Friday, December 22

Hi! Erica here on the last night before vacation. Woohoo! I am excited. Happy Holidays everyone. Thanks by the way, to Bob from New Ganata for bringing by wine for all of us.

7pm: The guys start off talking about some of the things they hate about the holidays. They really hate being taken to your parent's friend's Christmas Party. The worst part of this is the older people asking questions about the radio show. They have never heard the show, but keep asking ridiculous questions they really don't want the answers to. They also always have suggestions for what type of radio that they like. The interesting thing is that apparently, every elderly person that Chris knows, has a Minnesota accent.

They also talk about Christmas Eve Mass. Chris was raised Catholic and is dragged to these any year that he goes home. The service is incredibly long, and Communion takes absolutely forever. The worst, is the guilt trip laid on by his grandmother. Chris has left the church, and she is incredibly upset by that. So, every year, she cries and begs him to reconsider. "Is Chrissy going to come to church this year?"

They are trying to talk about the worst thing to be dragged to on Christmas. But somehow, during this, Brad was talking about the way he was punished as a kid. His dad would make him bring over the paddle, and he would get smacked, hard. This leads to a bunch of calls about the awful way other people were punished. One guy says that his parents would throw him down the stairs. That's just awful.

So, the guys give in and go with punishments, but modify it, what is the worst holiday/birthday punishments you have had. Brad was all dressed-up on his birthday as a small child, and his parents warned him to stay clean. So, as soon as he was out of their sight, he climbs up to the roof, and gets completely dirty. So, of course, Brad is sternly punished on his birthday.

8pm: The guys have been talking about all the Santa stories surrounding Christmas. All the lies your parents tell you, to get around any questions. Like, how is Santa going to find us in the hotel? Also, parents using Santa as a means to make you behave. They say that they can call Santa and tell him you were bad.

We also talk about the Tooth Fairy. When I was little, there was a kid in my elementary school who always swallowed his loose teeth in his sleep. I was so petrified by this, that I would always mess with my loose teeth until they fell out. I was convinced that I would swallow them and they would tear my insides apart.

From here, we go to the Easter bunny. I am so jealous, all the Christian kids got baskets full of candy. You know what we have during this time, Passover. Passover means that you get to eat nothing that takes good for a whole week. That is so unfair. I'm getting more and more bitter by the minute.

We go over the list that Brad made earlier, of all the things that suck about Christmas:
- Candlelight services
- Annoying relative that must always be included
- Trying to buy presents on Christmas Eve/Day
- Any airport visitations

Bob brought each of us a bottle of wine. He also got Chris and Brad each a thing of chocolates filled with Stoli. The thing is, Chris has made it pretty damn clear that he is a recovering alcoholic. Ummm ok.

Duffy from SF comes from a born-again family. He is no longer religious and had a Jewish girlfriend. When he brought her over for Christmas, his aunt leaned over and asked her if the Jews really believe they are the chosen people? How incredibly awkward.

So, before we play "Oh, Holy Night" for the last time, the guys have put together a montage of all the bad Christmas songs. They have not even heard this all the way through yet. So, this should be interesting? Holy crap!! That was really, really long and so full of terribleness and evil.

Ok, so we play "Oh Holy Night" for the last time, give out some tickets, and it is now time for some Friday night replay.

We are out until January 2nd. Thanks everyone and have a wonderful holiday!!!! See you in the new year.

Thursday, December 21

Hey everyone. Well, tonight should be interesting. If you haven't heard, Danny Bonaduce will be joining the Adam Corolla show. Tonight, he will be calling in to the show to talk about it. I'm a little scared.

7pm: So, Danny calls in and Chris immediately tells him that as well as clowns and spiders, I am very afraid of Danny Bonaduce. He just scares me, I can't help it. However, Danny is with me on the clown thing.

He tells us that although incredibly successful, "Breaking Bonaduce" was huge detriment to his career. Everyone on the show is real, but that is not all that there is to him. He says that he is a professional, and that both of these are within him.

Apparently, Danny was on Dr. Phil yesterday. Dr. Phil asked him about fighting his demons, to which Danny says that he invites the demons everyday. He loves all of these vices, and think that they made his life really interesting. What finally made him stop, was that it was all hurting his radio career.

He says that this will actually be really helpful for him to have the early schedule. Because he has been in flux, he had been taking every gig. So now, he will have a much more regular schedule.

Danny makes Chris and Brad very jealous. He says that Susan Dey was the first woman he saw naked as a child.

Anthony in SF calls in to ask Danny what he thinks about Tom Sizemore's rip-off "Shooting Sizemore." Danny thinks that Sizemore has nothing on him. He wants to do a show after called, "Cooking and Eating Sizemore."

Danny also lets us know that he is not even meeting with Adam before they start working together. So, definitely tune in on January 2nd, because it will be interesting to see what happens. They are so different, that their chemistry should be really crazy.

After Danny leaves, John in Moraga calls in with an excellent idea. He thinks that we should combo the Janice Dickinson/Tawny Kitaen fight with Danny Bonaduce/Tom Sizemore.

Keller from SF thinks that this will just be really interesting. He is unsure how it will work out, and really likes Adam. Either way, he wants to hear it. This is generally what we are getting from people. Everyone wonders how these two strong personalities are going to work together without stepping on each other.

8pm: The phones are lit up on the discussion of our big news. Vince in Berkeley thinks that it is kind of like having Rosie O'Donnell joining The View. He also does not think that Teresa is going to be able to handle these two strong personalities.

Some people think that this is bad for Adam. That Danny will hurt the show. Other callers think that Danny is the spice that the show needs.

Chris and Brad are happy today after receiving their Christmas present from Jason. He gave each of them a carton of cigarettes, of their own particular brands. I am proud of myself from not screwing up the surprise. :D I know this does not sound like much of an accomplishment, but I can't keep a secret to save my life.

For the rest of the hour, we talk about what everyone thinks about this move.

9pm: We wrap up the calls about Danny Bonaduce coming back to break. After an email about Danny mentioning some Jack Daniels, Brad brings up tequila.

Chris wonders about the limit with women and tequila. Brad has figured out that three shots of Cabo Wabo is perfect. Five shots is perfect for a minute, until she passes out. After three shots, T said something to Emily that made her blush. They were talking about Brad appearing on Emily's show, and T said that the only problems they have in bed, is that T won't do something as much as she would like. We won't go into what that is, but you can probably guess.

Ok, so we have a boatload of tickets to give away tonight and tomorrow. We have nine pairs of tickets to see Marc Maron at Cobb's Comedy Club. Four on Tuesday, December 26th, and five on Wednesday, December 27th. We also have 4 four-packs of tickets to the San Francisco Rod, Custom and Motorcycle Show at The Cow Palace from January 12-14. Wow, this is ridiculous.

There has also been an update on our Myspace battle. Fred McKinnon has taken the top spot, as he has in the Worst Christmas Song Ever competition. Of course, this means that they have to play this God forsaken piece of crap again.

Brad talks about a story from the Old Testament that the angels in heaven came down and "knew" the earthly women. These matings created nephlums, which are giants. Goliath is a result of this.

Brad also tells us about a story in the Bible about a man with a shaved head. He is constantly teased by the children, "Baldy, baldy, go up the mountain." Finally, the anger overtakes him, and he curses the children. After this, a she-bear comes down from the hills and massacres the imps of the village. What the hell kind of story is that? What do you learn, that bears are evil. Upon further examination, Elijah was the bald prophet of this story. This is the same prophet for whom we open the door on Passover and leave a glass of wine. Maybe we should not open the door anymore.

Bob from Fairfield reminds us that The Old Testament is just to incur fear unto us. I think he is just saying this because he hates the Jews.

10pm: Ok, so now it is ticket time. Tonight, we will be playing celebrity tag. This means that the callers have to hand their ticketing fate to us. The teams are Chris and Brad vs. Dan and I. The game is one team names a celebrity, and the other has to name another celebrity whose name begins with the last letter of the first celebrity's name. Is that a confusing enough explanation for you?

Dan and I lose the first two rounds. Sorry to those listeners that placed their faith in us. But, we come through in round three. So, congratulations to everyone who won.

It is now time for a replay of the Bonaduce interview. With that, have a good night, we'll see you tomorrow. I apologize to my mother.

Wednesday, December 20

Hey everyone. We're back today after taking off from the Christmas party. John from Moraga was kind enough to bring us in bbq from Memphis Minnie's in the city today before the show. He brought so much food, and it was fantastic. I am incredibly full and we are all sleepy. So, I apologize, if I am not my usual perky self this evening. I have a hangover and a full stomach working.

7pm: The guys start off talking about the Christmas party last night. We had this whole plan to trick Dan into believing that it was the greatest party ever. Unfortunately, Dan had to work while we went to the party. Dan does not believe us for a moment. So, that whole plan went to hell.

Last night, one thing was a real highlight. Brad dancing with his wife. It was so hilarious. T, Brad's wife, is actually a really good dancer. Brad, well, um, he is an interesting dancer. Hopefully, we will hear from some of our coworkers to confirm this.

In order to get ready to dance, they went to the bar to take some shots. Sadly, no shots are allowed at this party. They looked so incredibly disappointed. Chris tried to help them out, and there was no way around it. In order to fill their needs, the crew went across the street to take some cheap shots there.

By the way, crazy-ass Tawny Kitaen entered rehab today. That's a shocker. Who knew that she had a problem? What this means for us, is that we will probably have to hold off on our fight between her and Janice Dickinson. It really would be hilarious.

Another funny thing from last night, is that Cory was revealed as a rookie drinker. He was mixing things all night, and was pretty lit.

In the middle of talking about this, Menace sent me a text message saying, "Chris stole my hamburger." Everyone stole Menace's burger, because he was too busy trying to be a mac, that he didn't eat it at all.

To end the hour, we finally announce that the Worst Christmas Song Competition is over. Fred McKinnon's "Oh, Holy Night" has been declared the champion. There is no point in pretending that anyone else can possibly take it. So, congratulations and thank you to our friend Fred. You certainly have made us laugh, over and over and over.

8pm: Brad is giving us another update on the hell that he has had in his new apartment in Pacifica. This has been unbelievable. They did not bring their really nice Sleeptrain mattress with them. It was so heavy, that they just left it there. So, they bought a really nice air mattress from Costco. Supposedly, it is actually pretty comfortable.

He walked into the bedroom, and sees the mattress completely deflated on the ground. At first, he assumes that it is the cats. He tries to reinflate the mattress, and sees that there is a hole. Apparently, his daughter had pushed it against the wall right next to the heating vent. This completely melted the seam. But, because he got it from Costco, he knows that despite the obvious neglect, he was able to return it.

Walmart and Costco both have incredible return policies, but Costco really takes the cake. Chris tells us about a friend of his who took him to the store. The friend, Michael, had gotten a walkie-talkie and wanted to return it. He had no receipt, and only one of the two, that was broken. I let them know that Nordstrom's supposedly has an even better return policy. It does not even have to ever been sold there.

Nico from Oakland says that he used to pick up Costco's damaged items. He asked one day, what the strangest return was. This one, was a 12-year old hot tub with no receipt. It was supposedly really foul.

We speak to the wonderful Turi Ryder tonight. We saw her last night at the party and she was telling Chris about the worst useful present you can give. She got a call on Saturday from a guy who wants to give his heroin-addicted girlfriend the gift of rehab. He was calling to see if we could hook him up with free rehab. How do you do this as a Christmas gift. Have guys show up and haul her off on Christmas morning?

After this, Brad tells us about his wife's gift. She likes to paint, so he and his daughter bought her a really nice easel. Paxy was so excited, that she kept giving T hints. Then at Costco, Paxy completely blew the surprise when T mentioned painting.

So, the guys start talking about the useful present. Chris says a sixpack of WD40 would be a great useful present. I suggest a drill, but Chris says that although useful, it is too cool to fit in this category. Brad talks about this thing of twist ties that he would actually like.

We hear from the crazy Menace, to talk about how awesome Brad's dancing is. Of course, this means that we have to call Menace out on the fact that he kissed Emily on the mouth. Hungover as he was, Menace describes the dancing as a combination of the Funky Chicken and the Running Man.

To end the hour, I told Brad he should have done some of the dances I taught him, like the shopping cart and the fishing dance. They have me do a little demonstration of these, with a lovely play-by-play.

9pm: Brad starts the hour off strong by doing the shopping cart dance. It was so absolutely hilarious. I can't even possibly explain it.

Next, they go NewsReleaseWire.com's list of the Worst Christmas Gifts of 2006. This is a special list. Number one on the list is The Idiot's Guide to Oral Sex. Wow, that is a really romantic gift.

Other interesting mentions include: Oops Disposable Underwear, The Razorba Back Shaver, and Grapefruit Flavored Feminine Wash.

Their favorite on the list, is FemTone Vaginal Weights. This is exercise equipment that makes that area's muscles stronger. That is an incredibly strange and awkward moment, when you open that present on Christmas morning.

So, we go back to the useful presents discussion. These are almost never exciting. The powerful one, is something that you remember the giver when you use it. Chris says really nice socks are a good example of this. Quality is one of the key factors in the useful present.

I guess one of the suggestions was jumper cables. They then go into how you jump the car. Of course, in the middle of this, Chris' phone goes off. It is a text from girlfriend, Ace. He checks it while we are on the air, but won't share. Booo.

In talking about the way to jump the battery, Derrick from Pacifica says that Chris does not do it right. Derrick insists that it is better to hook it up while the jumper car is running.

If you haven't heard, Miss USA, Tara Connor, is in trouble because she was caught making out with her roommate, Miss Teen USA. Chris admits that this is his new obsession. He can't get enough of this story, because the idea of this is so hot. Both guys ask all of you, to let us know if you have seen a video of this. Part of the deal for her to keep her crown, is that she has to go into rehab. But, the thing is, is that she has to give up her crown in April anyway. The best part, is that the moral authority in this, is Donald Trump.

CNN came out with their list of the Top 5 least affordable places to live in the country. On this list are Stockton and Modesto. The reason is because real estate is high, but the jobs out there do not provide high incomes.

Chris asks anyone who was watching Adult Swim at 1am last night to call and explain it to him. It was one of those really over the top anime shows. He did not understand what was going on for the entire show. I think I've seen this show before, and it is too drugged out for me.

Sam from SF calls in to try and get tickets early. We try and ask Sam some trivia questions, and he doesn't get a single one of them. But, it is so ridiculous that we keep going with him.

10pm: We continue trying to get Sam to answer anything correctly. This should be interesting. He had to wait, for the ridiculous character that is Alex to finish his tirade. Alex was not wasted as I had hoped, but has the most insane voice I've ever heard. Poor Sam, they keep asking him questions, but he can't even guess.

Alex from Forestville calls in to sympathize with Chris on his pain after the bad anime. He also pretends that he knew the answer to a question he heard on hold, but we give him tickets to Marc Maron at Cobb's for the effort.

Somehow, they start defending that The Simpsons did not jump the shark again. Of course, they are wrong on this point. The Simpsons should have ended years ago. They start talking about characters, like Disco Stu, and they claim that he brings nothing to the table. I must interject, that "Back away, not today, Disco lady," was a great line.

The guys go over the most recent Best of Craigslist. These are pretty great. One of the best, is an ad for a box spring, perfect for a revenge plot, because it is so awful. Another good one is from D.C. This is a guy asking for people with a cold to cough on him.

The standout from Craigslist, is titled, "To All the People in My Apartment Complex." It's a little rant about his neighbors, with some helpful suggestions. This is a little dirty, but pretty clever.

There has been a battle on our unofficial myspace page. Mad Mel and Alissa are fighting to be friend #1. How they are fighting, through commenting. Ooooh. Alissa from Tolari calls in to talk about the battle. She claims that she was taunted in to this fight.

Mad Mel calls in after listening to Alissa bad talk him. He is willing to offer a backrub and a hug to Bob for positioning. This is really incredibly bizarre.

By the way, we have had the most insane callers tonight. I think I'm losing it just a little bit. I'm hungover and people are ridiculous. Thank the lord that vacation is coming soon.

Tuesday, December 19

Hey everyone. We are running a best-of tonight, because we are going to the Christmas party. We should have some stories tomorrow about these drunken adventures, well... if we remember.

Here again, is the list of finalists for the cool guy to replace Fonzie:

- Will Smith
- Owen Wilson
- Samuel L. Jackson
- Keifer Sutherland
- Christopher Walken
- Bill Clinton
- Jack in the Box (yes, the one pictured to the right)

So, since there is no show blog tonight, here are some good stories and videos to fill this void. This is also an excuse to take a break from my other work, so this is great for everyone.

Will It Blend? IPod edition. If you haven't seen this, you have to watch. This is the latest, but I suggest you go to their site, and watch the marbles one. Do not try these at home.

Chad Vader: Day Store Manager 1. What does Darth Vader's not as badass younger brother do? Well, he is an assistant manager at a grocery store, of course. There are a bunch of these, but the first one is by far the best.

Stewie and Brian are the greatest.

Didn't want to go to Malaysia before, well now you will. They have fancier toilets to sooth all of your bathroom concerns about the East.

Here is a crazy, awesome list of Christmas specials that stream online.

That's it for me. Have a good night, we'll see you tomorrow.

Monday, December 18

Hey everyone. Ahh, it's the last Monday before vacation. Have you gotten your presents yet? I haven't, I'm so screwed. We will be off tomorrow to attend the CBS Christmas party. We should hopefully have some good stories of debauchery for you on Wednesday. By the way, did you see my 'Skins yesterday, knocking down the Saints?!!

7pm: In talking about the 'tard clock, the guys start talking about the track. I have never been, despite being from the home of Preakness. The scariest gamblers, the old ladies that play bingo. They are hard core. Chris was actually a bingo caller for a short time. He quickly realized that he likes to talk far too much to call bingo. They have no patience for his little jokes.

Brad went with his wife to bingo once. He has since promised that he would never go with her again. It was really convoluted, and thought he had one, but was too scared to call it. He waited too long, and found out that he would have won $500. He was so mad, that he left.

Chris went to bingo with his grandmother once. Some poor soul, who had never been to bingo, won a round. But, he gets up and says, "I think I have bingo, but did you call 'free space?'" This is a horrible moment, as all of the bingo nuts turn around with hatred in their cataract-ridden eyes. His grandmother so wanted to express her rage, but had to use all of her strength into maintaining her grandma character.

So, I get a little called out here. Before the show, Brad was showing me a video of a shark eating a seal. The shark was black on top, so I was positive it wasn't a great white. I mocked Brad for thinking it was. I was so confident that I even went to Image search to check. Immediately, several images prove me wrong. I, more than almost anyone, hate being wrong. I was so mad, and of course, am mocked on the air for my mistake.

In watching football yesterday, Chris saw his first commercial for Bod body spray. He even plays the audio from the commercial. If somehow you haven't seen these, they are shots of really cut half-naked guys, with hot girls watching them.

John from Moraga called in about HDTV. He was talking about James Woods, and somehow mentions David Caruso's acting. Fortunately, we had found a montage of bad CSI: Miami Caruso one-liners. Every single one of these, is delivered in the exact same manner. Man, I really hate Caruso.

The guys talk about Time Magazine's ridiculous mistake for Person of the Year. They picked "you." As in all of us. They claim that it is because of the change in the Internet, the Web 2.0 phenomenon. Yes, YouTube, blogs, myspace and all of these other things have been huge, but this is still completely weak.

Who I feel bad for, Chrysler, their sponsor. They didn't tell Chrysler about this pick, and they made an ad, saying that "you might not be Time's Person of the Year..." How terrible is that for this struggling company, that spent that much money on this sponsorship.

What I just realized, is that Time stole this from The Big Lebowski. I can't elaborate, but if you have seen the movie, you know what I'm talking about.

8pm: So, the guys want to know, are you excited to have this honor? Kathy from Sacramento says that she is thrilled because she is going to put this on her resume. That's pretty clever. Jeff from Santa Clara is not happy because he doesn't want to be grouped with all those lame blogs and YouTube videos.

Somehow, we go from Time, to blogs and Myspace, to detestable characters, to coolest person. Is your blog an inconvenience? Is there any character more detestable than Wesley Crusher? Also, is Will Smith the new Fonzie?

Well, not that many people bite on the blogs. But, those who do, say that it definitely becomes a total pain in the ass.

As for the coolest person, Will Smith cannot be the coolest person. He is far too much of a goober. I can't forgive him for that "Welcome to Miami" song. It's just so lame. Johnny Depp was also mentioned for this, and I think he is way cooler than Will Smith. We get a suggestion for Owen Wilson, I think that is a pretty good choice.

9pm: The phones are lit up about the coolest person. Aziz from San Mateo agrees with me that Smith is a goober. He is kinda funny, but that's about it.

Other Cool Guy Suggestions:

- Denzel Washington
- Keifer Sutherland (I'm definitely down for this one)
- Sean Connery
- Matthew McConaughey
- Vince Vaughn
- The Rock
- Kaiser Souse (that's an interesting one)
- Chris Tucker
- Christopher Walken
- John Travolta (boooo)
- Jeremy Piven
- Bruce Willis
- Samuel L. Jackson

They play a clip of Matt Damon impersonating a smooth-talking Matt McConaughey on Letterman. That was actually pretty impressive and funny.

The worst suggestion is Jack Lalaine, that old fitness guru guy.

Somewhere in this, Chris suggests the Jack in the Box guy. The only person who backs him up, Aaron from Newark, our 14-year old caller. Another caller says that the King from BK is way cooler than Jack.

Ok, so this is weird. Brad during the entire hour has been making a box of evenly spaced dots. He really needs to chill on the Mountain Dew. This is getting a little scary.

10pm: We continue with the coolness discussion.
Suggestions for this hour:

- Michael Madsen
- Bill Murray
- David Niven (I don't know who that is)
- Vin Diesel
- David Carradine
- Ferris Bueller
- Clint Eastwood
- Brad Pitt
- George Clooney
- Daniel Craig (new Bond)
- Al Bundy
- Sam Elliott (Sometimes you eat the bar, and sometimes the bar eats you)
- Bill Clinton

Ok, so we finally stop taking calls on this. It is now time to narrow this down to the playoffs. Here is the list:

- Will Smith
- Samuel L. Jackson
- Kiefer Sutherland
- Owen Wilson
- Christopher Walken
- Bill Clinton
- Jack in the Box (a condescending pat on the head for Chris on this one)

Friday, December 15

Happy Hanukkah everyone!!! Hope you are all doing well.

7pm: To start the show with Hanukkah spirit, I brought in latkes. These are potato pancakes with apple sauce and sour cream.

At Clear Channel in L.A. there was some drama. The morning host, Bill Handel, of KFI (a news talk station) brought in his children to the station. They ran upstairs to the studio area of STAR and start to disrupt things. Host, Jamie White, tells them to leave, and the kids run back to Daddy. When he finds out, he immediately rushes upstairs into their air studio, while on the air. He starts yelling at her during her show.

Fortunately, we have the audio of his tirade. He threatens to "kick her ass" and curses up a storm. What a crazy bastard. He also almost immediately starts to talk crap about her ratings. This is a pretty damn stupid thing for him to do.

We have an update on our friend, Zachary Running Wolf, a tree-sitter in Berkeley. We sent Marcus out there to harass him about a week ago. Apparently, he was caught when he snuck out the tree. He was trying to speak to someone about the event, and immediately got arrested. You can't climb down from the tree. Everybody knows that.

Andrew from Santa Clara calls in to set the tone. His idea: Craziest Ways People Died. Yeah, this seems strong. :/

Before the competition, we talk about the latkes. Chris asks me why I have no gelt. The reason, because not only did the Safeway not have any Hanukkah supplies, but the employee I spoke to, had no idea what Hanukkah is. Wow, I feel really small.

Later Emily from Sex with Emily will come in to the show. Her producer is the person known as Menace. Menace is a somewhat inexplicable presence in our station. What I can say, is that he is incredibly enthusiastic about radio. The guys are a little concerned, because Menace will be coming in with her.

Lila from San Jose, is a balloon artist. She is offering to make us helmets of knowledge. She's going to drive all the way from San Jose to deliver these to us. Well this should be interesting. Also, Lila has described herself as cherubic. So, we will see what that means.

Ok, so it is finally time for the Worst Christmas Song competition, with brand new intro. First we play last night's champion, a Bette Davis impersonator singing "Feliz Navidad." This is just awful and she really needs a lozenger.

Challenger #1: Pudi Tadow with "Get Your Dreidel On." This one is for me and all the rest of us celebrating our sad little holiday. This is pretty terrible, but not quite bad enough.

Challenger #2: A special version of Rudolph, perfect for Brad to hate. But, Chris can't load it, so the next one will have to wait until after break. We really need to get better computers.

8pm: Finally, we get to the third song, Rudolph performed by Regis Philbin, with special guest, Donald Trump. I think this will make Brad's head explode. But, still, we are feeling somewhat defeated by Fred Mckinnon's greatness.

We play a clip of a call with Verizon Wireless. It is basically a guy arguing over a misquoted rate. Basically, the employees can't understand the difference between .002 cents vs .002 dollars. I think this guy is just trying to get out of what he should have been charged. But, after having many conversations with cell phone companies, it is completely not worth it, for that amount of money.

The guys got there first negative email from a listener. He says that we are insipid and boring. Apparently, it is at least the first letter, that Chris has let Brad see. Brad has a little bit of a temper with these things.

After a little conversation about how leather makes Chris uncomfortable, we get a call from our friend, Fred McKinnon. He says he has been getting some interesting friend requests since his introduction on our show.

Fred is disappointed that Barbra got knocked down before they could compete. But, he now understands that his atrocious version of the song, has ruined the competition for us. He is still trying to deny the truth, that he is not the voice behind the greatness.

Bob from New Ganata calls in to remind Fred to tell us something. Some more stringent Christians, have gotten upset with Fred for being associated with this "blasphemous" version. These people just need to get a sense of humor. How can you not find that hilarious? Stay strong Fred, we've got your back.

9pm: We finally talk about the Nintendo Wii and PS3 phenomenon. The big stories are the money you can make on them, and the danger of the Wii. The motion sensitive remote, has been linked to injuries and many broken plasma tvs. So, Nintendo is now replacing the wrist straps.

This somehow leads to Brad's addiction to wires. He has a huge ball of tangled wires at his house. He is completely unable to throw away power adapters. Brad is also unable to throw away porn. So the question is, what can you not throw away? Chris is unable to throw away buckets and gas cans. How incredibly bizarre.

Twinkie from Oakland says that he can't throw away his bongs. He has almost twenty, and won't get rid of them. He even has a bong he made out of bongs. He tells us that he has one that he spent $1500 on. I know people like that, it's a little extreme, but they come up with some great ideas.

Chris can also not throw away car parts. This includes cars that he no longer has. The weird part is that he won't throw them away, but he will approach people with the same car. He will try and give them the parts, but then won't ever make the effort to bring it.

My addiction, and it is a common one, is t-shirts. Those oversized free ones, that I never ever wear. This same problem plagues the entire studio. None of us can throw them away. Then Chris drops a bomb, he says that he has bought one t-shirt in his entire life. He was 11, and it was inappropriate, and he got severely punished for this offense.

Emily has arrived. She has come without Menace this evening. Apparently, Menace told her that she was coming in because they supposedly have sex issues. She is also determined to get Chris and Brad to come on her show.

Brad asks what to expect, so Emily dives right in and asks about his sex life with his wife. She wants to know if they have less sex now that they are married? Overwhelmingly, people say that sex is worse after marriage.

Emily also says that monogamy is unreasonable, and that people should tell their partners that they want to sleep with other people. I'm with Chris and Brad, I don't think that will work in actuality. Honesty is important, but there is no way that most people will take that well.

10pm: Chris from SF, calls in with a problem. His partner is not fulfilling his needs. They are having sex less than once a month, and it is not nearly enough. He wants to have an open relationship, but that is not an option.

I think if that is the problem after only four years, then maybe the relationship is not possible anymore. If there is no sexual attraction left, then what do they have left, besides a friendship?

Chris asks Emily if sex is not love, then why is sex better with love? I think it is the connection. When you are in love, you can really connect on much greater than a physical level.

Nick in Petaluma says that he had the same problem with his girlfriend. His solution was to mix things up and bring new elements into there sexual life. This really made all the difference for them. One of the issues that Nick brings up, is the idea of a threesome.

This leads to a discussion about that. Chris wants to know if a threesome is an easy in to bringing someone else in. Emily says that if you want to have a threesome, you have to ease your partner into that idea. Furthermore you don't have to go to a threesome, maybe you can go to a sex shop and try some things out.

All day, I have been trying to remember a show that I saw last night. And, finally during Emily's time on the show, it pops into my head. It was a show on VH1 about bisexual and bicurious women. They go on a trip to called "Wild Women." What is crazy about this, is that the couples go together, and when they get down there, the women have the opportunity to experiment. The men, however, are entirely left out of the sexual experience. I think this is awful. How incredibly depressing for all these husbands, they hit the bisexual jackpot, and then is completely left out of the equation.

Cliff from SF needs some advice. He and his girlfriend broke up several months ago, in an amicable fashion. She is still calling him all the time to talk, and he is annoyed by this. Cliff doesn't want to be mean to her, but wants to let her know that this is too much. Emily suggests phone sex and texting. This would spice things up a bit for him.

I had to go get Lila from downstairs, but apparently while I was gone, the guys were telling her she looks like Jennifer Connelly and Courtney Cox.

They also ask Emily what is the biggest dealbreaker that she hears about. She has trouble coming up with physical characteristics that really stand out. The number one dealbreaker is generally hygeine. She also says that you can see everything you need to, on a first date.

To wrap things up, Chris asks if men she dates since the show, except more from her. Do they think that she is a total freak? She says a little bit, but not as much as you would expect. She is not totally sure of how they think.

Thursday, December 14

Hello everyone, hope you're having a lovely Thursday. It is officially donkey night, here on the show. So, everytime you hear "donkey," slam your hand down and say, "I knew it!"

7pm: In honor of Hanukkah tomorrow, the guys play a little snippet from "Fiddler on the Roof." After I say this sounds "jewy," the guys ask me if they can say that. I don't know about that one, but then I tell them about "heeb" and the K-word. I use all of those, because I like them. And what's the point of being Jewish, if you can't make jokes about it. We also talk about the term "goyam." They ask me if that is meant to be mean, I guess so, I think it just means "not chosen."
From here, the boys still try and figure out if there is any derogatory term for white people, that is at all effective. Chris comes up with "howlie" from the islands. Apparently in Hawaii, that is pretty offensive. Dan brings up "gray boy," used in Detroit. I remember "gringo." I'm surprised this one has come up before.

This is a pretty hilarious, yet dangerous discussion. Fortunately, now we are moving on to talking about gay people. We watched a clip of the very flamboyant, Isaac Mizrahi, feeling up Scarlett Johansson. So, the question is, who likes to bring up what they are more, Jews or gay/lesbians. I think the Jews might take this one, but it's close.

Chris from SF, says that he tells people he is gay, so women won't hit on him. If they find out later, they feel misled.

Ok, so it is now time for the "Worst Christmas Song Ever" competition. To get us warmed up, Chris plays a clip of Porky Pig singing "Blue Christmas." Tonight, to bring us back in, we are playing all listener submissions. We need help to find something worse than "Oh, Holy Crap."

Contender #1: Lou Monty with "Dominic the Christmas Donkey." This is even more atrocious than it sounds. Although, I must say, this is a little bit catchy.

Contender #2: Davy Jones singing "Mele Kalikimaka." What the hell is Davy Jones doing singing a Hawaiian song with that British accent? There's nothing about it that works.

Contender #3: A Bette Davis impersonator singing "Feliz Navidad." I can't even possibly begin to explain what this sounds like.

I think #3 is running away with this one. It's just so terrible. I don't know if it can beat Fred, but at least it is a strong contender. In case you had not heard Fred, we are playing it again. Oh man.

8pm: There is another Gray Area Sign of the Apocalypse tonight. Scarlett Johansson is making an album. This is not the worst part, it will be all Tom Waits covers. If you don't know his music, it can't work without his deep, raspy voice. We play clips of Scarlett speaking and Tom Waits singing to show the unreal contrast. (You're welcome for the picture, btw).

This came out a few months ago, but we just heard about it. Researchers in the Netherlands, are trying to create a robot to traverse your colon for testing. I haven't seen the picture, but apparently it has corkscrews. Ouch. This doesn't sound fun even at all.

The guys wonder about the people that are "freed up" by robots taking their jobs. The thing is, these people never move on to something better. Most aren't going back to school to improve their lives, so what are they doing now.

As tomorrow is Hannukah, my parents sent me a care package. It includes a menorah, a dreidel, candles, and gelt. The guys want me to bring in the menorah to do the lighting ceremony here. I don't know, I might have to relearn the prayers to get through that. Maybe we will do some Jewish gambing tomorrow, through the wonderful game of dreidel.

If you haven't heard, Democrat senator, Tim Johnson, has had a stroke. Being that he is from South Dakota, if he cannot return to the Senate, he may be replaced by a Republican. The reason, is because the Republican governor would be able to appoint his replacement. This would mean the Democrats would lose control of the Senate, this quickly. What kind of bulls**t is that?

The guys wonder, if you are Republican, is part of you wishing the worst for Tim Johnson?

Brad made a bad mistake earlier, which all smokers have made at some point or another. In Chris' car, which is his baby, Brad tries to throw the cigarette out the window. Of course, it lands in the back seat. So, on the road, Brad is reaching back to find the cig, and gives Chris a faceful of his boxers.

9pm: To start the hour, Chris brings up, that we don't get to know what the public thinks of us. The only time we learn this, is when ratings come out four times a year. Unfortunately, this system is pretty inaccurate and arcane. Our first big one, will come out next month, but a trend (or prequel to the big one) has just come out. We are pretty happy with what has happened and the guys want to thank the listeners for this.

Yesterday, we were talking about Mythbusters and we realized that there a lot of tv shows with this phenomenon. Good tv shows with terrible hosts. This is something I fall victim to constantly, as I watch a lot of Food Network. I love Mythbusters and think that they are not that bad. But, the guys have a problem with the fact that they are so incredibly nerdy, and should not be hosts.

They also mention Bob Saget from "America's Funniest Home Videos." We all watched the show, but Saget was really annoying on the show. Although, I think that Dave Coulier doing the knock-off, makes Saget look genius.

Freddie from San Jose mentions the new standard for this, Ryan Seacrest. Everyone hates Seacrest.

Joe from Fairfield says Joe Buck, the sports announcer. I agree, but think he's not even close to the worst sports guy.

Christian from Vacaville says Dave Navarro and Brooke Burke from "Rockstar." I've never seen it, but it supposed to be a phenomenon.

I have to bring up one of the people I hate most, Stephen A. Smith from ESPN. Jeff from Pleasanton agrees, and this also leads to Jim Rome. The problem is both these guys are such pompous jerks.

We also talk about the Monday Night Football team. I love Kornheiser, especially PTI, but really don't think he works on MNF. The whole team really sucks. I hate it.

We go back to American Idol on this. Brad hates Simon Cowell much more. But, the thing is, Cowell is the most entertaining part of the show. Chris thinks that Randy Jackson is the weakest link of the show, and admits that he loves the show.

Also, every host ever of Family Feud. There has never been a good host on the show, and they keep getting worse and worse.

Brad brings up Jeff Probst from Survivor. I don't like Survivor, but understand what Brad reads, he's incredibly smarmy and cocky. Chris is surprised that Brad ever has empathy for the contestants, considering they placed themselves in the situation.

Finally, we get to the thing I want to talk about, the hosts of the Food Network. Food Network is completely awesome. I cannot stop watching it. But, all of the hosts on the channel, are absolutely terrible. Particularly, Alton Brown, Marc Summers, and Jim O'Connor.

Well, for some reason, that topic never really caught on. Oh well.

10pm: The guys start off with a story about a restaurant in Beijing, that serves animal penises to discerning customers. Apparently, this has amazing health benefits, but I think I will pass. One of the offerings, is the member of a seal. Doesn't that sound tasty?

Chris talks about a time in Hawaii, where they saw a dolphin penis. Apparently, dolphins are packing some heat down there. I think this made Chris feel a little inadequate. To make things worse, his girlfriend is completely fascinated.

The most popular of the penises at the restaurant, donkey penis, because it improves the skin. We told you this show had a weird donkey theme. What's funny, is tiger penis, has a very high price, but has no benefit whatsoever. Does that just make you feel masculine, to know that you are eating that?

We replay the interview with Cindy Esser Thorin from Pink Cheeks Salon. She is an expert on anal bleaching. We know that you really want to hear this, so hear you go.

Ok, so we're back to live action. And the guys are still talking about the penises. Is it just me, or do you think that they are a little obsessed with this whole thing.

So, a while ago, the guys decided to be funny, and put scary clowns all over my blog. I swore revenge, but I don't have the guts to do anything that bad. But they made the mistake of sending me pictures of them in drag. And now, somehow they have found their way onto my blog. It wasn't as mean as I was originally thinking, but still somewhat mean-spirited.

Chris found something that he thinks is really cool. He is not Christian, but thinks its really cool. It's a rip-off of the Mac/PC ads by Apple. It's a Christian vs. a Christ follower. Basically, the point is that you can be religious without displaying it on your sleeve. It's actually pretty clever.

Ok, well thanks for listening. Doesn't Chris have a purdy mouth? With that, I apologize to my mother, have a good night.

Wednesday, December 13

Hey everyone, hope your day is going ok, despite all this disgusting weather.

7pm: The guys start off talking about backdoor bleaching. On a list of celebrity rumors we went over yesterday, Courtney Cox had been accused of this. None of us really know what is involved in this. So, tonight, we will hopefully be speaking to Cindy Esser Thorin from Pink Cheeks Salon in Sherman Oaks. She can shed some "light" on the situation.

I had to call and ask salon managers to come on the show and talk to us. And I have to say, these phone conversations were incredibly uncomfortable.

Cindy is great, she is really laid-back about the whole thing. She tells us their slogan, "we bring light to the dark." Ok, so first they wax the "area" before they bleach it. This is called, "waxing the winker." They actually give the customers the product to take it home with it. You are supposed to apply it frequently so that you will be pristine. It can sting, but it is not supposed to.

Brad, unfortunately, asks about those women who are not in the best shape when they come in. Cindy jokes that if they come in like that again, she'll get a saddle and ride them into the parking lot. Well, Cindy is an interesting lady, who knows far too much about this region.

Surprisingly, a third of their clients for this are men. Furthermore, 1/4 of her customers overall use the service. They even have a sign up with a picture in the store. Shockingly, porn stars are some of their best customers. Who else would really need this?

They also do six types of bikini wax. Recently, they have a done a Christmas tree and a Hanukkah bush. Well, isn't that festive? Thanks Cindy for coming through for us at the last minute. You can check out her salon at pinkcheeks.com.

So, the question is now, what is the weirdest procedure you have ever had done? There isn't much more bizarre things than the bleaching. Brad brings up those people who get a limb amputated as a sexual fetish. That is so weird.

Chris tells us about some allergy testing he had. They looked at his ears, and they had some major fluid in them. So, he needed his ears cleaned. Of course, Chris gets the only attractive woman in the whole place. So, to do this, they fill your ears with warm water, and then scrape it out. Ewwwww. Supposedly, it took forever.

Mike in SF tells us that he had to get a ladybug extracted from his ear as a child . Their method of extraction, after lots of probing, they submerge him in water to get it to crawl at.

Jesse in Petaluma says that he had to get melted plastic pulled off his eye. Holy crap. That is horrendous. I can't even imagine how painful that would be. Somehow, he didn't really damage his eye. That is insane.

8pm: We get a bunch of calls on these procedures. I don't feel so well now.

- Rachel from Antioch said her son fell off a countertop and tore his testicles open. Oh my.
- Mike from Byron had to get metal and rust removed from his eye. He is a welder and they had to drill the rust out.
- Terry in Danville has an awful story about a botched procedure. He had a screw left in his arm for too long. The doctor tried to take it out in his office. The bone had overlapped the screw, and on a local anesthetic, had the doctor file down the bone. He got so sick that he had to be taken to the ER.
- Dan in Oakland has a story that is not his own. He is a paramedic and saw a man at the hospital with one of the most bizarre injuries I have heard of. He had a nut (like bolt and nut) caught on his penis. They had to grind it off while the man is screaming. That is insane.

The last one wraps this up perfectly. Bobbi in SF is a nude dancer. She had a growth on her "winker" that she had to have removed. To do this, they injected the protrusion with a giant needle for anesthesia. And then, the doctor snipped it off, with something similar to wire cutters. I gotta give props to Bobbi for being cool enough to call in on this.

Brad admitted on Monday that he had lost his street credit at a remote in the Tenderloin. This has not set well with him. So, he is now making a concerted effort to gain it back. The first step is to turn down everyone for cigarettes. He even turned down two really hot girls that approached him. That is impressive determination.

9pm: Chris continues his retelling of Brad's actions today. A test was sent to Brad today. A woman appeared at the store, and they think she may have been an employee. She is exactly Brad's type. He has to tell her how beautiful he thinks she is, but swears he doesn't want to hit on her. But, by the time he convinces Chris of what he wants to do, she has disappeared. He looks around for about 30 minutes, trying to find her.

Although Brad is not able to find her, in his searching at Circuit City, the guys get to see the new gaming systems on plasma tv. They say that the graphics are just unreal.

Anyway, everything at the remote today goes really well. They give away the Tom-Tom to listener, Phillip, who is really excited. He is a really nice guy and decides to give it away as a Christmas present to his father. His father needs it, because he has dementia at 80 years old. The thing is, there is no way that this man should be driving, and now the guys have assisted in keeping him on the road.

Listener Jeff stopped by and gave them an advanced copy of his new book. It is tips to survive in SF on a student's budget. The thing is, it reads like it has been written by John Madden. He says that to go on a date, you have to meet someone. WOW. That's how you do it. Oh Jeff, you just sound like a mooch.

He recommends Craigslist, motorcycles, 2-buck chuck, and making friends with drug dealers. For his bike, he says that he fills the tank with acetone. Yeah, apparently this is a bad idea. I would spout off about that, but I don't know what acetone is.

I'm glad I didn't say anything about this, because apparently Chris and Brad were completely wrong. Adding acetone, according to the Internet, is actually a pretty common practice. Derrick from Pacifica calls in and says that acetone has been really helpful to him. You are supposed to put in a few capfuls. This would be great, but I'm pretty afraid to try this. He says you notice nothing different, except for the mileage.

Sean in Livermore claims that he has tested acetone. He has found no improvement whatsoever. Sean goes on about all the reasons why, but I have to say, this was far too technical for me. All I know, is that I am not putting nail polish remover in my car.

Andre from San Jose claims that putting ginger in the radiator, sealed the leak. This is really bizarre. I have never heard about that.

10pm: We get a call from Paul in Santa Clara. He has been a mechanic for 31 years. He tells me that my price on my work was good, so I'm happy.

Ginger in the Radiator: Anything that will make a slime when mixed with coolant will work. This is as long as you don't have a puncture.

Acetone for Fuel Efficiency: It's a no go, as it is terrible for old engines and will hurt your rubber seals.

I would like to explain his answer for fuel efficiency, but I didn't understand a word he said. That's why I have a mechanic, because I know NOTHING about cars. Paul is just way too smart for the room, because Chris and Brad are completely lost as well.

So, anyway, Evel Knievel is in the news. Didn't expect that. Even further, I didn't expect that the other celebrity in this story would be Kanye West. Apparently, Knievil is suing Kanye over a music video. From the Guardian Unlimited, he said, "That video that Kanye West put out is the most worthless piece of crap I've ever seen in my life, and he uses my image to catapult himself on the public." Umm, yeah, say what you want about Kanye, but he doesn't need Evel Knievel for fame.

The guys get an email from a listener named Mike. He went to Circuit City on Van Ness, and couldn't find them. He was utterly disappointed, because they said that they didn't know what he was talking about. That's sad.

We get another email from Rhino. He tells us about a place in Newark that has fried rice with their omelettes. He also loves Denny's sparking again this debate between Chris and Brad. The only good thing about Denny's is that it is everywhere and you know what you're getting. What killed Denny's for me was those damn Lenny's commercials. Ugh, I hated those.

Brad actually has a Penile Euphemism today. It has been quite a while since we had one of these. There is a preface, his wife is named "T," and probably wouldn't like it. It is "pillar of the communi-T." Read into that what you will.

So with that, we are done, and I apologize to my mother.

Tuesday, December 12

Hi! Well, it has finally happened, it is gravy donut night. Holy crap. I was forced to partake in the making of the gravy donuts, and I am now definitely not eating one. What drew the line for me, the fact that it is cold, beef gravy straight out of a can. Yeah, I just can't go there. The most disturbing moment, I saw Brad take a mouthful of gravy straight from the syringe. Ugh.

7pm: Laci Peterson's mom was on tv at some point today, talking about something. Chris and Brad wonder why she is still getting press, since they got the conviction and the sentence. This leads Chris to think that she should fight Ron Goldman, because they both won't go away.

The guys also think that boxing should eliminate a maximum of rounds. They don't want anyone killed, they just want it to go, until a contender just can't get up. To the point where there is no skill left, it is just about raw stamina. Chris thinks that even gloves are ridiculous, whatever happened to bare knuckle.

The guys go over the trek in getting the gravy donuts. And for once, the counter person actually understand what empty jelly donut shells are. Chris had been expecting a call from the manager for 8 days. He finally gets a call back from him today, an hour before Chris and Brad have planned to go to the store. The manager continually insists that they can only make these donuts at 4:30.

Oh no, they are preparing their gravy shots as a toast before the competition. Dan and I are absolutely disgusted. That was so incredibly gross.

Ok, well three of the four contestants are here. Eli has yet to show. He said yes, but didn't call me back yesterday. So, I guess it is only three.

Holy crap. That was one of the most revolting things I have ever seen. I was in the studio videotaping the atrocity, and I can't possible explain the smell. So, here is the rundown.
The contestants are Sean, Eric, and Joe. There is a little controversy, as Eric is a vegetarian, and claims that he didn't know exactly what was involved. But, he takes one for the team.

Joe goes first and shoves down 3 1/2. At this point, I am already incredibly nauseus. Gravy is squirting everywhere.

Sean goes second. He somehow is able to get down 4. Even more gravy squirts during Sean's turn. I mean, this stuff gets everywhere. Ugh, that is so gross.

Then, it is Eric's turn. Eric attempts to eat 3 donuts, but is unable to even swallow one. So yes, that means he was spitting out chunks of donuts and gravy. After all of this, there is absolutely no chance that I am eating one.

So, congratulations to Sean, you have floor seats to Guns N Roses. I hope for your sake, that Axl shows up. Eric and Joe are given Playboy dvds and prize packs for their efforts.

8pm: My God, is it only 8. The guys start off eating gravy donuts themselves. They try and convince Dan and I to partake, but there is no way in hell that either of us are doing that.

And now, time for the Worst Christmas Song Ever. We are concerned that at the end of this, noone even has a shot to take out Fred. So, we may have to make a medley of several bad songs, into something horrifying. But tonight, another night of our regular contenders. The guys ask the listeners to search for the anything, that has a shot to beat Fred McKinnon's "Oh, Holy Night."

The winner from last night, Pat Godwin's "Santa, Welcome to the Modern World." This is the really bad song, with far too many political messages.

Contender #1: Lon Chaney and "Monster Holiday." It is a Christmas song to the tune of "Monster Mash." That is pretty terrible and cheesy.

Contender #2: The Loungoleers and "The Bell That Wouldn't Jingle." Wow, that is some production value. That's a little different.

But, either way, meh. We don't even really get votes. I am fervently doing research, to bring some magic back into this competition. I think I may have found some contenders.

If you haven't heard of him, Barack Obama is a black senator from Illinois. He has been teasing that he is going to run for President. Sadly, a lot of people think that this country is not ready for this. This is probably the case. Today, CNN did a story about his name. Now, I think his name certainly works against him, but I think this may be ridiculous.

His full name is Barack Hussein Obama. That is a rough name to have in this country. There are saying that Obama is too close to Osama. Then, Hussein obviously is going to relate him to Saddam. I love this country, but this really frustrates me. This piece is totally misleading and poorly done.

Unfortunately, I don't think that Obama has a shot. At this point, it seems to me, that no black Democrat has even a chance at all. I think that is tragic, but certainly true.

9pm: There have been new rules enacted in determining gas mileage. These figures are now going to be based on real conditions, instead of faked scenarios. This includes open roads and clear weather.

A new list has come out, as they always do at the end of the year. The 40 Best Celebrity Rumors Ever. Usually, all of us would be skeptical, but this one is actually pretty funny and interesting. Here are the ones that stand out:

38: Milton Berle had a huge wang. Supposedly, it was just enormous. I think the guys are a little disturbed by this one. Well, there goes the whole proportion argument.

37: Stevie Nicks had a roadie blow coke up her bum. Ewww.

33: Napoleon Bonaparte's penis has been preserved as a collector's item. Who the hell wants to see that?

30: Keanu Reeves married David Geffen. I have never, ever heard that.

This list gets pretty damn raunchy, and includes some acts that I can't really talk about.

21: Mama Cass died from choking on the ham sandwich. I've always heard that this one wasn't true.

19: James Dean got off by people extinguishing cigarettes on his chest and arms. I have never heard that one.

13: Hitler only had half a sac. That explains some things.

10: Catherine the Great died while having sex with a horse. I remember learning this in my high school European history class. My teacher told us all about that story, looking back, maybe that wasn't appropriate.

6: The many stars including Rod Stewart and Lil Kim having gallons of semen pumped out of their stomachs. I've heard this about a ton of celebrities. Obviously bull, but definitely interesting.

3: Nancy Reagan, the BJ queen. Apparently, before Ronnie, she was quite the oral performer. That is a pretty disturbing image.

1: All I have to say is this, you've all heard it: Richard Gere and the gerbil. I don't think anymore needs to be said about that one. The guys to point out, that he has done pretty well, regardless.

Nate from Oakland calls in. Despite what Chris says, I don't hate Nate. I just thought that his call was sub-par. Thus, mediocre, shouldn't he have gone in the Pit? Chris thinks no, Brad is too far down in his gravy donut crash to care. He is in rough shape.

The guys tell a story about a rival of theirs on their old station. They had a big wing-eating competition. The penalty for the loser: having a listener give him a gravy enema on the air. That is the most disgusting thing in the world.

Church from Richmond calls in to tell the guys that they should patent the gravy donuts. He then mentions Chicken and Waffles. This gets Chris all sorts of excited about this prospect. He has never had it. Mott from Oakland lets us know they have a place in Jack London Square, where this can happen.

So, here it is, best late night eats. What is your favorite thing to get at 3am when you are tripped out? There was a place in my college town. It was one of those places that does Chinese and American food. It had mozzarella sticks and kung pao chicken that was a little too cheap. This place was closed down for health violations about a million times, but coming back from the bars, it was absolutely perfect.

But here are some listener suggestions for when you are totally blazed:

- Nation's Cheeseburgers in Daly City
- Mini Gourmet in San Jose
- Grub Steak in SF
- El Garinz in San Jose
- Kings in SF
- Bravo Pizza in SF
- Orojos in San Bruno
- La Victoria in San Jose
- Mr. Pizzaman delivery, but only when you're drunk
- The dining room at Lucky Chances in Westlake
- The Cardinal in San Jose

Bill in Pleasanton really comes through for us. Chris had mentioned a fantastic deli in Daly City, but could not remember the name. After a few minutes, Bill lets us know. It is Original Joe's. Ok, I'm going there this weekend. They have the thing of pickles on the table. Oh man, I have been looking for that in this city for a year.

Man, I'm hungry now, but still not hungry enough for a gravy donut. I really just want some pickles.

This discussion leads the guys to talk about why they quit smoking pot. Chris says it was that he would barely be high and couldn't stop eating. Brad's is the memory loss. He got tired of walking into the same room 4 times, never remembering why. They wonder, what is the worst thing to do while hitting the bong? Chris' is putting together a stereo equipment.

Miller in SF calls to tell us to go to the Jack in the Box on Geary. He says that it is only outdoor seating, and the homeless men there will do tricks for food. Don't you wonder if he is exaggerating?

Well, I am now ready to get some damn food. So, have a good night, I'm off to grab a snack.

Monday, December 11

Hey everyone. Hope you had a good weekend, I did. I spent a lot of it perfecting my skills on Tiger Woods Golf. Oh yeah, you wish you were as good at pretend golf as I am.

7pm: We actually started the show at exactly 7pm tonight. Wow, I don't know if that has ever happened. The guys are a little overwhelmed by Dan's prowess. We also have a fake "I'm sorry" competition. This is a close one. I don't know who the winner is, but it hurts Chris that he always laughs first.

Brad finally stole a pen he has been eyeing for quite a while. It is a lovely writing utensil. But, the thing is, it's really thick. Chris realizes that this is because the pen industry is realizing that we have become so lazy, that we are slowly going to mutate into creatures with flippers. I never knew that Bic and Papermate had that much insight.


You have probably heard about Nicole Richie. She was arrested last night for a DUI, because she was driving the wrong direction. Yes, the wrong direction. She was also listed as being 5'1" and 85 lbs. Holy crap. And hasn't she gained weight recently? She was also high on weed and Vicoden. Doesn't her mug shot (from The Smoking Gun) look funny. She's like trying to give the cop a look like, but aren't I sexy?

The guys play the 911 call from a passing driver. Of course, they do, the "we'll send someone out there" thing. It feels so incredibly futile when you hear that. I got that when I saw a semi swerving across a freeway once. It was so satisfying. Chris says that when his girlfriend was hit by a train maintenance vehicle on Friday, they wouldn't send a cop to the scene. What the hell?

We also have a discussion about the different Johnnie Walkers. A lot of people who care far too much about whiskey call in about the colors. Dude, it's just whiskey, calm down. This also leads to throwing a cocky caller into the Pit of Mediocrity. If you are going to claim that everyone else is wrong, you'd better bring your A-game.

Finally, after all this Johnnie Walker stuff, the guys play their exclusive version of the 911 call. This is something only found on The Gray Area. Wow, who knew we were so important. It is actually Nicole herself calling in. She thinks that everyone is driving the wrong way on the phone.

8pm: Chris reminds us that tomorrow is gravy donut night. I have a plan to get away from eating it. I am going to hide. If they can't see me, they can't make me eat it. Do you think that will work?? This is, of course, for the floor tickets to Guns N' Roses show. We open up the 3 remaining spots, and only one person calls. Come on you cowards.

Ok, so now it is time for the Worst Christmas Song Ever competition. It is a new week, so we have three brand new competitors. Winner of Week 1 is Fred McKinnon's "Oh, Holy Night." Winner of Week 2 is Insane Clown Posse with "Santa is a Fat Bitch."

Contestant #1: Chris actually really likes this guy, but with this offering, he really screwed up. Pat Godwin with "Santa, Welcome to the Modern World." Wow, this is pretty damn sappy and a little too concerned about world issues. It's ridiculous, but I like it because he tells Santa to "lay off the pipe."

Contestant #2: "Hark, Now Harold's Going to Swing" from The Sports Fan's Christmas Carols album. Yes, this is a Christmas song about golf. Hmmm. This guy is really nasal and shouldn't ever sing. Ever.

Contestant #3: This one makes me sad, I really like James Brown. But, the guys claim that this song sucks. It is called, "Santa Claus Goes Straight to the Ghetto." It's not funky or soulful. How incredibly sad. Yeah, they're kinda right, this song is weak for James Brown. I don't know if I hate it, but I am disappointed.

I watched a dvd a while ago about James Brown. It was the most pathetic thing I have ever seen. It was clearly made while he was high out of his mind. The thing is, the whole movie, he's in the back of a limo talking. But, you can't understand a single word he says. I'm not kidding. It's really, really terrible. Chris doubts that it is that bad, so I'm going to find it, and make him watch it.

When we do the voting, it is pretty close. All are bad in their own, special way. It ends up being decided by only one vote, but the winner is Pat Godwin's "Santa, Welcome to the Modern World."

9pm: The guys give me props for something I take great pride in. I claim that I am the fastest female in the restroom. I can beat most guys. Seriously, why do so many women take so damn long. It's just ridiculous. Chris and Brad say that this is a fault in women, that leads to great consequences. In all that time, guys get impatient and think of all the things they don't like about their women.

Brad had a pretty traumatizing experience earlier. He had a remote that was located at a store. This store happened to be located in the heart of the Tenderloin. Brad is new to the city, and has never been to this charming area of San Francisco.

Not knowing where this was located, he even brought his wife and daughter along. They get there over an hour early. As he is driving, he starts to realize the neighborhood he is in. He sends away his family, because he knows they don't belong there. Of course, immediately, the vagrants approach him for cigarettes. He is uncomfortable saying no, so he complies. Once he gives one, he has now become a target.

Brad finally starts his remote. Fortunately, he is somewhat inside the store. He is in a position to observe all the people walking by. And, for all of us who have been to 6th and Market, we know what that entails. In the midst of this, he sees his wife and daughter. She tells him the paid a bum 3 cigarettes and some change to watch the car. Wow, that is a bad call.

Brad insists that he is going to take them out of there. He leaves the remote, and walks them to the hole of a parking lot. They find their guardian sitting on the hood, smoking crack. The guy runs off, and T and Paxy go on their way.

The lesson: Brad has no street presence. He looks like a patsy.

Caleb from Napa tells us about the time that he had to shoot a movie in a crackhouse in Oakland. He tells us the windows are brown and the floor of the bathroom is squishy. Their equipment was draining the power, which leads to a angry tirade from a resident. This man threatens to shoot them in the face. Of course, the power went out again, and Caleb takes off running. He gets a lot of crap for this, but who can really blame him?

Michael from San Jose tells us about Cowboy Rodeo Poker. This is when you set up a card table in the middle of the ring at a rodeo. You are supposed to sit at the table while a bull is running free throughout. He had claimed that he knew what he was doing, and realizes soon after, that this is a pretty terrible idea. Of course, after the second pass of the bull, he takes off and gets a lot of razzing for it.

Jager in Oakland tells us a ridiculous story about his parents. They were walking through the Tenderloin in the '70's and a crazy homeless man approaches them. As the man reaches into his overcoat in a menacing manner, his dad does the unthinkable. He hides behind his wife in fear. Damn.

10pm: Chris grew up in New York and remembers the exact moment where he lost his "cred." He was going to the Connecticut School of Broadcasting. He thinks he's a bad ass, because he thinks he's tough, and can party pretty hard. He drives into the city to take his friend to get drugs. They end up going to Harlem, and he realizes where he is going. He's been to Harlem, but not to these side streets. When he gets there, they go up to the third floor of a crack house. His friend is welcomed by the dealers there, and ties up his arm. They are there to do heroin, and Chris had no idea that was the deal. Thankfully, the car is there when they come downstairs and after trying a couple times, he is able to start the car and get the hell out of there.

This reminds me of my bodega story. If you have never been to a bodega, it is a store that masks sales of drugs. I went to a show at a club in D.C. I was hungry so I ran across the street to grab a snack in the "Food Store." Yes, that was really the name of the store. I walk in looking for anything, and find 2 crackheads sitting at the counter. They are high as hell, shaking and all. I look around, and realize in this whole store, there are two bags of chips. Hello children, can you say crack den?

We get a few more calls about loss of street credit. A bunch of these are good, but one is from a pranker. He makes up a pretty good story, but he commits some fatal flaws. He says he is 17, and tells us he rented a car. Hmmm. Where can you rent a car at 17?? He also changes his story quite a bit from what he told me on the phone. It's cool though, because I had a great time busting him on the air. Props to the kid though, he stayed on the phone, even though he knew he got completely busted.

The guys go over a list of 33 Names of Things You Never Knew Had Names. I am really happy the guys like this. I thought it was interesting, but I'm a geek and like to learn words. Fortunately, I now learn that I am not the only nerd in the room.

They end the show talking about Superman. I feel like such a girl, I have no idea what they are talking about at all. Something about how Crypton doesn't make sense if Superman can't be around cryptonite. Ok cool.

Friday, December 8

Hey everyone, happy Friday. Even though it is really crappy outside.

7pm: The guys start off by commenting on my hair. I actually wore it down today, and that almost never happens. They are fascinated because being Jewish, I have that crazy-thick Jew hair. This brings them to wondering about that time in the past, when guys used to blow dry their hair. Both Brad and Chris did that.

Lila from San Jose calls in to tell us that she has the weirdest job, and is the most hardworking person around. She is a balloon artist, who goes around from restaurant to restaurant. She has a pretty long list of jobs, for a girl only 21. I wonder how many personalities she has to keep up with all these jobs. Lila claims she is hardworking, but I think she is just a little flaky. The tone set attempt: the strangest job you've ever had.

Chris had a crazy day. Ace, his girlfriend, was hit by a train ballister today. Somehow, she is ok. How insane is that? The car, however, is completely trashed. A ballister, if you don't know what that is, is the service rail car for the system. Somehow, she didn't see him. The rod in the front of the ballister, came through the driver's side window, and came out the other side. Thank goodness she is ok. I'm not religious, but that is a miracle.

Oh man, it is time again for the Worst Christmas Song Competition. To start, the guys replay last night's winner, Janice Dickinson. Janice was so terrible, that she was able to knock the seemingly indefeatable Barbra. Man, this is terrible.

Contender #1: Luscious Jackson and "Queen of Bliss." I remember them, they had that one song a while ago. First, the intro is way too long and monotonous. The prespective is from Mary, and she is completely monotone. This is not in the spirit of the season. Don't know if it is bad enough to take down Janice, but it really does suck.

Contender #2: Insane Clown Posse with "Santa Claus is a Fat Bitch." You know a band sucks, when the fact that they are clowns, is the least offensive thing about them. A band really blows, when they need a gimmick, you Kiss wannabes. Brad and I want to fight them. I think we can take them down.

Well, these songs are all pretty bad, but I'm not sure which is the worst. Although, I have to say Janice Dickinson. I think it's the least ignorable of them all. Dan is with me on the Janice vote, Brad votes for the ICP, and Chris votes for Luscious Jackson.

Votes come in really slow, but once they get there, ICP starts to pull away. I understand that, those guys really do suck a whole lot. Only one other caller agrees with Chris. And noone agrees with Dan and I.

It is official, Insane Clown Posse is the winner of Week Two. They will have to face Fred Mckinnon in the playoffs down the line.

8pm: At the end of last hour, Mark from Petaluma tells us that he had punched the fat one in the ICP. We had him wait through the break, because we had to hear this. He says that he was working at a venue, and the Posse was supposed to play. Only 250 kids bought tickets, so they cancelled. The kids started tearing the place apart. Mark went backstage to try and force them to play. They had an argument, and Mark ended up punching that fat bastard right in the face. Mark is Brad's new hero.

To be fair to Lila, we open up her topic of the weirdest job you've ever had. Brad's was babysitting Christian radio overnight for like 10 years. That is a hell of a long time.

Chris' was only for one day, but it was putting on a dog suit, and handing out samples of doggie treats. He goes off about how absolutely revolting that suit was. He said that clearly noone had ever cleaned it. EWWW.

A list came out of the "50 Greatest Commercials of the '80s." There is a lot of audio on this list, so we play some of the highlights. The first is an anti-pot PSA. It's the one where the kid says he learned it from watching his father.

What is fantastic is that Chris' computer won't load the audio. But, Dan and my computer work just swimmingly. HAHA!!!

Coming back from break, Chris gets it going. But, this means he can play the Encyclopedia Brittanica kid commercials. Man, I forgot how much I hated that obnoxious punk. I think we need to have a road trip. Go to Detroit to beat up ICP and then go find this little nerd.

Of course, on this list was the commercial for the diet product, AIDS. Clearly, they named the product before the outbreak. The best part, is how it keeps saying how AIDS helped them lose weight. Oh man. That is so ridiculous.

Bob from New Ganata leads us to jump ahead to find the "Where's the beef?" commercial for Wendy's. That one is a classic.

I got very upset with Chris, because he passed the Tootsie Roll pop commercial with Mr. Owl. Ah one, ah two, ah three (Crunch), ah thrrrreee. Ok, I feel better.

Tommy from Richmond calls in asking about the old McRib commercial. Tommy, like Brad is a fan of the McRib action.

Ugh, the also play those damn Bartles and Jaymes wine cooler. Remember, with those two annoying old guys. Who drinks wine coolers? Seriously.

9pm: So, Chris starts off saying that his underwear is failing him today. Ok... I don't really know what to say about this one. From there, he goes to if your woman has an ass that you really love, you get to know her underwear. You even start to form relationships with them. This is so creepy. They talk about the tragic moment when they come to their end.

What really upsets them, is that after she throws them away, she will never find another pair of these panties, ever again. Yeah, this is really, really weird.

The guys keep going through the list. They play the "this is your brain on drugs" PSA and the Mr. Microphone commercial. It's just like being on the radio. On the commercial, they give it to a room full of kids. God help me, I don't ever want to go to that party.

Oh no, the found one of those Feminine Hygiene product commercials. It's an ad for Playtex Tampons with one of those mother/daughter conversations. These are so unbelievably uncomfortable to watch.

What is hilarious, is that somehow Brad and I are on a different list than Chris. This website is driving us crazy. It is so damn slow and frustrating. Finally, we all get on the same page, and can play Brad's request. It is Red Foxx racing around advertising for Colt 45. This really bizarre.

The boys read a story about a man charged with beating a homeless man to death. He is asking the judge for a shorter sentence, than the 22 years he was given. The reason they killed the man, they were bored. He wants to get out of prison, because it is too hard. He also thinks that he should get less time, because he wants to be a speaker to trouble teens. Dude, you killed a guy because you were bored. What the hell?

A Catholic nun has been charged with sexually abusing children up to 200 times in the 1960's. The one man that told his story, had a pretty disturbing experience. This is pretty horrendous and surprising. Chris says that even when he had a beautiful nun of a teacher, he still wasn't attracted to her. It would just be too weird.

And with that, we are going to a replay. So, have a good night and a good weekend.

Thursday, December 7

Hey, Erica here again. It is so freakin' cold today, what the hell?

7pm: The guys start off wanting to know if anyone has been to one of the chocolate chip cookie bus stops. Once again the whole point of this idea, is to sell more milk. So the guys ask what makes you want milk? Weirdly, Chris wants milk when he eats ice cream. Ice cream is milk, that makes no sense at all.

Chris asked Brad last night about his caper-eating habit. He was asking if Brad is sneaking into the fridge at night, to hide his caper addiction. Brad still denies this, and says that the line he has drawn, is drinking caper juice. Both of Chris and Brad's women drink straight pickle juice. Brad stopped T from doing it, because it made her sick. But Chris, encourages Ace's habit, because he knows she will have a rockin' kidney for him down the line.

Dirk from San Jose lets the guys know that already, the chocolate chip bus stops have been eliminated. Further information from Sarah in San Anselmo, tells us that allergies and obesity awareness was the reason. They talk to Sarah for quite a while. Hmm, isn't it interesting that whenever girls with cute voices call, they always talk to them for a long time.

Ok, so now that we have figured the bus stop situation out, it is time for the Worst Christmas Song Ever competition. Does anyone have the guns to take down Barbra? Will this week's winner have a shot against Fred McKinnon's atrocity? Oh, the suspense, the drama...

Barbra Streisand's version of "Jingle Bells" on speed has been defeating the competition all week. It's been a tough battle for her, and she has faced some tough competitors, but she has hung in there.

Challenger #1: Janice Dickinson has done a version of "The Twelve Days of Christmas." It's um, interesting. The guys are appalled by the way that Dickinson looks now. We look at some pictures of her in her prime, and she was really pretty. Looked a lot like Phoebe Cates. What the hell happened to her?

The guys also point out that each of the days seem to be recorded with a different type of microphone. Brad thinks it must have been a Radio Shack special. This really is terrible. I don't even know how to describe it.

Challenger #2: This is supposed to be Wing covering "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town." What kills this is that there are background singers drowning her out. Chris is so disappointed by this, that he wants to take it out of the competition.

To give another good contender, Chris finds Wing covering "Jingle Bells." Yeah, pretty damn awful. This should be pretty close.

The votes start off split between Janice and Barbra. I think I'm voting for Janice because her arrogance is just unreal. In the video, she keeps showing her cleavage, no one wants to see that.

8pm: Janice pulls out the victory, and defeats the beast that is Streisand's "Jingle Bells." I am so damn happy. Over the last break, a great idea was born. We were speaking about Janice, Brigitte Neilson, and other women that were pretty, but now horrifying. Chris comes up with a woman similar to Janice: Tawny Kitaen. They need to fight, there is no reason for that not to happen.

The guys think that it won't be that difficult for us to book this. They are such attention whores, that they will probably do it for the press. How much money would this take? I think this is a fantastic idea, I would pay to see that. Furthermore, Chris and Brad think that people should take the charity money, and donate it to this worthy cause.

We don't know if we will be able to raise enough money. So, we think that we need to bring more than cash and exposure. What has to happen, is a feud between those two crazy "women." How do we do this?

So, we were trying to get the freeboarding competition approved, and the lawyers had to bring reason into the equation. So, instead, we will have the gravy donuts on Tuesday. Those who qualified for the freeboarding, have first shot at it. Two turned us down, two said yes, and one hasn't responded. To those who said no, you're willing to risk injury for the tickets, but not willing to eat a damn gravy donut. What's up with that?

The guys want to know if anyone has driven the Lexus that parks itself. That is a pretty incredible thing, particularly in a city like this one. I would love that, parking here is such a bitch. However, this sounds absolutely terrifying. There is a lot of trust involved in this feature.

I just have to wonder if something like that would work on the hills of San Francisco. When you let go of the brake on California, you start to roll backwards. Is that the case in this car? Because if there is no factor for those conditions, that is just worthless.

The guys wrap up the hour going over the topic ideas from last night. Thank you to all of you who called in, for doing a week's worth of show prep for us.

9pm: Chris starts talking about Brad's favorite thing, football. Chris says that a woman who understands football, is a rare and wonderful thing to find. Ace had come up with something. She asks why they use the kicker for an onside kicks? Shouldn't you use someone who is not a kicker to do this? Furthermore, the kicker has a lot of opportunity to get hurt in the onside kick.

There are some good answers to this. Ryan from San Jose is a former kicker. He explains that you need the expertise of the kicker to get it to go the right yardage. This is similar to my argument. Lance from Livermore makes a really strong point. Not all onside kicks are known occurrences. Often, teams will employ the onside as an element of surprise. If you have someone else in there as the kicker, the other team will know what you are doing.

If you haven't heard, the new Rocky movie is coming out. Brad says that he would see another Rambo movie, but not Rocky. Stallone says he really hates Rocky V, so another one needs to be done to bring a proper conclusion.

We use our knowledge of these predictable movies, to try and figure out what will happen. We see Rocky not wanted to go back in, but having to by some circumstance. There is a grown son in this movie, so I think that the son dies. Rocky will have to train quite a bit, but gets himself back in shape. In the fight, Rocky starts of strong, but slowly falls apart. His manager will try and pull him out, but good old Rocky will pull through.

This is the big argument. Chris thinks that Rocky will lose and live, and Brad thinks Rocky will win and die.

Over break, I read that Tyson will be in the new movie. I don't think it is going to happen, but how great would it be if Tyson and Rocky fought? I also came up with a great idea. The remake of "Over the Top," quite possibly, one of the cheesiest movies of all time. If somehow, you have never seen it, go smoke a bowl and watch this movie.

Scott from SF thinks that Rocky will have some sort of medical issue to overcome in the movie. Dave from San Leandro says that what sucks about the Rocky movies, is that the first one was great, because Rocky lost. In all the sequels, Rocky wins, which ruins them.

The question is, who is going to ride the coat tails of this? What other has-been celebrity, is going to be inspired by Stallone to do a late sequel? The answer: Eddie Murphy. He has been signed on for "Beverly Hills Cop 4."

Coming back from a break, the guys continue the sucky music of the night, by playing Wing's version of "Back in Black." Yes, the AC/DC song. Now think of Brian Johnson, and then think the exact opposite, and that is Wing.

10pm: From Mt. Clemens, Michigan, a man was charged with sodomy, after having sex with a pit bull. A pit bull??? That is some balls, right there. The thing is, this guy is trying to not be registered as a sex offender. Would you really not want to know if a man this crazy is living in your neighborhood?

Our crazy friend, Oscar in Mountain View (tonight, anyway), tells us about his crazy dog. When he was in Colombia, his savage beast of a dog killed a pig. The dog also jumped out of a window and killed a German Shepherd. Chris chastizes Oscar, because this is his worst call, ever.

We get a call from Anthony from SF. If you don't remember, Anthony won the Playboy tickets for having an absolutely crazy wife. He swears that things are much better now. He was calling to defend the pit bull, and Chris points out that he has one in the yard, and one in the bedroom. Anthony was saying that his dogs are obedient, but then he starts talking about the abuse that he incurred on his pits. He would fight them, and hits his dogs with leather straps and keeps them on chains. That is absolutely revolting. Anyone who would ever hit a dog, let alone fight them, is sick.

Fortunately, there were other callers that don't abuse their dogs, that affirm that pit bulls don't have to be dangerous. I have met some very cool pits. They were really sweet, and completely obedient. It's all about training your dog properly. You can certainly train your dog to be disciplined, without violence.

Anthony's call got me all worked up. I keep thinking about "Animal Cops" and having flashbacks of those dogs with chains embedded in their necks. It is just the most horrible thing.

But, anyway, the show is done, have a good night.