And Why They Secretly Suck)" from Cracked.com. Starting backwards, we begin with "Top Gun." Of course, they discuss the homoerotic themes of the movie.

"Terminator" comes in at #9. We all know why it's a classic, but this is why it sucks. The writer comes up with a point I never thought about. If the robot is so bad ass, why does he need big muscles? Also, of course, Schwarzenegger's acting.

"Platoon" ranks at #8. The reason it sucks is simply that "Full Metal Jacket" was so much better.

Chris is mad that "The Shining" is on the list, because it scared the crap out of him. They are both happy about "Scarface" at #3. Yeah, I think "Scarface" is pretty overrated.

More Guy Movies That Suck:

- Enter the Dragon
- Commando
- Rambo
- Army of Darkness
- Die Hard
- Chinese Connection

"Enter the Dragon" leads us to a discussion of "Kentucky Fried Movie." Chris, Brad and I all absolutely love this movie. It was made by the makers of "Airplane" and if you haven't seen it, you absolutely have to. Seriously, f-ing hilarious.

So, with that, we are done for the day. We will be on tomorrow night from 7-11. See you then and I apologize to my mother.

Tuesday, April 24th

Hey everyone. Well, we are on at night tonight. This week we are alternating day and night. So, tomorrow is a day show. We also have tickets to the A's vs. the Devil Rays all week.

7pm: We start off catching up a little bit. Chris brings up the rubber ducky purchases by the Virginia Tech shooter. According to The Smoking Gun, he bought three dozen rubber ducks and a sailor suit for one of them. Chris asks what is the craziest thing you bought on Ebay while intoxicated.

In catching up with email, the guys read an email from listener, Andrew. He was upset with NWWL guest Janay for calling me a "brokedown beezy."

The guys play the clip of Tracy Morgan on something on a local news morning show. The poor anchor has no idea what to do, especially when Morgan begins to disrobe. It is so incredibly awkward. The guy tries his best to handle it, but does not realize he should just shut up for a minute.

I also found a Chicago local tv commercial for

We wrap up the hour talking about Chase Wright, Yankee pitcher who gave up four back-to-back homeruns. This was his first game up from the minors. That is horrible. The guys go through what must be going through his head.

8pm: Carlo's car was outside and over break I showed the guys his broken sideview mirror. He was going through the alley and tried to make it through and heard a smack. That sucks.

So, after we found the Moo and Oink commercial, I found their wonderful website. On the site, they have MooTV, which has a commercial vault. I directed Chris to play "Power Meeting," both #1 and #2. They didn't like them as much, but I thought the Moo and Oink superhero was pretty funny.

The guys read over Bob Saget's rider from The Smoking Gun. They have admitted several times that they are not huge fans of Saget. The one strange part is that his opener may not use dirty material and/or a musical instrument. I guess he does not want to be shown up.

Vern in Alameda claims that he worked with Saget in Salt Lake City. He says that he was a complete jackass in the situation. He was supposedly very pompous and uncool. What rubbed him the wrong way, is that he kept mentioning that in other venues, he would be dirtier.

Brad gets more and more worked up and now wants to challenge Bob Saget to anything, preferably something physical. I think Brad really just wants to beat him up. With Brad being 6'6" and Saget being 6'4," this should be interesting.

So, Adam is staging a contest at Alcatraz. They have two listeners participating: one gangbanger and one huge nerd. They will be competing against one another in some sort of battle of survival. The producers became extremely excited when the nerd asked, "Can I could bring his ghost hunting equipment?" Umm... wow, that sounds super cool.

The guys want to know if you can out geek a ghostbuster? Chris says no, Brad doesn't want to answer. The reason being, that T wants them to start going to cemeteries to look for ghosts.

We get a lot of great calls on this. Everyone of them trumps the ghosthunter in geekdom. Here are the highlights:

- Bigfoot Hunters

- Perfect Klingon Speakers

- Competitive Yo-Yoer's.

I present Chris and Brad with an old sound clip from my trip to the Renaissance Faire several months ago. I think the guy I interviewed, Lincoln, may be one of the geekiest. He is just so incredibly awkward and tells us he likes to photograph people in their costumes.

9pm: We play a clip of some D&D nerds talking about being tortured in high school for being vampires. Brad says that far exceeds the ghosthunters in the kingdom of nerditude.

Simon in SF calls in about his geeky thing. He plays Warhammer miniatures. He has about 8,000 that he has handpainted. He even carries an army in his trunk just in case. That is ridiculous. Brad asks if you get to take your opponents miniatures if you win. Simon says no, disappointing us all.

I throw in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle girl. She has to live with her parents because she spends all her money on the gear. She has all the costumes and only eats pizza, to be authentic. Chris still says no, saying that Brad and I are not grasping the true geekiness of the ghosthunter.

Other Attempts to Trump Ghosthunting:

- People who speak elf

- World War II modelers

- Live Action RPGs.

I just thought of a great one and am so excited. They have done specials on this on the Discovery Channel. It is people who have undergone massive body modification to look more like animals. There is a leopard guy, a lizard guy and a cat guy. And they are incredibly strange. This starts to shake Chris on his convictions.

Even More Geek Categories Mentioned:

- World of Warcraft Enthusiasts

- Jedi Religion Believers

- People Who Speak Esperanto

- Tornado Chasers

- Mall Piano and Organ Salesman

- Comic Book Guy (of course, how did we forget him)

- Air Guitar Competitor

Here is an

The guys make me choose which is the most attractive of all of these. Ick. I finally say the Sasquatch hunter or the Yo-yo competitor.

10pm: Scott in Santa Rosa calls to give us more information on LARP. He tells us that they do rock, paper, scissors to see who gets to say they are punching. They wear vampire costumes and roll die in the grass. When someone hits you, you have to write it down on your sheet.

Thomas in San Jose throws in two things he does. One, he plays Runescape, an online rpg like World of Warcraft. He says the graphics are really crappy, but is completely addictive. Then, he tells us he does Rubix Cube competition.

Logan in SF calls about cup stacking. It is becoming really popular, but these people do it at incredible speeds.

We have gotten two calls from people leaving the Megadeth concert. Both were hammered and both were dropped for cursing. That's a shocker. Brad is kinda pissed because he did not know about this.

So, it was Brad's birthday yesterday. His wife, T, threw him a little party. Thanks for inviting me, by the way :( They are all sitting around, having a good time, and T tells a little story about their daughter. She is twelve and has been asking T a bunch of uncomfortable questions. One of these questions was what is the right age for her to start having sex. T tells Brad this at the party and this is an incredibly hot button issue for him.

Brad asked T what she said in response. T is prefacing her answer and Brad is getting more and more impatient. Chris is watching this, unable to contain his laughter. Chris realizes that T is playing him, not just talking like she normally does.

Finally, after about twelve minutes, Chris is about to wet himself in laughter. But, when she realized he was about to blow a cork, she tells him that it was about 17 or 18. Of course, first she went over about ten scenarios.

The guys wrap up with news stories about a mutilated penis, a croc with a mean kid in his belly, and a man who won 25K for turning 100 years old.

Chris asked me to attach this, it is the Japanese Air Sex

video. You do absolutely need to see this.

So, with that, I apologize to my mother, have a good night. We will be on tomorrow in the afternoon, and hopefully we will actually give away some tickets.

Monday, April 23rd

Hey everyone. Hope you had a good weekend, especially yesterday being so incredibly beautiful.

1pm: The guys start off bitching a bit about the phone system. It is set-up so that out of area calls cannot get through our 800 number. When Chris asked about this, he got no explanation whatsoever. Oh well.

From here, we go through all the songs they have uselessly downloaded from ITunes, charged to our boss' credit card. Some highlights include Air Supply and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. I think if the Feds looked at Chris' downloads, they might red flag him for serial killer status.

Joey in Concord asks what we think about the over twenty tons of cocaine that just came into Oakland. He is in the Coast Guard and is watching it come in now. When he tells us they are going to incinerate the blow, we wonder if that is going to freebase the whole East Bay. Joey reassures us that at the temperature they are going to burn it, it will not affect anyone.

All this coke was estimated at 230 million dollars. That must be one angry drug lord who got highjacked off the coast of Panama.

I sent the guys the website of a new boy band, Chai5. It is so incredibly lame and bad. They brag that they have played the day school circuit. Now no one will ever think the Jews are not lame.

I found a clip of an interesting news story online today. I sent it to Chris and Brad for one reason. It is the story of a woman breastfeeding her seven-year old. If there is one thing that will creep Chris out to the core of his soul, it is this video. He won't play the video, but at least I accomplished my mission.

I got Chris to watch some of this, and Brad is able to make Chris incredibly uncomfortable asking if he was breast fed as a baby. He claims he doesn't know. How does he not know?

2pm: Ok, so we finally play the trailer from "Combover: The Movie." Yes, there is a movie out on the Sundance Channel about the phenomenon known as the combover. It's really weird and they have some incredibly bad examples of this hairstyle.

Chris has a receding hairline and is frustrated with the current state it is in. It is kind of in that middle place, where he is definitely not bald. He was playing with his part to see what would look better, and accidentally ended up in the beginning stages of the combover. Fortunately, he realized this grievous error before it went too far.

When Brad moved to Pacifica, it was his first time moving an entire house. He did not really think it through and took way too much stuff. He did not feel like doing all the sorting needed to make things more efficient.

Finally, this weekend he started to go through all this stuff. He finally bit the bullet and started throwing things away. Being that he is a hardcore packrat, this is an ordeal.

There was, however, one thing Brad could not throw away. He actually brought it in to show us. What is it, a cardboard box full of old porn mags. Only in this job, is it acceptable to bring a box of porn into the office. There is even a three-ring binder filled with porn trading cards. That is disgusting.

Phil in Oakland has a thorough collection of porn cards. As an expert, he informs him that Brad's may be too recent to be valuable. Phil says that the cards are a part of Americana, particularly because they are regional. This is creeping me out.

Ok, well with that, we are done for the day. We have a night show tomorrow as the A's have a day game. I apologize to my mother, have a good day.

Friday, April 20th

Hey everyone. To our many potheads listeners, Happy Holidays you stoners. We should have an interesting show today. At 2, Janay from the Naked Womens' Wrestling League will be in studio. I wonder if she will be clothed.

1pm: Chris admitted last night that he is a UFC buzzkiller. Everytime he is watching, it turns into grappling with no action for as long as he is watching. He realizes now, that Brad is the same for "The Colbert Report." He says that Colbert has been hilarious lately, but when they watched together last night, it was not all that great. He realizes now that Brad is the cause for this lackluster performance.

We play a clip from The Daily Show's coverage of the Alberto Gonzales hearings. It is so great. Jon Stewart tore him apart in that way that only he can do. If you haven't seen it, I would suggest looking it up online. It is definitely worthwhile. Apparently, Gonzales must have been on something, because he doesn't "recall" anything.

We next play a clip of Alec Baldwin on Letterman, a few hours before he left the voicemail. Using juxtaposition to it's best, we play that into the voicemail itself. The Crab in San Jose says that she understands the heated nature of the phone call. She says that daughters go through rough times with their parents.

2pm: Well, now Janay is coming in. Brad has looked at about twenty revealing pictures of her in preparation. He says he likes to see a woman naked before he meets her. A lot of the pictures are bondage-oriented, leading the guys to reveal more information than I needed to know about their adventures in this category.

Janay tells us that they are completely naked in the matches. Brad asks if they get some nasty injuries from doing that. She says that they get so beat-up that they have to be airbrushed by the time they do the shows.

Janay apparently heard me say that I didn't think she was smokin' hot before she got here. This is the deal, she does look a lot better in person than in her photographs. I think the photos are not flattering. Either way though, she called me a "brokedown beezy?" Ok.

The guys do call me out a little for being a pussy in not saying anything when she got here. Yeah, ok they're right. Because, as soon as she left I talked a lot more smack about her. I'm not really that worried about it, but I think it is kinda funny that the girl with bondage websites is calling me a used-up bitch. That's all.

Travis in San Jose calls in asking for the Strikeforce tickets. We make him fight with Jason in San Jose for them, but he prevails. Congratulations Travis, you won the last pair that we have.

So, with that we are done for the week. See you on Monday and I apologize to my mother.

Thursday, April 19th Show 2

Hey, we're back for today's second installment of The Gray Area. Hope you had a good four hours.

7pm: The guys start off where we left out, with the Alec Baldwin controversy. I was on a mission this afternoon, trying to find the appropriate clip from South Park. You know, when Billy goes, "Hey Alec, you know what sucks about being a Baldwin? Nothing!!!" and then they get blown to bits.

So, basically, we found out from TMZ.com that Alec is a psychopath. He and his young daughter have scheduled phone visits, and Alec was insensed when she did not answer the phone. He completely rails her in the voicemail and is completely inappropriate.

His spokesperson has released a statement that is a pathetic attempt at an apology. More than anything, it is taking shots at her mother, Kim Basinger.

Some of the callers are attempting to defend him, saying that in heated custody battles, this strength of emotion is understandable. I'm not sure about that. I don't know if should lose his visitation rights altogether, but he should have to go through anger management before they are restored.

Danielle in SF thinks that he sounds like a full-blown narcissist. Furthermore, she thinks that he should have supervised visitation rights from now on.

We have tried over and over to play the audio of the call, and it just is not working. So, finally I was able to find a transcript of the voice mail. But, now I don't know if they are going to read it. Argghhhh.

8pm: Chris wants to talk about car, as his Legend is now dead. He points out that the Prius may be a good car, but it is not a great car. The reason, because no one is tricking out the Prius. You never see dubs on a Prius.

Rich in Concord disagrees with Chris on this, using "Pimp My Ride" as an example. Rich does not come with a lot of enthusiasm so he loses.

Chris is pretty happy with the way he has been treated by Acura in having his car fixed. He has been given a sick new Acura RDX Turbo SUV as a loaner. It is loaded with features. The media station has a dvd player, two satellite radios, and a navigation system. The steering wheel is covered with controls. It has heated seats and most pimp, the rear camera. That's what it's all about.

So, the guys want to know what the best or worst feature you have ever had on a car. For me, I really love my heated seats and the stereo controls on the steering wheel.

Best Features:
- Four button highbeams
- Seat massager

Worst Feature:
- Compass on the dash
- Bras on the grill

9pm: We continue with the Best and Worst features on cars.

Best Features:
- Right side mirror adjusts when in reverse
- Disabled locks when keys in ignition
- Inflatable seats
- Push button transmission

Worst Features:
- Dome light without a switch
- Windshield wipers on the headlights

Colette in Orinda calls in about the topic and lets us known about a disorder she has. She has Pica, a mental illness that makes her crave inedible objects. Chris and Brad have lost their minds and cannot possibly speak to her seriously. These doubles really do lead to insanity.

Cameron in Antioch mentions the old talking car. The one that would tell you "the door is ajar." My dad has one of those cars. Everytime the car said "the door is ajar," my mom would say, "the door isn't a jar, it's a door." It was so cute because everytime, she would laugh like she had never made the joke before.

And with that we are done for the day. We will be on during the day tomorrow, from 1-3pm. Have a good night, I apologize to my mother.

Thursday, April 19th Show 1

Hey everyone. Welcome to the first show of The Gray Area of the day. We are doing another doubleheader today.

1pm: We start off playing a clip from "The Warriors" as the Golden State Warriors have finally made the playoffs. It's the soundbyte where Luther keeps saying, "Warriors, come out and plaaaaay." Ughh, that hurts my soul.

This somehow leads us to discuss the new reality show starring Corey Feldman and Corey Haim. Because everyone really cares what happened to these two annoying losers. I wonder if they will have competitions on whose life is more of a disaster.

We return to the fastest firings that we spoke about last night. One caller's friend was fired within thirty minutes for crashing a forklift into his father's office.

We interrupt this topic to talk about some breaking news. Thirty-six schools in Yuba City are on lockdown from being threatened by a shooter. This idiot is claiming he will make Virginia Tech look tame in comparison.

Nick in Corte Madera had to fire someone on his first day. The guy called out of work from jail on his first day. How do you do that?

Cathy in Brentwood just got a call from her daughter saying there is a shooting threat at the school tomorrow. This is just like the aftermath of Columbine. For a couple months after that shooting, we had constant bomb threats at my high school. There was also a widespread rumour that something terrible would happen on May 10th.

2pm: Ok, back to the firing stories. Sid in Fremont was at a Christmas party and walked in on his boss having sex with an employee's wife. He was fired by New Years for seeing that, under the guise of something else.

Chris says that he blew blackmail handed to him on a silver platter. Brad, Sac and I all tend to think you take a more subtle approach. You use the situation as an insurance policy. Now you get to pick your assignments and are immediately the favorite.

The guys read a letter from the Smithsonian to a nut. This letter is fantastic. Apparently, this man had sent in, what he said, was proof of early man in Charleston County two million years ago. Instead, it was, the head of a Malibu Barbie Doll. I can't possibly summarize this letter and do it justice, so I strongly suggest you read it yourself.

John in SF was working at a Starbucks when a new hire did something really stupid. Within his first hour of work, he did a double-load of whipits. He fell down after doing that and his head landed on a customer's foot. Immediately, of course, he was fired.

We just were handed some crazy audio from TMZ of Alec Baldwin leaving a voicemail for his preteen daughter. He is very upset with her for not answering the call. He is going completely insane. He calls her a "little pig" and tells her he is going to "straighten her out." For this, he may supposedly lose his visitation rights.

Ok, well we'll be back at 7.

Wednesday, April 18th

Hey everyone. Hope you are all having a lovely Wednesday evening. We are back in our old time slot tonight, as we will be occasionally, depending on the A's.

7pm: Jim in a van in Livermore tries to set the tone, asking where the bees are? He is concerned that the bees are disappearing. He wants to know where they went, but interrupts every statement that Chris and Brad make. Nate in Oakland says that if Jim would just lay off the booze, he might see some bees, because they are around.

Brad did the first promo by himself this afternoon. Chris had not yet arrived at this time. Without Brad's knowledge, we pulled the audio of this. Tom Leykis had been talking about a dream he had, and Brad decided to use this for inspiration. He talks about a dream, where he was nursing buttermilk from Leykis' "burnt tortilla nipples." So, we replay the promo, completely creeped out by the imagery.

We had a little controversy before the show today. The guys found a song earlier today called "Don't Blow Up Your School." They wanted to play it as the show open, and I discouraged them from doing so. They played it during the show anyway, and I chastised them for it.

They ask the listeners what they think and most of the callers think that it was ok for them to play it. They generally say that when something like this happens, you have to lighten the mood a little. I guess, but grief takes time. Maybe you should wait a few days before joking about the tragedy.

8pm: So, we are going to lighten things up a little bit and talk about doggie sex toys. Juan in Santa Rosa thinks that it would just be a giant leg. It is a good guess, but no cigar.

The doggie sex toy is a faceless dog-like fabrication. It is made so that the it is easy for the dog to grab onto, and was made with a hole. Ugh. It suggests that you should clean that area on a regular basis.

Steve in SF thinks that whoever came up with this is a sick, sick puppy. Brad brings up the conference table idea of the people who greenlighted this. This is just so incredibly gross.

Gavin in Santa Rosa calls begging for todays tickets to Strickforce "Judgement Day." He says he will do anything. I ask if he is willing to try out the doggie sex toy. The guys take this further, asking if he will take it to dinner first. Finally, the guys just give him the tickets. I don't know, I think that was too nice. We should have made him do something.

So, we found another strange device online. They are adjustable breast implants. They have a pump, like Air Jordans, so that you can pump them up. Do you think they can explode if you pump them too much?? AHHH! What a horrifying idea.

To wrap up the weird inventions, we also found detachable tattoo sleeves. It looks like nylons that are covered with tattoos. There are several different styles to choose from: metal, gangsta, vintage, tribal, rockabilly and Japanese. What a pussy move it is to get these.

9pm: Chris asked at the end of last hour asked whether it would be worse to be Cho's roommates or the salesman at the gun store. Brian in Oakland said he saw an interview with the two roommates last night, and that they did not seem too upset.

The guys read an email from Crab, a female listener of the show. She tells us about what went down when she got baked one night. Her friend announced that "boobs are like snowflakes." Of course, the big-boobed girl in the room, allowed them to see and touch her boobs. From then on, the big-breasted friend was known as "Snowflake." So, for that reason, she would like to set the tone with nickname stories.

We get a call suggesting that if someone had made an effort to help the killer, then maybe this could have been avoided. Brad and Chris think that there was no helping this man. If he is that sick, and that against therapy, forced therapy will not help him. Brad says he has lost patience with mental illness.

Jennifer in San Jose has a brother-in-law who is manic-depressive and OCD. He cannot stay on his medication and has alienated most of his family. Things are so bad that they are convinced that he will eventually commit suicide. She says that he places no responsibility on himself and that you are never able to please him.

I am saddened at the defeatist attitude I am seeing. If you give up on people, how are they ever going to heal? The way to cure illness, besides medication, is love. It is, of course, difficult to stand by someone with mental illness. It can be exhausting, but they cannot win the war inside themselves on their own.

If we just throw all those people who are sick away, if we give up, then how can we ever make things better?

10pm: Maggie in Oakland has been suffering from mental illness throughout her life. She is upset with the guys comments that people with severe illness should be put away or even put down.

Ok, moving off this serious subject, the guys got an email from our bosses today. Brad is really excited because this is for a photo shoot for jock cards. What are jock cards? Brad is happy, because even though it is not a comic book or a t-shirt, it is a step in the right direction.

The guys talk about the guy who Brad replaced on their old show. Dan-0 was a very enthusiastic third man on the show. He would fight Chris for control and eventually was fired, but got his own morning show on another station.

On his first day, he had the meeting that everyone has with the sales team. He decides that it would be a good idea to wiggle his finger through a zipper to say hello. Of course, he is immediately fired before his first show. That was a great idea.

Jason in San Leandro has a friend who was fired within ninety minutes of a security job. He was patrolling a parking lot and threatened a sarcastic guy in a car. The guy called the cops, and he was fired right away.

Stephen in Fremont was fired from Taco Bell within five minutes. He was sixteen when he was hired and was fired because he had a pack of cigarettes on him. We never would have guessed that was the reason in a million years.

And with that, we are done for the night. We will be on at 1 and at 7 tomorrow. Have a wonderful night.

Tuesday, April 17th

Hey everyone. Well, there is a lot of sadness going on in the country. So, here are two things to lighten your mood. One, it is free ice cream day at all Ben and Jerry's stores. Also, here is a video of a penguin in Japan going to the fish market for his human family. It is too cute for words.

1pm: We go over the new details of the massacre at Virginia Tech. The guys are surprised that someone with a Green Card is able to buy a handgun in the state of Virginia. I'm not, just about anyone can buy a gun in VA.

The guys play a clip of an interview with a student who was in the building of the shooting. Zach Petkwozicz led other students in a classroom in barricading the door shut. They pushed a table against the door, and were able to hold off the gunman. Fortunately, there were on the floor, as he shot two rounds in the center of the door.

Unfortunately, the woman conducting the interview is a moron. She eventually breaks him down and says "It's tough," in the least sincere tone possible. That's pretty incredible.

We talk about that Ed Norton will be playing the Hulk in the sequel. I don't know, I guess that could be cool, but it seems kinda beneath him. Ed Norton is an incredible actor, I can't see him doing a cheesy, comic book movie.

2pm: We get led into another round of things you've missed the boat on. For me, it is "Star Wars." I've never seen any of the movies, and at this point, absolutely refuse to.

This started with Chris, because he never saw "The Muppet Show" and had no idea what the "Mahnamahna song" was. We have played it for him about a million times.

For Brad, it is "The Sopranos." He has never really seen it at all. Brad has kept saying he would catch up for this new season, but has now finally given up.

Andrea in Santa Rosa is like me, in actively avoiding "Star Wars." She agrees that after you fight it off for all these years, you can't just give in willy nilly.

Teri in Novato has never seen "Seinfeld." She can't handle his voice and has made a very, strong effort to avoid it. That is impressive, because that show is constantly on tv.

Vanessa in Pinole has somehow never seen a single episode of "American Idol." She has never even seen the funny, beginning episodes. That is amazing, but good for her.

Also mentioned in the topic:

- Friends
- The Godfather
- Grey's Anatomy
- The Simpsons
- Harry Potter
- CSI
- James Bond

Monday, April 16th Show 2

Hey everyone. It is 7pm and we are back for the second installment of The Gray Area today.

7pm: We are all a little slow today, as it is our second show. Today was a little serious for us, and it's a little more tiring than the inanity we are used to. Chris tells us about a really, creepy movie he watched last night, "The Bad Seed." Looking it up on Google Images, that little girl looks soul-sucking eerie.

We go back to the shooting that happened at Virginia Tech today. We are going to be speaking to Bryan Crum, Director of Marketing for Omnilert. Omnilert has a service called E2Campus. They specialize in mass alerts for students in emergency situations like this one.

The main selling point for E2Campus is the text messaging implementation they offer. Most schools use mass emails, that are flaky at best in their effectiveness. However, everyone has a cell phone, thus vastly increasing the chances of their notification.

Brian in SF asks if the texting would just cause panic. Bryan explains that must of the students complained that there was not enough information. A lot of people are upset that the company is capitalizing on this tragedy in order to sell their product.

8pm: To start off, we replay our interview with Michael Newman. I can't get over how grownup he sounds. Thanks to Michael and to his sister, my best friend, Emily, for hooking this up. You rock Emily, I love you and am so glad that Michael is ok.

The guys bring up that despite all the preparation there may be, many of us do not know what gunshots sound like. It is not what you hear in the movies. Brad brings up that most of us do not know how to use a gun. I have to be honest and say that if I knocked a gun out of a criminal's hand, I'm not sure I would know what to do.

We get quite a few calls from gun owners. These people tend to believe that with responsibility, guns can be a positive asset. I'm not sure I agree with them. It is optimistic to believe that everyone who owns a gun is going to teach their children gun safety, or to practice this themselves.

Brian in Napa is a rancher who defends the need for guns in a rural setting. For him, guns are necessary to run the ranch. But then, when asked about automatic weapons, he cannot see where they should be illegal. Brian completely loses me here. No matter what possible gain he can have with these weapons, it is not worth the inherent danger of having assault rifles be legal.

9pm: Tim in Livermore calls to bitch about the line, "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." If this guy did not have a gun, there would have been no way he would have been able to kill people.

We move off the gun control issue, and Brad tells us about his trip to the zoo this weekend. He went with his family and they had a pretty good time. Fortunately, in one part of the monkey house, T and Paxy were elsewhere. He sees some monkeys and they are doing some, um, inappropriate for children activities.

Chris is sick of always seeing the monkeys masturbating when you go to the zoo. He wants to show them up, sneaking into the zoo at night, flying the simulator. Hmm... that's pretty twisted.

I hate zoos, they are just so depressing. The animals always look like they are on Valium.

Monday, April 16th Show 1

Hey everyone. Erica here again. Hope you all had a good weekend. Today is another double session of The Gray Area. Man, I have to work over 5 hours. That seems so long.

1pm: So, if you haven't heard, there was a massacre on the campus of Virginia Tech this morning. Thirty-two people were killed and at least twenty more were injured in a shooting by a lone gunman.

So, we are speaking to Allison Kiss, Program Director of SecurityonCampus.org. Of course, when she is on hold, we are talking about monkeys playing with themselves at the zoo. When I booked her, I made it seem like we were a serious radio program. I can only imagine what she is thinking.

Apparently, first, there was one student killed in a dorm. After this, there was a lockdown, but it was lifted by Virginia Tech before the gunman was caught. This led to the death of twenty-nine students. She does not understand why the lockdown was lifted so early, but insists that there needs to be better communication on campus. She says that previously, Virginia Tech has only used email to communicate with their students in emergency situations. Of course, if the students even see the email, they may delete it believing that it is spam.

As this is their focus, she sees this as a major failure of their crisis management plans. She does not have all the information as to exactly what happened in this instance. These tragedies are of course, difficult to prevent, but perhaps the casualties may have been lessened.

We play a little audio from MSNBC with a phone call with a VaTech student. This student was shot in the arm and is in the hospital. The reporter just sounds incredibly callous.

2pm: My best friend's brother, Michael Newman, is a student at Virginia Tech. He was in the dorm next door to the shooting when it happened. He has been kind enough to talk to us about what happened at his school today.

Fortunately, Michael is ok and says he has been able to reach most of his friends. He says that they have not released the names as of yet. He is actually somewhat upset that everyone is immediately pointing fingers at the school. He says that hindsight is twenty/twenty and that they thought it was an isolated incident.

Michael is actually really composed considering what happened. He says that he thinks the dust should settle before questions are asked. To let people relax a little before pointing fingers. He says there are no longer on lockdown, but that when he went to the dining hall, there were several armed guards stationed at the doors.

I am so impressed with Michael. I have not seen him since he was about sixteen. He is nineteen now, and so mature and eloquent. It is amazing that he was able to speak with such a clear head after what occurred today.

Obviously, this tragedy brings up the gun control issue. Brad believes in his right to own firearms, but that NRA and other gun rights organizations go too far. People who are upset that you have to register your weapons are ridiculous.

The calls light up about gun control. People are somewhat split on the issue. Some believe that we just need fewer guns and stricter laws in this country. Others think that it is an issue of responsibility and training, not restrictions.

Friday, April 13th

Hey everyone. Erica here again. It's Friday!!!! Yay!!

1pm: Brad once again went to see his new love again today. She is a sweet, beautiful, older lady who runs the sushi place down the street. He is sad; however, because everytime he goes in there, she talks about Chris. He is buying inordinate amounts of sushi now, so that he can win her over.

About eight days ago, she thought that she had forgotten to give Chris wasabi in his sushi. He does not even think she did forget it. She feels horrible about the whole thing, and Chris did not come into her shop for the next three days. So, then when she saw Brad, she kept going on and on about how sorry she was.

Our very own Eeyore, Mishkin from Fremont, calls in to set the tone. He wants to know examples of when your "10% helmet-wearing retard" reveals himself. The guys are pretty down with this tone, because they think everyone needs to just accept that part of themselves.

Before we can get to Mishkin's tone, we have to get to a few things. First, there is the invention of the "

The "

futter" is just about the worst idea, ever. It is a combination of a fork and a pizza cutter. It is a long fork, with a cutter on the bottom of it, right near where your chin would be. Nothing about this makes any sense at all.

Ok, so we are finally going to play the audio from yesterday's KPIX news report. They used some footage of our show that upset the guys. Mike Sugarman did the report and called us "shock jocks." They are a little pissed at this description and want to know if the listeners agree.

I don't think that they are at all. Shock Jocks make their living by being offensive. That is their thing. This is not the case with this show and is part of the reason I enjoy being a part of the team. Howard Stern, Opie and Anthony, and Tom Leykis are shock jocks. They make a point of being distasteful. As someone who has worked with Chris and Brad for eight months, I can honestly say, that is not the case.

Do I think they have made comments that could be perceived as offensive? Of course. But, does categorize them with the Sterns of the world? Absolutely not. There are no women in the studio taking off their clothes for free breast implants.

Overall, the callers seem to agree that they are not shock jocks. We are interrupted from this by Mark in Milbrae. He calls in to complain that the guys continually say "you know." He may have a point, but throughout the conversation he keeps using big words. The thing is, he uses most of them incorrectly. Wow, that will make a great promo.

2pm: We continue asking callers about the shock jock issue. They continue to agree that this is not the case. Eric in Benecia thinks that most of the media is much more shocking than we are. The cable news networks are always focusing on the shock value.

Marie in Vallejo thinks that shock jocks are done. That it has been done to death and is not needed anymore. When asked about talking about Anna Nicole and other topical issues, she says that a mixture of both is the best solution.

Mark in Dublin calls to bash Mark from Milbrae a little bit. He says that everyone uses terms like "you know" and "um."

David in Hayward calls to say that he appreciates that the guys don't cut him off like other show hosts. Of course, Chris cuts him off with an Onion liner.

The show goes on goofily from here. Can't really explain what happens, but "you know" is said over and over again.

Oh well, with that have a good weekend, and I apologize to my mother.

Thursday, April 12th Show 2

Hello again everyone. We are back for the second part of our show today. This is a long day, I'm not used to working a full day anymore.

7pm: We start off where we left off speaking about Imus being fired. After having many, many callers drop, we finally get to Herb in Oakland. He thinks that Imus did not make a mistake, that he is in fact a racist.

Luke in Novato thinks this whole thing is completely blown out of proportion. He thinks that whenever the black community is insulted, it is taken much more seriously.

Pam in Novato thinks that everyone makes mistakes. She listens to the station all the time and claims she has heard things much, much worse from other show hosts. Why are the comments by Imus any different?

We get a lot of calls on this. Basically, the callers tend to agree that it is being overblown. A few think that Imus is in fact a racist, but for the most part, think that race relations have been too much of a focus in this country.

Benjamin in SF does not know if he should be fired. In most other jobs, there would be no question whether Imus would be canned. When you get to your job, there is a different code by which your behavior is judged.

8pm: Chris and Brad plead with listeners who may be offended by these comments. They ask for people to petition Congress and the FCC to make more clear, stringent rules. They would be more than happy to comply, as long as they had an idea of what the rules are.

Leo in Concord thinks that as Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson are Christian figures, they should be more forgiving. Forgiveness is a central tenet of Christianity, should not its preachers adhere to this belief.

Todd in Fremont thinks that racism is the issue in this country that everyone wants to avoid. Our cities are diverse, yet divided into different neighborhoods by race. Everyone thinks racially to some degree. Furthermore, he does not need Jesse Jackson to speak for him. The reason he thinks Imus was incorrect, is that he should have understood the responsibility of the national platform he is on.

Wesley in Milpitas thinks that Imus' show is different than something like ours. For the last fifteen or so years, he has become significantly more serious and political. Because it was no longer a comedy show, it was not as acceptable to make these comments.

To take a break from Imus, the guys go back to the rogue elephant seal in the bay. He has made another appearance, biting a pit bull on Sunday. After all our work trying to find a cool name for him, they have deemed him "Nibbles." That is so wimpy.

9pm: We take a few more calls on the Imus firing and then it is time to go over the KPIX news report. They came into the studio today and yesterday to film the show for their evening program. Last night, the footage from our show was hardly used, today is a different story.

We don't get to the audio today, but probably will tomorrow. The last hour is basically a hodgepodge of stories.

First, we play the Japanese Air Sex video again.

A substitute teacher with the last name, Stoneburner, got into trouble for quieting kindergarteners with clothespins. Yeah, Miss Stoneburner is a pretty scary name for a sub.

A veteran had the wrong testicle removed in a VA hospital. That's the worst. That poor guy. He actually seems pretty calm about it and is only suing for $200,000. I think that's worth at least a million.

OK, well with that we are done for the night. Have a good night, and I apologize to my mother.

Thursday, April 12th Show 1

Hi Everyone. Today is a little different, we are pulling a double shift today. So, we have our 1-3 show and then a 7-10 show.

1pm: Brad starts off talking about his crush. There is a little sushi place down the street, run by a beautiful, older Asian woman. Brad is completely enamored with her. He thinks that she may have a crush on Chris. Oh, this tangled web of lies and lust. This love triangle may tear the show apart.

Kurt Vonnegut passed away yesterday at 84 years old. He died as a result of a head injury from a fall. Chris is upset that CNN Headline News focused only on the fall and not on his volume of works and societal relevance.

We found that American Airlines has introduced a website specifically for women. None of us really understand what the point is for that. Do they give you bubblebath on the plane now? They do have the Top 10 Sweetheart Escapes list. The worst part with this, the couple in the picture... is wearing matching outfits!!!! NOOOOOOOO!! The horror!!

The horrifying nature of the show continues with

Wednesday, April 11th

Hey everyone. We are on in our old time slot today, 7-11 pm, and I am once again screening the calls. We know this is confusing, but we will try our best to keep you up to pace on when we will be on. Tomorrow, the A's are off, so we will be on from 1-3 pm and 7-10 pm.

7pm: Tonight, we will have some musicians in tonight. The band Brickhead has made some songs for us and they are coming in to perform them. I hope they don't suck. Also, Brickhead claims they can write a song about anything in two minutes.

Before we get to the band, the guys read an example of Google Maps being a smart ass. This is fantastic. Go to maps.google.com, get directions, and then ask for New York, NY to Paris, France. Number 23: "Swim across the Atlantic Ocean, 3,462 mi." Oh Google, you're such a silly goose.

Ok, so it is time for Brickhead. We're a little short on headphones, but hopefully it will work out, nevertheless. Chris and Brad are happily surprised that they don't seem to have Musician's Disease. Brickhead points out that only the lead singers tend to have the name dropping, music history syndrome.

After they play the fastish version of "Smelly Cat," we hear "Everything's Gray." It's actually not bad. The guys seem to really like it. Then, they play the phone number song, which is not as exciting.

Chev in Livermore calls in with the topic of first time riding in a new car. They write an ok song for that one.

8pm: We got an offer to interview Alice Cooper, but are apprehensive that the interview would be about his book about golf. The band thinks we should go for it, so we'll keep you updated on that.

Next, they combine two caller suggestions for songs with the topics of Imus and toe jam in the blues syndrome. They pull it off, and it is actually kinda funny.

The guys make them do a song about Anna Nicole's unremarkable anus. Who knows where this will go.

Brian in Belmont asks for a song for the Pit of Mediocrity. I think that's a great idea. Bob, the guitarist, has actually been in the Pit, so they should be able to pull this off. While giving them time to write, the guys read a story about some pathetic Doors fans. They are petitioning the government of Miami to pardon Jim Morrison. Morrison was convicted of indecent exposure for whipping it out during a Miami concert.

That was actually pretty fun, they did not seem to have musician's disease at all.

Brad had an interesting evening yesterday. Because we were off from yesterday afternoon until this evening, Brad decided to liquor himself up. He and his wife started drinking around 5:30, and T got pretty lit up.

T has made several friends throughout their apartment complex. One of her friends calls up, also wasted, and asks her to come over and play. T is so inebriated that she feels a little nervous around people, but they decide to go anyway.

When they get there, immediately the friend starts saying that she has great breasts. T agrees. From there, she asks if Brad would like to see her breasts. Brad is completely overwhelmed by this, and T jumps in without hesitation to stop this. The girl is offended and says that she is done with them for the night. Brad realizes that them leaving is probably the best solution. But, how incredibly awkward is that going to be in the future?

9pm: Tad Cooler in Berkeley calls in stoned as ever to tell us about his missed threesome opportunity. He was at a festival and he took some ecstasy and shrooms. The two girls are back at the tent tripping on mushrooms. He ended up blacking out and the girls got bored with him. They played with each other and he passed out. Awww, poor Tad.

Chris in Santa Cruz is working a conspiracy theory. He thinks that T is hooking up with the neighbor while Brad is normally working. That the friend had wanted to include Brad for a while, and thought springing it on them was the best avenue. Brad is totally cool with this idea. He does not think it's cheating if she hooks up with another woman.

Molly in San Jose has some unfortunate news for Brad. She thinks that there is no way this will ever be offered to him again. If a woman lowers her inhibitions and is rejected, she will never lower them again. I point out that women are trained to think that men will always say yes, whereas men are taught that women will usually say no. So, rejection hurts much more for women than for men.

Dimitri in Rohnert Park is in an open relationship. He met his girlfriend on Craigslist and from the beginning was honest with her about his feelings on monogamy. He also thinks that if Brad is open and honest, that the opportunity may not be completely lost.

Chris asks about the two types of threesomes, two men vs. two women. He asks if it is the same thing. Brad says not at all. He says that you will be too concerned about touching your special parts.

Lamar in Vallejo is a little freak. He has had both types of threesomes with his long-term girlfriend. When he talked about them crossing swords, it completely creeps Brad out. He is so horrified that he literally falls out of his chair.

We talk a little about Vince Neil's Motley Cruise. It just sounds so incredibly lame. I ask Brad if he would have a threesome, if the only option was to do so with one of the hags on that cruise. Brad smartly says no. What Brad, you don't want a used up former cokehead with saggy, wrinkled breasts?

10pm: I bring up that Vince Neil's wife, Lia, is absolutely disgusting. Everything on her looks completely fake and creepy. This picture is actually incredibly flattering. On "The Surreal Life," she looked like a wax museum figure.

We found a list of the Top 10 Celebrity Butterfaces from DoubleViking.com. For the most part, I think this is pretty dead on. Hilary Swank, Hayley Duff, and Lisa Rinna are all great examples of this.

I disagree with the choice of Vida Guerra. I think she's cute. I do have to wonder, do you think Vida never wears pants because none could possibly contain her enormous ass?

Holy Crap! We were looking at Tori Spelling's pictures on the list. Go to the site, and look at the private region of her first picture. Tori totally has a penis. That is unbelievable. I am in complete shock. I mean I knew she was kinda weird, but I had no idea she was packing heat.

I guess the show continues from here, but I can't stop staring at Tori's penis.

So, with that, I apologize to my mother, have a wonderful night. We will catch you tomorrow from 1-3 pm and 7-10 pm.

Tuesday, April 10th

Hey everyone. Erica here again and once again, as my voice is still half-gone, I am Lording the board.

1pm: Just to start off, we are giving away tickets to tonight's A's game. But first, shockingly Larry Birkhead is the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby. Hmm... the guy who was asking for the DNA test all along is the father, I'm blown away.

Ok, so immediately the lines light up for these A's tickets. Chris points out that the A's really need an angry rivalry. They don't really have one. The way to win these tickets is to guess six of the seven ways to reach first base. This is pretty damn hard. I love sports and I would not have gotten this.

Finally, after several callers, Jeff finally wins by saying a hit, a walk, hit by pitch, error, dropped third strike by the catcher and fielder's choice. Fielder's Choice ended up being the most difficult, because it is not a choice of which you would normally think.

Because it is such a big deal, we have to talk about Don Imus. We play a clip the comments in question and wonder whether it is that big of a deal.

Rodney in Fremont is a black man who thinks that it is overblown. He is tired of Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton. He thinks that Sharpton just loves to be on camera and that both of them make a big deal out of small issues.

Jay in Berkeley feels that radio has become PG-13. He is black and thinks that black people need to get over being so sensitive.

2pm: We continue to go over the Imus controversy. Brad points out that Imus' producer was actually much worse than Imus himself, using a term "jigaboo." Why is nobody focusing on that?

Melanie in Marin brings up the class issue. She says that it is more shocking to hear Imus say "ho" because he is in an upper class. This also reverts back to the discussion of Al Sharpton. From people I have spoken to, I think that a lot of the black community is embarrassed by Sharpton's over-the-top antics.

Bella in SF is half-black and wants to explain why "nappy" is so offensive. In the past, women with nappier hair were considered less attractive. She says that when white people say something like that, blacks will take offense because of the history.

Overall, everyone for the most part agrees that what Imus said was wrong, but that a two weeks suspension should be enough. Furthermore, nobody calls to defend Al Sharpton. Based on his history, I am not even remotely surprised by this.

So, with that I apologize to my mother, have a good afternoon.

Monday, April 9th

Hey Everyone!! I'm back from vacation. I'm sick but I am here. But, I had a great time and am glad to be back. Because my voice is pretty much gone, I am Lord of the Board today.

1pm: (This is weird to be on so early). The guys start off talking about "The Sopranos." I have not seen the first episode of the season yet, but Chris says that it absolutely sucks. He lets us know that somehow they all got fatter, and that Janice looks even worse than usual. As I passed out at 9:30 last night, I have not seen it yet, but I am sad to hear that it was lackluster.

Somehow in talking to Bob in Discovery Bay, we start talking about drunk emails and the utter peril found in the Send All button. Why is it next to the Send button? Is it just a cruel joke by the email servers? Enough is enough, Yahoo and Gmail. Protect us from ourselves and ask if we are sure. You do for everything else, why not this?

Jason in Petaluma throws out an interesting question: sex with a 300 lb woman or a hot transgendered person? This is actually a pretty difficult choice. The guys change it to a pre-op tranny and a 400 lb woman. Brad and Jason both pick the obese woman and Chris goes with the tranny. The thing we find out from Heidi, is that Jason completely jacked this question from the Adam Corolla Show. Don't steal from other shows to set the tone, you moron!

Program Coordinator, Cory, stops in the studio to inform us about his dental woes. He had a laser cleaning treatment done on his teeth last week and had not been informed of all the craziness this involves. He is not allowed to brush his teeth or floss for ten days and is banned from eating soft foods. This leads to a discussion about having sex at the dentist.

This, of course, devolves into a discussion of checklist fantasies. These are those things that you have fantasized about, but only do once. Chris starts talking about something that a woman can perform on a man in the car. I won't go more into detail, but I'm sure you can figure out what I mean.

Jason in San Leandro says that his is to have sex in front of a huge crowd. Chris is surprised that Jason thinks he would be able to pull it off under all that pressure.

2pm: Will in Vallejo calls in as a follow-up to Jason. He talks about swinger parties where you are able to fulfill that fantasy. Chris and Brad cannot understand this. They would be afraid that no matter how good you are, your woman will eventually find someone who is better than you in bed. I just don't understand that whole lifestyle. I could never do that.

Brad brings up sex in or under water. He says it's awful. Chris says the water is fantastic for foreplay because of the loss of gravity. But, once you make that transition, it loses all of its glory. Brad admits that he has never had sex on a beach. He does want to because he has heard over and over how bad it is.

Rob in Sonoma says sex in an elevator. He says he liked the thrill that they did not stop the elevator. Chris and Brad say they are afraid of stopping the elevator because you never know if the alarm is going to go off. But what would actually happen if you got caught stopping an elevator? Is there an elevator police?

Brad tells us a little about his Easter. He went down to Fresno and stays at T's mothers. She was going to be gone for three weeks and they are left to lock up the house. They put the cats out and Brad locks all the doors. He had it set up so that once you shut the doors there is no way back in.

Brad is left to only leave by climbing over the 8 foot high backfence. He is teetering on the top and is left to jump down. T offers to help him, but he refuses the gesture. He was confident that it was no different than when he jumped this far as a kid. When he finally goes, he lands hard and is immense internal pain. In stubborness, he pretends he is fine as he cannot admit to T that he hurt himself.

Chris' Easter was pretty good. Something leads him to his assertion that he there is a kernel of truth in all stereotypes. Today, this is focused on the Valley vatos. He had to go to an extremely rural Valley town to celebrate the resurrection and bunnies. They come across a crowded lake. Chris sees a raft led by a group of vatos. On this raft, the Virgin Mary!!! What???!!!!

The guys get an email from FG. She wants to tell the guys all about her sexual fantasy checklist and goes into great detail. This completely throws Brad off his game.

Carlos in Oakland brings up sex on an air hockey table that's on. That sounds really crazy. Does the girl skate across the table like the puck?

Wow, that was weird and fast. I apologize to my mother, have a good afternoon.